hehehe

i have as many blog entries as i do hits?....wow...rather sad...heh...

but then again...when blogger.com used to be me first and primary source of blogging, i used to get alot more hits per day...

but that's not the case n e more...i have switched into msn space...cause i thought it would be easier to write on it since i'm pretty much constantly on msn n e ways...heh...

i miss this place....i dunno why....i really do...

i miss looking at the simplicity of this layout...it's sooo clean...sometimes it's laggy...but overall i think i like this best....

have you tried sooo many places and found that the very first place where you started was right for you all along?....yeah....this is kinda what blogger is for me...

maybe cause i'm a blogging fanatic...

i kinda don't like the word verification stuff cause it's rather annoying....sighs...but....it could be fun? heh....

why can't i go to my page?:(

is blogger having some sort of funniness happening?:(

boooo:(

it's been a long time

it's been a long time....i shouldn't have left you?

heh.....don't ask...those lines from a song is in my head....

hoping to be able to come home?

well yeah...i was just going through old entries....heh....not mine...but bri's....heh

wow.....those times....sure are...egh....wow.....

i don't like reading the old entries in my blogger.com account...cause they simply have tooo many unhappy moments...when i'm completely devastated and depressed....

but....heh....it's been a long time...he never writes on his account n e more...but somehow...even though those events that were written about were all filled with gloom, somehow....it still makes me smile. maybe it's cause reading his entries....i know...that we have all been through some sort of crapped and endured...

i think i'll be taking people off my block list soon.....maybe in another 2 months or so? dunno...

it's been a long day....

but....reading bri's entries of those of a 2003.....i think that's right...because he talked about my baptism....sadly though....i don't see how that baptism changed my life....it was done out of pure submission to other people, but not my own will to submit to GOD....dunno.....it's just totally one of those days...what can i say....

but i'm gonna go do some psych reading...maybe a lil nap cause i'm overly exhausted...stupid soc...we never did n e thing in stupid sociology....sighs....i hate short answers...there are gonna be SHORT ANSWERS ON THIS THING?!?!?!?! ARGS!!!!!

but i think i'm ready for my soc exam.....BRING IT!!!

something has changed....and i can;t describe it, but something has changed....maybe it's the way i'm feeling and how it's affecting the way i see everything....but....something has changed....this feeling is weird....hm.....
here's a song i should have posted a while ago....but....

it's time to know
the air was cold,
the leaves began to fall,
the greyness of winter started to softely call.
the birds have left their homes,
and the streets are all alone
nothing by emptiness,
a feeling of distress.

looking around,
no one seems to care, standing alone just wanting some love to share.
but GOD reached down to me,
touched my heart and set me free,
nothing by happiness,
a feeling of thankfulness.

*it's time to know,
if you didn't know.
GOD wanted to show
that he loved us so.
He gave me peace in my heart,
He'll give your life a new start,
Just be a part.
It's time to know.*

so don't let go, it's time to know.

tired

what can i say?

there are those that like to roam around the internet...read people's blogs, and then call everyone names because they choose to write about themselves on the blog.

of course, most people would write about their day and how it made them feel. some even write the events and issues that are important to them.

of course what is important to one person isn't always as important to the next, but it doesn't make a person selfish for posting entries about their issues. it's much better to talk about self then to talk about others. for only trivial minds discuss people.

most times, people only write half of the story of what actually occured. this isn't to say that side isn't important but rather their attitudes make that certain side of the story more important to their minds. blogs are half the story, you can't simply judge someone only knowing half an issue. i am sure if you aked that certain someone what they knew about the situation and what they felt about a situation, it may actually be different.

so, blog is an impowerment to certain minds. but it is also a destructive force when someone chooses to simply judge a person by what they have read. some people just have nothing better to do except to make others feel like crap and ultimately making themselves happy after a long stressful day. it's alrights. just gotta learn to ocntrol my anger....i've just gotta learn to forgive.....i've just gotta see that not everyone in this world is working to be nice, but rather they pride themselves on being destructive.....

it's okay though....

hehehehe

my sweet sweet blogger....

here....in this place...is my very first blog...

and so i come back...because i like this place alot better.

i mean...it doesn't have as many functions and what not....but it's still best called as home.

here....people openly criticize me....but it's always rather constructive...not destructive....

i rant and i rave here.....and out of all my memory...i've only been dissed once here...by an absolute random...not someone i know pretending to be a random....

but i'm feeling better today.....alot better....

something i wrote

i'll leave you all with something that i just wrote recently....and it doesn't really make n e sense....

there's something that leaves me feeling
there's something about the atmosphere that you bring into the room
you bring in the clouds
you bring in the rain
there's something that you bring into my heart, my intuition, my essence
you bring the pain, the confusion
you bring the sadness, the tears
you bring the smiles, the laughter
there's something about time as it continues
forever it separates
forever it entraps us in a cycle
there's something the distance just doesn't explain
forever around each other, but apart
forever to be near, but yet so far
there's nothing we can do
there's nowhere we can go
we'll be the shooting stars of each others' lives
you leave an image in the mind
you leave nothing but memories
there's something about the past that is left unfathomable
you brought the smiles
you brought the anger
you brought the sadness
there's something that just can't be described
though confusion is abundant
though sadness and despair is ever-present
you will not walk alone
there's something about the way we choose to feel


yes i know....its badly written cause i have no skill in writing...but yeah.....heh....what is it that you see after reading that?

memories

this blog is pretty much filled with mainly upsetting thoughts....sad:(

oh wellz....whenever i come now...i try to type happier thoughts...heheheXD

smiles okie? cause ultimately...it'll make you feel better

why is it that now i haveta do word verification every time i type and entry now?!?!?! this sucks!!!

