stupid pc

hm....how fun aye? well i'm sitting in front of the pc and watching tv and studying at the same time. really only have one more to study for. and i'm pretty much done my study sheets. just need to waste some ink and print it out now.

oh....my freeking viro scan just won't scan...freeaking aye....hell no....

grrrr....gotsta go and fix and reformat pc again=.=

how fun=.=

args....

wha....

hm.....i smell like burnig....grrrr.....

stupid microwave...burning everything that's only been put in for 2 mins=.=

args args....grrrr....

ate nothing for din din. thinking to keep it that way because there ain't n e thing better to eat. hm....think of gowing to pmall tomorro with daddy? n e one wanna join? sighs sighs....whateva.....booo

no plans for meh...just sitting at home and studying...that's what i gotta do...but not today.....way tooo lazy....really don't wanna study yet....

studying....

been studying all day.....since yesterday....and now today.....sooo very very tired...sighs sighs.....so very very "statue like". gotsta start doing some studying for society......since all i've been doing is studying for calc....i'm more concerned about calc really...since i could pull out examples throughout the course easily and think on the spot...whereas calc....i'll haveta do calculations and i always suck at that. sooo sad really....

hope to make it to university.....praying that i'll pass all of my courses with at least high 70's....sighs sighs....

but i know that won't happen unless my calc exam i get at least a 90.....sighs sighs.....

knowing me and my bad math skills, i'm gonna do horribly...sighs sighs...

common cold

children get sick 6-8 times during a sickness prone season.....and adults...1-2....how we sooo lucky aye?

and so i kinda figured it out....

i can update 10 times here......5 times on xanga.....however many i want on lj, but i think i set it to ten?....and 5 on msn. so yeah.....first choice....msn, blogger, lj, xanga.

i mean, i like reading other people's xanga, but mine is just soo uninteresting because it's pure black. and same with this blog. but this was the original one that was black...and that's why i like it....keke^^:D:P xanga...hm.....reminds me i haven't updated lately.....

maybe i should....what is there to update? hm.....school? yes...school....

moving...

oh you know what? i think i found a new place that i enjoy alot better. oh man, i feel bad for neglecting my blog because i'm using that msn space and not updating here. aww....my poor blog is gonna be sooo mad at me:'(

booo....

i know, i talk as if my blog is alive, but to me....it kinda is alive to me. it contains all my memories and thoughts...and so in a way, it grows into an image of me. it will never be exactly who i am because i hide alot or i try to filter out alot of what to say and what not to say....so yeah.

if i don't update here muchie n e more....you'll probably find me here: http://spaces.msn.com/members/sabbygurl

so yeah....meh....

not that it would make a difference. most people don't come and read my thoughts, but one a day besides myself is good enough for me. i mean, i still may not matter to the world or to n e one that does read my thoughts....but.....hey....it's all good.

posting up thoughts isn't for everyone to read. but it could be for certain people.

hm...calc exam...on friday....how fun.....

ewww....oodles...

hm....korean oodles are yummy yummy.

dunno, but lately, i really like to eat hot spicy things. even though i'm really sorta allergic to it. you see....whenever chili oil like touches my lips...at least chili oil in large quantities n e ways, my lips kinda egh....swell? yeah...i think that's how to describe it. but i dunno....think i ate too muchie and i'm about to like just regurgitate everything that i ate....and since the oodles were the last thing i ate....those would come back first....ew....

but i'm just gonna drink tons and tons of water to wash it all down....at least some water to get the taste outta my mouth n e ways.

hm...after exams....some chill day with val, even though sabby saving funds....only has 10 dollars left after 5 dollars for bbt yesterday....and that's all i spent even though i was super tempted to buy candy while shopping with mari at "sun hing" muhahaha.

oh yes oh yes..."oh please mister, can't you drive faster? i'm wearing really heavy shoes."

keke^^:D:P great...

oh fun...

i found a new site that may become my future fave....keke^^:D:P i dunno.....maybe it's time to find a new fave....but this is my original.....maybe it's a thrill because it's all still new to me...yeah, that's probably it....

new site...

oh...so i have a new site again....

here...

http://spaces.msn.com/members/sabbygurl/

there you all go

at the present moment...

and so basically.....at the present moment.....this quiz is totally correct.....but later on...it won't be so....but whatever...

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (42%) moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Orderliness (65%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun. Extraversion (57%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

args...

i just found out i don't have enough u courses to go into university...shit...my stupid mistake....

web cam...

want a web cam.....sighs sighs...

dunno...just want one considering that my parents won't be getting a digital camera n e time soon
so yeah...

so it's br tomorrow. yeah yeah. dun ask.....with mari. keke^^:D:P how fun....

desparate housewives..

- sometimes, in order to do the right thing, we must do what we really do not want.
- to do a little maturing, it sometimes requires the taking of a huge leap sometimes.
oh....so far....i like this one...

"yeah, i am kinda sweet aren't i? well it's a little bit of sweet and just mainly that i'm middle aged."
^laugh my ass off laughing!!!

don't ask....i don't normally watch desparate housewives...it's because i was flipping the channel when i heard i'm a little bit sweet and mainly just middle aged. and that made me laugh sooo hard because i found it true and funny on sooo many levels.

keke^^:D:P back to studying...keke^^:D:P

args...

my internet connection some how seems a tad bit messed up at home. maybe it's my cookie setting or sumthing because nothing loads properly if at all. grrr=.= stupid sister messing up my pc once again. she messed up my internet server thingy yesterday....and i hadda like fix that. i mean....didn't take tooo long, just a hastle to find the cd to reinstall the whole thing cause she deleted like some sort of file=.=

how smart? :P yupz yupz...

fingers frozen. craving a sub from subway....but...gotsta save up money for shane's b-day party.....

was gonna talk to him on saturday when he logged on...but at that same moment that he logged on...mommy called me to lunch=.= so i didn't end up talking to him about his plans....now i'm waiting to talk to him again.....since i'm studying most of the time, i don't know when i'll actually see him on line.....grrr.....

fingers frozen....stupid heat.....hadda fill up gas today...hey....at 8.19, 10 dollars gave me half a tank!!!! but then again, i still had like 1/5 of the gas left....so all in all...it was very little because i remember once that the gas was touching empty and i filled up 20 dollars and that gave me a whole tank. so yeah.....10 dollars does no justice...

grrr....craving a sub sooo bad.....i'm a subway sub addict....ewww....and there's always that problem of food poisoning because it's just stuff sitting out on the counter like that. it's breeding ground for bacteria.

one semester almost over.....one more to go...yeah yeah....

oh, my back...

shit shit......i dunno if it's that i slept funny or whatever.......but....my back, mainly my neck area hurts like shit. no....it's not sleeping funny. i woke up perfectly fine....and then when i went into the car....my back like went crack...and it started hurting. crap man...not before exams. i don't take injury well. args...
i'm in total pain. sighs sighs. need to sleep some more. gotsta study some calc again...doing logs and whatever...and i still don't remember how to do it....so yeah.....

l8a l8a.....freezing cold in da basement....gotsta drive and go out at like 8:50ish or 9:ish.....stupid stupid gas. my mother never fills up the gas. gas prices are gonna be stinking expensive. i'm only gonna fill it up with 10 dollars?.....but 10 stinking dollars ain't gonna get me going n e where. grrr.....

hm....gotsta go studying for an hour now...l8a l8a....

exams...

oh....need to drink more water....gotsta drink more water....

yupz yupz...

side part...no makeup tomorrow. don't feel like loading on the eyeliner....unless i have massive swollen eyes then maybe.....

changed shampoos.....don't even know which one i use now...it totally feels totally greasey....ewww...ewww...ewww...

oh wellz...not tooo bad i suppose....at least it's "conditioned" all that crap in my hair....gonna get split ends soon...everytime i use this shampoo i get massive split ends like mad. oh wellz..

i sound like a superficial bitch sighs sighs....

dunno.....no longer like the attitude of my sister n e more. the only person that sounds important to her is her boyfriend. she can't even stand spending time with hef family....or maybe it's not even that. she makes herself sound sooo selfish. i suppose i sound like that and i shouldn't say stuff like that. but she only complains about coming home and is unable to do hmwk. and then when we drive her to her dorm she's practically kicking us out because SHE wants to go swimming at 3. what the hey. and then she's like....i couldn't finish my work because i was hoping that i wouldn't have to go to church with you people. holy crap.....she doesn't even consider how much time it takes to drive from church and then home and then head back in the same direction as church again.....

dunno.....hope i won't sound the same way she does in person....

poker

keke^^:D:P celebrity poker....oh how fun how fun....

dunno....ain't playing texas holdem.....but....still poker none the less. keke^^:D:P funnay funnay.

they are all like actors and atresses....and you can't really know if they are bluffing or not.....keke^^:D:P but you can see their cards so it's all good...

hm.....want to dye my hair....but my parents would freak....so i'll do it for grad....that is if i go....probably not. not my place to go. all those people from school that i wouldn't wanna see. dunno....

hm....need to drink more water.....

need to study...oh how fun....

