905 to da 416

meh, i mean, it's weird that all my life, i have moved like 4 times at the least, but i don't remember n e of it. it's weird. but you see, each of these times that we moved, i really wasn't conscious of it really. you start getting memories at the earliest when you are three. but my memories don't even start till i was four, the first day of school. weird right? well yeah, all i can remember till that time was that i was always at home and always with my parents. i rmember that i used to get dropped off at alot of strangers houses for something they called "baby sitting". and then i remember going to school not crying until i got home because i felt sooo outta place.

so basically, i have never felt like i belonged n e where. as a kid, i felt that i didn't belong cause kids were racist. they laughed at me, they teased me. it hurt. and then, as i am getting older, those that are truely from hong kong, or china or taiwan or whatever, don't acknowledge me as being chinese, but simply a cbc. i really recent that title. cbc has always meant being a congee star to me. i do not believe i am a congee star. it's sad, but i simply belong nowhere except with the group that feels almost similar or exactly how i feel. i will never be truely chinese, and i will never be truely canadian. i will never feel like i belong. those that are chinese call me white. those that are white call me yellow. sighs sighs. i just don't fit it n e where.

i suppose that's why i have always been a loner in my life most of the times. sighs sighs. now i really try hard not to think about stuff like that n e more, but seriously, my past is really what defines me now. my younger years are what really characterized me. but i still think my mold just ain't dry or is still under construction. sighs sighs. so very very sad.