hahaha=>:D that's funnay, u quoted meh.....aw....i feel soo special....hehehe=>:d j/ks j/ks. well u noe when i said i'd kick him outta my lyphe forever??? i really do mean that, but a part of meh tells meh dat i can't.....dat i'd only do more damage to myself because deleting a memeory outta my head would mean to erase all my feelings, my thoughts, my actions, my everything. i say i've recovered, it may seem dat i have because i can talk to him in person and on the phone, but really, the pain is still there.....

as i notice now....i'm becoming the old meh....the one who is always angry at everyone and everything. the one who always blamed others....the one who hated the world because the world casted meh away. i'm becoming silent in times which i should speak. i have lost a sense of self, lost a part of meh that i can never fill unless i am willing to fill with sumthing or sumone else.....most likely GOD. i'm good at philosophies only in the reason that well.....i've learnt enuff but lessons are still taught when u are very old. there are just sum that u haveta experience more than once. sighs sighs.

well u noe me well enuff dat i wun kill myself....but u also noe da type of person i am. i will blame myself.....something that i didn't do will turn to be my fault. i just feel guilty. hahaha=>:D i'm not embracing the kind of emotion that most teens have embraced.....if u say so, i've been a teen even at a very young age. i've always bottled up my emotions and thoughts every day, every time, everything. i cannot care less, that's just the way i am. i care, maybe tooo much and get myself in trouble, but really, u can't stop sumone from caring. what hurts is when sumone does show you that they don't want you to care. messes that are caused by meh can be fixed if i care too much, but those that i cause unto myself is another issue.

u noe....maybe the damage is too great to just rebuild and fix the roof, what i need is to reconstruct the whole house. the foundations of the house have been shattered because i hadn't repaired the damage earlier. people get sick of holding and helping the roof that may collapse. everyone has left meh even when the roof was falling apart. the reason being, they just couldn't help or didn't noe how to help or just didn't want to because i've been down for too long. and there are only like two that have stuck besides meh through the whole thing....one being you and the other being my friend jenny. i may not like to hug, but when i'm sad and needy, like now, i really want one. sighs. i dunno, but the pain doesn't always go away. the pain is brought to lyphe every time that person steps into my lyphe again. i hate running away, but in cases like this, there is nothing i can do to heal myself cept to run away, possibly forever. sighs sighs. what troubles my heart is that what happens if things like this keep on happening. i've lost enuff people to be lost forever. i still have family i suppose, no matter how angry they are with meh, they still love meh in a way. i haveta run away from everything, maybe more than just another time again. i'm feeling needy, maybe i am. sighs sighs. not everyone can be there for meh all the time. it's not my fault that i need that reassurance from people. i have the confidence in myself, i dunno.....sighs....