Bang Bang, I shot you down.

I was 5 and he was 6
We rode on horses made of sticks
He wore black and i wore white
He would always win the fight

Bang bang he shot me down
Bang bang i hit the ground
Bang bang that awful sound
Bang bang my baby shot me down

Seasons came and changed the time
When i grew up i called him mine
He would always laugh and say
Rememeber when we used to play

Bang bang i shot you down
Bang bang you hit the ground
Bang bang that awful sound
Bang bang i used to shoot you down

Music played and people sang
Just for me the church bells rang

Now hes gone i dont know why
Until this day sometimes i cry
He forgot to say goodbye
He didnt take the time to lie

Bang bang he shot me down
Bang bang i hit the ground
Bang bang that awful sound
Bang bang my baby shot me down

gotsta study now...

and so it is...exams are in the air. ain't really stressing cause i know i'm gonna fail someway or another for my exams..sighs sighs...forgot to bring my society book home...so i'll study from my notes and add my text book stuff in later for my notes....

it's weird...most classes have exams as what they've done over the year, but in carroll's class.....it's doing everything we've never done before....i mean....we have....just not that in deapth...

shit...someone's talking behind my back.....7 sneezes in a row.....must be something bad....chinese superstition...is most likely not true....just funny to state....

think of moving to new domain.....tooo many unpleasant ideas are brought along with this account....but memories aren't just something i can erase....i'll probably just become another person with another number....sounds fair enough....

personality test

You Have A Type A- Personality

A- You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

@ u of guelph

oh oh oh......how fun. so my sister says she'd be back in her dorm by 5ish. and then when she does come back to her dorm...which is to say she was like 45 mins late....she says, cat and jeremy are here and they are rarely ever here. so they were going out to eat....so that's fun isn't it aye? well then of course we'd tell her to go with her friends because she does rarely see cat and jeremy so yeah......now i'm back....after three hours of walking in a mall...with my large giganto heals.....my feet hurt....one extra pair of jeans after trying on 30 mins of 4 pairs of jeans.....and a cordless phone for my room!!!! yeah yeah....great great great....so fun!!!!

it's gonna be awfully lonely in my house when i'm gone....my parents would only have themselves...and knowing my mom, she'd probably work more just to fill that void. sighs sighs. it's rather sad to see that their lives revolved around us so much. it hurts me to see that they are having a difficutly letting us do our own thing. but i think that that's how it would be for any loving parent.

i dunno...was talking to my daddy about whether or not i'd survive campus life. and he's like..."you'd adjust quicker than your sister with or without friends." and i was like, why would you say that? and he's like, "well you've always been one of those seem to be like brick walls....even though it's killing you on the inside types of people." so there it goes...i even seem to be like a brick wall most of the time....it's just an appearance and we all know that you can't ever judge a book by it's cover. so yeah...meh.....

ewwww....stepped in a puddle when i was taking my shoes off to go into my sisters room.....ewwww....now they are wet...=.=

got'cha

muhahaha....i am not in assassin.....but it's the greatest and funniest thing ever. most of the senior year is all paranoid about being alone....

their tactics when they are alone is to like blast their music up very very very high....sooo funnay really.....

oh wells....

luckily, i ain't playing....watching this game is enough for me....

and then when it comes to other games....am i always the watcher and never the participater? meh....maybe that's just how i like things.....watching them, so that if the occurance ever happens to occur in my life, i would be somewhat more ready than the next....

*shrugs*

meh....

exam time exam time!!!! you can smell all the stress and paranoia in the air!!! muhaha....think i need to do some window shopping....=.=

i suppose that's just how i get my stress out....by walking....and thinking....and laughing my ass off....dunno....

it would be great to joke around all the time so i'd laugh alot....but then again.....won't that act just get old? hm....

darnded fingers......frostbitten after driving 7 mins or less to school....hadda take like around 5 mins to defrost my fingers>.<

oh how evil....cold air is evil evil evil....

wow.....i repeat the things i say alot...

man....everyone's life is move on with or without me....i'm slowly fading out of the picture in everyone's life.....can't say i'm proud or satisfied, cause i'm not. because being alone isn't the way i want to be....but it seems like i've done a very good job of that trying to hide myself away from everyone. meh....maybe to be seen it's better to stay unseen that you can make a grander entrance later on in life? total bs....but well let's just say it's comfort? XPXP

gotsta shed some fat=.= i mean.....ideally most people think that being 120 would be the best weight....my body fat is like 21.6%....the same as when i calculated it for myself in calc class...

matt oh already got accepted to ut....but at the sc campus for health sciences.....can't spell that city>.< oh wellz.....sighs.....i'm praying that people accept me into uni....

gotsta raise my calc mark up by like a few precent...but i already fluncked the last test...... hope i don't fail my exam too *cries*

it seems that i type alot more when i'm at school....meh...

ewwww....getting fat...

need to go to gym!!!! ewwww....need to go!!!!!

but i can't....need to study for freaking exams....

stupid stupid stress levels rising.....grrr

yesterday writing that test almost caused me a heart attack......started breathing funny....i think i was because i was breathing funny that i started to feel like my heart rate was going up.....

grrrr....will never drink tea at 10 at night......i couldn't sleeep....evil.....

gonna fail my rat today and monday....

doing nothing in family diversity....think i'll get attendance and just sleepXDXD

decided...

so...we have decided not tooo move. so yes, therefore i have more freedom and less cash issues within my family. one major cause of family friction, financials.

it is decided that when winter is over...we are buying a new car because my hyundai just ain't safe to drive. haven't decided which car yet...tooo lazy to look at cars because the weather is way tooo cold!!! brrrr. but it's all good....when we go take the cars out.....i'll get to do some test driving!!! yeah yeah!!! me test driving= yaya and fun fun:P but i doubt that i'd be able to do some test driving cause i don't have my full g liscence.....*tears*

so.....i was gonna go back to hk next summer.....but that just ain't happening...cause i won't be 18 yet....so i haveta wait two yearsXD. i dunno...hk just ain't my place.....i fit in more with people of my own skin colour....but..... yet, i'll be the fob of hk when i go back. dunno.... doesn't matter....i will always feel like i belong no where and everywhere.....dunno....

yaya

bought books for the right person. i guess my gut feeling finally did pay up. yeah yeah. well originally i was saying that i'd buy these french books my friend was selling because i know if i bought it my sister would eventually read them. so yeah, i bought them. and instead of saying she didn't want them after i bought them, she says....sure....sounds interesting....love to start a french collection of books for myself. keke^^:D:P

but n e whoo...sabby hasta clean out her own book shelf. maybe in the summer. i have like way tooo many books. you see....i hadda double/triple stack my books. like i have two shelves. the lower one is for paper backs....and the top one is for hard covers. the bottom shelf is like triple stacked. there's the back layer of books...and then there's a front layer...and then there are books stacked on top of those ones....cause well let's just say i have way tooo many hardcover books too.=.=

oh, sound sooo nerdy.....but....i think i'm gonna move my books onto another shelf.....

sleepy eyed

oh booo whoo....sabina had to drive daddy to work.....hadda wake up early....and then fell back asleep.....now i'm super tired......grrrr

need to catch up on my z's later.....maybe after when i come home from school....

but i doubt that will happen....gotsta do like some rat prep for tomorrow's calc rich assessment task. sighs sighs.....

stupid bloody rat....=.=

you can stare at the world with wide eyes and still not understand it

yes, you can stare at the world with wide eyes and still neversee what you have missed all these years.

you can try to listen, feel, and maybe possibly smell everything and still miss every little detail in between.

the world is moving quickly, and so are the people in it. oh....when you look at people these days, pc's have higher speed interent. pc have higher capacity memory and higher speed. cars have better acceleration, better engines that allow that vrooom vroom to be super speedy. but in the end what does this cause? most people such as teenagers die in car accidents. car accidents are one of the major causes for teen deaths....i think suicide and smoking are in this.....but still....

speed on a healthy level does well, but does it always? probably not.

don't ever complain to me that my driving is bad. don't complain my driving is too slow. don't complain to me that i don't drive safe....because if so.....don't ever come near my car or ask me for a ride. there's time to improve...always....

yupz yupz.....dunno....whatever...

normal ramblings of the mind.....too much crap to spit out.....haven't talked to many people lately...meh...no big deal...it's alright i suppose....

no hate...no hate.....

