have you also left me?????
without you......i have no one left.
does dat mean u are letting meh go???
letting meh drift always by myself.....ready to drown???? why???
sighs......i guess i'll just need to find a life jacket and prepare for the plunge.....
sighs.....
is it true??? has my world come to a crashing halt???

what scares meh most are my dreams.....dey come even more frequently now.....each time i fall asleep.....even when i'm in class....of course i've never told n e one.....sighs......the scary thing....i ain't afraid of death, afraid dat if i don't survive, i still see all my loved ones around meh crying......sighs......

i'll give you that episode 55 wuz true in a sense. lyphe is a constant fight of survival. survival of the fittest is right, but it don't mean dat al da weak shall die.....cause u have no rite to kill. on the same hand, you can't always protect those who are weak, u haveta let those who are weak to stand on their own, if you don't let them stand and struggle, how will they learn to walk and run??? get the analogy???? get da drift???? everyone tells meh the same thing.....move on, let all ur crap away.....maybe what i need now is just never come bak....gr....but history always repeats itself...

lonely as a child, lonely as a teenager.....i will be lonely as an adult won't i????

went to that picnic today, and i don't get. everyone just likes to leave meh alone don't they??? but of course, they never make the first motive, why are they like dat??? why?!?!? i thought they were my good buddies. they never came up to meh, and i hadda go myself. i don't mind to go start up conversation.....but no one ever starts a conversation with meh. no one......why am i sooo dispised?!?!? why doesn't n e one ever come up to confront meh???? why is everyone so afraid of meh?!?!? why???

i've lost all self sense and self worth......i've lost all sense of companionship.....what i long for i will never have. what i've lost i will never find. why shall i care for sooo long??? why must i always care and no one care for meh??? i'd rather live a cold life never feeling ne thing, but then again, u all noe dat dat's not meh. sighs. why can't i just have amnesia??? sighs. maybe i shall just drive a car so dat i'll end my lyphe......maybe....just maybe....den no one hasta worry bout meh, and i don't haveta worry bout myself.....what the hell am i saying???

lyphe is a constant routine....u haveta get used to it, but why can't i get used to it? why is my lyphe so empty feeling??? why??? i'm left with no one, not even you. i have GOD. yeah, dat's a textbook answer. sighs....body feels too weak...wanna fly, wanna cry, just wanna spread my wings and learn to fly.....yeah....it's part of my lil song.....so yeah...noting i can say, nothing i can do, nothing.
nothing matters, lyphe is empty for meh. i'm just a walking living corpse. i've lost all hope, but if i hadn't got hope den i wouldn't post my thoughts to get em out, i wouldn't run to you if i had problems, i wouldda kept it all to myself, and as i see, i haveta do dat now, cause i have no one to run to. my tears are just hot water dropplets dat fall from my eyes. sighs.....if i could say so myself.....i feel hollow, am living a hollow lyphe.....sighs.....

"i wanna fly, i wanna cry, just spread my wings and learn to fly." da second verse to dat one wuz a happy one, but now i'll just scrap it and say i'll jump off da cliff.....*splat* there i go.