when willy first told meh why winston wuz mad at meh, it really disturbed me. maybe i had nothing better to do, or maybe i just needed some assurance to keep me from falling tooo deep, but i just ran to my friends. tear covered face, swollen eyes, shaking hands, loss of breathe, racing heart beat. time, stopped.

thought raised to my head. u remember in civics when u had that lil spectrum of all the way the governments can be ran? well, at the same time, all i remember is that the two that stood totally differently platform wise, were so bent that it almost touched. they were both sooo extreme that they were almost sooo similar, and only were they separated by a certain action. it's confusing, but love and hate are only separated by one thin strand. and so yet, at the same time, my hatred and my love for the same person is separated by such a thin strand, they are almost one in the same now. sighs sighs. maybe i try too hard to be a non-conformist, and so yet, someone believes that i try to hard to fit in. sihs sighs. is it just because i care? does everyone want meh to be cold? does everyone want meh to be happy by drawing pleasure upon the misfortunes of others? just because the world is that way, does that mean i should be? the truth, no i don't, and yet, i'm angry because you're mad at meh and will not forgive me. at the moment i'm saying this, i say i will not forgive you, but i know, if you were to ever ask meh about forgiving you, i would just have forgiving you on the moment. so i don't know what's wrong.

i'm depressed again. but the light is always ever in front of me. so i know that i'm not too far gone yet. sighs sighs....