hehehe

looking at my little drop box linkie thingy...i see...that i've had this account since march 24 2003!!!! hehehehee......i update sooo many times per day...hehehee....i wish msn space could update it by day like it does here...but...nah...it doesn't:'(

this is another thing that i really love aobut my blog...it's cause i have the option to do it by day....XD

muah muah mauh!

blogger...oh sweet blogger...

muah muah muah....how can i abandon you like this for soooo long?

this used to be my primary source or online journal stuff aye? but...heh....nopes....but....i still love this....hehehehe...i think it's time for me to change my background...but i'm just tooo lazy to type up all my html source stuff all over again=.=" sighs...

i'll figure something out..hehehe...muah...

catch you later...

smiles

ergs....someone else is sleeping in my bed tonight.....so....i resort to sleeping on my chair.....or my desk....i'll figure out a way....kakakakakaka....it's all good....


he violated my stuffies...grr....and booo whoo...

he tried to stranggle my cute butterscotch

knitting a scarf tonight...woooo whooo...knitting!!! yayaya!!!!

have class tomorrow....i'll find some time to sleep...it's all good...heh....

he keeps asking me if i still like matt....but the answer is...i can't help it...sighs....i like him alot.....and i don't understand why...

i already know that joyce likes him too....sighs....and most chances are....he'll like her more...but it's alrightees...no biggie...he doesn't want me....and if he wants her...it's all good...i'm happy for him...hehehe...

sure, he'll break my heart once again...but as long as he's happy...i'll be happy for and with him...hehehe....

hehehe.....

the rasmus- in my life

Feel the heat below my feet
I have to go, no time to sleep
Can't believe the things you say
I turn my head and walk away
You make me sick, you make me nervous

Times are gone when you would say
This is the one and seize the day
Times are gone for honesty
"My victory is your defeat"
Oh can't you see you've been mistaken

In my life I decide and it turns me on
How I am, how I live, who I love
In my way I feel strong
And it turns me on
In my life, I decide, I decide

All you do, you can't deny, it's waste of time [waste of life]
Can i suggest that you invest in something more than hopelessness
Before you know, the ride is over

In my life, I decide and it turns me on
How I am, How I live, Who I love
In my way, I feel strong
And it turns me on
In my life, I decide, I decide

It's up to you if you give it up
It's up to you if you won't stop x2

It's up to you if you give it up, give it up
It's up to you if you won't stop
It's up to you if you give it up, give it up,
It's up to you, it's up to you

The record shows that you're dead but you're still living
Every time you have died you have been given
Another chance to fix your bad attitude
And make a move, it's up to you

It's up to you if you give it up, give it up x3

it's up to you x2

give it up x8

oi

my post didn' post....i'm kinda mad now...how can my blogger do this to me?!?!?:(:( i am upset ar!!!1 booo

but n e whoo...i wanna write an on going research thingy here.....i think i can manage it...hehehehe....

oh yes..what type of music chick do you think i am?

leave your comments....leave your songs....and i'll listen to them all and see if i like it....hahahahah

i love you

i really really love you.....and every part of my can't help but to say it....you may ask who i'm saying it to...or you simply go to conclusions of who i am saying it to. but truly and sincerely, you aren't me. you don't know my heart. am i even saying it to anyone? or am i just simply overwhelmed with this feeling of love and needed to explode it all over the internet to add another way tooo oftenly said phrase?

i can't help it....but heh...

if you look at me...what type of music chick am i? hehehehe.....

well....right now....punk rock>.< oi....do i look like a punk rock chick?>.< hahahaha.....more like punk rock, techno, chinese, japanese, and korean....kakakakaka.....

comments

oh oh.....lately, i;ve been having comment luck!!!! i just love it when people leave me comments...of course...they aren't comments that diss me....cause i'd hate those. i would never randomly diss someone up so why would n e one wanna do that to me?!?!?:( that's just mean!!!:( and i no like mean people....so for fun...dun come and randomly just diss me! cause i'll be mad at you....even though i don't know you...hehehe...

even though i have no idea who mr.(ms.) annonymous or what entry they are refering to.....hehehe...it's a comment none the less! and comments always make me happy!!!

GOOO PEOPLE GO!!!! ME LOVE COMMENTS!!!! THANKS FOR POSTING!!!! hehehehe

my dear blogger

i started to miss this account soooo much.....sighs.....i've missed you.....but i've betrayed this account to use msn space....i update my xanga more than i do this account:'(

eghs......going home for commencement today....i'm...tired....and i'm somewhat pissed....and i'm lacking energy...whatever....gonna go....l8a l8a

hmwk

seee....here in uni....it's not sooo much hmwk as in independent work....hehehehehe......there is tons of reading for me....bleh....i hate reading assigned reading....bleh....gonna go and buy that psych book>.< comes with that manual thingy too>.< there goes 106 dollars from my bank account....down to 400 sumthing.....i really need to get a job=.=" ewwwww=.=" well i'm going to go buy my antrhopology textbook for 40 dollars=.=" ewwie aye?? sighs sighs

hehehehe.....catch ya'll later:P:P

heheheh

well now....it's alll good.....i'm not really planning to do n e thing today...cause well...my sister is gonna be coming....so....they'd probably stop by my place either after or befor she is done unpacking....so.....i should stay in my dorm to prepare.....

my mommy was worried that i couldn't keep my room clean...hehehehe...I SHOWED HER!!!! heheheheheehe.....

welll....imma feeling a tad bit hungeee>.< sai la>.< but then at the same time....all i crave is a hotdog and bun>.< hehehehehehe....

food around the uni is EXPENNNNNNSIVVVVE>.< hehehehe....

yupz...bored....:P:P hehehehe....gotta go back to dorn now.....and probably eat something

feeling like a cheapie bum>.<

hehehehe....i don't have a print card....and printing is only 10cents....hahahahahahhahaha.....i don't buy food cause it's expensive.....hehehehehe....well maybe an occasional hotdog or hamburger if i walk by a bbq....hehehehehehe......don't talk to many ppl....and i seem to talk to ppl from rose more than i do the actual ppl on campus......hehehehe...