天地驕陽

一個 太陽 天際 地上幫你去找尋找不到的理想
閃爍 漂亮 主角快登場 一身金光的你今天應該領獎

來自奧地利來自智利 來自香巷地同樣明媚
來自香港地同樣嬌媚 彼此都曬出一塊里程碑

讓我去熱烈地演譯 怎去曬到最出色
你要我出擊 世界要見識 凡被太陽
撫摸過的都得到原色讓我去熱烈地演譯
這個永遠老相識 一身膚色 只因我最賣力
在天與地任我演譯 火舞魅力
(退我本色 忘我出力 熱最刺激 熱到終點)

只要 向上 壯敬 自強不信 有光明竟找不到理想
天闊 路長 相信 那驕陽花火一般的你怎會用冷霜

汽車酒店

橫越亞洲　跟你逃走
今個站　巴西可以去看足球
橫越美洲　大雪很厚
先暢遊　花都點客法國蝸牛

入夜了怎算　找間經濟汽車酒店
關起燈　抱住你好暖
傾天光　都也不倦

橫豎過十年　還未到中年
我要浪漫地活　未來他朝先算
陪住你十年　流浪夠四千天
真的玩夠了　我識得收手
歸家去睡眠

橫越亞洲　跟你逃走
經過倫敦　請跟我去看鐘樓
橫越澳洲　後勁不夠
先至回家當主婦也算風流

落大雨怎算　找間經濟汽車酒店
濕恤衫　對著那風扇
吹一天　煮個杯麵

＊期限有十年　能共你痴纏
　再去盡力學做　別人普通家眷
　還未坐定前　同伴尚有得選
　今天不百厭　怕青春苦短
　一轉眼就完＊

REPEAT＊

another stupid song on my list none the less.....just got bored...felt like searching for something and posting....so yeah...XP

last cry

*though it seemed like love was our destiny, you could never love me the way i wanted you to. i shed my last tear with you. i cried my last cry with you. i'm saying good bye to you. after all we've been through.*

dunno....just listening to some songs....egh....it's not my peice of work....and i actually don't know the actual person who wrote the song, but the songs called last cry.....that's all i know.

dunno....

sad songs make a soul more sad? nah nah, listening to music like this, it makes me smile and see that i've gotten over that stage of the importance of being with someone. gotten over the stage and trauma of me being single.

things don't always work my way. most times it does because i use all my energy to MAKE it that way.

putting a face on to hide your sadness was something i taught. but yet coming from me it's a hypocritical statement. because i will always be one of those sensitive people that will always show the disappointment, sadness, anger, hate, my every every emotion on my face whether or not people want to see it or not. it's my life, "meen hai oi dui" or basically, "face is what i loose/ruin/fuck over." but you know what? if a human were to live behind a "face" then what are you then? you are JUST ANOTHER FACE in the whole world of many! dunno....i mean, good people, bad people, the innocent, the guilty, everyone hides behind a face or whatever. but i mean, yes, sometimes, to be someone that sticks out of the crowd you must be someone who conforms with the crowd, but sometimes radical ideas are original, different and unique.

meh...whateve....

i'm luvin it

oh mickeydee's? keke^^:D:P haven't eaten that stuff since like egh....last year? kinda craving a fish fillet. i finally understand why i can be super stuffed and like two hours later i'm super hungry again. it's stupid stupid suga....but hey....it tastes good while it lasts.

meh....i'm not that weight conscious. i'm more like calorie conscious. i try to maintain a 2000 calorie per day diet. that is unless i do alot of exercise and need to eat more...then i'd eat some protein to help restore my muscle. but that's bout it. meh....

dunno......

it's funnay really......

tired...

practice safe lunch, use a condiment.....kekek^^:D:P funnay funnay!!!!

and so i'm tired.....must finish my applicant background summary form though. sighs sighs. but i'll do it after i've slept and waken up.....grrr....

i pretend to be my mother writing documents.....sooo illigal....only if her english were better. sighs sighs....

meh=tire tired....

ABS form

yupz yupz....wilfrid laurier has sent me news letters. finally...after like sooo long they finally tell me that i've been acknowledged as an applicant=.=. holy crap...

man....i don't know how to answer all these questions...they ask me what my greatest acheivement was......i really don't know this answer....i think i'm gonna say shaving my head.... dunno....nothing else that i've done really caused great like stuff.....i mean.....i rather kinda lost my identity with the world after shaving my head, and then was like....what the heck? it's just hair....and all this and whatnot....

meh.....dunno what to write...dunno what to write....grrr

wanting to sleep

tired tired tired....but....day one tomorrow...and only two classes...yeah yeah..

sooo funnay, on line chit chatting with university students....but i'm not in university...but my mother is registered for this course.....oh how fun being someone else that i am not. keke^^:D:P

i sound like an idiot though...everyone can talk on topic...and there's nothing for me to talk about because there just isn't n e thing my mother wants to know....oi....

well reading the second summer of the sisterhood.....the third book is gonna be coming out....think i'll tell my mother to buy that one too. keke^^:D:P since when shopping at price club...now known as cosco i save like 5 bucks on that book....like when you buy it from coles...it's like what? 13 dollars or so? i bought it for 7ish.....


sooo funnay...you can tell who are the more professional people that are just trying to educate themselves something outside their career....and those that are 20 sum odds....sooo funnay....

books...

oh...dunno.....if i ever become rich....i wanna be a person that can own their own extensive library. if n e of you remember belle in beauty in the beast??? where she's on that ladder and she's sliding from side to side on it? i want books to fill all those shelves.....maybe not the ladders because that would mean i wouldn't read most of those books for extensive periods of time....but still....

i wonder if i could get my mother to buy books for me? nah....it's my excursion to spend money on books.....

i am not a nerd for wanting to buy books....so you know what??? grrrr to you too...keke^^:D:P

funnay

oh my goodness....my mother after sooo long says...you know sabina, d/ling music is totally illegal....keke^^:D:P that's just great.....even i know that!!!! keke^^:D:P i knew that ever since i had my own pc, my own internet, my own everything.....sooo great....sooo funnay....keke^^:D:P

dunno....just a funny thought....and tells you how behind my motha is.....oh wellz...it's a great shot to get me to talk to her about my life...keke^^:D:P sooo great....

happy

well oh that's great....my parents forget their wallet....and so what happens??? i have no money left because we hadda go and fill in on gas....and used what??? 20 dollars...

and went to rona to buy something.....and this was when my daddy figures he forgot his wallet and liscence....args....plus, my mother never brings hers...so yeah...grrr...

so i busted 40 dollars...left with that 5 dollar bill that i swore i would never use unless in like super severe situations.....

grrrr...there goes my whole budgetting scheme.....=.=

GREEN DAY - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Stabilo- One more pill

Said you wanna be, said you wanna be a wife
maybe then you'd see, maybe then live my life.
I'll find my way home,
there's no need for you to say you love me anymore.
I'll face the facts, It's not my will to bleed and I won't keep score.
Said you like the taste, the taste of my tongue.
Please forget this face of mine and I'll forget this space in time.

