sighs.....i feel miserable.....MISERABLE!!!!! i noe i shouldn't feel dis way. but today.....i walked like almost da whole way to lp. i noe it wuz totally pointless....sighs....but i still feel....i dunno......miserable. oh wellz....it's just a phase....i always get outta it.....i always do.....some time some how....soon afta. i wanna just like leave. i wanna run away. n e one wanna run away wit meh??? ne one?!?!? i'll be glad to run away wit u. whoever u may be. sighs. i hate da area i live. i just wanna go away and leave. leave here forever. leave!!!!! i'm crying now, i'm sorry. lucky u peeps can't see meh...muhahaha=>:d oh wellz. nothing i can do just to want, cept to wait, cept to hope. but nothing will happen. my lyphe is only in shatters cause i ain't trying to mend em. i ain't 18 yet, i can't move and buy my own house. i can't move forward cause i'm allowing myself to not move at all. can n e one make meh feel betta? sighs. no one can. no one cept myself. happy?!?!? happy thoughts?!?!? happy?!?!?! hahaha=>:D i scorn the word of happiness!!! i despise it!!! everyone around meh is soo happy!!! and meh?!?!? shit man, feel like shit, total shit. wait. not even....cause den.....shit would be noticed cause of it's smell. well maybe den again, i believe i'm just noticed cause all of da bad shit dat i allow myself to go through. and it gives of negative energy. i guess why. i will never jump da cliff, i will never. but time and time again, i come bak and look at the scene at the cliff. i thought a walk would make meh feel betta.....but no.....it made meh feel worst. i feel even more down den i will ever feel. february 18th......what day is it now???? april 19......8:44......so basically....it has been two months, one day and about like 2 hours and 15 mins....sighs......why do i even memorize such dates??? i wonder....if i died....my memory prolly wun be even remembered in dis way. sighs. if i jump, promise u wun jump wit meh. if i sink, just let meh be. sighs. i noe, if i killed myself, i will be going to hell, but who can help meh not to???? hahaha=>:d no one is pushing me cept myself. i wish dat no one cared. i wish no one did. then i would leave in piece. i thought i could live by myself for lyphe. i thought i never needed n e one. now, as i see it, i'm not soo independant.....i'm very very dependant. i need you. do u need meh??? no!!! hahaha=>:d i already no dat answer. don't even need dat answer. but den again.....if i needed you and u needed meh.....dat dun work eitha. oh wellz....
too many crap thoughts!!! hate my area!!!! i just wish dat it would start to snow again.....to just snow over meh so i'd catch pneumonia and die. sighs. oh wellz. can't wish for such evil thoughts. sighs. as my lyphe moves on......i can just hope dat i will be swept off my feet again. i wanna just go away forever and leave. i don't ever wanna come bak. i just wanna leave!!! leave!!!!
i noe it's only a thought and i can't do n e thing bout it!!! but i wanna leave.....i can't take dis n e more!!!! i just can't!!!!!! arg!!!!! l8a.....can't continue dis shit......i'm going now.........arg!!!!! l8a!!!!