hahaha=>:D i noe u said u were angry when you wrote those thoughts...but in a sense...in ur anger...it shows many things. it kinda really shows how ur real personality is. how u react to a situation when you are upset really defines you as a person. as i've said...in your weakness is your character shown. Henceforth, being at a "low-point" or what i call a stress moment is a time of weakness....and dis weakness shows u. it's kinda pathetic, if u really think about it....why do you post an online journal??? da only reason is either
a) u really have nothing to do
b) you really have no other way to speak ur thoughts
c) u just gotta get ur thoughts out as much as possible
or d) u just wanna be heard
i ain't saying it's all of de above, but it can be for n e of dose reasons.
in the light of being complex, you can see the simplicity of things....but to the light of being simplistic it is hard to see the complexity of the matter. am i making n e sense??? your thoughts aren't that complicating. they ain't that confusing. maybe the reason being is because i understand everything that i read upon the page....or simply....i just noe too much about too much or too lil about too lil. but either way....i still understand.
it's not the figuring out part that ur kinda pissed off about.....or upset about. what u can't understand is the fact that peeps try to figure out without the part of accepting. figuring out without the knowledge of acceptance is useless. without accepting the matter....it just drives a person insane. their heart may be pure upon the fact they wanna help, but the point being is that they just want sumthing....or they want sumthing from you that is way beyond the line dat can be expected. u still with meh??? i'm not that much betta....each scenario has both it's weak and strong points you know. by giving an image, i'm not n e betta den you. i'm acting...not showing my true feelings....just getting more hurt along the way because everyone thinks i can handle the simple joke. as to you, ur kinda opposite....if sumone pulls a stupid j/k...u dun really get too upset about it. well at least dat wuz de image u gave meh when i wuz still at skool wit u day in and day out. muhahaha=>:d u say you hate meh, but u can't....u hate meh cause u are no longer alone....but truthfully.....u really know dat u do not wanna be alone. hahaha=>:d ever get dat??? do u not rememba da verse mrs. tuck gave us to remember in mca??? pity the man that has no one to pick him up. i can't pick you up, but i may try.....try too much...try too lil.....maybe at times i do both....hahaha=>:d ain't da point...
yeah...there is no problem...it's only within our minds that we create such problems. yeah yeah...stupid words...sollie...no other way to express......i just am simply bad at expressing my ideas. i really try. dere are things we take too litely....and then there are things that we take too harshly. each of these things maybe different at times. those that we should take with total seriousness we sometimes neglect...thinking it's not too important...and most times....it comes biting our asses.......yeah...which leave marks. may not be scars....just a lil mark at least for a lil time being.
we say we are cold...knowing that a bit of us is not. we have kinda really split personalities. we hate, but at the same time we love....we cry, but may be extremely happy. nothing in us seems to make sense. yeah....it's as if a whole person can become a few other peeps rite??? i guess ur problem ain't as severe as mine, but den again....one with a problem is just as severe as the one who has many problems. it inflicts pain to listen to pain....but to write about pain kinda relaxes and eases up the mind. make n e sense??? hope u still follow meh...it's a long thought i know....sollie bout dat....just dat i have soo many words to say....sighs......sometimes ir eally believe da only one who understands me is myself....but i know GOD'll always be dere to help when no one else may help.
u say i'm strong....hahaha=>:D thanx.....but really....i know i'm very very weak....u strip away all my stubborness and u'll see da real person...but then again...my stubborness is part of who i am....yes...who i am is really based on my stubborness.
i really can't offer u a way out....really i can't...why??? cause i see no light to n e situation....i only wish to see the end....walking blindly into da tunnel walls at times...i really want to ease ur mind, but along the way, i may cause more problems...why??? cause i just can't help as much as i want. u pray for help hoping to find it in my words, my words are harsh, they provide no comfort. you try to coax me with gentle words that are pleasing to the ear, i am unable to speak of n e. i speak the harsh reality of the matter, the ruffness to the undefined edges. i'm sollie....i'm sollie if i provide no warmth, no comfort, no shelter, no shield. all i can say is dat my mind is a walking time bomb....it ticks and ticks...one day going to explode.....and i think it has because my mind has reached the point of like extreme thought.
oh yeah....one more thing.....it's through our acceptance that causes us the pain. it's because the acceptance of the matter of sumone else causes us to see the new light. yeah....that's why u may be an excellent listener. and on the matter of meh...i just love to talk...making it kinda all da worst. da bad thing about such acceptance is dat we still have not learnt to deal with it yet. we learn to accept kinda way too easily.....and den everything dat is heard kinda is reflected in our lives....meh making n e sense???it's not the hearing you have problems with.....it's in ur nature to listen. in ur ways, it's da acceptance you have da most problems with. u are willing and eager to hear the problems....u just wanna help, but it inflicts pain cause u care. i have no cure for accepting to easily....u just gotta find ur fine line.....u just haveta persevere all ur hardships. u just haveta live on knowing that's ur problem.....but to meh...acceptance is not a weakness.....what is a weakness is one who is unable to accept.....i hope i wun be da old granny dat talks too muchie....muhahaha=>:D i'm too long aired ba....oh wellz.
friends are never a bad thing......but rememba dis....as iron sharpen iron, so dose bad company corrupt the soul. so yeah.....my version of the verse....but den again..dat mite be the verse itself....aw but gee doe. u must noe what to let u influence ur lyphe....u must control and be on top of the situation ur in. yeah....chinese proverb......u must be two steps ahead of the opponent....yeah...driven from the game chinese chess. muhahaha=>:D i ain't saying dat everyone of ur friends are bad companies...nor am i saying dat dere ur enemies....all dat i'm saying is dat each should be accepted and treated fairly...cause no one likes a betta player den a team player....in thinking this way....each friend is a friend, but also a player in the game of life. each person's gain is according to one self.....one wins only according to one's benificial gain.....make n e sense??? yes....very repected saying.....treat ur neighbors as urself....yeah....it goes for every religion if u actually see it...maybe not in dose exact words.....but very very similar.....also....love urself, love ur neighbors....love ur enemies too. keep ur friends close...keep ur enemies closer.....u mite not have enemies...and de only enemies u mite have are those within urself. also called reverse effect.....fan hao gwo.....so yeah....whateva....i ain't making n e sense here....but i hope u understand.....i'll write more to ur thoughts l8a.....so yeah...l8a


oh yeah.....i had another dream dis morning....just as hideous as the last.....i woke up in shambles.....gripping to the edges of my bed as if it were actually de end of y life...sigh sigh....maybe it's just a dream with no meaning....but i believe every dream has it's own meaning....but maybe again...dat's not what i believe...grrr.....hate myself...