The Little Engine that Could

well let's just say i don't like trying new things.

i have never done anything that i couldn't do the first time. or maybe it's not that i can't....it's because i feel stupid doing them.

for example, some people say that puzzle's are frustrating.....i find them easy and fun.
some people say that knitting is tooo complicated.....i find it easy and relaxing.
some people say that they could never beat the computer at certain games....i have.....sometimes easily...
some people think highschool is hard.......i think it's easy when i want it to be....

i have never really had to try very very hard to do something properly. but there's something about dancing that drives me insane. i feel like a failure everytime i've ever danced. always. i mean, it's probably not because i'm doing it wrong.....maybe it's just the feeling that makes me feel like shit. i mean, i know no one's looking at me because i'm not all that special.....but it feels like everyone looks at me and mocks me and laughs. it's a confidence issue...this i already know. but it won't go away. unless someone wants to change the past, this way i feel won't ever go away. because for all i know, there have been people for years and years that looked at me, mocked me and laughed at me.

when dancing, or skating, or swimming.....i always feel sooo self-conscious. it feels as if the whole world is looking at me. and i just can't handle that. it feels like everyone laughs at me and hates me and scorns me for no certain reason. and that's just because of all those years that i was laughed at and hated.
i've already conquered a large proportion of this phobia....just don't make me cure it like this. i won't be going to any more classes. i'm serious.....it's a social phobia....and it will only get worst.....sighs sighs.

i know i can. i know i will. but for now.....i don't want to go to this class nor n e other class for the matter. i mean....i'd prolly get better, but i just can't stand it.

does anyone wanna take over this mission and try to cure me of my social phobia?