one thing to say bout da translations. well i'm a gurl. and da person who like sang it wuz a guy.....so i'll just say dis....where ever it says something bout leaving you to another guy......think it's saying it to a boi and meh saying i'm leaving you to another gurl.....
yupz.....well i actually like fell in love with dese three songs in order from bottom up. first i fell in love with simple love because i wuz in love and wanted it simple. then da next song...unable to speak.....most of it wuz just cause i didn't open my mouth to ask and sh!t....so therefore.....da name is sorta suiting....but da lyrics were kinda off........den da one dat i like rite now....an jing...or silence......rite now.....it's how i feel. so therefore......it is a song of a moment. after a while i noe i'll move on and i'll just find another song to hum to....hahaha=>:D l8a

one last translation for da day........also by jay chou....dis is like my fave of his songs actually....

an jing
zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo tan le yi tian
shui zhao de da ti qin
an jing de jiu jiu de
wo xiang ni yi biao xian de fei change ming bai
wo dong wo ye zhi dao
ni mei you she bu de
ni shou ni yi hui nan gou wo bu xiang xin
qian zhe ni pei zhe wo
ye zhe shi cent jing
xi want ta shi zhen de bi wo hai yao ai ni
wo cai hui bi zi ji li kai
ni yao wo shou duo nan kan
wo gen ben bu xiang fen kai
wei shen meh hai yao wo yong wei xiao lai dai guo
wo mei you zhe zhong tian fen
bao rong ni ye jie shou ta
bu yong dan xing de tai duo
wo hui yi zhi hao hao guo
ni yi jing yuan yuan li kai
wo ye hui man man zou kai
wei shen me wo lian fen kai dou qian jiu zhe ni
wo zhen de mei you tien fen
an jing de mei zhe meh kuai
wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni
shi yin wei wo tai ai ni

englishy!!!!
silence
only the piano is left over to talk with me for a day
the sleeping cello
the old silence
i think that you have already showed to understan very much
i understand and i know
you will not miss
you say you will feel sad, i don't believe
holding you being with me
it is only in the past
hope that he really needs to love you more compared to me
only then will i force myself to leave
you want me to say it is very embarrassing
i basically do not want to part
why do i still have to use a subtle smile to carry across?
i do not have this kind of talent to
tolerate you and accept him
don't need to worry too much
i will constantly live well
you have already left far far away
i will also slowly get out
why must i be yielding to you even for separation?
i really do not have a talent
the silence is not this fast
i will learn to give you up
it is because i love you too much

now on to my next song.......also in translation.....also by da same person....JAY CHOU!!!!!!
dis song is

kai bu liao kou
cai li kai mei duo jiu jiu kai shi
dan xin jin tian de ni guo de hao bu bao
zheng ge hua mian shi ni
xiang ni xiang dao shui bu zhao
zui du du na ke ai de mu yang
hai you zai ni shen shang xiang xiang de wei dao
wo de kuai le shi ni
xiang ni xiang de dou hui xiao
mei you ni zai wo you duo nan ao
(mei you ni zai wo you duo nan ao duo fan nao)
mei you ni fan wo you duo fan nao
(mei you ni fan wo you duo fan nao duo nan ao)
chuan guo yun ceng wo shi zhe nu li xiang ni ben pao
ai cai song dao
ni que yi zai bie ren huai bao
jiu shi kai bu liao kou
rang ta zhi dao
wo yi ding hui he hu zhe ni
ye dou ni xiao
ni dui wo you duo zhong yao
wo hou hui mei
rang ni zhi dao
an jing de ting ni sa jiao
kan ni shui zhao yi zhi dao lao
jiu shi kai bu liao kou
rang ta zhi dao
jiu shi na me jian dan ji ju
wo ban bu dao
zheng ke xin xuan zai ban kong
wo zhi neng gou yuan yuan kan zhe
zhe xie wo dou zuo de dao
dan nei ge ren yi jing bu shi wo

