frustrated......soo frustrated with myself. i don't understand myself. why??? why?!?!? why?!?!? arg!!!! soo confused....my world is falling apart.....no on reads or at least understands my thoughts.....no one wants to understand.

fuzzy and warm....arg!!!! frustration!!!! frustration.....i want it all to go away......arg!!!!

i noe nothing....nothing at all.....well i wish to stop writing now.....too frustrated to straighten my thoughts......i once gave out my heart to the world....time and time again i got hurt.......i let it go...and continued loving.....but now....as i stand, feeling completely naked and alone, i am unable to love again. i hate. i hate with a passion....a passion to hate. i enjoy nothing, not at all. i wish life would end, but then i would have lived pointlessly. i don't have an aim, but that does not mean i am pointless. sighs....i'm loosing myself. the person i thought i wuz, i am no longer. i thought i wuz strong, but i'm extremely weak. i thought i could conquer da world, but yet again i'm unable to even conquer myself. sighs......

i noe i'm loved.....i noe i am.....oh wellz......dere are still those who care.....
i sometimes wish da world would leave meh alone....but sometimes, i wish everyone would notice meh....
why do i feel such controversial feelings?
why?!?!!? why is the world sooo cruel??? why am i soo cruel to myself?!?!? why is everyone so cruel, but so sympathetic???? arg!!!!

bak to my bad mood.....for all who come near i must convey da words.....take care...be careful

i've really come to despise myself, but yet again, i have no intention of changing. i look onto everyone i know, all i feel dat all dey want from meh is to change myself. outta spite, i do not change cause it feels like an unknown force is pressuring meh for change. i have come to despise myself, and everyone and everything around meh. all the things i used to treasure are now worthless. i live aimlessly just walking and talking....about what???? nothing!!!! i will cry now, i will live on, in unhappiness. no one understands. no one accepts me. why can't they all just leave meh be and be the person i am. i am a person of thought. i think. thats just da way i am. no one understands. yeah yeah...i noe....GOD is always dere....he always understand.....i noe he can..... what i need now is just a constant person who will be my friend in time of need. one that will be here physically to listen and help me. i guess i'm just a gurl wit alot of depression problems. but even if so, what can i do??? go take sum prozak?!?!?!? what good will dat do aye?!?!? what??? so i can get addicted to some drug just so dat i wun feel like shit all da time?!?!?! if dat's da case....i'd rather just feel like shit.....if u dun understand meh, i advise stay away, u can't help me. if u can't accept unhappiness, den i warn, run far far away. if u can't do both.....i say......go away from meh forever.....don't even try to understand meh....i dun need ur effort.....i don't need ur loving if dat' s what u think i lack.....i need nothing from u.....u can't offer meh n e thing i want. i just wanna feel at peace with myself....i will never achieve peace....but da point being is dat i am trying....u just dun see dat. well i'm leaving now....l8a

in dis world...i've found out sum new stuff
dere are a few types of peeps....let's see......
1) da type dat genuinly cares and gives u dere heart and always wanting da best for ya, not wishing to change u cause dey love u da way u are
2) dere is a type of person dat understands you and just doesn't like u....and if dey had da chance to get to noe u....dey only wanna take advantage and change u into sumone else....
3) dere are types of peeps dat dun care at all....dun give a shit if u get hurt, dun care if u are happy or not
4) there are those dat are unable to demonstrate the affection. they care alot and hurt alot when u are hurt, but just can't show it
5) the type dat just doesn't understand you and just can't because dey dun accept you
6) those that seem to love you, but when u turn ur bak, dey stab ur bak...

