well, here goes everything.

i had fun at the mall. yes...i suppose i did. as i always do, but i never noe what happens. sighs sigh. i used to enjoy shopping, but wuz wrong with meh, dere is definately sumthing wrong with meh if i dun even like shopping. sighs sighs. well, as i look at it now, as it is nite time, i notice a few things. one, i shouldn't have went to the movies. i shall never go to the movies again. watching movies in the movie theatres make meh feel sick. i dunno, but every time i watch movies in the movie theatres, i get a very bad headache, it's more of a migraine. sighs. u know how a migraine is like rite? well think of that feeling, but the only thing different, it only happens with meh with loud noises and big flashy lights. yeah, that's why i don't watch movies when it's dark. so it doesn't seem as brite. yeah, that way, it dun hurt my mind as much. it's scary, once i told the doctors these symptoms, he wuz afraid for meh. he told meh to take the menengitis shot or whatever. sighs sighs. told meh to eat more vitamins do more exercise. yeah, i can say i'm quite inactive, but i am not not fit.

secondly, i dunno why, but i felt bad. it's not like brian didn't seem to have a bad time. maybe it's just me that i like to make everyone feel perfectly fine, which he prolly wuz, maybe it's just gonna be meh. i just felt plain bad. i dunno....i made him walk/ run all da way bak across streets... sighs sighs. yeah yeah...it wuz great to like see ya again...for maybe da last time before skool starts again. cause i prolly wun eva be able to leave da house again till like a long weekend or christmas or march break la. i will just haveta wait...

thirdly, i just feel as if i don't fit it. it used to never be this way, i just feel plain outta place everywhere now. maybe i'm wanting too much. maybe my parents are rite, i have always acted as if the world has always owed me sumthing. maybe they weren't wrong. sighs.

yeah, i started crying on the way to da plaza to drop off brian. yeah, i started crying. i dunno what happened, but suddenly all this sadness came to me. thoughts that i haven't thought for ages came back to my mind. is there sumthing wrong with me? i enjoy company, but is it really all that good for me? maybe one thought that caused me to start crying wuz this thought. GOD doesn't like chaos, but why are all my thoughts in chaos? why can i not think straight? that thought put tear after tear in my eyes. i dunno what went wrong, but sumthing snapped today. sumthing i don't wanna see happen again, but i noe i will.