english time!!!
cannot speak/ unable to speak
i only left how long ago and i have started to
worry about whether or not you are living happily today
the whole screen is you
thinking of you so much that i cannot sleep
pointy mouth, that lovable appearance
and the sweet-smelling taste on your body
my happiness is you
thinking of you so much that i will smile
without u you, i find it very hard to endure
(without you here i find it hard to endure and i have a lot of annoyance)
without you annoying me, i have alot of annoyance
(without u annoying me, i have alot of annoyance and find it hard to endure)
cut through layers of clouds
i am trying to make efforts to run in a hurry towards you
love only then is delivered
but you are already in someone else's arms
that is i cannot speak
to let her know
i will definately scold loudly protectin you
i will also tease you to laugh
you are very importatn to meh
i regret not letting you know
quietly listening to you acting like a spoiled child
looking at you sleeping
constantly until when we're old
that is i cannot speak
to let her know
that is such a few simple words
i am unable to manage
the whole heart hanging in mid air
i can only watch from far far away
these i can accomplish
but that person is already not meh

considering i cannot write chinese on dis thingy......here goes ping ying.....

jian dan ai
shuo bu shang wei shen me
wo bian de hun zhu dong
ruo ai shange yi ge rend
shen me dou hui zhii de qu zuo
wo xiang de sheng xuan bu
dui ni yi yi bu she
lian ge be lin ju dou cai dao wo xian zai de gan shou
he bian de feng
zai chui zhe tou fa piao dong
qian zhe ni de shou
yi zhen mo ming gan dong
wo xiang dai ni
hui wo de wai po jia
yi qi kan zhe ri luo
yi zhi dao wo men dou shui zhao
wo xiang jiu zhe yang qian zhe ni de shou bu fang kai
ai neng bu neng gou yong yuan dan chen mei you be ai?
wo xiang dai ni qi dan che
wo xian he ni kan bang qiu
xiang zhe yang mei dan you
chang zhe ge yi zhi zou
wo xiang jiu zhe yang qian zhe ni de shou bu fang kai
ai ke bu ke yi jian jian dan dan mei you shang hai?
ni kao zhe wo de jian bang
ni zai wo xiong kou shui zhao
xiang zhe yand de sheng huo
wo ai ni
ni ai wo...
jian jian dan dan ai
xiang jian jian dan dan ai

well now here comes de english translation......yes.....i hate dis song now....i hate it.....i truly dispise it....but why do i post it up???? because i want peeps to read it....why??? becuase it used to mean sumthing to meh....why???? because i wuz in love...and am outta love now.....but still in love wit someone dat no longer loves meh

simple love
unable to say why
i have become very initiative
if i have fallen in love with one person
anything is worth going to do
i want to loudly announce
i am reluctant to part wit you
even the next-door neighbour can guess my present feeling
the riverside wind is blowing my hair to waft
holding you hand
an unknown feeling
i want to take you bak to my maternal grandmother's house
looking at the sunset together
straight until we are sleeping
i want to be holding you hand like this and not let go
can love be pure forever without sorrow?
i want to take you to ride bicycles
i want to watch baseball with you
want to be like this without worries
singing songs
constantly walking
i want to be holding your hand like this and not let go
can love be simple without hurt?
you are leaning on my shoulder
you are sleeping at the pit of my stomach
like this kind of life
i love u
u love me
want simple love!
want simple love!

way too muchie bout reflecting on her mind rite now....egh!!!!!

as i look upon my weeks....this is what i see.......there is bound to be one day which i break down, at least 2 days of happiness and 1 day of anger......and for the other 3 days....i will feel nothing at all. and today it's one of those days dat i dun feel n e thing at all. i can't think....can't consentrate....can't do n e thing. today's monday.....tomorrow is tuesday. i have no clue......i have a job now.....crap ass job. really stinks sum bum......only $7/h.......but at least it's sumthing. i dun like da peeps i work wit, but since i'm working there,,....i'll just haveta tolerate it i guess. maybe working is just an experience. i guess everything happens for a reason. i rarely even come here n e more....cause i am no longer down. the more down i am.....the more thoughts i post. i guess peeps really believe that i'm dis happy go lucky gurly. hahaha=>:D what a joke.....what a laugh.....i am totally not like dat n e more. in grade 7, i thought i found myself, but instead, i find myself questioning who i truly am because of it. i've skipped skool today....for like well....da second time dis month.......it's not good. i'm loosing my morals.....i'm loosing my standards......all my tears just flow outta my heart and through my eyes. i want to be happy......but all i can see is myself being happy and no action toward being that way. some say being happy is a 24/7 commitment. i believe this is right....but i cna't live it out.....as u can read....i'm a gurl that reflects on her actions and actions done by others toward her. i do this quite often.