I said goodbye too many times to be fallen at your door.
I've walked away so far away,
and still I'll walk some more.
For the times you saw me crying, I tried but I was lying.
This pain's for me it stains me.
I'd feel your skin I've tried to melt into your skin.
And I did, you let me in.
I failed I fell down,
I fell on my face.

One for the money, two for the show.
Three to pick me off my feet and four I'll hit the floor.
I took the pill that caused the chill to ease the pain. Could I refrain?
Please one more pill.

Said you wanna take, said you wanna take my time.
Maybe then you'd see, maybe then make my mind.

So speak but close your eyes,
and feel the blood rush.
Lay so still or scream until this dance has slowed down to a heartbeat,
and sweat falls cold.
I felt you skin I've tried to melt into your skin.
And I did, you let me sin.
I failed, I fell down, I fell on my face.

One for the money, two for the show.
Three to pick me off my feet and four I'll hit the floor.
I took the pill that caused the chill to ease the pain. Could I refrain?
Please one more pill.
Said you wanna take, said you wanna take my time.
Maybe then you'd see, maybe then make my mind.

I'm gonna make, I'm gonna break, I'm gonna take a little time for me.
I'm gonna sing out loud, I'm gonna say I'm proud, I'm gonna walk on water.
Walk right talk right back to me
Its not a matter of the crime, its not a matter of the time it takes to realize you're a star,
and I can't meet you where you are.

One for the money, two for the show.
Three to pick me off my feet and four I'll hit the floor.
I took the pill that caused the chill,
To ease the pain. Could I refrain?
Please one more pill.

Jet- Look What You've Done

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

a better place....

dunno.....weird.....both my parents left for work....and my mommy didn't even bother to tell me that she was working. oh wellz. no biggie. well going to jacky's today....since i haven't seen her since like summer of last year. so yeah. was gonna go at christmas, then plans got messed up....was gonna go a day after new years....but she had family stuff....so i didn't see her on the christmas break. meh....

keke^^:D:P

well....i'm tired.....i'll be going to her house after like 4:30...so maybe round five? yeah...probably round five. dunno......

studying.....but really have nothing much to study for because well i have my study notes and i still remember most of it....the trouble...only calc.

hm.....dunno....i'm happy....very happy....dunno...maybe it's my sleeping too muchie? dunno...

haven't seen alot of people....well i saw tommy and like bri on boxing day...so yeah...meh....but i didn't actually chill with bri...sighs...

next semester will be better....more normal n e ways. but then again...i'd get the car more often when i ask because it would be summer. so it's all good

i got crap spares...but then as i said...at least it's more normal...so yeah...all good....

loving highschool even though it stresses me alot...but then again, everything can be stressful. so yupz yupz......

shopping...

oh wowwie.....shopping with mommy and shopping without mommy with her card....i feel rather bad...but still....how fun....but i won't mistuse that trust. it just isn't right. well i did buy three things that i wasn't suppose to.....and well all that added to like 10ish dollars....and then there was 7 dollars worth of sumthing...and oh crap...that means i spent like 29ish dollars close to like 30 dollars....eww eww eww....oh no oh no....

and my mommy bought me like two books. yeah yeah...keke^^:D:P i know this sounds stupid...but i'm still waiting for my mommy to buy those robert munsch books. you haveta understand that as a kid i never was able to buy books like that. i mean, that's no excuse for buying kiddy books. but i mean, as a kid, i loved those books, and you all know the feeling of loving something soo muchie and wanting and having it is the only way to keep you sane? that's the feeling i have every time i come to his book collection.

yupz yupz.....got the 100 years collection of dr. suess...another kid's stuff...tooo bad....my fave dr. suess book, green eggs and ham...and when you listen to me read it....you'll just know how much i love it!!! keke^^:D:P

oh my...

this quote is sooo funny...this person was talking abut the weather...

"it's like the weather is taking drugs."

keke^^:D:P i'm gonna sooo use this...sooo great...keke^^:D:P soooo funnay....keke^^:D:P

sooo cold....or at least going to be...sighs sighs...

well nothing to worry about today....except calc.....

well n e whoo....just came by to state that funny quote...keke^^:D:P well...l8a l8a...

oh this is great...

oh yes yes....i have a legitimate skip school last period tomorrow....not only do i start school at 10......i leave school ate 12:30!!! sooo hot!!!

yeah yeah!!!

then....well got my allowance on tuesday....and well....i couldn't resist, but i just had to buy those shoes that i really wanted when i was doing my christmas shopping. well i am saving 20 dollars out of my allowance....and then i'll have 20ish to spend on din din at shane's b-day, and then i'll have 20ish to spend on his gift!!! yeah yeah!!! budgetting:D:D

well if i saved 20 every month....by one year....i will have egh....240 to buy text books for next year? sighs sighs....that's like only two texts depending....sighs sighs....stupid expensive textbooks...and i haveta buy sooo many textbooks for what i wanna take....sighs sighs....

a disclaimer

yes yes, lately i've been writing and copying alot of lyrics down.
yes, people, please note that obviously i'm not the one writing these songs.

i am not taking these songs and taking credit for writing them. i am simply a fan to the music i listen to. i believe that everyone is entitled to know the type of music i listen to.

i mean....most times looking for lyrics of songs become difficult...and i suppose what i'm doing only makes it easier for other people...

but still...please note, i am not the ones writing the music?

i don't want a law case under my belt....and i'm sure most people have posted lyrics before.....

but in n e case.....this music isn't mine....

love hurts

yeah, i'd like to dedicate this song to all my fellows you know what i'm saying. to all the fellows that's been in a relationship that just had their hearts fucking torn out. you know what i mean? i realize that alot of my people are suffering from heartbreaks. so yeah, check it. yeah.

the promises
the lies
to every teardrop that we cry

the promises
the caring
understanding each other's lies

from struggles at its worst
we said the love would never change
then why do i feel lied to
every time it's said

we said we'd love each other
unconditional love
if this is what love is
then i think i've had enough

the bullshit
and the drama
it's nothing but wasted time
this thing that we call love
it's just illusions of the mind

all the smiles that we had
'cause a story to be told
but nothing in this world
can make up for all this bull

the problems that we faced
there was something just reaching out
we should have took the hint
that this shit won't be working out

i mean, what have we been thinking?
all the times we were together
did you really think that we would be in love forever?
at this very age we shouldn't be playin' this game
now i understand that love is pain

(love hurts and we all cry
tears dropping from my eyes
the pain i can't explain
all i know is love is pain)2X

in these past few days
i've been remininsing back
it's the first time i counldn't understand what we had
was it love?
was it passion?
was it all a waste of time?

now it's hate
now it's pain
now it's all this shit combined

i can't force myself to erase all our memories
but when i'm thinking back,
i always feel like you fooled me

nobody to blame
but myself from being blinded
crying in my sleep,
hoping this hurting passes by

i've been told by my sista's,
how these guys are all the same
but you had me so convinced,
that my world suddenly changed

'cause you always made me smile
but a smile isn't forever
i guess it's unpredictable
like changing the weather

i thought we worked this out
like the other times before
but, the truth had to reveal
we can't live a lie no more

i'm still young
and i'm still trying
to stay true to my heart
my dreams have disappeared,
and now my life's scattered apart

no

(love hurts and we all cry
tears dropping from my eyes
the pain i can't explain
all i know is love is pain)2X

this is me, kangel. dedicating this song to all my girls who have gone through break-ups; who have felt the pain of loosing someone they truely love and lost hope in all their dreams. but remember, there is someone truly special waiting out there for you.