the longest convo i held was with someone from campus crusades......the funny part.....she never even told me her name.....hahahahahaha....but she was nice....hehehehe.....what can i say? hehehehe....

had like 2 or 3 bees after my cotton candy>.< ahhhhh>.< wonder if the glucose would kill em>.< meh.....

well i'm tooo cheap to actually print of my schedule...so....guess what? i'm drawing crappy lines with a crappy schedule.....hehehehehe

can't wait to get printer ink and my int connection up and running.....

hope i don't be a kal online fanatic>.< at least it's free forever so i don't feel bad for not playing...hehehehehehe....alll good....hehehehehe.....

gonna be looking for a job soon....>.< soooooooo in need of a job>.< but first....i must look at my schedule to see the times that i am free.....hehehehehe.....

i think there is a spinning class tomorrow around noonish or sumthing....maybe thursday....i dun remember....but yeah.....

i dunno if i should go home this weekend.....i don't think i will...even though it's awfully lonely in my dorm....this is why living in maritime single room sucks ass=.=" i'd much rather have double room>.< but whatever....can't complain...there are many ppl that want a single room....hehehehe...

i need to eat some more potassium>.< ewwww.....i can feel my reaction time is being delayed>.< ewwww=.=" oh yeah....i have vitamin c chewable nastiness......my mommy is getting me an exercise ball....it's cause i tell her it's better for my posture....since i have the worst posture ever in the family n e ways.....damn.....i really need more potasium in my system.....i'm getting muscle cramps from just sitting for 10 mins.....ewwwwwww.....

wow.....why is it on these journal thingies i can type forever and ever and ever....but when i'm in person on campus, i barely even say hi to n e one=.= what the hell is wrong with me....

one upper of the day....at least i'm becoming more familiar with the campus...hehehehehehe alll goood....

first official day of frosh week

well now, i don't know what to say.....i'm bored.....and i have nothing to do......and i don't have internet in my room>.<

pretty boring....haven't cleaned up my room yet=.=" but i'll get right on it after all this typing away on here.....

there are campus tours happening here....but i'm not in n e of them....why? cause i'd much rather take a tour for myself.....

last night my mother phoned me.....and i could tell by her voice that she'd been crying>.<

sighs sighs......i'm already homesick already>.<

all that hard work

hahahahaha......never playing maple story again=.= soooo wu lioa......was a good time waster yesterday...for about 5 mins before i got really really really bored....hahahahaha......

there were sooo many names from rose online that were my friends.....and were banned....well....i dunno...maybe it's a coincidence that there were a few ppl with the same name? hahahaha.....i know i don't like to change my nn....hahahaha.....but it's rather common and fairly simple......just my fave shape and number....hehehehe....and you get my nn.....

i was one of the oldest on that game....hehehehe......the char was cute....but what can i say? it's just egh....sooo..."dai lun".....hehehehe......

packing....

going to uni on sunday....then frosh week....oi>.< me a nervous bum bum.....

hehehehhe.....

no more rose....so i'mma reading, folding stars and knitting scarves for my lil stuffed animals...hehehehehe

imma weird aren't i? >.< hehehehehe

need to frame all the puzzles i made this summer>.< which was 3....>.<

hehehehe....

feeling a tad bit sick....>.<

ewwww

kai bu kai xin le?

so......another summer day passes.....

and so....i fully only have officially 2 days of summer left when 12 o'clock hits>.<

eeeeee>.<

didn't get to do n e thing with him alll summmer>.<

hehehehe....but....i'm excited for when he comes to visit me in res>.<

but......i know this is probably gonna be another broken promise......and that would make 3.....egh...soooo pathetic.....sighs.....

i will remember how horrible i felt when he broke the first one and i found out he refused to do the second....and if he refuses to do the third one.....i think imma just break down and cry my heart out....

but i know....the word of man is not reliable, and the only true word that is the most reliable source will always be the word of GOD....his promises are forever...and because he will never break a covenant he made with man, i should always be happy....he blesses me everyday with blessings.....i may not count them everyday like i should....but i know they are exsistant....>.<

i love GOD....but maybe there is truly a larger part of me that could love him more....

heheheh

and so....imma back....how could i leave this thing? but i have nothing to write here....

going to uni soon....ahhhh.....

at least i got someone promising me to come visit me:D:D

heheheheeh....yayayaya!!!!

but maybe i'm looking toooo forward about it all....hope i dun get disappointed>.<

long time no see

i have really really missed this...but i'm in no mood.....

the guessing game again...

ewwww....my english songs really need some modernization.....either it's just pure techno with no music or simply old=.= ewwwww....i would have better songs in chinese=.= but whateve.....here goes...

1. On your current playlist hit shuffle and pick the first twenty-five songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing).
2. Write down a line of the song. try to avoid putting the song title in the line.
3. Have your friends comment and see if they know the songs. (NO CHEATING! i.e. No looking up on google etc.)
4. When someone guesses correctly, strike out or bold the line and name the smart alec who guessed it.

1. You pull me like the moon pulls on the tide
2. And it seems like all is dying and would leave the world to mourn
3. Won't stop, before I find the cure for this cancer ~☆MATT☆~
4. I do believe that there's a love you wanna share
5. But in reality I'm slowly loosing my mind
6. You with the sad eyes, Don't be discouraged
7. I feel violent I feel alone
8. I'll never know how much it cost To see my sin upon that cross
9. I've kissed so many frogs but I never found a prince
10. Pour out Your power and love As we sing holy, holy, holy
11. Forget about the way that he held you tonight
12. Don't know much about the french I took But I do know that I love you
13. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies It’s compromise that moves us along
14. If you don't like it, man, you sniff glue.
15. I like you so much I'm acting stupid
16. I thought I lost you somewhere But you were never really ever there at all
17. Would you run away with me to a destination where we can be so free?
18. I'm worse at what I do best And for this gift I feel blessed
19. Even if romance ran out of rhyme, You would still have my heart until the end of time
20. See the man with the lonely eyes? Take his hand, you'll be suprised

MOVED

I HAVE MOVED!!!!!!!!

sighs......

sighs.....

my headache hasn't gone away.....args....ah!!!!