i've just totally realized dat i rarely even come on here n e more. i guess dat it's cause i like think way too muchie....spend way too much time thinking and allow myself to fall into a down mood. why da hell do i keep on thinking bout da same subject ova and ova again?!?!? is it totally worth soo much thought?!?!?! arg!!!! what da heck is wrong wit meh?!?!?!? arg!!!! well meh in a bd mood rite now....had an afternoon nap, but i still have a headache. my stomache is not full cause i'm starving....arg!!!!!! meh in a bad mood.....grrrrrrrrr

well lil meh gonna get off now....l8a

sighs.....i feel soo miserable. sighs. why??? i just had another walk in like sum part of like lakeshore. very nice scenery. very very nice. sighs. i feel even more alone looking out at de ocean like dat. sighs. what more can i want? i have a lyphe dat's going great; i have enuff friends dat acutally care bout meh; i have a good family; i have GOD. what else is wrong wit meh??? i have a perfect lyphe compared to the miserable situations that some peeps haveta face day and nite. for starters, i don't haveta face hunger. secondly, i dun have a problem wit like being able to pass highskool or not. i can pass if i actually try. sighs. i really hate myself. i noe i have a good lyphe. sighs. i have all dat i will ever want and need, or could have. what da heck is wrong wit meh?!?!? sighs. oh wellz. everything'll be fine. eventually, i will be fine again. wo tai ai yi ge ren. which is my fault. my fault. no one's but mine. i'm a gurl dat wears her heart on her sleeve, a white shirt with a white sleeve. with a lil bit of dirt, da shirt becomes dirty. very dirty. sighs. i'm not saying i'm impure. i'm just saying at da same time, dat i will get hurt very easily. sure do. why??? i think too much, care too much, i want too much, i hope too much, i put my trust out dere too much, i rely on peeps too much, i just complicated da situation by twisting the way simplicity is supposed to be. simplicity????? i dunno wha da hell it is. why??? cause i choose to care, i choose to be affected by those around meh and i choose to think too much. of course, there are things that i choose not to think about, but i do choose alot of things. lyphe is all about the choices that you can make, are able to make, and those that you don't make. lately, i've been thinking too much. lately, i just wish to stay in the same time for a long time. i hate this feeling. i've reached the end of this road where it splits into many others. now each road on itself is full of choices. shit man, what da hell am i talking about????
i hate this feeling. i hate everything!!!! i hate this!!! no....i can't say i hate everything, i noe i still love. i noe i can still love, i noe i can. i noe i still do. why??? cause i can still feel pain. yes, i can still feel pain. until this pain subsides and i am no longer be able to feel pain will i noe dat i don't really care about n e thing. u noe what??? it's quite funnay. when you dun care bout n e thing, da last thing dat u wun care about will be urself. when u truly give up on urself and give up on lyphe itself, den will u will really not feel n e thing. dat is when u hate everything.
i've been thinking, like i always do, what does lyphe really bring???
it brings pain, suffering, torture, cruelty, sadness, it can bring the worst of mankind.
but on a different hand, lyphe can bring happiness, prosperity, enjoyment, lyphe itself gives lyphe, and it can bring the best outta mankind.
who is to judge an individual and say u ain't worthy??? or say dey ain't worthy??? or say dat ur too good for sumthing??? or to say dat i don't or u dun deserve sumthing???
i dun get it......a gift is a gift. why can't you take it??? why???? why are u rejecting gifts??? are u just not able to comprehend the gift??? are u unable to open ur heart to receive it??? fine.....reject meh......fine. see if i care....wait.....i do care. why da hell do i still feel like dis?!?!? shit man......i should have got over all dis. it's just a stage of lyphe. why??!?!?!? no change ever comes easy.....so dis change will lead to sumthing good?!?!? dat is very very questionable....sighs. oh wellz. dun give a shit. oh wellz. sighs....oh wellz......i wun say i love ya'll.....i can't get myself sorted out....so whateva......i wanna love everyone evenly.....so until i can, i wun say i love n e thing n e more....i just wun care.....i will learn not to care...why??? cause....i've cried tooo many nites...and i dun wanna cry n e more....it's not like my tears make meh feel n e betta....nor do my tears bring bak what i've lost forever. i'm changing. dat i can see. to what??? to a horrible person. so unkind. so rude, so annoyed of everything.....sighs.....i wanna die...ohwelz...wun happen...so whateva... arg!!!!!!
zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!zou kai!!!!