now i am reflecting. i guess dis is what i do when i'm by myself and have nothing to do.....i reflect. well here goes. dis is what i see.....as a third person point of view. here goes......i'm a gurl dat can't let go of the past.....no matter how she wants to. the past memories just come flooding bak into her mind no matter how hard she tries to flee from them. then again....this gurl has tried ignoring all her past memories, but she ends up just being even more miserable than she already is. some say she's purehearted.....some say she just has a stubborn mind and heart. others just don't say n e thing at all because dey dunno what to say to her that wun effect her. everyone wants the best for her......everyone cares....even in the littlest bit, but dis gurly just can't put those words into actions. she noes that everyone cares for her because she can feel it. she can feel love. love, it's like the wind.....u can't see it, but you can feel that it's there. i guess love is one of those things that is only one thing on many levels. hahahaha=>:D funnay aye??? n e ways.....no matter how hard she tries to be happy.....she falls even more den when she tried to pick herself up. she smiles....looks happy......all just a mask.....she's a total fake. she'd be the darndest best actress u've seen in your lyphe.....why???? because damn....dis gurl can act....even if she ain't paid. soo many peeps worry about her. she's weak health wise, she's weak in spirit, she's weak in mind, she's weak just as a person. she is not a follower, but she isn't always a leader. peeps worry about her cause dey care.....she noes it. she once committed herself into making peeps happy......really....she did.....but den....now....how could she make n e one happy when she's so down herself aye??? she loved, and she still does.....lyphe goes on.....well....lil sabby here is just gonna shut up and leave now......chill outz y'all...

now, as i sat on the can, thinking of who i am. the funniest thing just popped up in my mind. the thought of change. or strictly speaking, the change of my mind, on my decisions, and of my judgement. everyone always thinks that this lil gurly here, me, always changes my mind. and that my decisions change with the events that occur in my lyphe. for the first time, i can really just say, those peeps.....really .....am i like that? i noe i ain't. say for instance, if i chose to do sumthing, i will do sumthing; if i dun chose to do sumthing, i wun. so yeah. u can't change my mind once it's made, and if i do change, it's not by choice, unless it's to be happy. but dat's not da point.

sorry here.....i just ramble on and on about da same sh!t dat happens. i dun have many thoughts. but i just think alot about tons and tons of useless and pointless stuff. hahaha=>:D u noe....da funniest thing i believe is anger.

yes i said anger. today is a friday, well i wuz like at skool today during my fourth period lunch. man. it's the funniest thing. not funny because peeps were throwing stupid stuff like pennies and food at our caff table, but dat well......how peeps express their anger. here are a few ways of anger dat i see. my choice= to punch, or kick or slap or hit sumthing at a convenient time so that after all the anger all i'll focus on is the pain of my actions. yupz.....but many others do other choices. either a) boggle it up inside of em, swallow it.....den when one thing happens......KABOOM......everything explodes. b) to take out all their anger upon what caused them to be anger.......in this case.....revenge on those who threw food at meh...... or c) to take it all out with those who u hang around with and just talk about the whole damn thing. i personally do all three at different times, but maybe dat's just da way i see soo many stupid stuff. oh wellz.

my thoughts are stupid....so now i'm signing off.....hahaha=>:d luv ya baby......hahaha=>:D

rite now, i'm like listening to one of the only english songs i have on my play list. i don't wanna miss a thing. i guess if u live in the moment and let urself live in it everything'll be fine and u wun miss a thing. yes, through sleep, u mite be missing things, but u noe what? most chances are, u wun miss all dat much cause dey would be sleeping too. hahaha=>:D or unless dey are like meh......thinkers dat think way too much......then u have a problem. a big one. i hate thinking, but that's who i am. a thinker, a talker, and a listener..... i hate lyphe, but i love it. i wanna live, but i wanna die. i am a very controdicting person. but who ain't rite? you can be happy even if u think alot of bs and sh!t. lyphe is miserable, but it's just a task. no matter where u end up in the end, heaven or hell.....lyphe is still a task and trial.

