see.....i thought i would distrust anyone named catherine. but i guess i was wrong. this is why i distrust people named catherine.

i have a cousin named catherine that treated me like trash. i was only 8 at the time, so i didn't know what hatred was. i just thought she was angry because she was homesick all the time. she stole my things. she broke my things. she ripped all my drawings. she scratched everything i had lamenated. she trashed our house. she crashed our car. and yet at the time, i still didn't know what hate was. and because of all these acts.....i have never been quite fond of someone that has the name catherine spelt with a c. yeah mind you....i do have a friend name katherine spelt with a k and i am totally fine with that.

i suppose i know why GOD allowed me to meet this girl. firstly, i would have never met her even though she had sent me that email. certainly, even if i did go to singapore or malaysia i would have never met her, there are way too many people. if she hadn't of added me to her msn, i would have never really have a convo with her. so therefore altogether, meeting this chick is a pure random act of GOD.

meeting her for me has put my distrust for the people named catherine with a c away. no, i am not the least bit suspicious of this chick. i had a convo with her for only 4 hours or so....but i still trust this gurl. maybe it's my trusting nature, but i really don't find her suspicious at all. on the other hand.....when i first met ken i was and still am suspicious of everything he says and does with me. and i believe my instincts were correct, that he is a nice guy, but for relationship wise...there is still more that i should know...and yes....this is correct. keke^^

ken still cares alot for his ex. sighs sighs. and he's not going back to guang dong now. hm. does that mean i haveta follow through on my promise with him to go to egh volunteer? hm.....so he is finishing school here. that is if he passes. hm. i wonder who would be his next victum of usary? hm....see....if he wants...he can use me all he wants for all i care. because i'd rather be used as a friend then to be used a something other any day. but blah...that's prolly because i've been used as someone's girlfriend a few times. oh wellz....i will not stop loving.

yes...the issue and problem to everyone is love. yes brian, even though you seem sooo cold.....i still love you. and even though at times i dispise your coldness, i, all in all still love who you are and what you are inside. but then again....you are just human......and if tommy was right, i interpret that only family and bf/gf deserve love....but i think he's wrong. so yeah. time and time again....whenever i feel like crap....you are always there...and i always feel as if i'm using you or sumthing. but then now i know it's honestly becuase you care. you really deep down miss how things used to be. and so does everyone else. but you know....if everyone really has the effort to try....times can be like old again.