i can't say no one reads my pagies, cause then those that do would take offense. so i simply say, rarely does anyone read my page. and if they do, they only read prolly because they have the time. and maybe if so, maybe someone that actually cares read this page and take it to heart that i'm not offended at actions that were done, but rather upset of the emotions that occur after. everything is like shock affect. you don't understand what's happened until you finally accept it and stop denying it's true. it's takes big things like this to like finally understand that. to a few, i'm sorry i sound like a preacher. and to many others, i'm glad that i do. don't hate me because of what i'm not, but if you are to hate me, hate me for what i am.

hm, to the people that have changed alot. my question remains the same, why? why this? but then i come to accept it but hate it. so therefore, it is not complete acceptance because in my heart i still loathe it. i accept the fact that people don't remain the same. as we all grow older, (yes, older, not younger,) sometimes we think that we come to have the responsibility of just having fun. at a certain age, it sinks in that that's not possible. i suppose that's why i have a mind older than my years. my knowledge comes from GOD. i cannot brag of what i've seen, i cannot brag of what i've never faced, i cannot brag of what is not mine to brag about. basically, i cannot brag of anything because nothing is mine to give or take. with freedoms and responsibilities comes consequences. some see consequences as a downpoint in life, but i must say, consequences are always an upper. why you may ask? in my opinion, consequences are never set backs. maybe it's because there is always a reason behind why you didn't do or did do something. maybe that's why there is a consequence. have you ever noticed that when you enjoy something, things go faster. the more you try to understand it, the more confusing things will get. have you ever noticed that? if you say you haven't, you are definately lying to yourself. i'm sure of it.

in the past, as an ignorant fool, i used to say no one deserved my love. now, this statement is still true in my mind, but i have reasonings behind it now. unlike before, i used to say it just because i hated the human kind. everyone in the days of my childhood had treated me so poorly that in return i gave no love because it was the favour i was returning the the world that the world gave me as a youth. but you know, i've come to outgrow that stage. now i see it as this. just because the cycle was viscious to those selected few in childhood, it does not mean you cannot break out of that cycle as a more resposible person. i still see that no one deserves love, but then i see it in the way GOD may see it. LOVE is an almighty force. GOD IS LOVE and therefore, LOVE IS GOD. GOD has the power to destroy and create therefore, LOVE has the power to destroy and create. we love others only because GOD first LOVED us. now i see the full picture. i am no longer completely ignorant. no one as humans besides JESUS deserves our love. as humans we are all sinners. as humans we are just an image of LOVE.

"So GOD created man in his own image,
in the image of GOD he created him;
male and female he created them.

therefore, we are just an image, we have no power to love or hate. but as a human, GOD gave us life because he loved us, he gave us choice. he loved us and knew us long before any human knew we were to exsist. the choice to love or hate so basically in return, GOD only gave us ultimate power as being ourselves, in control of ourselves, GOD gave us power over ourselves. in return, human has been corrupted by the things of this world. humans have been corrupted to fall short of the glory of GOD. falling short of the glory of GOD is inevitable, but how to try to come close to GOD is the full picture. therefore, if you even want to love yourself, you must first love GOD. by loving GOD, you will eventually find it in your heart that you have more power to control your actions. there will be more patience and such if you LOVE GOD. if the creator himself who is LOVE can LOVE what he created, we should also love what HE has created.

now i leave with a mission questions for you to answer as a mission statement in you heart, will you love, or shall you hate? shall you loathe the unworthiness of mankind or shall you invite shortcomings and see what the LORD has for you in store? HE has great things for you to do here, but it begins by loving, so will you love because GOD first loved you?