tears

i am a coward. i am a fool. i feel like shit.....i always do. why won't this feeling just leave me....why can't i just be emotionless and uncaring? why must i care and why must i have feelings?

fine brian, you say i'm a selfish lil brat....fine.....then maybe i am.....*sobs*

i don't know who i am n e more. i feel like i'm just this miserable person compared to everyone in my family and everyone in my family is a saint because they care about each and every one else. i don't do well enough in school and don't treat people in my family all tooo great. args.....
my fucking mistake for going out last night. i really shouldn't have. i see i shouldn't have. sighs sighs. it's my fault that i was being immature and just a little brat and didn't see how much my sister wanted me. blah.....my priorities are messed up.

i don't belong here. all i end up doing is hurting everything and everyone around me. and most of all, i don't feel n e better. all i feel like is shit. everyone cares tooo much or tooo lil. some people are insensitive bastards that don't know how to say things nicely and just end up backlashing me into more hurt and depression.

i will never go to n e one else with my problems. never. some people's advice doesn't help me and only hurts me more. some people's advice works, but only for a short period of time.

i am a christian......but there is a difference between believing you are a christian and whether or not you actually are. args args.

i wish i were mute, i wish i were deaf, i wish i were blind, i wish i was immoble, i wish i was unable to have thoughts and ideas.......i just wish i wasn't alive.

leave me alone!!!