man, i can't say it's all my fault, but i can't say it's not. my sista's having her lil moody fits, and she's pissing meh off. she's going through stress and after all these years, she still doesn't know how to handle it. she's still mad at me because i wuz unwilling to take a walk with her. walking, i only enjoy with my friends or by myself, i do not like walking and talking much to family when i go on "family walks." when i do go on family walks, maybe my pace is too quick or sumthing, but i'm always ahead of em by like miles. i dunno, maybe it because i really dun give muchie bout my sista's moody fits n e more or sumthing, but i seem to not be as angry n e more. at least, i can't stay angry at her stupid moody swings as long as i used to stay. i could choose be angry at her, only finding it is foolish and stupid. but yet she won't let go that i wouldn't walk with her? man, she's a bit childish don't u think? sighs sighs. only i can talk about my sister this way, but i will still always love her and respect her as the person she is. so any one have n e thing bad to say about my sister, u'd betta watch out. even if i do not do n e thing when i hear it, but ur judgement is in heaven.

i don't feel much different, but to some, i've grown soo much older than my age. have i? am i? maybe i don't handle stress very well either. will you hate meh if i changed too much? would u hate meh if i ignored you for a while? would u hate meh when i become too stressed and depressed? would u hate meh for just the way i am? in a world filled with hate, how do you think it's possible to find love? love is everywhere, in such small amounts that it takes way more effort to see it.

have u ever had the feeling where someone is literally giving you a hug, but u see no arms around you? have u ever felt that way before? well i have. u may think it's scary, but at times when i feel like i need hugs, mentally, that feeling comes bak. it just feels extremely comforting. but i suppose, that feeling with real arms that you can see wrapped around you would feel even more comforting. sighs. i don't know what i am. am i anxious, am i excited, am i depressed, or am i happy or angry? i don't know. i hate feelings, but i can't hate them. i love feelings, but they just create so much chaos. sighs. hope all goes well. sighs sighs. l8a