well i'm reading ur july third thoughts. u sound angry at sumthing, u sound frustrated, u sound worried, u sound even sad.....u sound confused. u sound happy to a point of utter confusion.

i suppose u are rite.....no sorry mean no one does n e thing wrong to be worth to say sorry. but i dunno....i dun wanna prove u wrong cause in a time like this......u mite just not be able to handle it.....but hopefully coming from meh.....i hope u can see a bit more to such a bad scenario.

u dun wanna hear the word sorry. u say that we are human. u say it's just a term that is used way too much??? u say that by being human, we make mistakes. so what u look for is not the word in itself, but the acknowledgement of the wrong that you did. u say u can accept the fact that humans are imperfect, but are u accepting that fact? to many, the word sorry may just be a damn stinking word that is used as a term for doing nothing wrong......but have u ever thought of the intentions of the person saying sorry? even if the person wuz just caring and felt as if she did everything wrong.......it dun mean dat she dun mean every letter in the word sorry. here.....look at imperfections this way....a scale of sin. this is a funnay matter.....as i've looked through the bible.....that story about throwing the first stone??? well u see.....no one could throw the first stone rite??? so here goes.....there is only one sin.....sin will alwyas be sin. there is no greater or less measure to sin accept being sin. in the same sense, being wrong is wrong....what is wrong will always be wrong. those who feel sorry will be sorry because they did sumthing wrong.....u understand where i'm coming from ma??? honestly, can you throw the first stone? i noe i can't.......unless anger and sadness had taken over meh, and even then.....caring would be upon all else then to throw a stone at a person.....now ask urself....can you throw the first damn stone????

onto the word love. so when i say i love you.....or i love him....or i love her....do u think i'm ust saying it??? cause if you think i'm just saying it.....then maybe it's better just to be deaf, mute and blind. even if i do not say the word, does it mean i am not expressing the word in my daily actions? so if i am showing my love through my actions....does it mean i'm overusing the term??? girlfriends and boifriends should love each other....the phrase may be overused, but maybe the term and saying is truly what they feel. it's a routine, but love is one of the only things that if you receive and give will great results come. like skool.....no student really likes skool much.....cause u haveta open ur minds and sit in class and learn....u dun like da fact that the teach gives hmwk.....so dat's routine during skool days ain't it? it dun mean it's bad for us. bad example, best i can think up.

now to the blaming thing, i have no words for it.....just ain't rite....i always blame myself for everything....i know it's not rite...i do it n e ways.......but i have nothing to say to it because it's not for meh to say n e thing since i blame myself for almost everything that happens.

u say you can't let go. here's one reason and only one reason...because u are afraid....afraid of what.....i do not know....but u are afraid of sumthing.....and until u can conquer that fear....u will will be afraid. hey, wondering why u are lying on the floor because u have fallen isn't always a bad thing. the bad thing is when u find out that u are no longer able to move some part of ur body because of an injury. i may sound really stupid...but what i'm trying to say is.....injury causes u to work harder and strive more....the strength is derived from a fountain that is neverending.

have i not cried? u have heard my tears.....u can see them if you look closely enuff.....the fact remaining....everyone is a bomb waiting to explode. those with abundant energy are fountains of happiness....but when under stress....a great explosion of frustration, sadness, or anger. so what if you are a ticking time bomb of sum sort? to tell you the truth....those who know you well should be prepared to wait for the explosion and help you cleam up the mess in short.

normal is only a standard u set for urself......now as to the loss of humanity...i have sumthing to say to that. being cold....is the loss of humanity. i've been there...in short....i've been almost to every extreme of each emotion with a very very fine lined balance between all of them......a very drastic change..... u are hurting just as much as u used to.....or maybe u hurt even more. the fact is....u are still hurting. i like to think simple even in times of great thought.....my thoughts are always simple...straight to the fact......and now...i am going straight to the fact again.....as sin is sin....so is hurt...hurt is hurt...even if it is less or more...hurt is hurt. a person with an injury is someone in need of help and assistance.....so in the same way.....u are hurt...who cares about the amount of hurt u are in.....u are hurt...as simple as that. i dunno.....praying and reading bible are always good....but what i see is this....maybe sumtimes u just need a break from things...a break from the world....when u just release urself from everything.

i do that very often....i'm always floating on a cloud with a very unpleasant look on my face...the fact is.....i'm always thinking and thought provoked. i noe my thoughts depress......u really think i try to be depressing??continuing....the thing is.....if depressing is the way i think to draw happy conclusions....i'd rather be that way and just enjoy myself...

u say that everyone thinks u as their brother....now have i ever said that to ya??? i'll say this....it is in ur nature to care.....as a brother maybe...but whatever that caring nature leads.....enjoy it......enjoy the person that you are. it's not everyday in this world that you see a caring person that actually is looked up to as a brother. hey....wuz soo bad about being a brother??? u have the role of protecting....nurturing....caring....and all at the same time...to be cared and protected and nurtured....nothing too bad.....people call meh mommy, sista.....sometimes it bugs meh....but the fact is....i enjoy it....i'd rather be known for the person i am than sumthing i am not.

i shall also end like this.....those who care, respect, love......are those who will protect, heal and nurture u bak or to the way u wanna be. i will say this.....i am sorry......sorry for all those things that i may have done to offend you......yeah...u hate the word.....i use it often only because i mean it......knowing that the future is always unforseen and is a blurred image of what you make of in the present.....i say sorry so that everything can be cleared.....i shall also say i love you....because there is no time like the present to ever show ur love. love is abundant....as if you wanna hear it or not...it is there......

i have made the choice to never jump the cliff....even though at times soo ruff i have attempted...but does it not prove to u for sum reason that i cannot die by suicide???? so therefore....i vow to never attempt it again.....i shall never jump even when i'm a toe away from the edge of a cliff....now promise meh....no matter what is wrong.....just be here by my side because i will never leave unless u push meh away......

i have not mastered friendship, i can only become mastered by experience, so i shall be forever wandering to find the best qualities because i haveta find ways to achieve. and as of now, i'm signing off......