and so what if tommy was right?  i am trying to hide from this emptiness i felt?  so what if i was?  well at least now i am reassured.  i may not be the happiest child....but i can only strive for better.  it may not last.....but it doesn't mean it won't come back.  i'll fall into depression again......prolly in the next week or so....but till then.....i have alot of stuff i need to work on.