yeah.....bruised my knuckles today.....

that tells you how frustrated i am...sighs sighs...

where's turkey when i need him?!?!? args args!!!!

before i sleep tonight, i have to get everything off my chest.

human pride comes before all actions and thoughts. sighs sighs.

i missie you sooo much boi, and it was a fancy seeing you there today. sighs sighs. i just wanted to run up to you and give you two a hug, but now know that physically, and emotionally, there is now and forever going to be a gap between us. sighs sighs.

you will always be inside my heart....

hm....bak to more important matters, i should just forget aye? i should just let the past be the past. i can't wait till the 31st!!! i finaly get to see brian!!!! yaya!!! hehehe=>:D:P but then again, i could go see him on the fifth of december if i really wanted to....hm....i do have a pd day...so i might as well go.....hm.....or i could go visit bessie....hm....that's a thought....or i could go visit jean and ann are erindale....hm.....where should i go??? i could go to clarkson....but what for?? winston's mad at meh....i could go to lp....hm...maybe i should go there....pat, tony, ken, and willy most likely would be happy to see meh??? hm....i have no clue. hehehe=>:D:P well whatever i decide to do.....i'll prolly gonna go see someone....maybe i'll just chill at mills...or take the bus to egh.....brian's house...hm...maybe i should do that...but i'd haveta tell him first.....yeah.....i could spend the day with him....well if he's not busy....hm...that's a really nice thought....then i could give him a big big hug!!!! hehehe=>:D:P

hm.....i just don't get it. sooo many people post of how much they love everyone and so and so. hm. is that all they feel? fake emotions toward something that will only last a short little while? hm...my nickname on msn is "this all that we see or seem is all but a dream within a dream - edgar allen poe" yeah. i don't know aye? is that true? i suppose it really depends on which way you are looking at things. i don't know if i should go downtown this weekend or not. i really have no clue at all. it's not like they are telling meh or urging meh to go. i just want to go. but for what reason? sighs sighs. when i express an emotion, i am normally true to my feelings, but people still say i am fake. why? hm. am i soooo similar to everyone else? wow. outta all my friends that i have met, everyone has been like wow, you are like my friend.....so and so...or wow....why are you soooo different. it's kinda funnay if you ask meh. i don't know. i miss soo much by only seeing certain things a certain way. yeah matt, i am racist, more racist than you will ever noe. some people say it's just because i'm bitter, or some just say that i'm spiteful and yet some just say i'm being stubborn. either way....i am all, but none at the same time. i find it hard to trust, not only because everyone that i do trust let's meh down, but because i'm never had a good relationship with anyone since i was young that was based on trust. yet as the days go on, trusting i now find has a lot more to do with forgiving, limits, and love more than anything else. after loving, then comes trusting, and after trusting is to forgive what in trust someone has not fulfilled. in love, you cannot hold a grudge. in love, it's not possible to not forgive. yes, you can be angry, but anger should not hold you back. growing bitter is just another excuse to be mad at someone. yeah. those that i believe are bitter toward something do have a reason, and that reason includes selfishness. and another reason for being bitter is all that we have too much pride. i have no clue. i want too muchie, but want too little, but all at the same time...nothing is easy. tired...sooo tired....

lost contact with soo many friends. i never eat lunch anymore, i just can't. scott, would he find out for me? would i want to know? most likely that i would want to know, but the truth being, can i handle the truth? hm. i'm pretty sure that everyone that goes to the library at lunch noes that i do like him, not just that, everyone around meh noes that i like him. args args. hm. wow.....

let's just say this, becuase you believe you are different, that does not make you inhuman. just because you are different, it doesn't mean that people shouldn't accept you. i mean, i don't agree with alot of things in this world. and yeah....just say that when i heard homosexuality was being allowed and was passed as a law....i was furious. but it doesn't mean that i do not love my homosexual brothers and sisters. there's a time in life when one questions themselves. maybe not the way i have in my lyphe, but i have....beyond words can say......you'll be blown away by how much i think and what i think about. but then again.....am i not just typical?

hm....cold case...that show...why did up the past? i don't get it...everyone tells meh to let go...to forget, but yet on this whos....everyone digs up what they had tried to forget. wow.....whack. sighs sighs. folding cranes...i don't have enuff wrappers...args args..evil evil...sooo darn evil!!! sighs sighs.

what you don't understand is only what you do not accept....

time can change a heart..it sure can

a few years ago...i hated that lil thingy called pucca....now i'm....somewhat obsessed....

hm...reading an autobiography.....picture this..."I am the present, but I know I, too, will pass. The high moment, the burning flash comes and are gone, continuous quicksand. And i don't want to die.".....wow.....that's all ican say...but then again....i relate to this author..so yeah

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Fresh Mint.
You are caring and friendly. You have a nurturing
personality and always help out a friend in
need. You are fairly outgoing, and always show
a friendly face. You truly care for other
people, and you show it. However, you may
neglect your own responsibilites or become over
involved in your friends' personal affairs.
Most Compatible With: Orange


Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

sighs......amd i dead or am i alive? can or die or will i be immortal? sighs sighs. yeah...death hits...and dreams are shattered. hm. through everyone's lifetime, death will come. sighs. that's not what's depressing, what's depressing is what people believe that you are leaving behind. sighs sighs. One day i'll talk to you on a level that you can't understand. those that think too much become more and more quiet. sighs sighs.

