hahaha=>:D:P yeah, when u are feeling needy, and u think everyone around u has abandoned you. maybe in a sense that has happened, but maybe in a sense you've abandoned urself. when u are feeling as if no one is listening, maybe it's because you haven't been listening to urself. maybe u just don't make sense. when u are feeling needy, it could be that you do nothing to fulfill that need. when you want to talk to someone, maybe it's cause that u aren't walking up to them or calling them. yeah, we had another lecture yesterday. and it wuz one of dose GODLY sermon like things i've heard all my lyphe. always ask for GOD. as i reflect upon it, i wuz really rude yesterday, but i wuz also having one of my off days. i never have a good friday, i'm always soo tired and grumpy. muhahaha=>:D:P over the weekend i've come the conclusion that i don't like n e one. but as i see the on the weekend or like in person the next day, butterflies are like fluttering all inside. sighs sighs. i don't know wuz wrong with meh. arg.

well bak to the asking for GOD thing. i suppose what made me not want to listen to it wuz prolly because all my lyphe, i had never been able to do such a thing. there is not a worst feeling of hearing about something that you won't do or can't do or just plain don't know how to do. there's more to lyphe than sitting around and thinking, but if that's what you want to do, than great for you. cause this is what my philosophy of lyphe is, at least when it comes to living it. do whatever you want do, but if you don't feel like doing it, than don't. but at the same time, i always do things i don't wanna do for the benefit of others because i want to help others. so in a sense, i'm a hypocrite. but the point being is, maybe there's a reason for not doing things, have you ever thought that you have a conscience? well guess what? ur supposed to have one. and just because u seem to be a cold and angry person on the inside, i know that there is still a part of you that is very soft, caring and loving. i still can't get over tha fact that u think i'm fake. sighs sighs. i hated you before, then u taught what love was, and then u continued to teach me to love or at least how to apply, then one day, u called me fake. and then again, i hated you, and now i've forgiven you because i've forgiven myself. now, i don't know if it's pity or if it's i just simply care that i actually feel some emotional attachment to you. it's not that i need you, i thought u'd say u'd be my friend always, but always was tooo short. u never accepted me as the person i was and only judged me according to what you wanted me to become. i'm not that person where u can dress me up according to what you want me to be dressed in. i don't change because u tell me to, i change because i am who i am and what i want to be. and most of all, i have grown and changed according the the IMAGE GOD wants me to be.

i still swear, i did do drugs. i may still do. but whatever the point may be, in time, i'll stop. in time i'll learn. in time my wounds can only be more infected or healed. but i want them to heal so i'll take great care. if all you want to do is infect my wounds which you've already infected, than piss off, because i don't need a person like you. i want you, but i don't need you. u can be one person's trash and another person's treasure, but to meh, u are neither, u were simply a friend that i cared about. but when you don't return that caring, then it's ur loss, cause to meh, i didn't lose n e thing, i still have you. u just don't have meh in ur heart to be my friend n e more....that's ur fault.....