i just can't get myself sorted out......but either way.....i will some day......

sighs.....i feel miserable.....MISERABLE!!!!! i noe i shouldn't feel dis way. but today.....i walked like almost da whole way to lp. i noe it wuz totally pointless....sighs....but i still feel....i dunno......miserable. oh wellz....it's just a phase....i always get outta it.....i always do.....some time some how....soon afta. i wanna just like leave. i wanna run away. n e one wanna run away wit meh??? ne one?!?!? i'll be glad to run away wit u. whoever u may be. sighs. i hate da area i live. i just wanna go away and leave. leave here forever. leave!!!!! i'm crying now, i'm sorry. lucky u peeps can't see meh...muhahaha=>:d oh wellz. nothing i can do just to want, cept to wait, cept to hope. but nothing will happen. my lyphe is only in shatters cause i ain't trying to mend em. i ain't 18 yet, i can't move and buy my own house. i can't move forward cause i'm allowing myself to not move at all. can n e one make meh feel betta? sighs. no one can. no one cept myself. happy?!?!? happy thoughts?!?!? happy?!?!?! hahaha=>:D i scorn the word of happiness!!! i despise it!!! everyone around meh is soo happy!!! and meh?!?!? shit man, feel like shit, total shit. wait. not even....cause den.....shit would be noticed cause of it's smell. well maybe den again, i believe i'm just noticed cause all of da bad shit dat i allow myself to go through. and it gives of negative energy. i guess why. i will never jump da cliff, i will never. but time and time again, i come bak and look at the scene at the cliff. i thought a walk would make meh feel betta.....but no.....it made meh feel worst. i feel even more down den i will ever feel. february 18th......what day is it now???? april 19......8:44......so basically....it has been two months, one day and about like 2 hours and 15 mins....sighs......why do i even memorize such dates??? i wonder....if i died....my memory prolly wun be even remembered in dis way. sighs. if i jump, promise u wun jump wit meh. if i sink, just let meh be. sighs. i noe, if i killed myself, i will be going to hell, but who can help meh not to???? hahaha=>:d no one is pushing me cept myself. i wish dat no one cared. i wish no one did. then i would leave in piece. i thought i could live by myself for lyphe. i thought i never needed n e one. now, as i see it, i'm not soo independant.....i'm very very dependant. i need you. do u need meh??? no!!! hahaha=>:d i already no dat answer. don't even need dat answer. but den again.....if i needed you and u needed meh.....dat dun work eitha. oh wellz....
too many crap thoughts!!! hate my area!!!! i just wish dat it would start to snow again.....to just snow over meh so i'd catch pneumonia and die. sighs. oh wellz. can't wish for such evil thoughts. sighs. as my lyphe moves on......i can just hope dat i will be swept off my feet again. i wanna just go away forever and leave. i don't ever wanna come bak. i just wanna leave!!! leave!!!!
i noe it's only a thought and i can't do n e thing bout it!!! but i wanna leave.....i can't take dis n e more!!!! i just can't!!!!!! arg!!!!! l8a.....can't continue dis shit......i'm going now.........arg!!!!! l8a!!!!

hahaha=>:d well da university students are bak and finished wit dere like exams!!! hahaha=>:D dat means my sista is bak!!! yayay!!!! hahaha=>:D yupz...meh have nothing betta to do so meh just like typing up stupid songs......hm......