2 bottles of water

hm....my mission...to at least finish 2 bottles of water a day...because the rest of the liquid can come from my food and whatnot. so yeah.....just to make sure i don't wash out all the nutrients i have injested i drink like at least an hour or two after i've eaten so i just absorb water.....i've noticed a diff. my skin no longer feels sooo dry all the time. i suppose i have dry skin added to the fact because i never drank enough water....

i suppose that's my new years resolution and egh...what should i call it?? life long commitment to drink at least two bottles of water i suppose. yeah....it's great....dunno....

trying to relax my mind more.....trying to keep myself calm....except i failed miserably today...yelled at sum freaking idiot who just stuck a camera phone in front of my face on the bus...i looked behind me....grabbed the phone and yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" i don't know...i think i just got sick of all the people that have been laughing at me lately....stupid mandy and melvin and that stupid meagan white.....they talk about me constantly...saying my breasts are tooo small, i'm asian, i don't belong in oakville and whatnot....but i try to pretend i don't hear it.....fuck them....melvin is a guy that i don't know much about...but he really doesn't give me a good impression.....mandy and meagan....well they all look like men...so what gives saying that i have small breasts?!?!? but let me not scream back all the harsh words i really wanna say.....

yes.....my grad note really describes how i really feel about this school...

"2 sum out dere, wo hui xi wang wo men bu zai jian. Love, hated and lived through OTHS b/c of my friends and GOD. Peace<3"

dunno....seriously.....our school isn't that bad....it's the stupid stuck ups that make the school a living hell.....and yes, stupid female bitchiness and prying on people and bullying people will never end...i just hope i will never be part of the problem. i'd rather be the one picked on i suppose....

it's funnay

keke^^:D:P everyone that i talk to will ask me what my weight is because i'm constantly thinking about the gym. funnay funnay. and then when i tell them that i am 130 pounds around....they are all shocked and in disbelief. it's rather funny. they all say....no way, you can't be....you look like you are 110. meh....if i look 110...then my sister must look like 90 some odd....meh...

but i still gotsta burn more fat and turn it to lean muscle mass.....haven't gone to the gym in a while.....i only go to the gym on tuesdays when i have the car.....

i am too tired on mondays...so i normally go on tuesdays, wednesday, thursday, and maybe friday if i feel it. but well yes...sabina hasn't gone all week.....grrr...

most definately going tomorrow....will be going for three hours at least...pumping myself ain't that great i know....

oh man...

i copy and past a whole lotta lyrics. wow. dunno why....i just do. oh wellz...

i mean....most of my english songs don't even come with lyrics because they are unbroadcasted songs....meh....the "underground" music as some people refer to it. meh. oh wellz. dunno....i don't much like english pop....but i don't mind chinese pop.....dun much listen to japanese or korean music n e more. i dunno, just don't see a point. i mean, when i was going through that phase of me wanting to know everything about being japanese, i could recite you lyrics over and over again from a few handfuls of songs....but now, i really see no point. it's like reciting a poem that means nothing to you. there's no emotion when i sing it because it is utterly unfamiliar territory to me. meh...dunno

i mean...yes, i sing chinese songs and i struggle, but i still understand what i am attempting to sing. yeah, i'm not that fluent in chinese....but meh....better than most cbc's that are unable to speak at all because they are tooo afraid to speak. i mean, it's probably due to the fact that my parents forced me to speak chinese that i have such an attraction to my chinese heritage n e ways. i don't know.

then at school, the comment arises a statement, "most oriental girls would rather go out with another oriental boy." i find this statement rather untrue sometimes. i mean, yes, if you find a fully traditional oriental, they would much prefer to go out with another oriental, but the true fact is that most people can't control who they will fall in love with. it just so happens that the first attraction of a person is one that is someone that has a closer link to your own heritage. i think it's because it becomes "easier grounding" for both of these people. it's not that n e one is being racist. i mean, in the very beginning it may have been, but now days, many more parents see that love can't be controlled or we'd have case after case of romeo and juliets. i mean, maybe in some parts of india and very low living standards people need arranged marriages, but even in arranged marriages, they may never fall in love. i mean.....looking at my grandparents. my grandfather loved another woman and was in another relationship before he got married and same with my grandmother. it was rather duty and a bound contract that said they must. they married and "love" (if you can call what they have love) each other on a level of what i call duty and responsibility love.

i mean, i know little about my grandparents. i know almost nothing about my dads parents because he's not one of those people who talk about stuff like that...and i think i shall make it my duty to ask how grandpapa was. i mean, i hear more stories about my daddy's dogs than i do about my grandpapa and grandmama. oh yes... my dad's father remarried making me have a grandmama and a step grandmama. the first grandmama was the one he truly loved....i think my father's dad was more of a success, he married because of love....and not because of duty....but times were much much different then...

oh yes, my grandfather (the one on my mother's side) was in the war....got stabbed in the gut by a japanese soldier which was shot by another man because he had stabbed my grandfather....but my grandfather was wearing a super thick leather belt....with a big metal inline....thank GOD that he survived... he is also dying very slowly from diabetes. he won't take his medicine. he won't fix his diet. i really don't want to go to any funerals, but if he continues eating the way he does...i know...that one day...my mother would be totally broken hearted and the whole family will be in morning...

my grandmother has major severe arthiritis. this is because i know she had a very tough life. she had a sister that she had to sell because their family just couldn't handle a baby. my grandmother was the oldest of 3? yes...three if i remember correctly. could have been four....but i know she had to sell her sister. her father died when she was 6 or 8. her mother died when she was early teens or sumthing. and so, she had a tough life always. she couldn't afford for herself an education. and my grandmother is one great lady. even though half the time i don't understand her because she speaks old lady chinese with a mix of shanghainese which is similar to mandarin...but still. sighs sighs. i don't know why i am soo mean to my family.....sighs sighs.....

my grandpapa (the one on my dad's side) died of diebetes....doubt that he really knew much about his disease. sighs sighs.

grandmama used to chew up my food to bits and then spit it out and give it to me to eat as a baby. i mean, you may totally think that's totally unhigenic or whatever. but you know what? i could have cared less, since well she probably didn't know much better and well, she loved me....and my sister. so you know what?? even though i don't remember n e thing about her, it shows that she loved children. all i know is that she is died of a severe sickness which no one has ever told me...

你好不好

你什麼都沒說　只是牽著我的手
那一秒鐘　遠勝過一句愛我
你手中的溫柔　還在我心裡逗留
愛情卻已變成停格的鏡頭　感覺少了些什麼

＃你好不好　當你開口對我這麼說　我就懂了你做的選擇
　愛若讓你變得不快樂　我寧願還給你自由
　也許我應該保持沈默　留給彼此一個再見的理由
　但在你轉身後　眼淚卻不停流

我並不是懦弱　害怕面對獨自生活
只是你的影子總跟著我走　讓我的心不自由

Repeat ＃

我想我已學會了　和寂寞做朋友
只是我想起你　心仍有一道傷口　隱隱作痛

Repeat ＃

生還者

如果需要耗光最後積蓄
才可得到　你的半張感動眉目
捱多少的苦　我都不會哭

＊這個世界裡我太渺小　生命在融掉
　無心看戰亂有多少
　甚麼比你的緊要
　(讓你任何事情亦困擾)＊

＃努力不懈　愛便生還
　我為你何妨上刀山
　不管已用幾年時間
　一刻躲懶　情便永不返

　帶著傷患　最後生還
　我願意受多少的白眼

　知道感情來得艱難
　疲倦也好我不敢眨眼
　(為求留住臂彎
　每時每刻不敢怠慢　我怕看漏眼)
　(失去感情財產
　時間便過得慢　永久是夜晚)＃

情海翻波簡單過壞燈膽
如不珍惜你一切　結果怎去承擔
假使單方心淡　會是個災難

REPEAT＊＃

如熱愛被我親手割爛　較沒有更慘
無論資質有限　我盡全力不減

REPEAT＃

i'm loving it...

hm.....well i think my dad should really watch that supersize me movie. seriously, he like eats everything and whatever....and he's like oh, it's my life. grr...

and then looking at all the foods that he eats....he eats way tooo muchie junkie, drinks too lil water.....hm....

i suppose looking at my mom....i see how i'll turn out. all throughout my younger years....i will be fit and thin and be able to do alot....and then hit mid life....and i'll be old....and fat....well it ain't all that true. since most people say my mother looks young even though she has alot of gray hairs. so yeah. meh

oh happy day

well sabina finally has enough song to have an english list of songs. ain't ya proud of her?!?! keke^^:D:P but let's just say that for every one english song i have, i have like 10 for that one....so egh....that just says alot..... considering that i only have like 3 hours worth of english music and i have like 26 hours worth of chinese music. makes me laugh soo hard...

