i don't wanna run away, but i can't take it, i don't understand. sighs sighs. jean.....u are soo rite. i miss him lots, still....afta six months and two weeks....i still miss him lots....sighs sighs. u are soo rite. and rite now, u believe that i'm just rebounding and dat i just like every guy that gets close to me because i hurt soo much and miss soo much. yeah yeah, u are rite. sighs sighs. i sigh alot now days. i sound like an old lady don't i? sighs sigh.

yeah i've told ya jean. i miss alot of what i can't have because everyone's just my friend. yeah. and it would be inappropriate for plain friends to just come up to meh and hug me from behind, to kiss my forhead, to smell my hair. it would just be awkward either way. yeah yeah. for both sides. u wish the best for me. as like everyone else. sighs sigh.

i just miss that feeling of hearing someone else's heartbeat. i just miss being held tight as if never to be let go of. of course u will always haveta let go, but while it lasted, it was worth it. hey. it was sweet to see you just lay there and sleep rite beside me, even though both times i never slept. hm....i never even really said much of this to n e one. well u noe, most times i missed fellowship, was because i was out with willy. yes yes, saying that i went out with jenny, i'm evil i noe, but too bad. hahaha=>:d i suppose what i miss is just that look while sumone's sleeping. u prolly dun undestand unless it happen to you. just that look on that person's face what i mean is unless someone's fallen asleep in ur arms or vise versa. but i can remember that look. it is soo sweet. when they are in totally peace. and they sleep, thinking that you are safe in their arms and nothing can e wuz soo sweet when u slept. hahaha=>:D twice at ur old house, it wuz sweet enuff to last a lyphe time. u became angry at me when i looked at you when u fell asleep on the bus and i wuz staring at you. sighs sighs. i can't help it. it shocked me, but i suppose no one likes people staring at them. then it surprised meh even more when on the bus u told me to shut up because u wanted to ease drop on what someone was saying. yeah, at that time, i had no clue. i wuz still the happiest gurl alive, could you not see that? by just being there, u kept meh being the happiest gurl. did you haveta drop me soo suddenly? why? why? why?!?!?!? why did you leave meh in critical care like that? why did you haveta do dat? sighs sighs. maybe i wuz just blind. now, u left meh even worst then when i first begun. at least before you, i didn't care much accept what i wanted, now i want everything and accept everything. what have leaving meh done to me? what i have done to myself? arg!!!! i am digusted at myself. arg!! sighs sighs