somedays i try....and somedays i don't.
sometimes i listen and most times i care.
on days like these i wish that all would come to an end
all this pain, all this torture, what is it's cause?
what do we learn through this torment and trial?

some days i walks, and some days i run
sometimes i cry and most times i smile
on other days unlike today, i wish things were the same
all the nagging, all the taunting, have i been so miserable?
have i sowed what i reap or is there more?

somedays i try and somedays i don't
somtimes i listen and most time i care
somedays i walk and somedays i run
sometimes i cry but most times i smile

blah......badd....very very bad......bah.......don't even know what i'm trying to write.....it doesn't even make sense.....and everything i write is sooo self centered....args args.......

need to get away.......but get away from what? i dont' know....i need some change....change that i already got.....maybe i suppose a change of heart.....but yeah...won't happen. all i live for i strive for. but maybe instead of striving to live maybe i should strive to serve. maybe then i'd feel better. at least i know i am not fake unlike some people who have yelled at me many many times before saying i was fake. blah. doesn't really matter. they can nag....and they can complain about how i am. but i will not change for them because i have done nothing wrong to care. i hope when school starts i will stay this way. i think it is a chemical imbalance that causes me to emotional. after i've been taking my vitamins i've been feeling alot better. my thoughts have not been sooo grim. i don't see things sooo pessimistically n e more. i suppose maybe i was never truly pessimistic cause i wanted to see the better. i suppose i am neither a pessimist or an optimist.....i am simply a realist. not someone who sells houses....but someone who just sees reality. i am glad i am not numb to reality. that takes out the simple joy of living. so if in my definition i say to feel reality is living....does that mean that alot of people are the walking dead? hm......a purpose driven life. sighs sighs.

i just want to be open minded and not closed minded. i do not want to make others unhappy. sighs sighs. i suppose i fail that mission day after day. but i cannot satisfy human....and no one can satisfy me. only GOD can fill in that void no matter what. i must rely on him every day......i think my blog may just become my prayer journal. or at least the prayers in my heart about everything that's on my mind.....hm. sounds like a good idea.....but i know that this idea would soon fail but i'll make it last as long as i write and entry every night and i have a pc. when i don't....i'll just haveta well on other words pray out loud which is just as good.