oh yes....haven't counted the japanese and korean songs i have....but most times....i try to stay away from those songs n e ways....since i can't understand it. i dunno, i find that a song is more enjoyable to myself when i understand the lyrics plus the music.....meh...that's just me...

old memories...

looking at old memories...basically reading my old emails and whatnot....i haven't forgotten that i still haven't accepted your apology. because i feel that if i didn't tell you how upset i was, you wouldn't have cared at all. and reading it over and over again, you say sorry for what you feel to be your own failures.

if i hadn't sent that email...what would have you done?!?! meh.....well i won't question the past because i did sent it.....meh....

even though looking back at times.....like some other person that i've talked too....and how he wishes that life were back to happier times like in mca in grade 8. dunno.....

how you can only ever wish to turn back the hands of time, but you may never be able to. meh.....

these days.....i've given myself another chance to improve. for now, it's working. staying unattached as possible, but as attatched as i wish to be is working for me. i fulfill my own need to be around people and feel their caring and me....to give my caring away and show my love.......i dunno....maybe people feel like i'm isolating myself....but at the present moment...this has caused me to feel totally satisfied with my life. no big stresses besides the trivial issue of university and school....

satisfied...

pleased.....now i'm drinking my two bottles of water at night as usual...yeah.....it was like torture to drink two bottles of water before all in one sitting. but now, i'm less hungree these days....but i'm always thirsty....oh wellz....water, juice and milk...all good

*Shakes fist*

grrr....in anger, words are spit out without the acknowledge of speech patterns. why don't people understand that if you don't want to do something, don't do it if you will complain about it?!?!? grrr. i mean....i volunteer to wake up early and drive myself to and from school and even pick my father up from work....but no.....instead....my mother says, i'll pick you up. and then she gets all defensive and crap about it and say, you know, it's not manditory that i pick you up.

shit man, if you keep on saying shit like that.....then well you know what??? really in life....you can't and shouldn't rely on n e one except yourself. i ask whether or not you can do something for me, not commanding it. if you said no, i'm totally fine with that....maybe a little ego hurt, but hey....i'd get over it. maybe there is tooo much of a traditional view of how my parents see things and the way i see things still. they will never understand me 100% even when they claim that they know things better than even myself. that is pure and total bs. no one here can ever know you more than you know yourself. yes, you can know someone more than you know yourself, but it's impossible for someone to know yourself better than yourself. i mean, at times that may be how it feels, but really, it's not true. grrr.

i am sooo angry at my mommy right now. i mean i love her and all....but no, she still doesn't see how much i've changed. noooooo, she still doesn't see that i don't think the same way i used to like when i was 6 or sumthing. i mean.....yes, i admit....oakville is a stupid white town full of alot of that "snobby factor", but that's because we don't get to know every individual person in the town....heck, that goes for almost every community...if you don't get to know the community...you will always feeled shunned. and you know what?!?! it's because i went to st. luke that i have hated where i live now for sooo long, but through these recent like past 2 years....i see it ain't that bad. but no, my mother doesn't see this view change, she still thinks i hate it here.....meh....i mean...there are occasions that i just wanna run away and never come back...but hey....i'm a teen and i have my idealistic ideas. grrrr

yes, i'm a lazy little bitch child that likes to stay home, sleep, eat and sleep some more. yeah....i'm lazy like that. but it's not like i don't do chores around the house. i mean, maybe i don't do the laundry, but i do cook, wash the dishes, sweep, mop, vaccuum, and occasionally do the laundry when i'm asked too. and that is a big improvement than the way i used to be. but no, my mommy doesn't see that.....in her mind she still does everything.....

grrr....

i hate the idea of university. my mom keeps saying that what i want to become is a useless path and i'm gonna die an old hag that's gone no where with my life. does she no how much it hurts me to hear that?!?!? i mean.....she always starts off like this...."sabina, i don't want you wasting your life away. i don't think what you are going into is the right thing for you." and then eventually it goes to this...."sabina, you are worthless. you can't make the right decisions for yourself..." so on and so on...

dunno

sabina is a happy child tonight....should sooo be sleeping....but i can't help it......tooo happy.....sighs sighs....

happy

oh sighs sighs....args args.....this is bad totally bad.....

gotsta change and sleep...yeah yeah

tired...

got a presentation tomorrow.....nervous....tired....good night

cranes....

so....i have 124 wrappers!!!! so therefore....i need 876 wrappers!!! grrrr....

oh wellz...at least i have 124....it's all good. yeah yeah!!!! well 10 of those wrappers are frutella wrappers...so i ain't really sure to use em or not.

meh.....still need wrappers....there's only about 30 to 40 sum odd candies in a pack for 3 dollars....so i'm debating whether or not i should buy one or just stick to like the ones with 12 in them for around a dollar....hm....

1000

and so it goes.....i'm gonna go and fold 1000 cranes....and find good quality paper to make 1000 stars.....so yeah...

keke^^:D:P shouldn't eat past 9.....but i'm just toooo hungeee...grrrr

starburst wrappers and cranes....

hm....if n e one eats starburst....please remember that sabina here wants your wrappers.....yeah i know....i'm starting that crane folding again with my wrappers...so yeah.....if you would please just save me some starburst wrappers okie? love you all...l8a l8a

meh, myself, sabina

oh man....oh, i remember why i signed onto the pc....gotsta finish up facts for my presentation tomorrow.....haven't practiced what i'd say....but i have the jitz of what i'd say....

can someone tell me the difference between jitz and foozeball?!?!? i'm still utterly confused. are they not the same thing? what is it about the ball and the players?!?!? what what?!?!? sooo confused...@.@ so is the table in our caf a foozeball table or a jitz table?!?!? args args?!?!?!? bleh...XP

heh

didnt get to update this last night......so.....here goes....

my weekend....as usual...sux....but oh wellz....no biggie....

did nothing....went grocery shopping....went to church....dimsum....go drive sister back to uni...and home...that's how my whole weekend was like...

oh yeah....muffin mix!!! yeah yeah yeah!!!

n e whoo.....i am tired....

calc class next period...didn't get to update this at my house so i'm sitting in the school library typing away on their crappy ass pc's....oh wellz.....having a crappy one is better than none at all. keke^:D:P yupz yupz.

hm.....it's funny how everyone that hasn't seen me for a while asks me how my guy situation is. it's funnay. blah....could care less at the present moment....the lonely christmas season has already passed...and let's just say....it was a happy one even though i didn't do much and only went to one get together....better than none. meh....

well let's see.....gotsta wish melissa a happy birthday cause it's coming up in what? 20 some odd days. and if i don't keep reminding myself, i'll forget. grrr....me and my bad memory. grrrr.

let's see...nothing else worth mentioning in my life....oh.....i've now figured that there are two songs in my head that always strike a cord with me whenever i listen to it. one.....kissed by rose....and two....all my life....oh yes...both love romancey songs....blah.....dunno....just love those songs....dunno why....dunno if i should...but who cares...they are my fave....

music

keke^^:D:P music makes someone happy, sad, and everything in between. if it's so powerful, can music heal?

meh....

i suppose mood is very important....when you feel upset...it seems like everything is falling apart. but i suppose the truth isn't in this statement. everything is a waking disaster every day. it's just that when you wake up upset, you become even more realistic and aware and allow everything to affect you in a way that you wouldn't allow when you are happy. meh......and so i walk this little way in my life knowing that everything is always about to crumble and break....but for now....i have the strength to withstand it from killing me.

oh yes.....i found like a step counter in my sister's dorm room....and she gave it to me....and i tend to keep it....muhaha......rather fun i suppose.....i'm gonna count all the steps i walk a day now i suppose...and look like an idiot with a kellogg's step counter on my belt loop....but you know what?!?!? i've been teased enough over the time as a kid that i'm perfectly fine even though i'll still get angry.

