haven't talked tooo sooo many people lately.....suighs sighs....

going back to studying later....just too lazy and hungry right now....sighs sighs....

hm.....GOD does work in funnay ways. God is a very humourous. but then to think about it. the sermon thtat we have on everysunday is about the same thing in the book we have for sundy school. it really amazes me. keke^^ i really don't understand. sighs sighs. my body is lacking in soo much sugar. i'm always starving and i'm always having headaches. sighs sighs.

okayz....i know sooo many ken's....what the heck? hm....and people haven't known another ken in their lives?!?!? what the?!?!oh wellz......going now...l8z l8z...

i rarely ever have the time to update my blog anymore. and yes, i've been stressing sooo bad. i've had two breakdowns just last week. i feel sooo incompetent. i feel sooo unworthy. i feel like such and idiot. sighs sighs. but then again, there is more than one person that feels the same way i do. but when things go bad they always cause a domino affect. sighs. my church is falling apart again. sighs sighs. i've been crying almost day and night now. and people think i'm stupid for crying because it's just stress. sighs sighs. but if you know me, that's what always happens to me because i just breakdown. i can't handle stress very well any more. i know that tears don't make any problems better. but as what others say, tears only describes how much a toil the problem is causing in you emotionally. sighs sighs. people think i'm the happiest girl because i'm always smiling. but the truth is, it's natural for me to smile. sighs sighs. i really miss the way i used to be. keke^^ it's been like one year, 11 days and 3 hours and 47 mins that i've been singo. keke^^ by valentine's i hate to be singo, but when valentine's day passes, i'm feeling alrights again. keke^^ but everything goes wrong in the month of valentine's sighs sighs. there's just sooo much that people don't understand. people don't understand how happy i want to be and only strive to be. but then again, does that all matter? it's not how you want to be, but rather how you are now.

alot of people going through hard times. but then again. it has alot to do with skool. i'm fading back in the background. i like to talk, but no one hears me anyways. should i bother to speak? sighs sighs.

life is a survival of the fittest.....it really is....but to be fit or are fit is not for anyone to judge. you have no right. plus....no one is perfect. the only thing you can say is if you are fit for the current situation. life is all about the situations. so therefore...if a=b=c....then life=situation=if fit for life, it means to be good at current/present situations. therefore....you maybe fit for one battle, but winning certain battles doesn't mean you are good for everything.

okay....i don't like livejournal....

hm...don't know why i made another thought pagie....i already don't complain with blogger. it's simple enough and it makes me happy. i am satisfied....but i'll just see.....

i am not a loser!!! just cause i practiced my writing...it's not my fault. keke^^ it looks sooo preeeeeety ar....keke^^ well at least it's bettter than my own chinese...hm.....l8a l8a...leaving like pc now.....l8a l8a

hm......sensei coming la....hm....trying to like not do work....i'll do it l8a....and i'll do it at home. but being with friends...i have no substantial thoughts. hm.....should stop staring...args args....should should...but do not...and cannot...args args.....going to toronto this wednesday....hm.....who the heck is looking over my shoulder.....being like super conscious....trying not to be caught....i'm looking at the teacher...but typing.....so i'm not really like listening. that's not kool. hm. i should really really should pay attention la. but i actually cant. plus....i should really stop staring. args args.....

okay....now i'm bored....and i do not wanna like go to the site that i'm supposed to be going to....args args...soooo seeeeeee booooring la...args args....nothing to do. hm...some girl has nice platforms...hm....teacher's coming....maybe....this classie hoe moe lui ar!!!! soooo velly moe lui!!!!! save me la!!!!

yeah......soooo like boring....args args.....tying for something.....i'm supposed top be doing something...btu i'm not...keke^^

my immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

These lyrics have been viewed 440026 times since
Thursday, April 24, 2003.