POWER OUTTAGE TODAY!!!!

wow......that's weird.....

i feel like puking.....

hungeeee.....

mommy was right

my mommy was right....

and on soooo many levels......but i just dun feel like sharing how......

soooo very tired....wanting to go to bed.......but i can't.....sighs sighs....i think i'll just go study for bio......

love

this song.....is by kenny loggins.....i don't even remember how i got it on my list...but i have it.....and...it's slow....but i'm still sooo frustrated....frustrated about nothing i understand....after throwing three punches at my punching thingy.....i feel a little better.......gotsta continue to pray.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love is real, real is love
Love is feeling, feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved.

Love is touch, touch is love
Love is reaching, reaching love
Love is asking to be loved

Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
You can be

Love is free, free is love
Love is living, living, living love
Love is needing to be loved.

Love is you
You and me
Love is wanting
To be free

Love is knowing
You will be.

anger

ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I JUST WANT TO GO....AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all this frustration.....AH!!!!!!!!!!

i just broke out in fits of anger today....AH!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

all i can see is what my brain is thinking. the following will be what i see. i see sabina running around in the basement. she is pulling her hair and running in circles. she goes up to walls and bangs her head a few hundred times. she's screaming....running.....screaming....running....panting...more running and screaming....her head hurts like no tomorrow. she's tired. she's frustrated.....AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am refering to myself in the third person in my own blog....what the hell? AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

my dad said i should have pressed on the gas while i was making the turn....and i flipped, "the last time when i was in this situation, you told me to have just waited and not make the turn. i should have waited for all the cars to pass and turn....NOT PRESS THE GAS!!!! what is it that you want me to do? you should have just walked, i can't please you...i woke up early to drive you...and you think it was a mistake to have not pressed on the gas. the last time, i pressed on the gas you were like that was a shitty turn. and this time i made a really good and safe turn you are like, you should have pressed the gas so it would have still been a green light." ARGS!!!! I CAN'T FREAKING PLEASE MY OLD MAN!!!!=.= AHH!!!!!!!!!!! no matter what i do he doesn't think i'm good enough. he doesn't trust my decisions. he doesn't like my logic. AH!!!!!!!! i am the same as him in the only aspect that i think alot and i am his blood line.....ahhhhhhh........besides that....my sister will be the only person he will ever love....i don't understnad it....i just can't please him.....AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*banging brain against skull* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


GOING FREAKING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

frustrated at what i feel for the people i shouldn't have feelings for!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

everything i do is a mistake.....i want to say i am a mistake....but i know this is not true.....i am still the clay within the Father's hands being molded and shaped to be the perfect masterpiece......but.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if you're not the one

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

every so often

well now...every so often....i end up doing nothing....and well...even though i should be studying.....i dun....

every so often there this happiness inside of me. every so often, tehre is this energy that is inside me that just won't be held down.

then....there are those moments when i feel like absolute crap and in the damned dark pit. dunno.....

and then....every so often....i post this song......for some reason....this song always makes me want to cry no matter who i think about.....and i suppose i need to sleep soon...because this lil sabby over here is getting sad and moody and tearful.....so yeah......

i love the song above this entry....and well...it's probably like the fifteenth hundreth i've posted the song......i just really love this song....sighs....i dunno why....i just do......

wow...

testing....

me sooo very tired...but no problems.....i am just seeing if my email will mess up another entry....hm.....hope not....

ahhhh

my feet pretty much hurt.....blah.....grrrrr....

but...whateve....no problems....me tired....sighs sighs......

i wish i had someone's shoulder to just put my head on and someone's arm to wrap my arms around......sighs.....meh.....i want a hug......sighs....

today

let's see......completely like didn't go to school basically......

dun feel like giving the details....but i suppose i will....

i bought sharpie pens...muhahaha....i bought a nice necklace that is really simple....but i really like it because it's a simple silver chain with a zirconium pendant...would have been much sweeter if someone would have bought it for me.....but whatever....hahahaha.....

bought sharpie pens....yeah....needed to draw pictures on the back of my grad photo....so i decided it was time to buy em....since i only have a week to finish drawing the pics and everything.  muhahahaha. 

bought lunch today...muhahahaha...yum!!!!  japanese!!!!!  yum!!!!!!  beef teriyaki, and tempura.....yum!!!!!  muhahahahaha.  gonna get sooo fat....but...yum!!!!!  muhahahaha.  me love tempura....muhahahahha......

ddr....muhahaha...wanted to buy clear bra straps...but....stupid summer...they are all sold out....stupid....grrrrrrrr.....

grrrrr

args.....emailing entries to blogger makes me mad sometimes.  i dunno...there's just some texting issue whenever i send......i hope this will stop the error....but i doubt it will....sighs sighs......please tell me it will work.... ahhhhh....POKER!!!!!

sleepy pooh

so very very tired...sighs sighs.  yeah...had a nap......and i am exhausted.....this heat is really making me sick....hm...what shall i have for din din?  man.....i need to lose some weight....

for some reason....i'm addicted to watching poker....and i really like to deal.....weird.....

i am feeling sick....i think i have heat stroke or sumthing....but then again....i have headaches soooo often that it's become second nature...meh.  wanna take a shower now...but if i take a shower now...by the time i sleep...i'll just be icky again....

red sunglasses are cool....kinda doesn't fit my face shape....but i still think they are kool....and if people think it's looks funnay....that's their opinion....muhahahaha...the shades were only a buck....muhahahaha. 

people tend to not play poker with chicks....is it because most chicks don't gamble right becaus they aren't taught?  or is it because they feel guilty losing to them??  meh.....i know i just can't bluff.....that's all.....ahhhh...my head hurts....again.....

