yeah, when skool starts, i'll prolly come here even more often. just to at least to complain about how shabby and crappy skool lyphe is. i don't know. the years fly by so fast, just like every other year. soon enuff, i will be old, sitting in a chair not being able to do any thing for myself. i already see that old lady within myself. not acknowledging n e thing around meh, just seeing it as it goes by. u wish to do sumthing, but unable to because u can't stand, u can't sit still, u can't hold ur hands without shaking. all those signs of old age. how i wish to be that little girl, but do i really? i don't think i need to tell you all about that stuff n e more, it wuz horrible enuff.

well, many people i noe will be going to some skool that is close enuff to home to go bak, and i am no different, i just wished dat my fave university wuzn't so close to home. yeah, my ultimate u is mac. but i have no choice, with my grades as dey stand now, i won't make it to n e university. sighs....in grade 10 and i didn't even make it to the honour roll, it's gonna be no different in grade 11. sighs sighs. i only got a 78 in biology, so what should i say? i will not do that great in n e other science course. sighs. english, only an 81......a drop of four percent from grade nine, maybe i should work harder. yes, in fact, i need to. sighs. yes.....i must no matter how hard it is. i must self motivate myself. is that possible? i hope u'll be dere to encourage meh to do betta, i noe as GOD noes dat i can do betta, but i dun try my best. sighs.

well maybe it's because i've never been a really happy person, but i've always wanted time to proceed and go forward. even when i wuz enjoying da moment, i only wished to have more moments like dat, never da same one. i don't need to give you an example do i? i think you all know what my happy moments were, with whom, how and where u all know....or at least can guess at. hehehe=>:D but my time will not be spent dat way, and i should no longer yearn for moments like those. but i can't help it. it's everyone dreams to be held or to hold. it's everyone's dream to love and be loved, yeah, u can love ur family and friends, it's just not the same. having sumone to complete you as what many people would say is actually a really good term for this feeling. yes, but all feelings disappear over time. not all feelings last. some, based on choices can. no matter how hurt u become because of this feeling/choice, u will never regret it and only wish to have more moments, not the same. maybe it's just meh, maybe it isn't, but i really don't care a whole lote at the present moment, i'm just pissed off.

seeing the bigger picture doesn't require much of anything, but at the same time, it takes alot of perseverance. u might not want to see how the image is still distorted in the form it is. u will never be able to see the entire image, only GOD can, but what u see are like puzzle pieces being put together rite before your eyes. maybe i'm wrong, but that's the way i see it.