kekek^^ successful like link la. sooo happy ar!!!! kekeke^^ happy!!!! got my link on to my site. soooo good....kekek^^ keke^^ happy happy happy. sioghs sighs bum bum. rachel my sun shine gurl...you are unhappy?!?!?! sighs sighs. i wish i could give you the world and put smiles on your face. sighs sighs. but as i know....and see....giving you happiness i cannot. sighs sighs. hm.....tired tired. so velly velly tired. hm...looking at MR. TURKEY today....keke^^ how fun it is...but then again...his mommeeee is my japanese teach....kekeke....funnay funnay....yupz yupz

sighs. it amazes me how much time i spend on the pc. hm...in japanese classie la. kekek^^ fun ma? keke^^ it sure is. keke^^ as you see....as jenny says...i have my own posse....keke^^ not pussy la....egh....let's jsut not go there. keke^^ stupid stupid joke la. typing fast enough? hm. trying not to get caught. sooo many people reading over my shoulder la. keke^^ sooo funnay la. oh wellz. no big deal la. hm. talking about like skiing in japan. keke^^. well we're talking about the map of japan. man....i soooo nead a life!!!! save me ar!!! hm.....did i make another enemy? i hope not. sighs sighs. but i think i have again. args args...sux sum ass!!! args......sooooo darnded hot in the stupid t.a.blakelock lab!!! the stupid keyboard is in french ar!!~!! good thing i'm good with my own lab. but why should i bother to like care that people are looking over my shoulder? i'm like posting this on line anyways. sooo funnay.. hm.... a site that we are using on line...keke^^ the most stupidest thing ever......but oh wellz...oakville actually looks preeeeety la...http://www.opas.gr.jp/neyagawa/sankakoku=go/e/e23/e234/e2342.htm.......nice site? hm....i don't think i did it right. but i hope i linked it right? it's actually very pretty if you ask me. keke^^ oakville looks sooo clean!!!! soooo clean ar!!!! and it's soooo polluted here and now.....soooo sai funnay la.....jkekek^^

sighs sighs. hm. humans are cruel. what can you say? people always hurt each other. but even so, people hurt themselves. yes. a thrill. yes val, i was a thief, it was a thrill. i still do it sometimes. sighs sighs. i will not go clubbing with you. sighs sighs. the point is. i just don't like that scene anymore. and my parents sooo will not let me anymore. val, this is an apology you will never read. it's not the fact that i know your mommy more. it's just the type of person i am. i care to understand people. i care to know the people that i hang around with. my parents like my taste in friends. i'm kind of proud. my parents were saying how my friends seem to be more friendly than those of my sister. also, they thought that my friends are very polite and kind. keke^^

i have come to despise everyone. sighs sighs. it's not a phase. i do not like people that are not like me. like me, being those that are cbc's but are proud of their chinese heritage. sighs sighs. i'm hated by white because i'm tooo chinese.....and i'm hated by the chinese because i'm tooo white. well if you really say that. don't ever say i'm i'm too white.....i hate it. i mean, a white person can call me yellow, but don't dare call me white if you are yellow. i will honestly bite your head off. why you may ask...because i will hate you. because you look down on me because i'm more than whatever you can ever be.

sighs sighs. i'm too nice....and in this world, i am constantlybeing used for the way i care for everyone. i don't like to see hurt.....and yes, i want to cheer you up, but if you constantly use me, i know that you do. let's just say, you are not as nice as i am. i have no motive except to be nice. where as yours, you are nice to me because you want help with all your work. but no more. i will not tolerate it anymore. sighs sighs. i think tooo muchie. it's true. my mind is every moving. even in times that i should be resting. i do not. sighs sighs.

i miss you....but why should i miss someone that has no emotions towards me? why should i bother caring for those that don't care for me? but then again, that would just be being selfish. sighs sighs. well i'm going now. l8z l8z

see-dor-ber-ley, ber-ley, ping-gor, chan.....keke^^ it doesn't make much sensie here, but oh wellz....keke^^ soo cute....strawberries, pears, apples and oranges...keke^^

sighs sighs. i just don't understand. sighs sighs. it's not that i don't understand. it's just more of me that i just egh....sighs sighs. i want to see you smile. i want you to be happy. sigh sighs. i want the world for you. but then again, the world isn't for me to give. sighs sighs. some people wish away their lives, and then there are those that just walk it away. they live only once and they waste it thinking that real living is taking drugs and getting high and killing themselves slowly. sighs sighs. the best way and only way in living is well......basically it's living for what you believe in. and then....if you live life by what you believe, you live with meaning. i mean, it's better to live as if there is a GOD than to do everything wrong and then find out that there was one. some people thinkie that i'm strange. but the truth is, i'm just very realistic. i am afraid of speking the truth. but i still do it because i feel that t is the only way to live. i have alot of problems lying even if i needed to. i don't know if that is a good quality or if it's a bad quality. people call me a nark, but seriously, does it matter if i feel good about it? i mean, i don't feel happy when people tease me, but i feel great that i did the right thing. why does self-confidence seemed to be lowered every time i know i'm doing something right? i just don't get it. it doesn't make sense to me. sighs sighs. well i'm going...sighs sighs....