Luxembourg

egh.....apparently, luxembourg is the richest nation....but what?!?!?  it's soooo small=.=  egh....the cost of living there must be very high....wow=.= puerto rico is the cheapest nation to travel to.....must take care when we travel there...but still.....cheapest place to visit....and canada is second...muhahahaha...but yet there are still tourism problems in canada...what the hey?!?!?!=.=

well...apparently the united states has the most christians.....and china ranks fourth.....hm.....doesn't really surprise me....but still....

highest divorce rate: maldives....hm....aren't they an island?  hm....
highest quality of life: norway....muhahahaha...guess what?  canada is third here!!!!!  muhahahaha
highest suicide rate: lithuania....hm.....there must be political and economic issues i don't know about....i would expect some asian nation was on this...but apparently not.....
highest number of prisoners: russia....hm...really?  hm....there are definately economic and political issues i don't know about...wow...i feel like i live sucha sheltered life.....XSXSXS
most nobel prize winners: U.S....is that a surprise=.=
highest life expectancy: andorra....egh...where's that?  canada ranks 9th in this...with egh...79.96....has it gone up?
most visited country: france...canada ranks 9th in this too....paris....the city of love...not surprise france is the highest....
highest electricity consumption: U.S...that's no surprise...then china...canada is 6th in this....wish we didn't even make it to the list...but i suppose well....we need alot of electricity....
most cell phone users: china!!!!  muhahahaha....does this come as a surprise ma?!?!?  hahahaha.....i kinda predicted it would be china...hahahaha....canada is 12th on this list....U.S is second... and japan is third....JAPAN?!?!?!  how many people live in JAPAN?!?!?!  third after the U.S? wow....
highest population: no doubt...china.....india, U.S, japan is ninth...and canada undoubtly doesn't make this chart......muhahhahahha
poorest nation: east Timor....egh......i'm ignorant..where's this?
smallest nation: oh..i knew this one!!!  VATICAN!!!!! muhahahaha.....singapore is on this one...ranked number 17th
largest nations: oh, this comes as no surprise....russia, canada, U.S, china....can n e one say duh?!?!?!
newest nation:  what does it mean to be the newest? apparently, east timor...which is the poorest one...
most carbon emmisions: qatar.....singapore is 6th in this category......U.S is seventh....and luxembourg is 8th....australia is 10th....
most pc's: U.S....DUH!!!!!!  oh, shocker...japan is 2nd...well i suppose i shouldn't be that surprised.....canada is 7th and china is 8th....
cleanest: finland,....oh yeah baby...CANADA IS RANKED THIRD!!!!!!!! oh?  singapore isn't on this?  i thought it surely would because of all that gum regulation....
highest cost of living: japan....south korea is 2nd, russia 3rd, taiwan is fourth?!?!? hk is 6th, china 10th, U.S is 13th, singapore is 17th, and canada doesn't make this category....wow...i feel lucky to live here.....
muhahaha...this next one is funny...there is a category for it's people...
the nation with the most beautiful women: venezuela is first...hahahah....U.S is 7th....hahahah

well....i'm done with all this stuff now....just thought these were pretty interesting and funnay to read...hahahaha.....

headache

massive headache=.= ewwwwwww....but apparently, massive headaches that last for days runs in my family. my grandmother had it....i have it. args.....i need to get out of the city!!!!! the smog is killing me!!!! it actually is killing me!!!!!! i can't breath properly....aiya......

i think i'm gonna go take a shower and sleep at 9 today.....i just can't handle this....it way toooo hurts....i hate tylenol....i hate taking medicine.....but i think this time....i haveta take it.....ewwwww....

yeah....you know my bruised knuckes?^o) well one of them is actually really bruised...and the other one....the bruise is completely gone...but it still hurts when you add pressure to it.....but....i have most of my punching bag thingy filled...so....no problems.....muhahahaha. gotsta actually find another outlet for my anger.....this isn't good.....

i've been super frustrated lately....i have been sooooo angry and mad....it may be the anger, but my temper shouldn't flair like this constantly...it's just wrong.....please pray for me.....i have been trying to work on my temper for years...and lately, it's just gotten out of hand....my anger is consuming me.....sighs.....my frustration against the world increases....please.....i need help....

what's funnay is that when i have a personality problem, i normally find it for myself....and when people say it to me, i already knew that i had a problem. but the thing is....i just don't believe it because they always phrase it in ways that i don't like. sighs. but yeah....i do have a control issue. i like to always be right. and i get mad when i am wrong....but not saying what yours is wrong...but in light of me being wrong, some of it can still be right.....and i just want to be heard....so i apologize for ever going down n e ones throat for their opinion....

apparently, my pelvis bone got wider....and my sister was like...yeah, that's just what happens, your a chick....it gets larger because it is preparing you for the future=.= this was in the morning...she's like...see, you have the larger hips and ass than i do now....you have the perfect figure....minus the little pudge in the middle....but you just need to walk some more or sumthing for that pudge to go away....but yeah....you will have less pain when you concieve....wow.=.= sucha not a morning topic...but she said that just as i woke up=.=

yeah, according to my sisters....i am loosing all my baby fat.....well i have been loosing baby fat for years now....but she says that it's very noticeable around my knuckes. i used to have a litterally very round fist.....i don't know if it's because i've been punching things for a long time, or if what she says is true. she also says i look malnutritioned because my face has such a defined chin....but that she doesn't know whether or not that is just because of my braces....i have always looked skinnier with braces for some reason.....

