okay....so maybe i lied.....sollie bout dat. still can't sleep. yet. just yet. i'm like super exhausted though. since well.....i didn't sleep much at vals the previous night....and last night i didn't get much sleep either. and tonight.....i'm hoping jacky won't keep me up too late.

well she asked me to tutor her in math. why wouldn't i? i like to help people. and since she asked me....i may as well help. i have nothing better to do...so yeah....it's good to be of service.

maybe that's why people think i don't take good care of myself. people think i like being used. hm. i don't like being used....i just like the fact that i am being used to help someone. i may be making people more stupid....but doesn't mean that i don't like helping. i know it's a twisted way of thinking....but hey.....if you ask for my help.....and i can help you, i'll always be willing to help. sometimes it's sad that i put others before myself. but i'm not all that important. i mean....i am important....but for me....the people i hang around with really define who i am. maybe that's why i'm afraid to hang with a crowd that does drugs, drink, and smokes. the reason being is that i'm afraid i will become more like them. blah.....

i don't want to die because of brain damage caused by drugs. i don't want to die of stupid cancer sticks. i don't want to die because of a kidney failure due to alcohol. but everyone has a time to die because of sumthing. those are just reasons i don't think are worth dying for. i also don't think it's worth dying for someone who was never meant to be. i would die protecting any one of my friends. my friends mean the world to me. i may have known you for years, months, weeks and even days....but i'd still be willing to die.

i like the fact that i say i will be willing to die for friends....now i wonder if someone stuck a gun to my head and asked if i were a christian would i say yes.........i hope i would......