You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.

"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."

Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.

As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your soul is bound to the Glass Rose: The
Fragile.

"My heart lies somewhere between perfection
and dust. And while my soul is a sight to
behold, I shatter at the blink of an
eye."

The Glass Rose is associated with perfection,
beauty, and frailty. It is governed by the
goddess Aphrodite and its sign is the Looking
Glass, or Tenuous Love.

As a Glass Rose, you have a beautiful soul and
naturally attract people to you. Love comes
naturally to you, but it hardly ever lasts.
Though you embody the perfect form of love,
your own faults are your own undoing.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

you don't understand how much i miss people. args args. hm. my pencil case will never come bak. i'm used to that. hehehe=>:D:P args. getting baptized on the 31st....and i only have 5 words to say to that......the timing is FUCKING SHIT!!! but besides that....i can't complaine.....i've somewhat waited for this moment to come for like the longest time n e ways....so it makes no diff.....does it?

hm....presentation tomorrow...hope all goes well.....

i don't know......i know GOD said to never be unforgiving. how can you be forgiven if you do not forgive? The truth is, i don't know. What is letting go? is it not just another situation where it's just a state of mind? is simply letting go when you are able to laugh at your bad experiences? hahah. I don't know. have you ever had the time when you were really sick of doing something of the ordinary? i don't know. i have. i always feel sick of forgiving, but i always do because i don't like to be angry at people. but....people may still be angry at you even though you have forgiven them and forgiven yourself. hm. yeah, i've never really been the kind to take jokes lighty. i'm one of those types of people that take things really seriously. i mean, i'm very gulible too....and people know that too. i am easily taken advantage of, but i put no shield in defending myself. you may say it's wrong, and i know it somewhat is....but i always say feeling pain is better than not feeling anything at all. i've also never been a very mellow person, i mean, i was, but i always wanted to express myself, just that i never really had much of a chance to express. but now that i do, i somewhat misuse the fact that i am able to express myself. hm....it's not really the term abandon. but it's more like they don't like to be around when i'm down. there are only a rare few that stick with meh when i am down, you being one of them, pat, willy, and like a bunch of guy friends at skool. that's bout it. there's only about two handfuls. most realistic/ pessimistic people like to have friends or find friends that are optimistics and dreamers. it's kinda like a cycle of lyphe. well, little things only mean alot because they have great impact in my lyphe. it's not that i'm afraid of buying new things, but more like i'm upset that i lost such great sentimental valued stuff. but the fact is, how will i ever make new memories if i only ever stick to what i know. heheh=>:D:P it's funny in the sense that i can think both sides at the same time that i only have one mind. hahah=>:D:P neither good nor bad is bad. remember.....the bible states it....but whatever.....i am a devoutee.....yeah.... maybe i scare people with the knowledge that i hold in a body that seems to be soo young, but maybe.....maybe i'm just old through what i've experienced. i do not know.

what makes you mature is different that what makes you old. you can be old, but never age ever in your life, but you can be very young in age and be old. i suppose what i'm basing oldness on is wisdom. hm....oh yeah.....

something from the sermon that i heard today. having an open mind between what morality is is no morality at all. i understand where it is coming from, but do you? hahah=>:D:P you see, if everything was sooo flexible, it's like having no guidelines and no rules at all. so yeah....it's somewhat funnay ba. hehehe=>:D:P yupz yupz. hehehe=>:D:P

hm.....what i see is not what you always get. i have no clue. i'm tired. very tired. i'm actually exhausted. i never feel like eating any more. and i think my body is starting to slowly starve because i do not give my body enough minerals. sighs sighs. i miss you boi. sighs sighs. yet i still can not describe or understand or figure out what is inside my head. sighs sighs. i miss you....but i don't even know who i'm saying it to. i could be saying this to brian, and then again, i know i am in ways.....or it could be jenny, but she's sooo close she's less than five minutes away. sighs sighs. whateva. no big problems. hehehe=>:D:P and then there's all those friends that used to be my best friend. hm....

i miss everyone that's in my lyphe. i miss every one that used to be in my lyphe, i miss those that i will meet in my lyphe. sighs sighs.

everyone tells meh to forget. they always tell meh to forget. but the truth is, hm....the past always repeats itself. yeah, some people are fortunate to never come across racism at young ages. like meh, yeah, i went through that crap alot when i was young. it wasn't very pleasant. i suppose that's what makes me see things so realistically now. yeah, maybe it's an excuse, but maybe that is the reason why i take most things for more than face value. sighs sighs.