even though she says that....i know i am fat....i am 130 pounds....i am the heaviest asian chick i know. sighs sighs. i exercise...i work out.....i eat alot less than i used to....and i'm still 130.....sighs....12 % body fat means shit when you still feel fat.....but....i must learn to stop comparing myself to the rest of the asian population. i no longer live in hk. i barely even speak proper canto n e more=.= args.....

gotsta eat less.....gotsta stop eating microwaveable meals....i'm lactose intolerant and those microwaveable meals are like super loaded with milk products that gets me sick after digestion....

well let's see.....i have most of my things packed for uni....i mean....there is this foreign student that is coming for a month in the summer, so yeah....keke^^:D:P packing my things in boxes and stuff....halfly to prevent her from stealing my sheeeeet......and halfly getting ready to move into uni.....sighs.....i hope this summer people are going to make plans with me instead of the other way around. no one ever makes damn stinking plans with me. they always want me to do it! =.= i mean...i like planning things...but when it doesn't turn out, everyone always blames me....it's not my fault i have to plan every single one!!=.= it's just not fair....

sighs....i want a hug...feeling sooo sheeeety=.=

blue diamond

well now....i was looking up blue diamonds...and then i landed on this site, http://www.lifegem.com/secondary/whatisLG.asp 

and well....my remains can be made into a blue diamond.....i mean....it costs soooo muchie though.  but still....it's a blue diamond where the memory is worn....but seriously....is it worth all that money to be made into a blue diamond?  being made into a yellow diamond would be weird....i dun think yellow gems are pretty.....that's why i dont' like my month august...it's the gem peridot...it's tooo yellow for my liking.....

i don't know what's up with me and blue diamonds....but lately....all i ahve wanted was a blue diamond.....the blue diamond ring that i want is on sale....ahhhhh.....can you believe it....it was was originally 499...and now it's 349.....ahhhhhhh.  150 $ off.....but....my parents would shoot me if i bought it......so yeah....it's alrights.....i won't buy it....plus....that's in u.s. dollars......

i think i'm gonna save up for some funeral fund when i start working.....then i can have a service or if i still want to be made into a gem......it's like $3,499 for the smallest gem... and this is just the gem....and if you want to be made into a ring or something.....you haveta pay extra.....but i don't even know if that is in USD or CD.....hm....

but still.....blue diamond......

i have been fascinated with blue diamonds for soooo long.....why?....i have been somewhat obsessed with them this week....but....i mean.....i have been fascinated with blue diamonds since grade 4.  when i actually heard the first story of someone being made into a blue diamond.  in nature, blue diamonds occur sooo infrequently that people have stopped mining for them.  but still....ahhhhhh...... blue diamonds....one of the rarest gems in nature.......ahhhhhh......i want to be a rich blue colour...but still....ahhhhh....

what's up with my obsession=.=  args.....

hotness

well coming to think about it.....this weather, hot and sticky, is much like most asian countries, like hk as i know it.  i'm actually kinda use to it.  it doesn't mean i like it, i'm just kinda used to it.  i don't like the heat, but i can stand the heat that beats down, i can stand the stickiness.  this "stikiness" isn't even as bad as the humidity in hk.  in hk, i'd haveta shower after i slept and then right before i sleep......in hk.....sometimes i took like 3 or 4 showers......because you'd get sooo filthy from all the nasty particles in the air that you just can't tolerate it.....

never go out in the rain in hk...it's lethal.  muhahahaha.  the sewage system just really really smells=.=  ewwwwww......as i said...it's lethal......i haveta start speaking more chinese....i am loosing my chinese ability....ahhhhh.....NO!!!!!!!!  i want to cling to my roots....but staying in hk....i know my attempts are futile.....my mother wants to send me to go to hk u after i've gotten my degree in guelph....she thinks if i want to improve my cantonese, the only way to do this is go back to their roots.  and i agree.  even if i don't go back to study, i'll probably go there for a year.....i'll be foreign for the first couple of months i suppose...but meh...

n e whoo.....yeah, i agree with my sister.  people that have come to canada have just no longer kept their ability to cope in hot weather.  i mean.....there are people that are from india that are like..."i am dying in this heat." and then when i come to think about it...it's silly....india is MUCH hotter.  meh.....it's alrights.....

just woke up

wow....i am really tired aye? well yeah, it's like 8:25, and my sister woke up before i did=.= args.....seriously, my sister normally wakes up alot later than i do. bleh....whatever....no big deal i suppose....

well school...hm....has been a killer i suppose. i have finished my english essay. it is the crappiest movie and crappiest essay i have ever written. i didn't even know what i was writing about=.= sux aye? args=.=

well now, nothing tooo muchie for english.....just one research item for the wasteland written by t.s. elliot. i've read it before.....i just never analyzed it before.....n e one who's done it before wanna help me ma?

i have massive amounts of rats for bio....gotsta start organizing my notes.....sighs sighs.....i am soooo disorganized=.= but it's alrights....it'll be better.....

muhahahahaha.....i would appreciate a mac more....why? because i don't game.....hahahahahahah. well now....that's just funnay.....it's more like....i don't game n e more.....but whateve....hahahaha. i much rather want a mac.....yeah, it's scott geldart's influence since grade 10. no virus, no need for pop up blockers,

oh yeah.....i forgot to mention that yesterday when picking up my sister from guelph.....i bought a pair of sunglasses....muhahahaha. yeah....from the most unlikely of places too.....the dollar store....muhahahaha. the quality sucks ass....but it's a very cool and chic colour!!!!! muhahahahaha. yeah...it's red!!!!!! yeah, matt would probably say "it doesn't match you sabina." =.= but whatever.....bleh....i have three pairs of sunglasses now.....a blue, a red, and the clip ons for my glasses.....woooo whooo......variety.....but....i always wear contacts to school and everything....so it's either the red or the blue....muhahahahaha....oh yeah, i also bought a new back pack. no no, it's not cause mine is busted...it's for uni. muhahaha...it's all nice and padded.....a little small, but then again, it's only printouts and handouts and some blank paper to write notes on....so yeah.....not tooo bad. muhahahahah.

