sighs....i'm sorry for posting so much. but as i practice my flute today, i notice how out of touch i am with my own life. i can't help but to think. thinking is what i do best....and sometimes...i think tooo well and i over kill the thought.
well now....hahaha....i've reached acceptance now. hahaha. i feel better now. i think it has alot to do with taking a nice long hot shower. hahaha. in the shower, all i could sing were songs of heartbreak and loneliness, pain and suffering, hurt and hatred......but then now, as i pick up my flute....i practice all the songs i once loved to sing at church. peices like, people need the lord, beautiful, majesty, searching, the promise of the rainbow, and ecetera. i practice these songs and i feel that life isn't so gloomy. life isn't so crappy. satisfaction once again.
i'm sorry that i make YOU feel guilty by posting sooo many thoughts. the truth is your decision and your choice. you should never feel bad for the decisions you make. the decisions made by you can never be mistakes, it's only when you put your decision into action that you notice that you might haveta revise what you initially set out for. making a good choice could become a big disaster if you don't put your actions in the right direction. and in the same way, a bad decision can become the best decision one man has ever made. if you feel bad, there's nothing to feel bad about. yeah, sure....some people along the way get hurt by your choices, but if they are people that care, they should come to understand the choices you make and should not force you to believe otherwise. sure, there are always better choices and what not to every decision one has to make, but hey, if you decided to do what you do, people can only try to pursue you to take different paths, but not force you. i am truly sorry that i somehow intruded on your life. i'm sorry that i brought sooo many problems into your life. as of now, i wish not to step away nor pursue any further. i will not force myself to smile, but i will not cry. i will not be depressed. i will look to LORD and say, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER FRIEND.
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