i am patient to some extent. well maybe not patient....but have decency. i mean....i hear this white ass chick named mandy every day laugh at the way i am and the way i dress and the way everything in my life is "supposed" to be according to her......and well.....i hear this every day for one semester so far.....if i was n e crueler and unafraid of the consequences of disrupting the class.....i would have already turned around, and then started yelling at her not giving her n e face and loosing mine in the process. but i am human, and just because other's can't see what their words are doing on others.....i know how it feels and i will try not to tease and laugh unless it's a consentual joke.

dunno.....feels like everything in my life is about to go wrong.....maybe it's because of school and exams....no...it's not probably, it's most definately it.....but i'll be praying....nothing else i can do.....

if....

if someone were to throw themselves at you....what would you call it? would you call it being desparate? i mean.....it's alrights if i call myself that....but if someone else calls me that.....i just think that's a tad bit harsh...meh....

dunno ga la....weird....

i mean....is it not kinda a compliment if someone shows you their affection? i mean....it's sux because most times...when people are "chasing" after you....you probably don't like the person....and when you like a person....they are "chasing" someone else....meh....

blah blah blah

dunno....lately....posting alot of lyrics....why? dunno....just that i'm listening to a song...and i hear just one line in the whole song that relates to how i'm feeling or sumthing.....and then i just post the entire song when the entire song is super old or superly duperly sux. dunno.....weird.

yupz....school tomorrow...day 2.....so i get to sleep in late....dunno...how fun....booo whoo. i know i will not go far from home to go to post secondary education in us......first of all.....sat's.....me totally not ready to handle that...most people prepare for that test two years in advance....blah....so my parents can just wish that they could send me there.....5000$ us to send me there for one year......not tooo bad i suppose.....but still....no, i ain't going....meh....

feeling crappy.....booo.....but bought some chocolate milk....maybe that'll cheer me up...so yeah.....keke^^:D:PXDXDXDXD

Billy S.

Wake up tired, Monday mornings suck,
It's way too early to catch a bus,
Why conform without a fuss,
Daddy Daddy, no, I don't wanna go to school, woo!

I don't need to read Billy Shakespeare,
Meet Juliet or Malvolio,
Feel for once what it's like to rebel now,
I wanna break out, let's go!

Teachers treat us all like clones,
Sit up straight, take off your headphones,
I don't blame them, they get paid,
Money money, woo, lot's of money money, woo!

I don't need to read Billy Shakespeare,
Meet Juliet or Malvolio,
Feel for once what it's like to rebel now,
I wanna break out, let's go!

Get out, get out, get out, get out, woo!
Get out, get out, get out, get out!
To skip or not to skip? that is the question.
Get out, get out, get out, get out, woo!
Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out,
Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out!

I don't need to read Billy Shakespeare,
Meet Juliet or Malvolio,
Feel for once what it's like to rebel now,
I wanna break out, let's go!

I don't need to read Billy Shakespeare,
Meet Juliet or Malvolio,
Feel for once what it's like to rebel now,
I wanna break out, let's go!

Get out, get out, get out, get out, woo!
Get out, get out, get out, get out, woo!
Feel for once what it's like to rebel now,
I wanna break out, let's go!

Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out!

Nobody's Home

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

Since You've Been Gone

Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah Yeah
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone

egh?!?!? neh...

well let's just say that sabby's been having such weird weird convo's. meh....it's alrights. meh....

let's see....my sister's back at university....booo....now always gonna be sooo bored. sighs sighs. dunno...my sister's only been gone for like a few hours...and i feel sooo sad already. blah....oh wellz.....no worries:D she'll be back in two weeks...and then we can have our arguements and whatnot all over again. keke^^:D:P dunno....since my sister has gone to uni....i find that i have become closer to her and that i understand the value of family alot more. i mean....i even get jealous of her spending sooo much time away of the family when she spends the weekend with her boyfriend. dunno.....it's weird.

meh...

yeah....

back to the point of entry....

what is the meaning of a guy asking you whether or not you've been looking out for other boys ar?!?!? args args. but....this guy....i most definately will say no.....

i have two rules.....

1. i will rarely say no and give it a chance......and
2. i will not give you a second chance to be something more than just friends because being my friend was already my second chance to a guy....

so yeah....what does that say to you?!!?

but n e whoo....i find it weird that someone would ask you that. meh. maybe it's just plain curiousity. so yeah. it's all good. friends once should always remain friends forever....even if it's not forever....at least memories can last till you've grown old and have tooo many to remember. but meh...

another person that thought brian and i would end up or should end up together....what a laugh......can't a guy and a girl just be very good friends without being more than just friends? funny. oh wellz....the past is all in the past.....sabbys gonna need to grow up and see that there are more things in this world than just growing old with someone that i supposedly "love"...so yeah. meh....would be a nice thought growing up with someone instead of growing up all alone. booo whoo. oh wellz.

n e whoo....all good.....XDXDXD

困獸之鬥

我在陰暗中降落
wo zai yin an zhong jiang luo
世界在雨中淹沒
shi jie zai yu zhong yan mo
畫面與現實交錯
hua mian yu xian shi jiao cuo
無法抽離卡在胸口
wu fa chou li ka zai xiong kou
軀殼如行屍走肉
qu ke ru xing shi zou rou
陷阱漩渦我已受夠
xian jing xuan wo wo yi shou gou
掙脫逃離這個空洞
zheng tuo tao li zhe ge kong dong
如果
ru guo
我衝出黑幕籠罩的天空
wo chong chu he mu long zhao de tian kong
就別(想)再綑綁我的自由
jiu bie (xiang) zai kun bang wo de zi you

在狂風之中
zai kuang feng zhi zhong
嘶吼
si hou
作困獸之鬥
zuo kun shou zhi dou
我奮力衝破
wo fen li chong po
封閉的思緒震開裂縫
feng bi de si xu zhen kai lie feng
燃燒的花朵
ran shao de hua duo
升空
sheng kong
消失在空中
xiao shi zai kong zhong
記憶在剝落
ji yi zai bo luo
殘留的影像輪廓
can liu de ying xiang lun kuo
潰散在薄霧中
kui san zai bo wu zhong

擱淺

久未放晴的天空
jiu wei fang qing de tian kong
依舊留著妳的笑容
yi jiu liu zhe ni de xiao rong
哭過
ku guo
卻無法掩埋歉疚
que wu fa yan mai qian jiu
風箏在陰天擱淺
feng zheng zai yin tian ge qian
想念還在等待救援
xiang nian hai zai deng dai jiu yuan
我拉著線
wo la zhe xian
複習妳給的溫柔
fu xi ni gei de wen rou
曝曬在一旁的寂寞
pu shai zai yi pang de ji mo
笑我給不起承諾
xiao wo gei bu qi cheng nuo
怎麼會怎麼會
zen me hui zen me hui
妳竟原諒了我
ni jing yuan liang le wo

我只能永遠讀著對白
wo zhi neng yong yuan du zhe dui bai
讀著我給妳的傷害
du zhe wo gei ni de shang hai
我原諒不了我
wo yuan liang bu liao wo
就請妳當作我已不在
jiu qing ni dang zuo wo yi bu zai
我睜開雙眼
wo zheng kai shuang yan
看著空白
kan zhe kong bai
忘記妳對我的期待
wang ji ni dui wo de qi dai
讀完了依賴
du wan le yi lai
我很快就離開
wo hen kuai jiu li kai

藉口

翻著我們的照片
fan zhe wo men de zhao pian
想念若隱若現
xiang nian ruo yin ruo xian
去年的冬天
qu nian de dong tian
我們笑得很甜
wo men xiao de hen tian
看著妳哭泣的臉
kan zhe ni ku qi de lian
對著我說再見
dui zhe wo shuo zai jian
來不及聽見
lai bu ji ting jian
妳已走得很遠
ni yi zou de hen yuan
也許妳已經放棄我
ye xu ni yi jing fang qi wo
也許已經很難回頭
ye xu yi jing hen nan hui tou
我知道是自己錯過
wo zhi dao shi zi ji cuo guo
請再給我一個理由說妳不愛我
qing zai gei wo yi ge li you shuo ni bu ai wo
就算是我不懂
jiu suan shi wo bu dong
能不能原諒我
neng bu neng yuan liang wo
請不要把分手當作妳的請求
qing bu yao ba fen shou dang zuo ni de qing qiu
我知道堅持要走是妳受傷的藉口
wo zhi dao jian chi yao zou shi ni shou shang de jie kou
請妳回頭
qing ni hui tou
我會陪妳一直走到最後
wo hui pei ni yi zhi zou dao zui hou
就算沒有結果
jiu suan mei you jie guo
我也能夠承受
wo ye neng gou cheng shou
我知道妳的痛
wo zhi dao ni de tong
是我給的承諾
shi wo gei de cheng nuo
妳說給過我縱容
ni shuo gei guo wo zong rong
沉默是因為包容
chen mo shi yin wei bao rong
如果要走
ru guo yao zou
請妳記得我
qing ni ji de wo
如果難過
ru guo nan guo
請妳忘了我
qing ni wang liao wo