well yuppers.....oh yeah...weird as dreams.....woke up singing that song that goes, "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? dontcha?"

weird.....=.=

kekek^^:D:P testing testing 123

hello.  how is everyone today?  muhahahaha....i am trying this new mail-to-blogger thing....muhahaha...well it's not new i'm assuming....just new to me.....you know what this means???? THIS MEANS SABINA WILL BE ON HER EMAIL ACCOUNT MORE OFTEN!!!....but do you know why it will be more often?  muhahahahaha....because i will be updating blog thingy more often.  muhahahaha.  well it's funnay....i am a total blog fanatic.  i mean, nothing toooo much of thought....i just write alot about self...meh.....maybe i should write more insightful things....like research papers and such every single day....bleh......

ahhhhh......i found my aeris' theme from final fantasy 7!!!!!  AHHHHHH....well...rather my sister did......hm.....if n e one has flute music, do you wanna send it over to me?  XDXDXD

tired

muhahahahaha....oh yes....quite a long day.....i dunno why....i kinda feel like a hugg now.....

but yeah...i have a funnay uneven tan....kinda burn legs....but whatever...all good. my sister is playing some final fantasy 7 song....ahhhh

tired......bought food...muhahahaha...food....

stupid assembly...

ewwwwww....assembly=.= ewwww.....

well yeah...more time to do work and study i suppose. well yeah...helping matt on that english rat thingy i suppose it can be fun.

but yeah.....i will be off studying for bio now.....can't wait for for english....wanna finish my english essay.....

ahhhhhh...HEADACHE!!!!!-,- need sleep=.= sighs sighs......

the most updated blog

muhahahahha.....and well apparently...i update my blog alot....hm....shall i say i am not surprised...because i know i do....hahahaha.

i used to be able to refrain from updating daily.....i suppose my blog and my devotional journal has become my life these days. it has become routine that i update almost every other hour, practice my flute, do my devotions, eat if i feel like it and talk on msn....i say i have a rather sad exsistance.....but...jenny is like....grrrrr you have a life...it's as exciting as it will ever be...muhahahaha

whatever.....i can't swim with contacts.....it hurts my eyes to open it underwater=.= one of these days....i'm not gonna wear contacts and just go swimming without being cautious of stinging eyes!!!XPXP

i feel ultimately blubbery=.= gotsta eat less.....

I AM NOT ANOREXIC!!!! I EAT!!!!! I DO I DO!!!! I SWEAR IT!!!!! i just don't eat after 4:30....unless i am starving....and even then...i just drink juices.....

yeah....lately my body has been exhasted and dehydrated....sooo sad...

my knuckles hurt.....sighs....it hurts to type....

sighs sighs...

self- mutilation.....

my body is the temple of GOD......it's just not right.....

sighs sighs.....

sighs sighs....

sighs=.=

Twila Paris- Run to You

Faster now than ever, I run to You
Now I know You better, I run to You
I am a little older now, You know it's true
Maybe a little wiser, too, I run to You
And I can see deeper than I did before
I do believe, never have I been so sure
That I need You every minute, every day
That I need You more than I could ever say

Ooh, I run to You
Ooh, what else would I do?
I run to You, ooh, I run to You
Ooh

Even on the sad days, I run to You
Even on the good days, too, I run to You
Even before all else fails, You know it's true
You are the wind in my sails, I run to You
And I can see deeper than I did before
I do believe, never have I been so sure
That I need You every footstep, all the way
That I need You so much more than I can say

swollen hands

well....args....in my frustration...i punch walls....no no...not a pillow...walls...that have metal and wood behind as structural support....but yeah.....i punched the wals way tooo many times.....

i know how hard i can punch drywall that only leaves dents...not holes....well....let's just say this time....i was really frustrated...i punched the metal bars over and over again....i punched the wood supporting beams over and over again.....and well....now my knuckes are all swollen.....purple and swollen....

i am frustrated....i am angry....i am sad....JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

crying...

i fucking feel like shit....i felt bad for yelling....so i apologized...and now...i feel even worst because i feel alot worst....because you neither accepted or acknowledged it....sighs.....feeling really really really shitty....

gone to cry the day away....don't you fucking come near me....i am not driving you ne more....you obviously don't think i'm qualified to drive you.....take the bus....find a ride from someone else.....you have crossed the line of me driving you out of decency. i don't get n e thing out of driving you to and from school....and what do i get? i get your judgement call on what you think i should have done.....

i'm sorry....i just can't take it n e more.....i hurt.....i still hurt.....all my anger just splurged out when you said that one little thing.....all my hate splurged out. i just can't do it n e more....please stay away.....if i apologize...it's because i think i need to...and you make me sound stupid for apologizing...just because you forgot, it doesn't mean i did....just because you don't care...doesn't me i don't..... i'm sorry i care....i'm sorry i care more than i should...i'm sorry for all of this....if i could turn back the hands of time....i would have rather never have gotten to know you. i would have rather not been sooo nice. i would have rather just pretended that you didn't exsist...because as of right now....i just hurt....i am hurting....

you probably won't read this. you don't care to read such long "essay" things n e ways. i may take back my words...but as of this moment...that's how i feel....

don't fucking ask me for a ride n e more....i won't give you one...why??? because it feels like i'm not being appreciated....

you don't know me...

you don't know me all that well. you think you do, but the total truth of the matter is that you don't know all of who i am. you don't understand that some of the things you meant as a joke still hurt sometimes....but....i still pretend they don't hurt.

you think you know everything about me. you draw paralells about me with other people you know....i may be similar...but i am neither the same as them or them as i.

