strength

well all my life, i've been living alone. i never really knew what companionship meant. all my life i just felt empty. i always felt that i had something missing in my life because no one would listen to me. i've never been close with my family, i've never been close to many people. but i was raised up in a church attending family. i see now that if i had not attended church as a child, i would have never been able to have come to christ. ever. it would just not be possible because i am the way i am now.

but as i have been baptised in my faith.....i am reassured that i can never run to far without ever coming back. i took that leap of faith. i know i must follow through because that's just the reason why i did it. if i didn't, i would never do it. or maybe that's just how i look at it.

well i know i sound like a total christian nut. but talking to ray made me realize alot about myself. i have alot of chances to help people. i have alot of chances to allow people to hear about GOD. but i never use my chances, because i am afraid of what they may say about me. i suppose it's this that really keeps me away. i am afraid of him, but i know in my heart that i shouldn't be ashamed. or maybe it's the fact that i've always been some how ashamed of my own family, maybe because i know that i love them....and i'm ashamed of loving. because i'm afraid to hurt. maybe that's why. but i can't deny the fact that i don't take the chance to see if someone would run away from my bluntness of a christian.....i should not be afraid....why am i??? why??? it's easier to have a gun pointed at my face and say i am a christian to a complete stranger than to say it to someone who is willing to listen to me because i am a friend....why is it sooo different?

well n e whoo, my strength comes from GOD. he is the only one that always gives me the strength to go on and move on and look past what happens. i am a very small minded girl and i am very meticulous in alot of stupid things. i am very "small aired" so to speak. but GOD is slowly gradually teaching me to accept and be more open minded.

i have finally understood that for me to be the way i am now, i must have faced what i did as a kid. in order to try to love everyone, i must have been hated to understand how it feels. i mean, GOD works many many curious ways.....and you only see them when you look back.

shopping again tom with cat!!! yeah yeah!!! keke^^:D:P i'm afraid to take the bus......but meh......bus ain't that bad....taken it many many times before.