as i've said before, people are just a phone call away...

sighs sighs

it's not imagination......people do say i'm pretty and i have everything i want. it's the truth, you aren't ugly until you try to hard to be pretty. that's just the way i see it. but then again, most times i'm wrong. i suppose a good night sleep makes everyone feel alot better. i slept for like 10 hours today. from like 1 to like 11. hehehe==>:D:P whoa....i don't know. sighs. still want my pencil case bak....jerks that stole it have no heart. but i just wish the person who picked it up would like return in to meh......if they'd understand how much it means to meh. not that people at my skool could, they just want everything for $ value. to meh....it's not how much it is worth.....it's what i've done with what i've got that hurts. and that's why, whenever i loose sumthing, i can't help but to cry. when i break something...that's a different story. when i break it, i know it's because i didn't take care of it properly. args. i hope someone just picked it up and are going to return it to the office. args args. i'm upset. more than upset actually. why are people so cruel? my skool's supposed to be one of the best in oakville, but yet guess what? theives lives everywhere

hm.....do their parents not teach em? or is it simply because people have no conscience n e more? i don't know....which one is it? it's not like people don't care. they do, but sometimes just not enuff. hm,.......people don't listen to themselves, how do you expect that they will listen to others? it's weird, i'm being a hypocrite, i type up my thoughts, but i know a rare few will actually read this. oh wellz.

i cannot say any more. i just long for full rest now...but knowing i cannot, it bugs meh

why do dreams must be so unpleasant? or at least, why are my dreams unpleasant? i'm tired, and beyond belief. sighs sighs. i shall go to bed

sadness.
tears swell my eyes
drip by drip a puddle forms on the floor
nothing i say can be heard
nothing i do will be seen
no path i walk is straight
you can say you understand, but really, you don't
you say that you care, but obviously not enough
change is what you think is good
change is what you want from me
change is something i cannot
how i wish it were so simple
how i wish it was so pleasant
how i wish things would be better,
but obviously they are not

wishing for better days
hoping to see the light
waiting for my dream to come true
all i can do is have faith

i'm tired....gonna sleep soon......YOU ARE ALL FUCKING ASSHOLES YOU KNOW THAT?!?!?!?

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!

when i take something...at least i ask if i could borrow it....asses!!!!man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?man, didn't yo momma teach you not to steal?!?!?!?

ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!ASSHOLES!!!!!!

WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE now DAYS SUCH ASSES THAT ALL THEY DO IS STEAL WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF EM?!?!?!?

angry......sighs sighs...but i feel sooo worthless....sighs sighs....

why do i always get yelled at? sighs sighs. is it my fault that parents don't teach their children now days to not steal? is it my fault that the system is corrupt? yeha....people can go fuck themselves. going insane...don't fucking talk to meh....

can someone give me a hug?!?

sighs sighs.....i lost my pencil case today. and my parents are like extremely angry. yeah val, when you lost it, you were devastated because of the notes that you lost.....i'm devastated because i'm afraid of the reaction my parents give meh. my parents are furious....not just with meh, but because of the darnded people in the darnded skool. sighs sighs. i have lost like all my skool like. yeah ken, i'm sooo sorry that i lost ur pencil...but it's not like you'll read my thoughts.....so yeah......sighs sighs. i didn't mean for this to happen, it just did. my parents are blowing gas in my face....sighs sighs...and also the skool
sighs sighs. i'm upset...yes...very upset...sighs sighs...can't stop crying......all i hear them say is it's ur fault...why are you soo useless....voices in my head...they just won't stop....why?!?!? sighs sighs. report to the office...sure...like that's gonna do n e good....but i still haveta go do it any ways.....args.....pissed off beyond believe.....stupid applied course.....i hate grade 10's.....args......

can someone give meh a hug?!?!?!?

anger only hinders what your true potential may be. muhahah. anger lies. in anger, you do not see. hm......luckily, i am no longer angry. hm....

THERE WILL BE CLEARER SKIES....THERE WILL BE MORE SUNNY DAYS. I WILL SMILE!!!

thoughts.....luckily i can write them....sighs sighs........*breathe* must breathe.........*deep breathes.....i don't wanna break down becaus of faggots.......*one two three* i will be fine...

what people don't understand is what they don't wanna see. and in my lyphe, no one sees meh as the person that i am....just the appearance i put on. well those people can just screw themselves over

people say i'm rude, but when you are shouting in my ear to shut up.......what's more rude? meh talking loudly or like people saying shut up to you in ur ear like screaming it?!?!? well yeah....whateva

when people have not been nice to you for a life time, you learn to not care. you learn to become bitter. and me? i will ignore, but i will be angry. those fuckers ruined my days too many times.......*just count to ten* everything's gonna be alrights.......*breathe* *relax* everything will be fine.

