yeah.....maybe i'm just being melodramatic or whateva....sighs sighs.....but i just can't seem to like get rid of the thoughts that i will always be this way.....and moments of happiness just dun last foreva for meh....maybe i'm not made to fit in and dat i'm always supposed to be different. sighs sighs. yeah yeah.....dey still love meh and what not....and dey are my friends and whatnot.....but u wanna noe sumthing? i dun wanna feel dis way n e more.....i can rememba dis feeling from the very first memory that enters my mind....my first day at kindergarten....obviously no one cares to hear, but i'm not gonna even bother with the past....sighs sighs.

yeah....the past is to strengthen....but maybe it's just betta for meh to have no memory and make the same mistakes over and over again.....maybe i should just be a computer or sumthing....no emotions at all......yeah, i'm not a robot, or a pc....i'm a living person.....and maybe phychologically dere is sumthing wrong with meh.....why can't i be the happy person who is actually smiling because i am happy? maybe i am happy......just not the definition i always thought happy to be. am i just a lil ungrateful brat that needs a lyphe?

tears, once again flow down my face......no recollection of the moments of previous happiness....all that fills my mind are memories of sadness.....despair....hurt....anger......will i always be this way???yeah....every teenager's problem....but really....is it???? maybe i just need to learn to not accept n e thing in lyphe....repell it....run away from it.....

"i dun wanna run away, but i can't take it, i dun understand." sighs sighs......i seem to run away alot from lyphe dun i? i hide behind sumone or sum image that maybe, i'm not? i dunno.....sighs sighs.....

maybe i'm hopeless, but yeah yeah....dere's always sunshine at the end of the rainbow....blah blah......all just words dat i dun see at the present moment.....at what time do you eva notice dat most of my thoughts are happy aye? i dunno and rite now....i honestly wanna say dat i dun care, but in lyphe.....maybe i just care too muchie.....

maybe it's not even the problem of meh thinking too much.... maybe de honest answer is just because i care too much about what i'm thinking about. sighs sighs......i'm just a walking, ticking time bomb dat's just gonna explode at some moment in time and space......the truth is.....maybe i'm a horrible christian dat shouldn't even be considered as a christian.....but the truth is...at least i knew i wuz one to begin with....sighs sighs.....i lied when i said i wuz feeling great.....i've felt this way for soo long that i don't even noe how it feels to be great.....i've lost all definition for the meaning of that word....dere are like only months times dat i actually rememba dat feeling...but whateva da case...i wish i had more of those moments when i didn't haveta fake sumthing....sighs....