Rain: You are the sound of rain. You have two
important sides. There is your strong, powerful
side and your calm, gentle side. Both are very
important. Rain also reflects a bit of darkness
in your personality. It isn't bad, just shows
that along with the good, you also can see bad,
which can come in handy. (please rate my quiz)


What Sound Are You?(now w/ pics)
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You are guided by water. You are generally calm and
peaceful, but you can be very destructive
without even realizing it.(Rate my test)


What force is your soul?
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Moon Fairy
Please rate my quiz thanks for taking my quiz


Which Fairy are you?(for anyone many out comes)
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img src="http://images.quizilla.com/O/Omnishadow/1075857852_itingangel.jpg" border="0" alt="Waiting">
You are a Waiting angel. You stay inside your
little world waiting for that special someone
to come and take you away. You hope that the
day that your love will come will be soon, and
no one can pick on you for wanting to save
yourself. On the other hand, your hopes
decrease every day that you suffer. Try to hold
on a bit longer...


What Different Kind of Angel are you...? ( Anime-ish pics )
brought to you by Quizilla

Dark shadow. Something has drawn you into darkness
in the past, and you're now trying to get out
of it. The darkness is already inside you, and
getting it out will be hard, but if you try,
maybe one day you can be who you want to be
again. Don't give in!!!

Please rate ^^


What kind of dark person are you?
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Your Kagome! you like to hang out with your friends
and are always the first person to volunteer to
show a new student around, you are kind and
giving and enjoy having a occasional sleep-over
with the girls!


What Inuyasha Character are you?
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Apathy, well I can say your lucky, in some ways.
You see Apathy is no emotion, basically you
don't care. But that does not make you a bad
person. Some of my friends are apathetic and I
love them, but it wouldn't hurt to care a
little more. Trust me life hurts, most people
who are apathetic do it cause they were hurt.
But don't worry, life is pain, its also
pleasure. Good luck. (please vote)


What Emotion Dominates you?
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Congratulations!! You're a tall glass of nice cold
beer!


What Drink Are You?
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in my eyes i see you as mysterious and strange alot
of people wish they could know you better and
you are probably an artist? i really wish there
were more people like you out there..i really
do. (rate?)


in my eyes you are...(pics and different outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

A GIRLY-GIRL. You dont have a lot of self-esteem
and people are always bringing you down for
being sad. What do they know, anyway? You feel
like youre too mature for your age and are
frustrated by the trend-followers who refuse to
accept you because youre not like them.
Your virtues: Intelligence, understanding nature,
modesty.
Your flaws: Lack of social life, inferiority
complex, timidity..




What kind of girl are you?
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dependent


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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You represent... happiness.
Boy, are you full of cheer or what...? You have a
sunny disposition and enjoy trying to spread
your happiness. You have a tendency to be a
little hyper, but you have the ability to make
your own fun no matter what.


What feeling do you represent?
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Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the
clouds."


What type of eyes do you have?
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Your Heart is Red


What Color is Your Heart?
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src="http://images.quizilla.com/J/jonester/1070930611_CMyDocumentsSKITTLES.jpg" border="0" alt="ski">
You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.


Which kind of candy are you?
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You should be dating a Leo.
23 July - 22 August
This mate is honest and loyal, with a sunny
disposition. Though this lion has the tendency
to be arrogant, sulky or smug, he/she is
unrestrained in bed.


What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
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You are Mohair.
You are a warm and fuzzy type who works well with
others, doing your share without being too
weighty. You can be stubborn and absolutely
refuse to change your position once it is set,
but that's okay since you are good at covering
up your mistakes.


What kind of yarn are you?
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What color are you? (Anime Pictures)
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Love. You Truly Desire Love. You long for someone
to hold you and take the pain away. You haven't
been in much relationships or you need to work
on how to handle them. You always seem lost in
a daydream about the person you care about
most.

PLEASE RATE


What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
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Sandals- peaceful, daydreamy, and thoughtful, you
often find yourself staring into space. When
you aren't out volunteering you are often just
dreaming away. You enjoy the company of
friends sometimes but enjoy peace and quiet.
[please vote! thank you! :)]


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
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Suicide! (and you know it, so... dont u have
something to do?)