rude?!?!? i'm rude?!?!? i'm only rude to those that are rude to meh.......fuckers

anger does nto reside, class is almost over. args. teacher can stare at my screen....i don't care. i get in trouble....go kiss my ass

I WILL NOT FORGET!!!!!

now......bak to your normal entry. this i have alot to say to you. it's not just as a teenager, adults will wear that mask too. everyone wears a mask, everyone is afraid. i suppose it's your way of handling things to go into yourself to find your answer. i know....this is just your way. sighs sighs......

the world is building up with sooo much negative energy. i consider myself to be very pessimistic, but at times, maybe it's not pessismism but only realism. maybe what i am is just stubborn. maybe it's just because of the way people have treated meh that i have seen things in ways that many people do not wish to say. i don't know. is it just me?

i don't disagree that humans are savage animals. in all consenses, it's true, but is that not a generalization? are you not only looking at animals at one time; when they are hungry? even the wildest of animals have the side of compassion. even the nastiest of creatures know when to stop. hm....that chinese proverb....."there will always be a taller mountain." is it not kinda of a general proverb? i have never really looked at it that way. but in a sense, i suppose what you see in that proverb is right. i've only ever seen it as just that. the mountain being an obstical greater than the one you just conquored. i don't know. i can be wrong.......strength is only what you believe it to be. strength is one of those other things that you must determine for yourself in the time that you live. social warfare.....so are you saying that those that are social are stronger? i don't know...i'm just analyzing your thoughts sentence by sentence, word by word. it's not wrong to say that people fight for current objects. i really agree. but it's not the fighting that is important, it's why they fight that i believe is important. people fight because it's about what they WANT, not what they NEED. i can still be wrong yet, but i know that all men are selfish. as you've stated, their desires drive them. hm.....the fight is never over. the fight is only ever increasing in battle. there is no time to be tired, but you will be. your fountain of energy is not energized by this world. your fountain of energy is supposed to be ever flowing, so you shall not get tired. are you fighting the right battle? there are many battles that are meant to be won and lost, but are you fighting the right one? there is always going to be a cycle. even in the place of resting, there is a viscious cycle, it just seems less severe because you are sick of fighting for whatever you do not understand. those that hide are not weak. those that hide are not cowards. those that hide may have a higher possibility for living then those you consider to be those that are strong and cunning. long-awaited graves, this i do not agree. yes, everyone knows death will come and does, but the truth remains, death is not awaited. no matter how much you say you are unafraid of death, you will be afraid to leave. why? it could be of the people you'd be leaving, even though you know GOd is better than n e thing. but it's expected, not awaited because awaited to meh simply means you do nothing but sit there and wait for yourself to get old. but that's just my image. i don't know how often you read my blog, but i don't care. as i've said in my entry in ur guest book, isolation or death are no means of escape. the only escape is when you aknowledge what is going on in your life and you welcome it, even if you don't want it there. you must still be a fighter in your own house. it's like allowing an enemy to come in to eat dinner, even though every step of their's only causes more suspicion. only on earth does the ying and the yang every collide but exsist as one. only on earth that people allow darkness and light to be compromised. ONLY ON EARTH!!!. i may be wrong yet again, but i really hope you read my thoughts.

well let's see. everyone getting sick. and i don't think it's just the weather. but maybe it is. hm. i don't know. it gots meh thinking as of what people are. people are just people, their actions may have significant reasoning behind em or none at all. hm. boa, coming out with a new cd i suppose and hear. oh yes, jay chou came out with two new songs. hm. somewhat slow in my opinion. but i'm addicted to like techno and rave, so you shouldn't ask for my opinion. muhahaha=>:D:P

yeah, my blogger is somewhat all i have. well i let everyone read my thoughts, even if my thoughts are not very substancial with proof or whateva.

yeah, well let's say this, i'm a very bitter old hag. what would the image of meh be then? well all my lyphe, i have been unfortunate in certain life lessons. i do learn everything the hard way, in the end, it may have made meh a better person or in the end, it destroys me. i cannot and therefore, do not predict the future. yeah, matt oh's always like, gurl u are way too happy. in a sense, maybe i act like i am and i am in some way happy. but maybe i'm not. has n e one thought that loudness, smiles and an uncaring heart are only a sheild of whom i am? no one actually looks into someones eyes and see, for they are afraid of what may be noticed in the soul of the person. no one bothers to take the time to see the beauty behind the hideous. if life were of all beautiful things, then would not everyone be destroyed in world war two? i don't know, maybe i'm exaggerating a bit, but if one man's veiw of being perfect wuz blonds and blue eyes, would half the world already be dead? veiws on life are all different according to the way you were raised up, it takes a mere mind to think of that. what is different is the way that you life out the way you were raised. yeah. different? not too different. there are times in your life when you are ashamed of the person you are, but then after those times, there comes great joy and pride. i don't know....that's just what happens with meh....maybe different with you. wo bu zhi dao ba. yeah yeah.