Kiss - Without You (English)
As I sit here and think about all that I'm missing [all that I'm missing]
I've got everything that I could ever ask for... but you
All my past time is spent wondering how you've been [wondering how you've been]
but the more that you're on my mind, I'm just lonely and blue [can't you see]
Why can't you be with me to hold me tight?
Just being with you will make everything better and bright
I wanna have you by my side
you always make it right
and without you my heart starts to cry
How will I ever go on, how will I stay strong [do you see without you my soul dies?]
I stayed up all night remembering what we had [remembering what we had]
and I can't sleep a wink cause thinking about you makes me sad [yes you do]
I can't seem to shake you off my mind...
Just wanna go back in time to just press rewind
I wanna have you by my side you always make it right
and without you my heart starts to cry
How will I ever go on, how will I stay strong [do you see without you my soul dies?]
You're all that I want, you're all that I need
so why don't you come back to me...baby... please
I wanna have you by my side
you always make it right
and without you my heart starts to cry
How will I ever go on, how will I stay strong [do you see without you my soul dies?]
I wanna have you by my side
you always make it right
and without you my heart starts to cry
How will I ever go on, how will I stay strong [do you see without you my soul dies?]

well dat song ain't really dedicated to n e one....just da way i feel.....i guess.....wo bu zhi dao ba......dun ask meh la....
i'm just a depressing lil child sumtimes......oh wellz....yeah la.....i noe dat songs old....but i dun care.....so what??? just kiss my bum bum!!! muhahahaha=>:d well love ya'll la......need a hug??? lil sabby'll be like willing to give ya a hug.......hehehe=>:D well happy happy lil gurly here....very hyper....da song is just how she feels inside....in her heart....muhahaha=>:D oih wellz....love ya...l8a

well i have no clue.....
i dun feel well....but i dun feel sick....
i dun feel happy.....but i dun feel sad....
i ain't mad, i ain't feeling n e thing...
i've lived my days like dis for da past few weeks now...
is dere something wrong wit meh???
can i cure dis disease which is within me???
maybe i should start being who i wanna be
maybe i should just stop wanting and hoping
maybe da cure is what i already noe...
most possibly it is
i lie awake on my bed at nite because i'm too upset to sleep
just too many thoughts running through dis small brain of mine...
i wake up feeling as if i never slept
for maybe my thoughts are still running through my mind
my nites are dreamless and at unease
maybe i just don't wanna and can't remember why
i guess dat happens to many peeps....
lyphe goes on....i have no clue....

yeah....those are my thoughts for today....ain't a poem if u think it is...it ain't....hahah=>:d it has no structure....it makes no sense...so yeah la.....hahaha=>:d enjoy....meh gonna go now...l8a yo....

skool.....friends....acceptance......family.....love.....emotions.....
as a person of teen age all these q's always plague my mind....
well firstly....i haveta say thanx to all my friends dat i noe out dere and all dat have had an invisible hand dat touched my heart that hasn't known it....
it's hard being my friend. i noe it is....cause i would drive myself insane.....which i do....but dat ain't da point... it's hard being there for a person that falls into depression in and out every minute...
for those who have shown meh endless love and caring through the rough times and given me their undivided attention, thanx soo much. i can't promise that i won't fall into another depression....i won't even promise you i will stay happy....firstly....i noe it'll be pointless because i can't even keep it for myself. but either way....thanx peeps
there are those who are unable to show meh the affections that i would wish to see from my friends or family, but in everyway, i noe u still care. just by looking through ur eyes, even if it were expressionless.....i noe deep down inside u care at least enuff to stay around. everyone may say i'm foolish. everyone mite say dat i'm just immature.....but well if i am....i'm sorry i am. i still like to think that i'll grow outta these things. i'm foolish for letting myself fall, setting myself up.....but u noe....dose are da mistakes i call experiences. not very pleasant experiences, but surely, i can move on.
to me, i still say that love is a choice. a choice based on emotions. yes....emotions don't last forever...but if u make a commitment into making them last, they surely do. hahaha=.:D as i think of how stupid i am, i really realize dat i'm just a thinker who thinks alot of the ideas i have are original, but i noe dey ain't. everyone goes through this stage whatever age they may be. some just less serious than others. if i truly wanted to move on, i would be able to....so i may be saying dat i wish to move on, but den again, i guess deep down inside i noe i don't. i've had too many good times and i'm unwilling to let go. maybe that's my fault. i can forgive someone or something for the actions done towards meh, but i never truly forget. i guess that defeats the whole point of forgiveness. i must be willing to change and forget to forgive dun i? well whatever it may be, no one really reads my thoughts, and if dey do, dey dun tell meh, so whatever....i will live on not knowing....i haveta go now....but either way....if ur one of those peeps dat are feeling totally depressed rite now, before reading these thoughts or after reading these thoughts....u noe, GOD will ALWAYS LOVE U...and accept u.......may GOD BLESS UR SOUL!!!!