Choose your Dramatic Death (Now w/pics!!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
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Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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congratulations. you are the "you smell like
butt" bunny. your brutally honest and
always say whats on your mind.


which happy bunny are you?
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You're just the happy go-lucky type. You might have
your pet peeves, but other than that, you're
mainly calm. Blending in with your
surroundings, you're the type of person who
everyone likes. Usually it's you who cracks
jokes at social gatherings - after all,
laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes you
pretend to be stupid, but in all actuality, you
could be the next Einstein.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the blue moonlight. You are peaceful and
serene, kind and loving. Your heart never
stears you wrong. You let out uncertainess with
tears, and you let out fear with light. The
blue light means distance. You are afraid to
get to close to people. You have been betrayed
once before and can't do it again. Your dream
job could consist of a counsler or a traveler.
You love humanity and lonliness. You will have
love in your life and will never pass by
unnoticed. Your beauty attracts many, but your
personality is rare. The uniqness in your mind
will always separate you. You can always find
yourself lingering near the ocean, thinking
about life. Your head seems to be up in the
clouds, though you body is down on Earth. You
change and each time come back a better person.
The blue moonlight will always guide to safety
in the darkest hour.


What shade of moonlight are you? (Boys or Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
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Peaceful Angel
Please rate this quiz I worked really hard on the
pics and everything thanks and I hope that you
have had fun



NEW!! Which Angel are you?(pics for anyone/14 outcomes!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

let's just say this. people are jealous because of me. but sighs sighs. i don't knowmy english isn't that great.

hm. rarely does anyoneupdate their thoughts. oh wellz. no big deals....

hm. makes me happy. but i'm still upset.......

args....nose bleeding. args args. oh wellz. sighs sighs. don't know what to do......sighs sighs...

args, this makes me frustrated. sighs sighs. no one listens to me. no one ever does. hm. and then thoughts of what winston said to me, makes me cry over and over again. no one listens to me because no one cares. yeah, that's the truth. i treat myself special because i feel that i am. sighs sighs. i don't know what to say.

i live two separate lives. one during the day, and one during the night. it's confusing. so very confusing. during the day, i seem to be as happy as ever. and then well, during the night....a night where i'm upset. sighs sighs. tired. hm. went shopping for groceries today. keke^^ great fun. keke^^ yupz yupz.

can't say i'm loving life to the fullest, but i love it still. what i've done i cannot regret. i'll smile.......

just because outta the decency of my heart i help, but everyone misunderstands my good intentions. i have no motive except a good heart. sighs sighs. in this world, people only understand cruelty. they only long for sensitivity and kindness never being able to attain the state because they live their lives being cruel at all times. i'm no different, but i'm just stating it for myself so the truth hits in. i want others to understand that i'm not the girl of all smiles. my thoughts torment me, only because i allow them to torment. but know what, just because i'm fragile doesn' t mean i'll allow myself to be broken by you.

in less then a week, i've lost 7 to 8 pounds......i've lost all my appetite to eat anything now days. i no longer smile inside. my heart breaks over and over again like the fragile icicle that dangles from the rooftop. sighs sighs. i could die any moment, yet life keeps me alive for better purposes. a purpose which i do not see for myself. for man will always be blind to what is to come, but every be aware of that of the past. yeah, history always repeats itself, i've seen it more than once....gotsta go now...l8z l8z...sighs sighs....

yeah, everyone asks me what i'm doing this valentine's day. and each and everytime, i say that i don't know and i ain't doing anything. everyone seems sooo shocked. but would people be shocked if i did tell them i was doing something? i suppose they would too. but does it really matter what they think and say and care? the truth is, it doesn't really matter. but i don't know. it seems like i think about everything. and it seems like i never find enjoyment in anything. yeah, the truth is, i'm one of those tooo detailed type of people. if you notice, my house, wherever i've been, there'll be a great big mess. you can call me lazy, and you can call me a dirty pig, but the truth is, i like it that way. i honestly can't help it. i mean, i've hated the perfectly clean, but i don't like to tolerate it at someone else's house. am i being hypcritical? yes, i can say i am. but don't you dare say i am. sighs sighs. i'm very stubborn, and i'm easily angered. maybe i will never find love because i can never understand it. the truth is....that is the truth. love is one of those things that well....GOD is and altogether, that is just something i am not. sighs sighs. i'm not a good person, but i'm not a bad person, i am just satisfactory. hm. you can see i'm near breakdown again. writing soo many thoughts at this hour. you've heard it once, and you've heard it twice. i'm worry, but do you have a problem? what runs through my mind is mine, not urs.

