sighs. i'm confused again. i write too much and i do not talk about anything. these past two days since monday night, i have been deeply distressed. i'm getting into higher grades, and yet my marks are getting lower and lower. sighs sighs. i feel sooo inadequate.

hm....when i speak, do i have an accent? it's weird. some people say i have an accent, and some people say i don't. i have no clue. but i know i don't speak perfect english, and i also know that i don't speak perfect cantonese. args. baka.....oh wellz. wo yong yuan dao bu hui ming bai de. wo bu zhi dao wei she me le, sou yi ni bu ying gai wen wo le. hm. aw but gi doe wai sum mo, dan si aw but ho yi ming bact. aw wing yuen do but ho yi tong ney gai sic aw sueng suet sum mo la. i don't even know why i did that, i haven't done ping ying or attempted phonetically spelling cantonese either. weird. faye sueng wun guct la....sighs. wo hun wu liao la......oh wellz. maybe it's because most my asian friends are taiwanese or what not, but you know, everyone that i talk to that is really asian thinks i'm taiwanese now. and when i speak cantonese, they are surprised that i am not speaking mandarin. hm. i think it's a good thing and bad thing that i'm dropping japanese. i see that i want to learn on my own benefit, and that it could help people get to know GOD. but then all at the same time, i see how such a waste of my time that could be. but i suppose it's not my time to waste, and it's not my time to begin with. so it's basically i pray and hope that seeds will blume and grow i suppose. but will i ever be fluent enough? will i ever feel less inadequate? i do not know.