aw.....i feel soo special. everyone always tries to help meh. aww.......my cheeks are going soo red now....luckily u can't see dem while i'm on da comp....hahaha=>:D thanx ya'll. yupz...
on to more happy thoughts.....muhahaha=>:d
can't stop laughing and having an evil grin on my face....muhahaha=>:D oh wellz....feels good to be smiling too much and soo happy again....muhahaha=>:D smilez....hahaha=>:D every moment is a kodak moment....so.....hahahaha=>:D oh wellz...gotsta go now...bak to my bio project la...l8a ya'll

thanx byron for a great verse......i guess i shall forever keep it wit meh....
yeah bri boi....u should read it too
for with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.
- ecclesiastes 1:18
yes....indeed dis is true. hahaha=>:D but u noe, ecclesiastes is one of da most depressing books of the whole bible. it makes everything sooo meaningless. it sure does. really it does. we all noe dis. but u noe......it's also one of da most happiest books?? it tells u dat it's only meaningless without GOD. wisdom used for nothing is pointless isn't it? hahaha=.:d so therefore....if u use it for GOD, thing will be alritez. i guess i've just neglected these things for the past few weeks, months, years. i've never been a very good christian. this verse made meh cry. does it make u depressed? hahaha=.:d well i guess some peeps just see things way too deeply. oh wellz. and i'm one dat does. everyone blames meh for thinking dis way, but i can't help it. if dat's da way i wuz born, how can i change it? if it wuz a gift given to meh and received, why should i reject??? i can't....i've already received it.
how is emotion bad?? everyone says dat crying....is a sign of weakness. but u noe what??? dis is what i say.....being unable to show emotion is a weakness above all. why do u want to hide everything? if dat's how u feel...dat's how u feel no matta what. yeah....i noe turning bad energy into good is alritez....but den again...what happens when one something really hits u.....u will no longer be able to change all dat bad energy to good. isn't it at da same time ur just ignoring everything?? yeah...i noe....if u show too much emotion it's very stupid. u should keep an equal balance between everything. yeah yeah.....i noe.....well dere's nothing i can say......i'll just simply state, emotion ain't weakness....now sabby gurl signing off....