i hate this, my parents are sooo hypocritical, but then again, everyone is. but they always say to deal with my conflicts at face value. never step down unless you are sure that it's GOD's will for you not to care. but i see in every conflict that arouses in thier lives, they never take the time to defend themselves. yet i admire my parents beyond belief. at sooo many times in life, i never listen to them, thinking that i know what they heck they are saying, the truth, i do, but it doesn't mean that i shouldn't listen. they always listen to me as if it's the first time they've heard me speak intelligent words. sighs.

i miss my sister, but then again, my sister and i always fight. we don't really get along. we are totally different people with completely different values and outlooks in life. my sister graduated with good marks outta hs...and me on the other hand....so far only maintaining a low 80 average.....but yet, i'm happy my mother doesn't compare me to my sister. she has always seen that i'm very different from her. and thinking about this, it makes me cry sooo much. i don't understand why, but i can try to understand why. my sister is my mother, only in a figure that resembles more of my dad. and me, i'm the one that resembles her but has the mind of my father. it's funnay, but it's sad. i don't have the work ethic. i don't have the motivation. and no, it's not a typical teen thing. i've lived like this all my life since the very beginning of my first memory.

sighs. it's so hard to know you, because you just never allow me to understand. everytime i come near, all you do is just push me away, but you still give me the look and feel that you still need me. i greet you with open arms and a warm heart with smiles. but yet, you just walk away leaving me to stare blankly into the place you once were. no, i'm not heartbroken, it's worst. i'm confused beyond the state of confusion. i'm depressed beyond the state of depression. i'm full to the point that i'm almost empty. contriditory. i am human too. i'm glad you are my friend, even though....time and time again, you leave me in the rain. it is better to be alone then with many people sometimes. but yet again, being in big crowds, i still remain feeling empty and alone. i feel as if no one cares even though i know they do. i'm the worst sort of person. i'm wrong to every right. i only want what i can't have. and when i have what i wanted, i no longer find a need for it. sighs sighs. i'm the one that has lots of trash. i'm the one that never sees the treasure. i am the one that no longer wants to see or understand. you say i'm long aired. you say you've heard my words over and over again. does it truly matter? if you never heard what you heard once, don't you forget? if you know my words so well, does that mean you know me well? i'm confused.

it's that time of year again. it's a little while before option sheets come out. and for me, there is no course that i want to take. everyone is having difficulties and is very racking their minds in making decisions that may or may not effect their future. sighs sighs. see, nothing seems sooo simple for me,

hm. sick and tired. args. literally, i am loosing my voice. but i'm learning to shut up. i am really trying hard to be that little girl that no one notices. but what i notice is that the harder i try not to be noticed, the more i am noticed for what i am not. sighs sighs. sitting in a corner....and cold and not lonely. good or bad? i say good.....but at this present moment, bad. i know how it feels to be scorned as what you are not, but being hated for what you are is another thing.

grace is a touch of truth. it is a touch of faith. you either learn to accept it or just learn to live with it.

sighs sighs. i feel sooo sick. args args. total migrain!!!! args args. why why?!?!? args args!!! ah!!! can't breathe!!! heart pumping tooo fast. my head hurts tooo muchie to sleep. sighs sighs. args.....i can't lie down because then it hurts more to sleep. args args. i thought my i would feel better after i ate, but i have indigestion problems. args. i cannot drink milk, and i cannot drink coffee. args args. feel sickly. args args. gonna sleep soon. sighs sighs.

my head hurts..,....i can't even bother to think at this present moment. hm...

i feel as if i'm distanting myself from everyone. this sux sooo bad. sighs sighs. i'm gonna go now...and if i come bak...it's cause i'm feeling a bit betta....and if i don't come back.....it's cause i feel too sick....args args.....

finally, for once...feeling happy....and for once, life seems simple again....

gonna take night course....

args....need help for physics...

hm...hey ya.....shake it....shake it like a polaroid picture!!!!!

keke^^
don't ask....

hm......i no longer update on a regularily....whack...

hm....waiting till 8. gonna go call bessie. keke^^ my lil cbc friend that's sooo cute when she tries to speak cantonese...keke^^ soooo cutez....keke^^ yupz yupz......