sighs.....

another person who's fallen into satan's trap. i've never seen a person so introverted that they are soo shy that they are unwilling to say hi to the crowd who is in front of them. as i said to jean, i've met intoverted people. i've met extroverted people. i've met sad people. i've met angry people. but i just never met a guy that wuz so introverted, so shy, so depressed and so angry before. maybe that person reminds meh of me from time to time. maybe that person even reminds you of you too. i noe at least i used to be that person. but the thing that causes meh to be a bit better above that crowd of depressed freaks is the fact that i'm willing to talk about it. even if it's just an online journal, at least it let's meh release my thoughts somehow.

people say i hide myself now. maybe those that i used to tell everything to. when u find the friend who is most compatible with you, you won't need to hide n e thing. and maybe if i hide and not tell you, it's because you aren't as compatible as we once thought our friendship wuz. yes, we will be close, we will always be close, but it's not sensationsal? i'm not talking to regular readers of these thoughts, i'm talking to those who randomly come on and read em once every few months or so. yes, we can be close friends, but i could not possibly tell you everything. there are just some things people don't wanna hear. no one wanna hear about those stupid sad times that people have once in a while, in my case, every two weeks or so. sighs sighs. one saying that i will remember for lyphe...."you can satisfy one person, but that doesn't mean u can satisfy everyone in the world." i dunno where i heard it, i dunno who said it in my lyphe time, but i just rememba it so well.

i can't possibly be there for everyone every day, every time. i haven't been here for myself to rely on. how could n e one possibly rely on me? i want people to rely on me, but is it possible. yeah, i can't find better words than rely and possible/possibly. those words at the present moment are very important for meh. maybe i caused myself to fall into thise already dug up pit for myself. i've just caused more road along the already narrow and winding, long path that i must take. sighs.

people say you can't love someone else till you love yourself. it's actually very true. if you do not respect or care for yourself, how do you think it's possible to love someone who isn't urself? sighs sighs. i must first love to love those who are very close to me before i will ever possibly be able to love n e one else. that's just da way goes.