my dream my dream....why does it haveta come bak.....
i've been getting sleepless nites yo...sigh sighs....
good nite...too tired....sleep tite.....
i want you bak...

i wanna hold you close, wanna push you away, so complicated.
i wanna hear your voice, i wanna see ur face, but yet i wanna be blind and deaf. so complicated
endless tears of sorrow stopped in front of you.
joy of lyphe all halted when you left.
got nothing more to say
got nothing more to do
have nothing left
all is gone and lost
i must regain or gain anew
whatever it is, it's still painful
lost childhood
no friends when young
no friends when old
never ne friends to receive a hand from
i need you here
my lyphe i empty
i'm falling apart
i long to be near, long to push away
long to smile, but only left to cry.
u love her, i noe u do, u've left meh in the cold
sighs, i will never find what i've lost, for i actually noe where it is
no more thoughts...must have no more
no more tears, but still have many
want to be happy, but yet i tumble and fall.
i wish to run, but have no strength.
wish to smile, but unable to bare the day.
longing to sleep, but remain sleep-deprived.
tired and weary, but need to stay strong.
all so contridictory.
wanna fly, but have no wings to spread
wanna cry, but my eyes hurt
wanna soar, but i'm battered
will not tumble cause i must stand
getting old at the age of 16
where is my youth?
where is my energy?
where is me?
lost in the world of dreariness
lost in a world where hope seems so fragile
lost to a world where loneliness is all about
i am lost.
i have no strenth to find myself, can you help meh find me?
i needed then, i need you now, but u despise meh, u hate me
i have no choice but to be
i loved you then, and i love you now.....i promised forever and forever it will be
so if i say, death do us part, forever will i mean it, but to you, it means nothing but words
how it shatters my heart, u promised forever, but forever for you was much to short
don't say things you do not mean
through angry words you see my passion
through angry words you see my hate
through angry words you see my being....
i live to die, to regain, to live.
don't promise meh if you can't keep it.
u promised meh not to skip
you promised you'd do well
u promised you'd never leave, but yet again, ur leaving meh time and time again
what do i have left? nothing.
i am by my lonesome.
all by my lonesome
no one cares.
no one wants to care for the bird who is so weak, they'd just rather it die
everyone's afraid
afraid of meh, afriad of what they mite see
you are afraid to embrace fear in itself.
i must remain strong.
i must remain energized
i must regain sleep
what is lost will not be found no more, for i give up
why look??? what belonged and belongs to me will always be mine, but that which is not will never be noe matter how hard i try
my mind is a blur
my eyes are too swollen.
u helped meh pick out my glasses so i may see far well
but what i say, i don't need them for i already see who and how you are
you're nothing but a liar
a downright good for nothing liar.
but the thing is, i still love you.
forever and ever more,

well yeah. each line is kinda stupid. no bri boi, don't worry, i ain't saying it to ya....just needed to get it off my chest and sleep well tonite. as i've said...must need to regain my sleep. having uneven sleeping patterns now. sleep at like 3 and wake up at like 5:30. i dunno wuz wrong with meh. sighs. no wonder i have severe sever mood swings aye? i wish you'd talk to meh, ur making meh cry. i'm soo worried, i've lost you too. to the wind that blew, i thought u were more solid than that.....i still love you so even though you think u've betrayed meh. i understand, i can handle and cope, i'm over it for i cherish you as my friend. i need ur strength in times of need. and when i needed you, u were still there.....even if the reality hurt. but we all noe, dat reality i cannot make come true. no matta how hard i try....the fact being....i am who i am......true to my word....rather the honest truth kill meh than a lie of deciet. comfort is a funnay thing you noe. at times, harsh reality works the best, while other times....sweet sugar coated words are the only relaxers. as a person, u may never noe what the other is thinking...no matter the bestest of friends. i still don't care how u tried to help meh, just noe....i'm still here....open armed to give ya a hug when in need....but den again...i don't hug....just ain't dat type of person....
maybe dat's what i need to learn.....to learn to embrace without fear, but i've been raised that way.....great respect for all things...ain't supposed to touch thing that you cherish....it mite ruin it. understnad where i'm coming from ma??? sighs....miss you tons since you ain't talking to meh, afraid to call ya cause u seem very upset. it's my fault....sighs......i'e got much to learn.

when will my eyes open and see the light?
when will i learn to listen?
when will i be like my name and be happy, joyous and glad?
when?
sighs sighs.,....waiting for inspiration
waiting for new hope
waiting for a new beginning
long for nothing, but everything all at da same time
now what i want, i may not have
what i need, i must have
so therefore, i need you ....you noe i do
so i will have you as my friend even if it is only to meh