sighs.....i feel soo miserable. sighs. why??? i just had another walk in like sum part of like lakeshore. very nice scenery. very very nice. sighs. i feel even more alone looking out at de ocean like dat. sighs. what more can i want? i have a lyphe dat's going great; i have enuff friends dat acutally care bout meh; i have a good family; i have GOD. what else is wrong wit meh??? i have a perfect lyphe compared to the miserable situations that some peeps haveta face day and nite. for starters, i don't haveta face hunger. secondly, i dun have a problem wit like being able to pass highskool or not. i can pass if i actually try. sighs. i really hate myself. i noe i have a good lyphe. sighs. i have all dat i will ever want and need, or could have. what da heck is wrong wit meh?!?!? sighs. oh wellz. everything'll be fine. eventually, i will be fine again. wo tai ai yi ge ren. which is my fault. my fault. no one's but mine. i'm a gurl dat wears her heart on her sleeve, a white shirt with a white sleeve. with a lil bit of dirt, da shirt becomes dirty. very dirty. sighs. i'm not saying i'm impure. i'm just saying at da same time, dat i will get hurt very easily. sure do. why??? i think too much, care too much, i want too much, i hope too much, i put my trust out dere too much, i rely on peeps too much, i just complicated da situation by twisting the way simplicity is supposed to be. simplicity????? i dunno wha da hell it is. why??? cause i choose to care, i choose to be affected by those around meh and i choose to think too much. of course, there are things that i choose not to think about, but i do choose alot of things. lyphe is all about the choices that you can make, are able to make, and those that you don't make. lately, i've been thinking too much. lately, i just wish to stay in the same time for a long time. i hate this feeling. i've reached the end of this road where it splits into many others. now each road on itself is full of choices. shit man, what da hell am i talking about????
i hate this feeling. i hate everything!!!! i hate this!!! no....i can't say i hate everything, i noe i still love. i noe i can still love, i noe i can. i noe i still do. why??? cause i can still feel pain. yes, i can still feel pain. until this pain subsides and i am no longer be able to feel pain will i noe dat i don't really care about n e thing. u noe what??? it's quite funnay. when you dun care bout n e thing, da last thing dat u wun care about will be urself. when u truly give up on urself and give up on lyphe itself, den will u will really not feel n e thing. dat is when u hate everything.
i've been thinking, like i always do, what does lyphe really bring???
it brings pain, suffering, torture, cruelty, sadness, it can bring the worst of mankind.
but on a different hand, lyphe can bring happiness, prosperity, enjoyment, lyphe itself gives lyphe, and it can bring the best outta mankind.
who is to judge an individual and say u ain't worthy??? or say dey ain't worthy??? or say dat ur too good for sumthing??? or to say dat i don't or u dun deserve sumthing???
i dun get it......a gift is a gift. why can't you take it??? why???? why are u rejecting gifts??? are u just not able to comprehend the gift??? are u unable to open ur heart to receive it??? fine.....reject meh......fine. see if i care....wait.....i do care. why da hell do i still feel like dis?!?!? shit man......i should have got over all dis. it's just a stage of lyphe. why??!?!?!? no change ever comes easy.....so dis change will lead to sumthing good?!?!? dat is very very questionable....sighs. oh wellz. dun give a shit. oh wellz. sighs....oh wellz......i wun say i love ya'll.....i can't get myself sorted out....so whateva......i wanna love everyone evenly.....so until i can, i wun say i love n e thing n e more....i just wun care.....i will learn not to care...why??? cause....i've cried tooo many nites...and i dun wanna cry n e more....it's not like my tears make meh feel n e betta....nor do my tears bring bak what i've lost forever. i'm changing. dat i can see. to what??? to a horrible person. so unkind. so rude, so annoyed of everything.....sighs.....i wanna die...ohwelz...wun happen...so whateva... arg!!!!!!
zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!

i just can't get myself sorted out......but either way.....i will some day......