hm.....i just don't get it. sooo many people post of how much they love everyone and so and so. hm. is that all they feel? fake emotions toward something that will only last a short little while? hm...my nickname on msn is "this all that we see or seem is all but a dream within a dream - edgar allen poe" yeah. i don't know aye? is that true? i suppose it really depends on which way you are looking at things. i don't know if i should go downtown this weekend or not. i really have no clue at all. it's not like they are telling meh or urging meh to go. i just want to go. but for what reason? sighs sighs. when i express an emotion, i am normally true to my feelings, but people still say i am fake. why? hm. am i soooo similar to everyone else? wow. outta all my friends that i have met, everyone has been like wow, you are like my friend.....so and so...or wow....why are you soooo different. it's kinda funnay if you ask meh. i don't know. i miss soo much by only seeing certain things a certain way. yeah matt, i am racist, more racist than you will ever noe. some people say it's just because i'm bitter, or some just say that i'm spiteful and yet some just say i'm being stubborn. either way....i am all, but none at the same time. i find it hard to trust, not only because everyone that i do trust let's meh down, but because i'm never had a good relationship with anyone since i was young that was based on trust. yet as the days go on, trusting i now find has a lot more to do with forgiving, limits, and love more than anything else. after loving, then comes trusting, and after trusting is to forgive what in trust someone has not fulfilled. in love, you cannot hold a grudge. in love, it's not possible to not forgive. yes, you can be angry, but anger should not hold you back. growing bitter is just another excuse to be mad at someone. yeah. those that i believe are bitter toward something do have a reason, and that reason includes selfishness. and another reason for being bitter is all that we have too much pride. i have no clue. i want too muchie, but want too little, but all at the same time...nothing is easy. tired...sooo tired....

lost contact with soo many friends. i never eat lunch anymore, i just can't. scott, would he find out for me? would i want to know? most likely that i would want to know, but the truth being, can i handle the truth? hm. i'm pretty sure that everyone that goes to the library at lunch noes that i do like him, not just that, everyone around meh noes that i like him. args args. hm. wow.....

let's just say this, becuase you believe you are different, that does not make you inhuman. just because you are different, it doesn't mean that people shouldn't accept you. i mean, i don't agree with alot of things in this world. and yeah....just say that when i heard homosexuality was being allowed and was passed as a law....i was furious. but it doesn't mean that i do not love my homosexual brothers and sisters. there's a time in life when one questions themselves. maybe not the way i have in my lyphe, but i have....beyond words can say......you'll be blown away by how much i think and what i think about. but then again.....am i not just typical?