hm....sunday skool today, they talk about well.....forgiveness. till this time, i have always thought that i was very fogiving. and GOD says that you shall forgive others. if you do not forgive, then you shall not be forgiven or whatnot. hm. i do not know. but the main fact is, forgiving is not sooo hard, it's the forgetting part that's harder. yeah, i say i've forgiven but i'm still bitter everytime that memory arises in my head. yeah, that is not true forgiveness. yeah. it bugs meh to read my own thoughts, knowing that most of them are complaints of what i had done or haddn't done. life is a tormentor to the tormented. but everyone could see that. hm. what you do not wish to see or hear, you will not hear or see. what you are willing to accept will be accepted. only great despair comes when you accept too much or accept too lil. but is there really a middle to accepting? hm. for a 16 year old, maybe it's to simple to think like this or maybe it's already way too muchie. either way, my thoughts are as of that for now. i do think a lot more...my problem......i don't really care to think n e more. missie you all tons peeps...l8z...

muhahaha, don't u just hate it when u are tired, but u cannot sleep because you just can't. hm....i'm feeling really really sick now. sighs sighs. hm....tired....args....coughing. args...headache...gonna go bak to bed soon...args!!!

wow....tony's finally awake!!!! yayay.....john's finally awake too!!!! hehehe=>:D:P yes.....i haveta go now......gotsta find some games......args.....

let's see. well people say that from tragic incidence or like misfortunes, what you survive will make you stronger, is that true? if you say that, who would be the stronger one? the one who gets beaten everyday or the one that is neglected by everyone at skool everyday? what would make you stronger? what makes meh mad is when people believe that there is no like racism in the world. yeah, maybe to me, i outplay the word in daily speech. what???? you think i'd forget what people did to meh when i was young? you'd think that i'd forget that people neglected meh when i wuz young because i was different? you think i'd forget? you think someone wouldn't become bitter? wow......if you think that i have forgotten or that i am not bitter....wow......u are miserably mistaken ar. GOD makes up for much of who i am. luckily for that, i have not gone too far in destroying my life. yeah, think of this......i hate this world. everyday i hate living, but now, i have no choice but to love it. well, shall i say i have a choice to see it's true face, but instead of hating it, i must enjoy it because this is only temperary. yeah. i will not say that christianity or being a protestant is a religion. yeah, but what do you define religion? well religion isn't always fake.....most of it is just based on morals....but what i call my belief is simply that.....a belief a faith. something that you can't see, but still has an impact in your life. you'd say i'm being a hypocrite, but who cares? are you not a hypocrite yourself? if you call meh a hypocrite, i must say this.....how can you see the splinter in my eye and miss the plank in your own? yeah, using bible verses to diss people up. not diss, just enlighten. yeah, simply just that. wow....getting kinda late...why are soo many thoughts arrousing in my head....wow.....amazing. hm....gotsta sto thinking....this clock of though must stop ticking......

hm...hey internet. wuz up with everyone la? hehehe=>:D:P everyone always gives me compliments. hm.....but do i actually deserve em? it's funnay, i understand like cantonese and mandarin....i can speak both. fluently if i actually wanted, but my mother tongue shall forever be cantonese. muhahaha=>:D:P very very bored. oh wellz. at tony's tonight, but it's like meh being at home n e ways....on the pc typing away....because tony's asleep. i didn't know that john like lives at their house.....it's somewhat amazing if you ask meh. i hope he feels alright. hm. i just wonder. hm.....whack. well i hope everything is going well for him. i'm sooo completely tired. hm.....wo bu zhi dao ba....sighs sighs....ni zhi bu zhi dao wo shou she me? hm.....did i even type it right? hm....my ping ying is sooo crappy at times. ren ren dao wen wo ru gou wo ke yi shou de. wo ke yi de, dan shi wo bu shi huan. wo bu zhi dao wei she me wo bu shi huan shou. arg...maybe it's cause i sound like a total cbc when i try speaking it. hm....don't know...

yeah, Geoff wuz right......did i even spell his name right? well yeah, he wuz right. i just have way too muchie time on my hands. i take my time to take online language courses. and yet i will never know if i improve or not. yeah, learning korean and like japanese is sooo hard when you only have audio files to listen to. args. wow....what i life i have aye??? hehehe=>:D:P don't u just admire meh? hahaha=>:D:P it's somewhat funnay, i always say i don't have enuff time, but i always have more time then i actually need. i just do useless things in the time that is soooo very precious. hehehe=>:D:P wo zhen de shi lei ba....sighs sighs. no one's gonna bother to read my stupid entries. i dont' know. this world is sooo completely on line if you ask meh. i talk alot.....but much about nothing. i have no clue. i really don't kow


hm.....if you havecomments on my language skills and such.....hm.....tell meh....ur opinion to meh is important...depending on who you are.