u can prove me wrong me wrong by showing meh a happy person that has never been through any rough times. 10 outta 10 peeps have.....and if not.....dey are liars... or at least liars to themselves. being an optimist doesn't mean that u dun go through trials and hardships. u go through more in some sense, u just dun let it get to u much as much. i'm a pure pessimist. i dun think happy by nature, well i do, but now i dun. i've just let every shitty instance that has happened to meh get to meh, and i advise u, dun do dat. dun ever try to. it's not good.

well take my advice or not.......luv u all.....l8a

how can i say this? i haven't felt soo well in my lyphe. i mite be sick and unhealthy, but i have not been so happy in such a long time. i guess since i am sorta making myself to be a certain way, it feels alrite. i can't live a lyphe ful of sorrow. or can i?? well i don't wanna noe. wha da heck is lyphe for if all i do is like make myself suffer? i thank everyone one of u. yes, u prolly got soo mad at meh cause i always put myself down, put everything happening to meh to such bad odds. i'm sorry, but i thank you all for still being here for me.

here are my list of thank yous

first and foremost, to GOD, my savior, my creator, my stregnth, my hope, my everything. You are the only one that noes my heart. You are my father who noes the outcome. You noe what i can handle and what i can't. Only You can bring meh out of n e situation. even the four words "thank you very much" can't really compare to all You've done for meh. but all the same, my heart is yours because u first loved meh even when i wuz a sinner. THANX.....

baby joy- ur support for everything i do and what i can't do is special, u prolly dunno, but thank you. thank you soo muchie. love ya happy gurly....hehehe=>:D

jeannie baby- thanx for being there and just listening to my crap ass stupid stuff. u never say n e thing, and i noe ur always just asking why i am soo down all the time. that i have no answer to too, but i thank you all the same. thanx for being there even if, all u can do is listen and say nothing. thanx......love ya my jeannie poo.....hahaha=>:D

baby jenny- hey gurly, u dunno how much u mean to meh. you're like the only one at skool dat actually noes meh sooo well. i noe u always ask the question of why i'm so unhappy or why i think so unhappily. you noe i can't really answer you. if it weren't for u at skool, i'd prolly have like already quit and dropped out by now la. thanx for being there for meh. thanx for being my friend. thanx for giving meh a reason to go to skool. thanx for everything u've done for meh. thanx and love ya jenny gurl.

alfred boi- ur philosophy of lyphe is sooo rite. it is da philosophy of many peeps. and by many, i noe.....i've heard enuff peeps say it to noe. the time u said it to meh on msn means more than just ur philosophy ba. dat i am completely serious, ur words just changed meh. unlike n e one else who have said the same thing, it just hit meh. you dunno how much your words mean to meh rite now, but thank you sooooo much

bri boi- thanx for being there for meh. thanx for being like the brother i never had, giving me wise advice. thank you. there is still sooo much that i need to say, but words just can't describe my greatfulness. all together......4 words.......THANK YOU VERY MUCHIE!!!! wait.....maybe 4 more.......love ya bri boi

kenning- hehehehe=>:D well u dunno it, the conversation really helped, being able to express everything outta myself felt better. i guess i've never really told much of myself out to you like dat, but thanx for lending a listening ear and a helpful heart and hand. thanx. hehehe=> thank ya......

willy boi- i noe i piss da shit outta u all da time. i noe i'm as depressing as hell. i'm sorry. but through ur anger, u noe what? i've seen alot. hahaha=>:D by the time or if u even actually read this, u might still angery at meh, but actually, overnite, i'm different. hahaha=>:d maybe only for a short time being (hopefully not), but thank you altogether. u mite be saying why am i thanking you? but the answer is, u already noe for what. thanx a million, willy.

