sighs sighs. it's like the second day of school or so....and i am having a complete breakdown. sighs sighs. i don't really have many people that i like or agree with in any of my classes. the only class that i like and appreciate at this time is like society. i have like matt oh in it.....yeah....i know i sound desparate or sumthing, but seriously, seeing puts such a smile on my face. he like gives me memories of how last year was and how different and fun it was. sighs sighs. the only friend i have in like second period calc is like ray. i mean, i'll talk to alex, and i'll talkie to scott. i mean i love scott to death and everything, but him and i are just those types not to talk in class until the teacher lets us have our own time or like let's us out. well alex and i don't even have much to talkie about. sighs sighs. i can't really start a convo up with him actually. sighs sighs.
in diversity, i have katie in my class, she's a smile everywhere she goes. sighs sighs. i know she prolly has her own set of problems, i just wish i could be more like her. sighs sighs. i have like ray in this class too. seriously, i would go crazy if i didn't have like ray in calc or diversity. in diversity i can see that she gets tense though, cause we sit in such close proximity to stupid blonds.....not actually stupid....just lacking in terms to call the blonds sumthing. sighs sighs.
as school is progressing, i feel more and more like crap. i rarely see jenny in the halls, if ever i see her. sighs sighs. i don't even see her at the bus stop because she gets a ride. sighs sighs.
i don't have lunch with n e one, and i am basically isolating myself this whole semester. sighs sighs. it's sooo sad. sighs sighs.
i miss val, but hearing that she is having such a great time just makes me upset too. hearing others in distress just reminds me of the mood i am in now. sighs sighs.
i feel afraid to step out of my house and go to sauga now. sighs sighs. even though i have done nothing to cause n e one to come after me.....i don't even know what i'm afraid of. i'm simply afraid of my recent past now. sighs sighs.
honestly, when i see matt in the halls, i just wanna go up to him and give him a big hug....i don't know what triggers this emotion, but i seriously just wanna run up to him and give him a big hug. i don't know. it's not that, oh i like you so i wanna hug you kinda feeling, it's more like, i feel like shit, and he's like a teddy bear that just allows me to feel better about myself. i don't know....maybe it's cause he's asian? a very white washed asian? sighs sighs.
args.......
i feel sooo vulnerable!
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