oh yeah.....it's important......you know....the person i want to read this.....well bri boi, u know the night when i told you i wuz just feeling crummy, and well when you said that you still love meh when things aren't doing well. well it really did mean alot to meh. you don't say that alot. and u are one of those people i know that don't just say it unless you actually mean it. i know how much u despise using those words in a sentence because you feel it's overused. hehehe=>:D:P thanx. i don;'t know, it just made my day. ehehehe=>:D:P it put smiles on my face. hehehe=>:D:P it's all good. hehehe=>:D:P yupz yupz......but meh gotsta go n e ways....so yes.....hehehe=>:D:P

when things are down, u notice those around you. when you are upset there are more things that get you more upset. the world can only get smarter. in a sense, that is true, because more and more things are being figured out for people and not for themselves to think of. you can think i'm wrong, but i think i've seen enuff in my days to get meh peeved. yeah, there is nothing new under the sun. everytime i'm upset or just way tooo happy, those words come to my head. what has happened before will happen again. history repeats itself even though you try to make it not happen. the inevitable can only be prolonged, never stopped. what must happen will happen. if you are happy or not, that's just the way it is....are you happy because you don't accept that there are those that are upset. or are you upset because you accept that there is unhappiness in the world? i don't know, i really could care less what you think. but i can't help it. i just think alot.....

hm.....i still have his hat!!! i still have his hat!!! hehehe=>:D:P yupz yupz, i took great care of it....yupz yupz....hehehe=>:D:P hahahaha=>:D:P
i still have mr. giraffe in my locker...yups yups...the two things i like best. muhahaha=>:D:P well mr. giraffe i can like as a thing...but the hat...muhahaha=>:D:P
yupz yupz, i like da hat...it's nice and white...and clean. and it smells good. muhahaha=>:D:P does everyone know i like him?!?!? args......not kool. args.....gotsta return da hat, gotsta return da hat, gotsta return da hat. gotsta stop liking him, gotsta stop liking him...arg....dis ain't working.....

but everytime i think of the happy times i am having now......all i can remember is the past. all those unhappy times...but then, i'll think of all the sweet things that has happened to meh in the past. arg. sighs sighs.

haven't updated for a while now. i don't know, i just think alot? hahaha=>:D:P there's alot that i want, but very lil that i don't want. sighs sighs.

jenny, no, u are wrong. i do not fear to be heartbroken, i just wish not to experience it again, not that i'm afraid. i don't want to go through any more pain then i have already gone through. i have never had a good life even till this day. i still get abused, not just verbally from friends, but harassment from random people on the street, physical abuse from my parents.....sighs sighs. unseen stress in my lyphe, i really will go crazy, but yet i am not. i am more sane, but almost insane. like love and hatred, so is insanity and sanity, it is only defined by one thin line. i am that line......one more push and i'll be insane, but yet one push another way, and i'd be completely sane. sighs sighs. being insane is a mental condition. it's genetic so what some people say. can you prove that it is or isn't? oh yeah, by the way, i don't believe that some breakups are meant to be. i don't believe that there necessarily has to be break ups. so yeah. if two people honestly really wanted to make things work out, you wouldn't break up ever, and by the end, u'd marry each other. it's just because people are selfish, they don't wanna try. so yeah.....sighs sighs......

troubled, am i troubled? yeah, a question that people ask me because i sigh sooo much and so hard. sighs sighs. i don't know what is troubling meh, all i feel is as if i am troubled. as if i'm being squeezed or sumthing. sighs sighs. i'm tired, but all i've been doing is sleeping. i'm awake, but all i want to do is sleep. i talk, but am not heard. i love, but not loved in return.

sighs sighs. i look at you so happy, and all i want to be is like you, but i know i shall never be. yeah, GOD did create me differently. he has shown me that i am different. he has shown me that i'm not perfect, but i'm not that badly off. he has shown meh that much. he has shown me that i don't have a perfect life, but i have a satisfactory life.

it's not satisfactory, it's enjoyable. he has never raised meh in insecurities, even when i was in pain, trouble and suffering, i was raised upon firm ground. that's what i see. i had struggles, but only when i tried to run away from the firmness of where i stood. i never understood why i wanted to run, i just did. till this day, i am still taunted by it. i do not fear death, i do not fear pain, i do not fear harshness, instead, i imbrace it. yeah it's true, u know it too, if i threaten to do something out of anger, my anger is normally always going to stay. i do forgive, but i don't forget necessarily. sighs sighs. i want to forgive you, but yet even with the unseen knife that you cut me with, it's soo deep, that my scar still remains even till this day. it's been months and months since, but yet i cannot forget the pain.

sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....sighs sighs.......sighs sighs....

