by february 18th i will have been single for a year. and going on a date and calling them up to talk does not count as having a relationship....man, some people just don't get it. i mean, it is a relationship like friendship, but it's not like i'm seriously digging the guy. hm. don't take me clubbing because it just won't work. don't take me drinking because i will not take a sip. do not take me dancing because i cannot dance. don't tickle me because i'll just have to punch you. sighs sighs. it's very stressful. i can't read chinese, sighs sighs. i'm illiterate. and there's a story to why i can't read chinese. if i were to learn chinese as a kid, i may have known alot now. if i had wanted to learn chinese as much as i wanted to now, i would be able to write and read fluently. but you see. as a little girl of 4 or 5, all i wanted to do was become white. i wished i wasn't chinese. i had wished that i wasn't chinese. and in doing so, i would become like others. and i would no longer feel sooo neglected and alone. but as time goes on, i felt more and more negleted and lonely. i continued to have no friends. i remained dressing differently, and i remained talking differently. sighs sighs. there's just some things that have not changed yet. yeah sure matt, i go on those spasms and such. and i go on my yelling sprees. sighs sighs. maybe that's just because it's the way i react to certain situations. sighs sighs. hm. thre's somethings that i wish i could take back, but it's not the same as regretting. regretting is thinking that you can go back, i know i can't, and therefore will try nothing to turn back the hands of time. hm. i'm immature, and i'm too mature all at the same time. it's prolly because i'm philosophical that makes everytone think i'm weird. the teacher thinks i'm stupid. my friends think i'm smart. strangers think i'm rich, but rich people think i'm poor. i know i am moving, but yet i do not want to. i know that i'm single, and there's no changing that. if i do not accept that fact that i can live without having a guy, then there's no point in living as if i wasn't. i can survive, and i have. hm. keke^^ valentine's is in a month or so. keke^^ hey....2004...isn't there like olympics or sumthing this year? hm. wo bu zhi dao ba....hm....so very very tired......gotsta go to sleep.

people say i think about everything. and some say i just shouldn't. hm. some people talk to me, and then there are those that wish i couldn't talk at all. i'm hungry, but have nothing to eat. i have homework, but i'm writing my thoughts instead. hm. will i or will i not? that is the question. hm. i really miss sooo many things in my life. args args. hm.