^for the list above, i'm sorry, i dunno how many other peeps helped, but i thank each and everyone of u did and tried, no effort no matter how small is ever wasted. everyone of u peeps are my angels without wings. no words can express. i thank you all. love u and give my heart to u peeps.



now continueing on. i've found myself. i'm now in a happier place. well not dead of course or i wun be typing dis, but i'm happier den before at least. and dis.....will last, why? because as ken said to meh, use every action, thought, and word every effort of you to be happy. and it took a week to actually hit meh. guess i will use every bit of meh to be happy. and eventually....it wun need to be an 100% try....it will just be me. well thanx. i am happier den before. hehehe=>:D ^^ :P ^____________________^ yupz....long smile form. hahaha=>:d luv ya'll....l8a

words tooo rarely said
i love u
i miss you
thank you very much
i'm sorry
there are many things you should think about
there are many things you should care about
there are things you should not even know about
never dig a pit for yourself, you never know if you can climb out
you are never deserted and alone unless u first desert yourself
you are the only one who knows who you are, and who you are not
how can you expect others to solve your problems when you don't really even know what they are?
i love you
i miss you
thank you very much
i'm sorry
say things that u do not say very often to others that you care about
stop saying the words you say over and over again
meaingless, meaningless, why are you being this way?
you know how you are supposed to be and how you should not be
now since you know, now live it out

freedom of speech. expressions. i guess some actions do speak louder than words. than, facial and body language is very loud den. hahaha=.:d look into my eyes. what do u see? prolly not enuff. but oh wellz. i dun wantchu looking into my eyes. hahaha=>:D well i guess i'm feeling alot better now......alot better. hahaha=>:D i geuss dat's cause i'm actually like focussing on sumthing now. like myself and concentrating on being happy. my eyes hurt from crying soo muchie. guess i care just way toooooooooooo muchie, it's bad now........i'd rather feel hurt than be cold. i am very extreme. i dunno why, but i noe nothing inbetween hurt and coldness. i see nothing as a maybe....and when i say maybe....it's normally a yes......so therefore....i am extreme......very extreme.....well love u all......and u all are still my pillar of stregnth be cause i noe my jar of stregnth is way too low, so meh gonna go now. maybe forever, prolly not......becuase i will live, i will survive. yupz.....i ain't useless....i noe i ain't.....no one has deserted me. only i have deserted my self in a hot desert sumwhere without much to rely on. so.....the next entry.....hopefully will be of happiness and ain't of sadness and despair. the world is a place of darkness, ain't as dark as how i vision it......so therefore....i should be happier rite??? well hahaha=>:D i'm slowly, very gradually getting outta it now.....well luv u all....XOXOXOXO.....hahaha=>:D

those who actually read my thoughts. or at least those i want to read my thoughts. i just wanna say i'm sorry. sorry for being such a depressing piece of sh!t. i really should learn to get over things more quickly. i really should stop caring bout soo much. i'm falling....falling....falling....and hit the bottom the the pit which i thought wuz bottomless. i've fallen soo far under ground that it's sooo cold i can't feel n e thing. and i'm serious. i guess all who've actually fallen down soo deep would noe what i mean. my mind runs to thoughts of suicide. SUICIDE......a thought always on my mind. i'm one of the most suicidal peeps i've ever known in my own lyphe. but i never take action.....and i guess u peeps who want meh to live should be glad dat i dun take action. those who want meh here, i'm glad that u do. those that get mad because i'm a depressing piece of sh!t.....well i'm glad that u care bout sumthing.

i've never felt sooo useless in my lyphe!!! even when i wuz about to like jump off the cliff!!! and i mean never!!!! never have i!!!!! i guess in da same sense, i let myself fall soo far down. i'm just a big lazy ass that takes no action. i'm soo contridictory. very. rite at this moment, i feel nothing, but everything at the same time. i hate everything, but yet i still love. weird aye??? i can't really describe it. i guess i just let things get to meh and dun do n e thing to stop it from getting to meh. i feel like an idiot and anyone who noes meh noes dat i ain't da brightest star, but nor am i very dull. i can still spread light. my light is still dim. i dun let myself shine too bright, but why do i do that? can n e one answer dese stupid q's for me? i guess not, considering dat i am me and i will always be me and only i can answer these questions. maybe i should be like a person who goes on a quest. a quest to search for myself. sound soo good. i believe i'm just in dat stage of lyphe where everything is blown out of proportion. maybe i should stop knowing and put all thins knowledge into action. shouldn't i? i'm the biggest liar and hypocrite u'll ever noe or see. and that i'm sooo serious of. hahaha=>:D in a few days, u can already jump to the conclusions that i'm the most depressing piece of sh!t u've ever met, u ain't wrong, but u ain't completely rite eitha. i have many happy times, i should live in the moment, and when i do, i noe dat i have a good lyphe. i have tons of peeps dat'll always care bout me. i have tons of peeps dat are always ere for meh.

