well, each and every nite while i sleep, i cry now. all these tears just don't go away. it's a pain in the ass. but i don't care. each time i talk to certain people, i wanna say that i will never call em bak, but each and every time, i do. but it just hurts. it makes meh feel as if i dunno you n e more.....dis is not for you, for sumone else. when u said, most people noe meh as how you know meh sabina, dat really hurt. we were more than just friends....or had u considered meh just another friend all this time. it hurts you know. i thought i knew u more than most....but maybe i'm wrong. there are just sum things that u were always unwilling to share with meh. where is my balance in pain. why am i always so tortured, even in my sleep. i can't have a normal phone conversation with you without becoming sad or depressed, it pains meh to hear the way ur trying to say that the way i view lyphe is wrong. all my lyphe i've been running away from people who say i'm wrong all the time, and yet i find myself loving sumone who does and all they want meh to become is an optimistic freak. is it wrong of meh to say that or is that the truth? i noe for a fact that u think i'm sad and depressing. well the truth is....if that's what's keeping meh away from you, i'd rather stay this way forever. i have said all my friends are optimistic, but many of my friends actually care about meh....unlike you.....u just listen because u consider them ur friends and you could care less......why is it like dat.....or is it i just care too much? i ask you how you are because i care, not because i'm prying into ur lyphe. yet u hurt me by saying u don't want meh in ur business and tell meh to stop being nosy. i'm not being nosy for ur information....i'm trying to care. don't u see that i have a limited amount of friends....or at least those that i'm close with.....actually i have a more than most really good friends....but the fact is....it dun matter....what matters is what u see in them that u dun see in urself.

each and everyday, my friends make meh happier, they let meh see things that i wouldn't have seen myself.....and to tell you the truth....i've seen a lot, i've felt alot, i've taken alot of shit from people, u think i give a darn? yeah....i do....so if you think i'm just a pessimistic freak head, then just bak off. u don't know meh if you think i'm all pessimistic. if you know meh well.....i'm very unrealistic in many times. all i want to do is help...i do have a goal....unlike wanting to go to skool and pass and such, but my goal is to help everyone. it's like becoming a saint, but why work on helping others when i'm the person that is in need of help the most? what i need is comfort. what i need rest. what i need i do not have at the present moment. like anyones hug, i just wanna fall into those arms and rest. and in the surrender of GOD, i will have that hug to rest.....as i write down my thoughts, it does not ease my mind. i'm crying endlessly now. my eyes sting because i cry at nite too. i don't have many problems. i just take things to heart, because i may care too much.

i don't have a good relationship with my parents. i haven't learnt to respect them as well as i should. my parents will always be my parents....there will always be a gap. parents are those type of people who nag at u when u do wrong because it is wrong. hearing it ain't pleasant, so instead i run away to my good friends who's words i actually listen to. in the surrender of friends i go to. to some, i've lived a life of happiness.....but to meh....i don't feel dat way....can i come over some time? i really need to go chill and ease my mind....and it seems to meh that being around u eases my mind the most.....hehehe>:D halfly cause i noe u dun care the way i act....unless i'm being inconsiderate or rude, which i wun be unless dey are inconsiderate and rude to meh.....but yeah......i just need sum place to run to. some place to hide....physically and mentally. yeah.....u say run to GOD....blah blah....typical......what i need are humans who know GOD that can help meh....thanx....and l8a