my thoughts.....hm....am i thinking about n e thing??? am i thinking about n e one? am i even thinking at all??? well i am. hahaha=>:D
last nite, concert.....a few words.....awesome.....but boring. totally kid infested. i will never go again.
2 on the way bak to churchie.....walk....what a walk....got abandonned by a few of my guy friends...how great aye??? i guess i'm used to being abandonned....in lyphe...i've been ditched enuff times to be used to it. everyone thinks i'm mad because dey ditched meh, but u noe what???i wuzn't.....i wuz mad at da thought dat i abandonned myself.....i've let all my dreams, all my hopes....all my lyphe fade away into da scenery.... i no longer am myself for i've just blended into the bakdrop. yeah....i'm kinda pathetic, i noe dat.....am i happy now?? is dis da way i wanna live??? this is just a stage.....just a stage.....i must not prolong it. it is just a stage.
right now....i just need a new beginning....one without memories, nothing of the past. yeah....very unrealistic....i just haveta learn to live wit it. yeah yeah...like i haven't been told dat a few times. stupid. oh wellz. whatever. hahaha=>:D lyphe goes on with or without acknowledgement of the past. if others can walk through all their memories and live, den i think i should be able to live through it rite? wellz.....trying to be optimistic, but of course....my futile attempts just fail.....because dat's what futile means. useless. yeah....i'm useless....but i am constantly being used. used as a friend....used as a daughter....used as a student.....used
u want meh happy??? dere's no way dat's gonna happen....i set myself up for a fall....and now i'm falling....falling constantly.....maybe a here and there where i'm able to grasp something, but not for long.....my strength is not enuff.
i love lyphe....yet i hate it.....it gives meh stregnth, but it also makes meh weak. i am constantly just a weak image of a gurl dat i used to be. i'm just an image. dat's all dat i just am. i'm just a bag of carbon wrapped in what u would call skin. depressing aye? well i am depressing....live wit it.....yeah...l8a

GROWING
not the shortcomings of your faults which make you stumle,
rather it is the pride and jealousness of your heart
not a true athlete would say, "i don't need to practice."
but rather take the time to improve
to the one who finds joy in work, work and enjoy
and to the man with no GOD, let Him open your eyes
do no look at another's shorcoming and stumble,
but grow and learn from one's mistakes
to a jealous heart, let him see the abilities of others
to the one who is prideful, find room to improve
where love is lost, it will be found
where it is cold, it will be warm
and when one cannoth frond the path, the path will still be there
shortcomings do not make you stumble, but rather your pride and jealousness

A PHONE CALL AWAY
a machine with digits
something you can use to communicate with friends
a great inventions by alexander bell
you can save a life,
talk to friends,
have a job
you just might be a phone call away
it does not long to dial a number
it is certainly worth using when you need to talk
you might be a phone call away, maybe even miles away
even still, your voice will travel far
you will be heard
you might just be a phone call away,
but it will certainly not feel that way when we talk
the seas can separate us,
but you will always just be a phone call away

OKAY....DIS IS like extremely stupid one.....i wrote it like 3 years ago at like 3 in da morn.....yeah i noe....it's very like amatueruish......

ANGEL
i am an angel
you are and angel
i can fly
u can fly
no matter how unhappy you are, u will always be an angel
let your spirit soar above the clouds
let your mind guide you
the world is your sky
where can you be?
will you be be lost in a cloud?
will you be behind the tree?
no matter where you are, you will be found
with the sun, like a big warm hug, it will greet you
let your mind open and your spirit soar
you are an angel no matter what others around u may think
remember, to the world you may only be one person,
but to one person you may just be the world

yeah.....dat dream poem used to be my favourite one....but now as i read it, it's soo stupid.....if u have suggestions......tell meh......

i'll post like all my poems on dis thing....why??? cause i'm bored....have nothing to do for another three hours. so yeah....sighs.....

A DREAM
the fuzziness
the nightmares
the stuff thot do not make sense
the things that we wish that would come true
these are our dreams
long forgotten pasts
little beautiful princesses
fairy tale endings
wish these things were all true
our futures
our past
and our present
these things are reality
dreams can happen
wishes can come true
when you work at your dream anything is possible
the dream will always be within u
even if you cannot see it, it is there
look deep down inside u and you will find it
there might be a dream you have forgotten
remember it
it is there
the dream is there where it should be
just understand it
your dream will come true

i skipped skool today.....i don't really feel soo well. i feel really really sick. my daddy came and called la. hahaha=.:D got in trouble for not answering da first few times.....sighs....i had no guts to. oh wellz. hahaha=>:D i've learned my lesson. well i'm tired and sick....so i'll be going now....love ya'll....l8a......