all to the end, i'm going to jump off the cliff, but u peeps who still care are extrememly lucky, i have a bungy cord to pull meh bak up. so hold ur breath. the scarry part ain't jumping. it's if the rope snaps. just watch and see. i guess my cord are my friends, my family, my faith. so therefore, u peeps have nothing to fear, love never fails, faith never dies.

aw bri......i came to ur pagie, and u just cheered meh up. maybe not a huge huge thing, but u noe what.....it's still quite big deal to meh. no one really tries to cheer meh up n e more.....i've just become so emotionally imbalanced dese days......sighs. thanx bri. it means so muchie to meh. i noe dat many peeps out dere still care bout meh......but da biggest q is do i really care about myself all that much? well so yeah. everyone can try. but i tell everyone who still does try.....stop trying. just let meh go. just let meh fall. dere's nothing u can do. i mite sound really harsh, but the truth is, if u want to see results, u'll be dissapointed. just show meh once in a while that u still care, that all i need. i dun need ur 100% trying to keep meh happy. i noe u all love meh, and i love u all in return.

now all i say is.....let meh fall to the dark side of the moon.

sighs.....i have never felt so sh!tty in my lyphe. sighs. i had like a math quiz today, i've never felt so incompetent in my lyphe. i've never felt so like nothing in my lyphe!!! sighs......why am i so useless????? sighs........

sighs sighs sighs..........sooo unhappy......sighs......not many thoughts today.....can barely even concentrate la.....love ya'll....l8a

because i can't get over stupid stuff, i just end up posting it. is it rite? does n e one actually read dis? like i dunno n e one dat has read it unless i've asked em to. hahaha=>:d i think i depress da sh!t outta sum peeps. hahaha=.:d but den again, ain't it funnay to read sumone's mind?
sorta dangerous thing if u ask meh, like sumone is stalking meh through my own thoughts. kinda evil at da same time. i'm letting the whole world noe me, while those who actually noe me in person prolly dun even noe all dese stupid thoughts are going through my mind. funnay ma? i believe so. hahhaa=>:d i'm just j/king round. quite funnay if u think so. like i'm falling apart, but nobody would noe besides me. maybe besides GOD and all, for he is the creator. yes, i guess i am a half phony christian. or in a sense, a bad christian. i lie, i cheat, i steal, i swear, i'm a sinner. what can i say? i'm just very negative....these thoughts sorta getting worst ain't dey? i ain't making n e sense, ain't going n e where....and i'm just writing crap. oh wellz.....read....whatever......enjoy.....hahaha=>:d

today, i've tried to write like three entries, but each time, i messed up and posted da wrong thing, maybe it's better that way. everything is done for a reason. yes. all the good, AND the bad. there is a meaning behind lyphe. i guess i'm unhappy, but i'm happy at the same time. can i say i'm a optimistic person in a pessimistic world? well maybe not. maybe i just have both pessimistic and optimistic points of view. to meh, dat ain't really rite either. i'm more like.....when i can be happy, i pull myself down, and when i'm down, i pull myself up. so either way, i don't really stay in one mood for too long.

moods, what a funny thing. u noe how u always say dat a gurl has pms?!?!? well guyz have it too. but it's just called ims. i dun really remember what all dat stuff stands for, but ims is like da same thing as pms, but only for guyz. i ain't even gonna start to get into da details. hahaha=>:d i'll just say.....yeah....it's not just a gurl thing n e more. hahaha=>:D

well, bak to my true intentions. moods, not moodswings, but moods. what are they? can i say it's like a phase? a phase of a certain emotions? that is certainly what it is for meh. then to me, i guess i just live lyphe from phase to phase, never really truly feeling n e thing. can i say i'm cold? can anyone say i'm cold? am i cold? well, i can't say i'm cold, nor can u, cause most chances are, u prolly dunno meh and or u dun give a darn bout dis lil gurly here dat's just blabbing on. like what some people might say, i have way too big of a heart. i can almost forgive everything. and i can almost forget anything, but bring it up at n e time. i'm just the most random person sometimes. maybe in this sense, i just set myself up to get hurt a whole lot.....maybe i really truly do. which is better? living live and getting hurt because u care, or hating the world because u don't feel n e thing? i dun think neither choice should be an option. man, my darn mind just has way too many thoughts.....stupid meh. well chill outz yo.

