i shall fall asleep and never wake up. sighs. but death isn't for those that wish for it. death only comes to those that are no longer themselves where actions seem to be blurs. sighs sighs. will i reach a state like that?

yeah, we have drifted, and i have drifted from everyone i know. all that i grasp is like holding air within my hands. it's not possible to hold it forever. sighs....when will i truly be happy? why must i always feel hollow every step that i take? why? why? WHY?!?!?

there is one person that wishes that i was dead. and that person, i have no clue what i've done to him. sighs. i, i, i, i fail to comprehend the emotions that torment me at the present moment.

sighs sighs. dispair is a domino effect. once one bad thing happens, everything else just follows. sighs sighs. holidays are over-rated. holidays are always supposed to be season of joy. but altogether, i find no joy anywhere to be found. i found christ, rather shall i say he found me, but i never feel that joy of as when i first believed. sighs. i have no more strength, and i suppose....it's all my fault. wishing that it isn't though. sighs sighs.

my efforts are never enuff. and people think i'm stupid, but does a stupid person think? does a stupid person have the ability to express what's on his or her mind? if so, tell me, which stupid person can? because if you call me stupid, sure, i'm darn proud, but if you call me smart, i'm unworthy of the title.

i'm no longer anything but a person. i'm no longer anyone, but just a person walking empty handed with no mission or goal in life. i am no long a person with a name. i am nothing, and unworthy of all titles and names.

you'd ask what's so bad about what i've just experienced, it doesn't matter what i've just done, but rather, what happens to me whenever i do something wrong. sighs sighs.

i don't like to lie to my parents. i feel bad. so i don't do it. and you know what's wrong with that? because the truth is, my parents don't believe me as much as they would. i don't like to believe lies, and if i say to myself out loud that i did good when really i didn't....i would believe that i did good. sad ain't it? sighsighs. don't tell me a lie, because i will believe it till the day i prove it isn't the truth. sighs sighs.