tired, tired, tired. sighs sighs. i am amazingly tired. sighs sighs. but then again, i haven't been more awake. it's funnay ain't it? been thinking too muchie lately. about stupid things too!!! sooo stupid!!!! arg!!! sighs sighs. my finger was bleeding last night. arg. miss everything. sighs sighs......but then again, never start n e thing you do not wanna carry through till the end! so yeah. muhahha=>:D:P i'll end these feelings as soon as possible, cause nothing is ever gonna start from something like this. muhahahaha.

i'm not going to go to that like football game. so yeah. gonna bore ourselves as much as possible. muhahaha=>:D:P sighs sighs.

on to the question that jenny asked me....where would you go if you went on a honeymoon?

well one is, depends what we actually want to do on a honeymoon la. i know i know. after you get married, u do egh...what u are not supposed to before you get married, but well many people do it n e ways. another fact, is that well, where do you really wanna go and where do you plan to live? you wouldn't wanna go on a honeymoon spot near the place you want to live now do you? i don't understand, why am i sooo different but sooo similar to everyone else? sighs sighs. is it actually because i see the world just as it is? maybe a bit biased because i am christian, even if i'm not a good one, i hope to try to be one. sighs sighs. is there something wrong? sighs sighs. i really wanna talk to someone that's a christan, such as brian, cause he always understands me when i'm talking about such things. sighs sighs

repulsive repulsive repulsive. is it just me or are the lil kids in this world all getting more spoiled, more fat, and more greedy and self-concerned? what happened to those lil kids that were so satisfied with having just what they had? what the heck is wrong with the world?

i don't know, went to jenny's today. wow, it was watching tv all day, which i do at home, but while on the pc. not that spending time with jenny isn't fun, it is, but when u watch tv all day, it's not fun at all. sighs sighs.

hm. why do we spoil are children now days? why can't we just make them understand that lyphe isn't about all what THEY want? why are some of them sooo spoiled? why why? i don't understand. if pain and torment, racism and hate caused meh to respect, to have manners, to understand people, than i'd rather never feel to have or be in full enjoyment ever. if all the world can see is their own selfish needs, then would it not be better to be dead? wow. lyphe just isn't worth living when all we care about is ourselves, but yet people can't see the greater need. yes, before u respect others, u must respect yourself. before you have manners toward others, u must have them towards yourself. if you want to understand others, u must first understand others. but, before we all get self-involved, we must also understand one thing first. for one, you must not just think about yourself, what you learn fully depends on what is around you.

wow, if i have a child, would i spoil him or her? would i let him or her run wild? or would i fully raise him or her the way my parents raised me (minus all the physical abuse). would my child be the obedient child i was? would my child be the same as in my youth? i don't want my child to go through neglection (if that is even a word). i just don't understand. is it wrong to say that when we have all we ever want, we never learn? is it right to say that the world just is chaotic now? sighs sighs

the greatest problems in this world arrouse because of acceptance issues. i'm serious. when u get mad at something, why do you get mad? is it because that someone said sumthing really offending or maybe because that they did something to you? but the fact is......if you understand why they said it to you, and why they did that, maybe then you wouldn't be so upset. yeah, that's what i said to bessie, and i made her cry more. i still remember that, and i still feel bad that i did it, but i don't feel guilty, because.....reality has to hit you some time, if not from meh, someone who is actually ur enemy.

it's not true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. i'm serious. it's not true at all. lyphe to me will never be the survival of fittest. if we were in battle, and all were suppose to be the "fittest" than should there not even be a battle? but men are not like that. i mean..men in the sense as all humans. so yeah. the fact is, if we were all fit, we should see that we are and there shall be no battle at all. world peace will never arrive. you can only dream, but in this world, u will never see it. you can see glimpses of it, but really, to see the full magnitude of peace, u think you would see it? u think u'd enjoy? i doubt you will. many people can't even find a lil bit of others to be happy. the more you care, the more fake people think you are. the more you try to be different, the more you are the same. sighs sighs. i don't now. muhahahah.

i don't even know what i';m saying....i'm just sooo tired.....sighs sighs....

everyone is a survivor of something. let's see. there are those that survive alcohol abuse. some survive drug abuse. some survive physical abuse. and some, they just survive and live on even though their problems may still exsist.

people don't think ur weak. people only see that you are weak because that is the image you portray. it's more of a clique and steoreotype than an actual culture. but it's good to know. sighs sighs.


it's only november, and i'm sooo lonely. sighs sighs

there's just sumthing about you that i don't understand. there's just sumthing about you that like causes meh to bubble. arg. why? i don't want this feeling. arg. media......that book thingy wuz right. my parents talked to meh today about fixing our house and moving. arg arg. muhahaha>:D:P finally, we have come the conclusion that we are not moving. brian, u still owe me a trip to p-mall, but i don't even noe why i wanna go n e more. muhahaha=>:D:P well maybe just spending time with my far away friend would be nice....even though u are only like 20-30 mins away....muhahaha=>:D:P

yupz yupz. maybe there will be a wedding in my family, but there was certainly a death...sighs sighs. i think my grandpa is like very sick or sumthing. he's having like heart problems...crap.......my family has a history of heart failure...arg!!!! not good!!! not good at all!!!! arg!!! but whateva GOD's will is, it shall be....so i can't regret and only shall i look forward and accept

