my mmma's right

the way i am living, i live like a pointless person. i am an impatient person that starts yelling at everyone just because things don't go my way.

more than one person has told me i'm selfish....and therefore......it must be right to some extent.

i mean, i totally understand where my parents are coming from when they call me selfish......and i rather kinda understand where brian is coming from when he called me selfish...whether or not it was a misunderstanding or not.

imma glum chum......

it was nice that people phoned me, but the phonecall didn't leave me all tooo excited either. i suppose it's still nice to know that some people take the time outta their day to waste it and call me. i mean, we didn't accomplish n e thing by talking to me for 2 hours plus......and by the end of it.....i started pushing everything away because i didn't wanna say n e thing.

there's no point in posting my thoughts on here n e more......it doesn't help....and it only leaves me feeling more and more shitty because more and more things get twisted the wrong way and end up going toward rock bottom and i'm tooo lazy to reverse the whole situation sometimes. sighs sighs.

suicide is an escape....it's freedom beyond this.....it's asking for it when i talk about it......but is it not enough that i say these thoughts and yet must be drilled on them till the point that i may actually run off and go doing it because it makes me feel even more shitty.

yes....friends are there to help....but sometimes.....it leaves me in a larger world of it's own.....

i want to be alone....that's just the way i am.....

when i get no attention....all i want is attention....when i have attention....i want nothing to do with it. there is no balance in my life. everything is towards one extreme or the other.

maybe all i do is sit on my ass because i'm tooo lazy to change anything happening in my life. i suppose that's the root to all my problems......now....where do i get energy and perseverance to get off my ass and do something from?

it's pointless to go and try helping me. the main issue is.....i am tooo concerned with self to notice n e thing else in life. i see everything good going on around me and question myself why i don't feel that way....and it's completely frustrating. the way i feel is just the way i feel. there isn't always a reasoning to why i feel a certain way....i just do.

emotions aren't that important, but emotions....that's just what makes me me.......