now on to my own thought......i dunno.....u say i could neva be a snob, how nice of ya.....but hm.....being snobby would be a person with too much pride and will not eva look at any one else and care about dere problems. so in a sense, maybe i am a snob already? hm.....i do not know, am i? but yet i remain da same, content with the compliment that took meh years to learn to accept. yeah, when u first knew meh, i couldn't take compliments. i just couldn't. it was sooo hard for meh just because i had been insulted much of my lyphe. my first compliment that actually meant n e thing came from a friend, when i was in grade 7. dis was a year when a lonely gurl seemed to lost her way because she felt outta place and alone. i met dis gurly. in my attempts to keep her happy, i listened to her, i helped her, noticing what i did not feel at da time. one could say she changed my lyphe. den one day....a compliment in the words of a thank you came, at first, i really didn't know how to take it, really, i couldn't. i haddn't learnt to deal with sumthing that wuz supposed to be soo happy. but later on i suppose, it touched my heart, and i grew less angry at da world, and kinda let myself go. but i can't say it lasted long.....because that feeling of enjoyment and happiness faded by grade 9. grade nine wuz my worst year, fighting with depression along side hiding a face of real brutality......i couldn't help it. i wuz angry, yet i wuz sad, i wanted to be happy, but nothing i found could satisfy, i hated GOD for the misery he caused meh, but hating him only gave meh a thought. if i hated sumthing, that means at some time, i had either admired him or will admire him, so why not admire him now? and in this collosal thought, i admired him. and then i came to realization dat well, everything happens because of him...and so i should have been thankful and not unthankful for it. i learnt to be a betta person. in dis light....GOD gave meh a heart to care....yeah, i stretched it a bit making dat i care too much for da lil details, but there is a saying in lyphe dat goes like dis, if you cannot care about the lil details of sumthing big, how can u care about the whole big thing? stupid saying.....it's my saying, and derefore, i learn to care about everything. i can't say it bugs meh much to see someone hurt, it's just like everyone else, but i still care for the person who is hurt and i still try to care. i don't care much for the situation, but i'll sit and listen to ur hearts content. i'll be dere, and hoping in return u would be dere for meh. but dat dun matta. to some i may be a horrible person because i care soo much dat i always seem to be in ur business, but if i didn't care a cent i wouldn't have asked in da first place. if you cared much u wouldn't have needed for meh to ask. but i believe dat asking is betta den when sumthing turns explosive and u haveta tell someone.

i dunno what dis thought is about....i suppose i'm just weird and i have too many thoughts. i think too much? plus, dese thoughts ain't very proper, dis is just my web of thoughts so dey ain't too defined now.

bak to being explosive, yeah, when u finally need to explosed, dat when u urself feel as if dere is no hope at all, and to meh, dat worst then meh being nosy about it. it's hard to heal sumone when dey feel as if dey can't be helped. it's hard to fix sumthing coiled den sumthing bent basically. it's not impossible, but it's just hard. but sometimes, for meh and honestly, people don't ask meh much, and i just haveta end up exploding everything to my hearts desire. yeah, i got and made some of my friends to be colder now, just because dey dun wanna are, so dey just sit and listen saying nothing in return, not caring about how to help meh, but just wanting meh to be like i wuz before. i cannot find sumthing crueler den dat. yeah, i am not often like dat, but i do want you to be bak as u were before, but i still care about ur present state. dat's da diff between meh and alot of other people. dey simply just dun care and want u to be happy, i care and want u to be happy, so i sit. listening and carefully analyzing ur thoughts to think of a betta solution. not sumthing short and temporary. it might be a long process, but at least in the end, u could learn a few things, maybe a view or two? so yeah...dat's my thought. l8a