hahaha=>:D...
hahaha=>:D meh a poet....i've lost all my skills.....i am now unable to express my thoughts through the rhythm of words. my vocab has now become soo useless and like small. well u noe peeps keep things. even if u don't have it in material form, u will always still have it in ur heart. yeah.....i still have my story....it's not meh i wuz describing.....but hey....it's alritez. i dunno what i'm saying....

lonely lyphe
there she stands amid the snow
she is lost and confused with no where to go
she slips and she slides, unable to hide
every thought on her mind cannot be denied
she stands, but not tall
she runs, but will fall
everyone cares, this she sees
everyone can laugh and tease
what a girl
she makes u want to hurl

well sollie.....dun have ne more thoughts....i'll come bak to dis l8a....

man, my posts are sooo infrequent now. but i guess since i ain't as unhappy as i wuz a few weeks ago, i dun have much to write n e more. okayz....i'm finished reading a classic. it's called like the catcher in the rye, by like jd salinger? yeah. it is. well i guess dat guy is sorta like meh. he thinks everything or at least everyone is fake and phony. i don't really think everything is fake, but rite now...as i see everything, everything is hiding behind something. sighs. i don't get it. i thought i wuz over this stage in my lyphe a few years ago. what de hell is wrong wit meh now? sighs??? i have no clue. now days....my heart is always yearning for more. is it just because i'm used to having someone there for me? wait.....i still have peeps dere for meh. sighs.....lyphe sucks some ass....and it sure bites! oh wellz.....meh like totally tired....kinda like sad....sorta missing everyone and everything.....but i'll get over it....like everything else dat passes in my lyphe.
i will move on. i will be happy. i will be independant! i will survive! who says a gurl hasta rely on peeps? who says a gurl isn't just or even more stronger den a guy? who says i can't? well......u underestimate urself and others if u say u can't. i'm very pessimistic, but as the days go by.....i'm learning. learning to be more happy, to think happier thoughts, to just try to walk in a happier path. sounds easy to u dun it??? well when ur in da middle of a situation dat could not have been avoided.....it's kinda hard. well dere are many things i could have done to not set up for a fall....but i guess da padding which i feel upon wuz just a very hard matress. i have no clue......i wanna express my thoughts. i wanna get all dis sh!+ outta meh. but i can't....why? i have no clue. why??? because i'm just a lost and confused lil gurly dat well....likes to talk.....oh yeah....i'm sorry if i ever piss da shit outta ya cause i'm down....or i'm always angry....or when i'm always swearing at u.....i'm sooo sorry.....u noe i still love ya....hehehe=>:D hugs and kisses peeps....

okayz.....ere's another song......well dis one's in english......
YOU
Sarina Paris

u (8x)

My song's not ringing, my toe bell isn't singing?
My bed is empty, my friends says all I do is cry
Because you left me and you didn't even want me
I'm lost and lonely, can't live without you

[Chorus]
You
Every beat of my heart, every day of my life
Every thought on my mind
Every second, every moment
You
Every still of the night, every romance goes right
Every dream I deny
Every second, every moment
You
Every beat of my heart, every day of my life
Every thought on my mind
Every second, every moment
You
Every tear that I cry, every hope in my mind
Everything that I hide
Every second, every moment
You
Every second, every moment: You (3x)

I'm hearing footsteps outside my door I get up
A voice is humming, a tune that's sounding like "goodbye"
I know I'll find you, no matter where you're hiding
And so I wish for a chance to find you

[Chorus]
You (9x)
[Chorus]
You

yupz....it's like a song dat i'm like addicted to at dis very moment. peeps all think it's depressing. is it??? i really dun think it is so sad. hahaha=>:D but den again...maybe dat's just da way i feel.....oh wellz.....u should go d/l it.....it's awesome!!!! hahaha=>:D yupz....well l8a everyone....i'll write some like more thoughts l8a.....hehehehehe=>:d l8a....hehehe=>:D chillax yo....