"Good Lives"

Theres a plastic dwarf warlord in the cereal box and
Hes licking off the sugar off the breakfast if chumps
Promise that forever we will never get better at growing up and learning to lie
There is no floor 13 theres not even a second story
You got one to tell and its sad as hell
Promise that forever we will never get better at growing up and learning to lie
Prep school kid with wall street glib
Got a suit and a tie and a record with winners
Promise that forever we will never get better at growing up and learning to lie

Im on my way back home now
Good lives are gold, like the oldest story
Will mine be told while im still young and horney
I know my role is to be a confusion
Set the clock back when Im growing old

This kid came over and I let him crash
But he went into my wallet and he grabbed my cash
Promise that forever we will never get better at growing up and learning to lie
And a good girlfriend she turned me in
I was lying with my eyes about adultery sin
Promise that forever we will never get better at growing up and learning to lie
Im on my way back home now
Good lives are gold, like the oldest story
Will mine be told while im still young and horney
I know my role is to be all confusion
Set the clock back we're not growing old

Never wanted to be like you or all the rest
Ive always been the first one to settle for second best
I never wanted to be I never wanted to be I never wanted to be
Like you

Good lives are gold, like the oldest story
Will mine be told while im still young and horney
I know my role is to be a confusion
Set the clock back when Im growing old
Promise that forever we will never get better at growing up and learning to lie x4

typing away

i haven't typed here for sooo long.....man....and through these days....i haven't even talked about my day at school...how i feel.....what is happening in my life. but then again.....if i did, i probably would write that down something else or sumthing. dunno......when i talk about my life....and all my complaints...people get sick of hearing it and reading it and whatnot. so blah...what they don't know can't hurt them, can't offend them. and if i felt like telling someone....i would. so it's alrights.

i saw all those people i offended by telling sooo much stuff to in my life....

asian singers...

okie....most singers at least on the hk charts can't sing in concerts....you wonder why?!?!? it's because they can't sing period....most asians just can't sing well....not that they can't....it just doesn't come naturally and you must practice very very hard. i mean....yes, there will always be expections and what not...but yeah...

but n e whoo....dunno why i felt like i wanted to say that....i just did....

hm.....

almost finished my mickey puzzle.....after that...

oh so very very tired

hm.....let's see......i don't like sympatico....but i think i'll just haveta live with it some more since i'm leaving for uni in like a few months...so it's pointless to go and switch since no one else in my family uses the internet besides myself cause most of the times my sister is at home....blah....msn....grrr

well n e whoo....not doing tooo badly these days

totally failing calculas. i don't know why i'm sooo stupid in math...sighs.....dunno...

sighs sighs.....

but either way....i suppose i'll still pass the course blah.....oh wellz....

think of taking night class next year....i don't know....just interested....need something going on in my life...maybe i'll get a job...hm...yes.....job.....

and so the cycle continues....

in this world of trouble and pain.....not much is certain. if there were sufficient enough radar systems to predict problems, i'm sure that it would continually be ringing and everyone would just get sooo fed up. it's not like we can change that. nothing can change the world, only the world can change us if we allow it to.

there's tooo much out there to hurt us....and in this cycle, no one tries to defy "nature". but does n e one really care n e more? have we all become toooo numbe to actually "care" ne more? what is caring? blah....

dunno, dun care? what kinda attitude is one supposed to live with in a world of such trivial existance? blah....

storm

hm.....a big storm has hit the U.S....and now the storm is coming to hit us in the GTA....oh how fun aye?!?!?

dunno.....been thinking tooo muchie lately.....especially while i read revelations.....dunno...

been thinking alot about everything lately. it's rather weird. i think about the past....think about everything that pisses everyone off about me....and i begin to think about what drives myself insane about myself.

blah....maturity..immaturity...change...no change....

hm...

lately....been doing nothing except school work. oh how fun aye?!?!? yupz yupz. well i dunno....i'm tooo tired. didn't sleep well....and i have that asian one eyelid today=.= how fun. args......haven't been hungree lately. let's see.....daily....i eat at least a bagel. and yes....bagel=all fat if can't use up energy. but hey....it's all good...well gotsta make breakfast for myself now...l8a l8a.....

sighs sigh

args args....school sux sux sux.

grrr.....

need some happy happy thoughts.

need to get out of my house....going insane. gonna have a breakdown.....grrrrr.....args.....


i can just see it coming....grrrr

another year gone

sighs sighs....will 2004 be one of those years that i look back on and think about and see all that has happened to me?!?! nah, doubt it....nothing tooo muchie happened.....i mean......got closer to certain people....lost a few people....found out what certain people were made of.....and most of all...what i'm made of and what i'm not.

sighs sighs...

everyone's making new year's resolutions.....i just won't make them n e more....every year.....i forget what it was....and i just don't do it...so why the hell bother to do it aye?!?!? args args......

freaking stupid stupid assignment....grrrrr

school....

args.....so i'm gonna go to uni? args args....

now......doing crap research.....grrrr>.<

i can do this......research is good.......but i have like what???? a few more assignments.

anchorman...

keke^^:D:P man...that movie is sooo stupid.....my favourite line from that movie....

"60 percent of the time, it works every time." keke^^:D:P

man....it sooo doesn't make sense....but it's sooo hillarious lor. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz.

well i kinda haveta like type for 20 mins.

gonna help out tim by starting a branch competition in my school? i wonder if it will be extra cirricular. cause i certainly know that i could talk to the business head.....but he scares me>.< but i know they do that. i mean....it's school against school. and then individuals......=.=....sighs sighs

sighs sighs

for all those students that went to mca......sighs sighs....meh...may just haveta go to pcc. sighs sighs. sooo far. it's in florida....suppose that's the good part of it i suppose....

別說對不起

望遠鏡　看不見你
你的心　飛去哪裡

＊無聲飛行　享受黑夜的靜謐
　別說對不起　別讓我傷了心才說
　不是故意　我卻無法怪你
　別說對不起　別讓我的愛情變成
　廉價物品　我卻只能愛你＊

閉上眼睛　卻看見你
想你的好　代替無力

我相信你　卻開始不信任自己
別說對不起　別讓我灰了心才說
不是故意　我卻無法怪你
別說對不起　別讓我的愛情變得
小心翼翼　我卻只能愛你

用行動來證明　你的決心
不要說說而已　我想要的不只是Sorry

REPEAT＊

yeah yeah

oh....so now it begins another year.....year 2005.....in february, it would mean that i've been in canada for 15 years now.....yeah....

keke^^:D:P....me with perfect english ma?!?!? keke^^:D:P bu zhi dao....ke nun shi ba.....meh.....

soooo tired....

oh yes.....watched the second part to silent of the lambs. oh man.....it's not as good as the first one...but it's pretty good......the last part when he's on the plane....he eats brains...and that lil asian kid eats brain too.....ewwwwww>.<

well i finally found my favourite movie. i mean....i've watched it sooo many times, but each and everytime, it's like watching it againg for the first time.....guess what movie it is......

keke^^:D:P it's "CHOCOLAT". man.....i dunno.....that movie is just sooo.....i dunno. i've watched it sooo many times.....but yet i'm not sick of it.....this morning.....i was watching it.....but i never got to finish it>.< but n e whoo.....a new year....found a fave movie....keke^^:D:P