happiness. is it a state of mind? or is happiness sumthing that can only be achieved? i guss being at this age, everything is made so difficult because u want learn who u are and who ur not. then, to add on to everything, hiding certain feelings bak ain't good either.i supposed that everyone hides behind a certain wall and mask. it all depends how different your mask looks from who u really are or how thick and what material your wall is made up of.

i can remember at the time when i was six, there was an art assignment which i had to design a mask. i don't have it any more, nor do i keep anything that really reminds me of what i did in the past. you might ask why? welll here's my answer, there are just some things u don't want to be constantly reminded of and you can always make new memories, even if it is no longer in physical form. well bak to when i was six, the mask i designed was how i really thought. it might have been really colourful looking and all. sorta happy looking from far away, but then when u looked at it from up close, it felt as if the mask wuz unhappy or crying in some way. i can remember when the teachers saying it wuz soo pretty and colourful, but then you could also hear what they said to other teachers. you dunno what dey said, but it went sumthing like dis, "it's colourful ain't it? it's coloured so well too. she's only six! it's happy, but it looks sumwhat sad, just looking at the eye slits looks like it's crying." in a sense i guess the eyes are the window to how u are. but then again, how can u noe that one is happy and truely being oneself? it's very difficult. very.

i think too much, and i'm told this everyday. i guess i am just that way, i like to think. i care too much. i want too little. i expect and hope just hte right amount, but can be soo easily let down. i guess my thoughts have no beginning, no end, no real thought.

but as everyone moves on in lyphe or faces a hard time, i just want to remind n e one, that through all things, big or small, it will all pass. a constant reminder that i always have, suicide ain't bad. it prolly feels way better then being in a shortime crisis. and that's exactly it. suicide is a longtime decision for a shortime dilema. so yeah. keep that in mind. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE AND FAITH. like a friend once told me, faith is knowing one of two things (or maybe both) that when u are down and falling, u will find that solid ground to stand on or either that or just be taught how to fly. amazing aye? just the simplest words really cause one to think aye? hehehe=>:D hugs kisses ya'll....chill outz

well in the same day to my very first post. i dun get dis stuff. and i believe my english is actually really hard to read on this thingy. i type soo funnay wit all my slang. i could like make dis entry very huge. hugeness aye? what a thought. quite amazing. greatness comes to that. but can n e actually be great? sorry bout dat.....i guess i'm just being a bit pessimistic. it's sumthing i tend to do all da time. dun mind meh.

oh yeah, does n e one come to read everyone's entries? it would be facinating to actually see dat sumone reads dis stuff. cause i noe i would only do dat if i were totally bored. which i am since i'm writing on dis thing. but i actually have tons of hmwk. so i guess i should stop procrastinating and like start to do my hmwk. but what is the point of skool if i dun learn n e thing? i'm like a dumb bumb dat shouldn't be in skool. but den again. if i weren't in skool, what would i be doing? well stupid contridicting thoughts. well eitha way.....can't describe it. it's just teen lyphe i guess. soo darn stupid.....it's just a phase. every one says time heals all things. and even i say that. but it doesn't heal it completely. we mite need plastic surgery after like time has like healed us. well let's see....i'm trying to speak in a metaphorical way, not like realy plastic surgery of course, but sumthing dat u could use after being injured so much. well i'm just talking about myself. well i dunno......everyone's gone through it at least one time in their lyphe.

phases, why a phase? so is happiness a phase too? seems to meh dat no feeling last forever. everything leaves with time. so is everything a phase?? well i'm confused. can n e one answer me??? hm. well whatever. peace

i am thoughtless and lost rite now. i do not noe what i think. i am listening to david tao, tian tian. pretty good song to me. oh wellz. i'm sorta lost for words for the way i feel. i neither feel happy nor do i feel sad. i may be upset, but who really cares ar?

this world rarely cares for n e thing but itself. it's sooo cruel. why should i care soo muchie if well no one does care all dat muchie bout meh? sooo darn stupid!! i guess i'm new at this and my thoughts really dun make n e sense. well....i have no clue....