life changes....

well yeah, i have come to the conclusion that i want human interaction in my life. but the problem is......there is a part of me that just doesn't want it at all.

it feels sooo familiar to hurt. it feels sooo familiar to understand. it feels sooo familiar to be the only one in the corner because no one would talk to me even though i tried to talk. it feels sooo familiar to sing to myself just to know i exsist. it feels sooo familiar crying to sleep. it feels sooo familiar to be frustrated because it seems no one cares. but, this feeling of anti-socialness feels different. this feeling of being anti-social isn't something i've ever remember turning to. i don't remember when i have ever been anti-social. the only feeling that's familiar to all this is my sense of loosing my motivation and lacking a heart to progress.

blah.....it was rather weird......if i hadn't mistaken in what i heard the other day in class, we were having presentations....and the my teacher says, "i'm not really worried about the presentations right now, i'm worried about sabine." yeah. my teacher calls me sabine...i really hate that....but meh......if that's what she wants to call me cause sabina is harder to call than sabine...whateve. blah....never been one to fight authority. so yeah. she probably thought i was falling asleep no doubt. but i wasn't sleeping. i was taking my notes like i was supposed to be. i just had a hood over my head and started covering my face.

no one in the class noes cept me, but i started breaking down in class. i started crying for no apparent reason. i just felt sooo helpless and hopeless. i felt sooo hurt. i felt sooo alone. i felt sooo unappreciated. i felt sooo hated. i felt like the world was against me. but then again, jo was sitting right there besides me. and i know she was worried because i was all gloomy looking the whole day.

i know she wanted me to go to screemers with her and val today......but really.....i don't feel like doing n e thing n e more. plus....my parents don't even want me going because i have a research essay thing that i should be working on. blah.....

jay chou's songs are playing....and they are all the same. i hate is voice now....it's because it reminds me of happy memories turned bad. blah......*cries*

fears....fears....fears....all these doubts and fears are turning me away from all that i worked for.....