over the year and a few months....i have posted close to 700 entries....a lacking of three entries...and after this one...will be a lacking of only two to reach seven hundred. that must say alot..... hm....my thoughts....i think too much....within a year minus the problems with my pc....i posted close to 700!!! holy crap....

maybe the doc is right....i am chronically depressed only because i allow myself to view things in the negative of the negatives.

i live among the worst of criminals...those that fall short of the glory of GOD and call themselves perfect only because no human is. the greatest of all tragedies.

i am only a great sinner....constantly i live in denial of being a christian in front of others, but truly hating myself for it. why do i have the guts to stick up for myself and others of this world, but simply cannot stand up for CHRIST?!?!? why? why is it so hard to stand up for him. if i deny him....he will deny me......but why is it so hard to live in the light? hm.....

the goals for a more happier time:
1) stop swearing
2) stop drinking
3) stop going to parties where there are people i should not be around
4) stop thinking depressing thoughts (basically stop residing in where i should not reside)

hard goals to follow by i know....especially the last one....but maybe the top of my list should be do's not don'ts.... now my do list

1) do rely on GOD more
2) do pray in front of people that are non-believers....why should i be the one intimidated???....i should be the one intimidating....
3) do read the bible more....even in the dead of night when i am almost dead tired....
4) do start attending church with a willingness, not going because of a ritual/ routine....