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hahaha=>:D:P yeah, when u are feeling needy, and u think everyone around u has abandoned you. maybe in a sense that has happened, but maybe in a sense you've abandoned urself. when u are feeling as if no one is listening, maybe it's because you haven't been listening to urself. maybe u just don't make sense. when u are feeling needy, it could be that you do nothing to fulfill that need. when you want to talk to someone, maybe it's cause that u aren't walking up to them or calling them. yeah, we had another lecture yesterday. and it wuz one of dose GODLY sermon like things i've heard all my lyphe. always ask for GOD. as i reflect upon it, i wuz really rude yesterday, but i wuz also having one of my off days. i never have a good friday, i'm always soo tired and grumpy. muhahaha=>:D:P over the weekend i've come the conclusion that i don't like n e one. but as i see the on the weekend or like in person the next day, butterflies are like fluttering all inside. sighs sighs. i don't know wuz wrong with meh. arg.

well bak to the asking for GOD thing. i suppose what made me not want to listen to it wuz prolly because all my lyphe, i had never been able to do such a thing. there is not a worst feeling of hearing about something that you won't do or can't do or just plain don't know how to do. there's more to lyphe than sitting around and thinking, but if that's what you want to do, than great for you. cause this is what my philosophy of lyphe is, at least when it comes to living it. do whatever you want do, but if you don't feel like doing it, than don't. but at the same time, i always do things i don't wanna do for the benefit of others because i want to help others. so in a sense, i'm a hypocrite. but the point being is, maybe there's a reason for not doing things, have you ever thought that you have a conscience? well guess what? ur supposed to have one. and just because u seem to be a cold and angry person on the inside, i know that there is still a part of you that is very soft, caring and loving. i still can't get over tha fact that u think i'm fake. sighs sighs. i hated you before, then u taught what love was, and then u continued to teach me to love or at least how to apply, then one day, u called me fake. and then again, i hated you, and now i've forgiven you because i've forgiven myself. now, i don't know if it's pity or if it's i just simply care that i actually feel some emotional attachment to you. it's not that i need you, i thought u'd say u'd be my friend always, but always was tooo short. u never accepted me as the person i was and only judged me according to what you wanted me to become. i'm not that person where u can dress me up according to what you want me to be dressed in. i don't change because u tell me to, i change because i am who i am and what i want to be. and most of all, i have grown and changed according the the IMAGE GOD wants me to be.

i still swear, i did do drugs. i may still do. but whatever the point may be, in time, i'll stop. in time i'll learn. in time my wounds can only be more infected or healed. but i want them to heal so i'll take great care. if all you want to do is infect my wounds which you've already infected, than piss off, because i don't need a person like you. i want you, but i don't need you. u can be one person's trash and another person's treasure, but to meh, u are neither, u were simply a friend that i cared about. but when you don't return that caring, then it's ur loss, cause to meh, i didn't lose n e thing, i still have you. u just don't have meh in ur heart to be my friend n e more....that's ur fault.....

i'm tired, i'm frustrated, but i think i found out why. i need more cds. arg! sooo evil sooo evil!!! yupz yupz. waiting for the day to come. hoping that all will go fine. it's just a phase in lyphe, for all things good and bad will pass. sighs sighs. you don't believe in love or at least the worldly sense. you can't take apologies because u believe there shouldn't be one. i don't even know who or what i'm even talking about n e more.

philisophical....muhahaha=>:D:P it's only because i'm analytical. i'm a natural born thinker, but also listener and all dat crap. i don't know, i hated careers and i also hate leadership class for the same reason. but it's alrights. i'm fine i suppose. there's gotta be more den like getting depressed when u are like doing those crappy quizzes. yeah, i'm neither one exactly. i'm kinda in between every single one. it's funnay how when u accept things, that u also change with perception. hahaha=>:D:P it's because most of the faults of my originally classified personality, wuz like improved and corrected as the years went by. there were times when lyphe was sooo harsh, so in order to survive, i must adapt. no, this world is not the survival of the fittest. it's that the strong must protect the weak so the weak can become strong. so in a sense, survival of the fittest is only half correct. i don't even know if people bother to read this ne more.

yeah, i've been thinking about the survival of the fittest thing that you always say when ur upset or such. and time and time again, i feel your pain, why? i don't know. it's as if we are connected some way. but maybe it's because i honestly do care. u prolly ain't feeling n e thing bad or just kinda okay at the present moment. but i just don't......

but than if you say it's the survival of the fittest, than none shall deserve to live. since JESUS came to earth to die for us, that means are sin has already made us unfit does it not? i suppose survival of the fittest can like go on soo many levels. i don't know. whateva. i'm tired......just let meh think