i don't want to be pissed off. and yeah, what you said made me pissed off....i don't know what it was about it....it just pissed me off. i don't have issues about being proven wrong....you haveta give me evidence that i am wrong.....what you would do when you drive is simply what you do....you have no right telling me what to do because you would have done it....I AM NOT YOU.....

it hurts that i take sooo much time to try to get to know you.....but it seems that sometimes, you don't know me at all. yeah, words mean alot to me. sometimes....even more than actions. that's the way i am. whether or not you are joking or not....things you say...i take seriously. i have always been one to think and dwell. if you don't like that in me...you don't like me at all....so just go away.

i don't know why i'm raving and ranting....all i know is that i'm upset. i'm upset at the fact that you didn't try to say n e thing after i apologized for yelling at you....you didn't accept it or reject it.....by you not saying it's alright and bringing the matter up again about what you would have done....it still makes me think you don't accept me yelling at you. it hurts when you don't think i am a good driver. it hurts when you don't try to talk to me and just stare out the window pretnding that nothing happened. you avoid my eyes....how the fucking hell am i supposed to react? sighs....i just wanna cry....

talents

is being and doing everything in a manor of average standard really not a talent ma? i mean.....doesn't it depend on what you wanna do with your life?....hm.....

my head!!!

freaking ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!! my head hurts like a an utter biotch....this extreme isn't n e thing that is helping me either=.= args....and my freaking ac is freaking busted=.= we turned it it on so that inside it would feel like 15 degrees...which should be nice and cool in the house....but guess what??!?!?! the house still remains at 25 degrees=.= args.....i wonder how the people in africa do it=.= ahhhh...

i think i'm gonna be sleeping early tonight...my head hurts way toooo muchie....i've been way tooo freaking exhausted....sighs.....

even in my dreams...you freaking haunt me=.= sighs sighs....

why won't all these feelings just go away already=.= sighs sighs. my head hurts really bad....sleep doesn't help....i am going crazy...sighs sighs.

ahhhhh....apparently....i missed a call today?!?!?! sighs sigh....it sucks that my cell has no money and that every 1 and a half weeks i haveta refill.....it's more than 20 dollars a month...and my daddy still doesn't get it=.= sighs sighs.

i am feeling really really sick.....i can't tell if it's the heat that's causing my body temp to be really high....or if i'm actually getting sick and burning because i am fighting something=.= ahhhhh......sighs sighs......

tired....

i am sooo tired...i am sooo fed up with my own life....args....i am fed up with this weather....i liked spring=.= meh...shall i go swimming tomorrow? hm....we'll see....depends on my mood....feeling fat......

the closed door

and so....when life seems to have closed the door, maybe the window that was open is finally acknowledged and you take whatever can be seen through this window. the oportunity may seem smaller than door only due to its sice. maybe the chance would have never been taken because the other seemed sooo much better. maybe there's a reason to look through this window and not simply through the door that has been slammed in your face....

hm....has the door actually been slammed on my face? i believe there's still hope i suppose. and even though i would much rather stop myself from feeling all the emotional strain that may happen in the future, it is much easier to fall in love for me. falling out of love hurts...and is damaging....i'll be going to the gym tomorrow...going every day of the week....no matter how busy...no matter how tired....i am going....why? because i'm fat=.= args....sighs.....my dress doesn't fit properly n e more...it did 2 weeks ago...ahhhhh!!!! and only have a month to loose 5 pounds of fat...and hopefully turn it into muscle or sumthing....but n e whoo...going to the gym every day of the week.....and...also handing in my letter of not renewing my contract.....

no worries....no regrets....there's just something that i'll wait to say and wait to do. why? because i think it deserves to be said.

yeah...maybe my blog really does revolve around my life...but then again...it's my blog...and my therapy....meh...if you want to read something that isn't biased, somewhat self-centered, read the newspaper or magazines designed to enlighten and stuff.....

meh....skimming.....at least you have fun....bleh....

do words really mean all that muchie in the long run?

sighs...

almost got caught by the popo. i ran through a red light...and then there was a popo driving after me.....sheesh...i thought he was after me, until he changed lane and then went in front of me. sighs sighs...

feeling really really shitty right now...sighs sighs....

i haveta loose weight...args....i gained fat...sighs sighs....about 5 pounds worth...sighs sighs....starving myself for a month...yeah...crash diet.....yeah....

feeling really shitty....really fat....really stupid....sighs....

it's kinda funnay

muhahahaha...well it's kinda funny i suppose. muhahahaha. well i will be off to do my devotions soon. so yeah. muhahahaha. but yeah....i haven't played my flute for like weeks now. sighs sighs...i miss my flute....i sound horrible now....i mean, most amature musicians could even tell that i have been out of practice. i need to improve on my range, my control, my tone, my endurance. crappers....i can only hold a single not at maximum sound for like 4 beats before i totally run outta breath=.= ewwww....

ewwww=.= but yeah.....

my stomach hurts...i am hungeeeeeee.....

pc time

well....my sister is home today. muhahaha. but....i still don't really actually feel the joy yet....i mean....obviously i love it when my sister is home...because my parents try to do stuff when my sister is home. but.....i just feel like moping....but....i know i need to go out....because everyone will bitch at me if i dont and say "you had a chance to go out, why didn't you?" so meh...

well yeah...sister home...that means i won't get much of pc time today. meh. it's not that big of a deal...need to do something else n e ways. muhahahaha.

but yeah....i should stop reading horoscopes.....things that predict are only good predicting things because they are vague.....but....whatever.....if my problem is reading horoscopes, i just won't go and read em....avoid them completely.....i mean...it's not wrong to read em...it's just wrong when you allow it to consume your life....sighs sighs....

wouldn't it be fun?

keke^^:D:P well now....i wanna start a band...sighs....but it's no fun when you only know that you yourself want to start a band...and none of the friends you have no are interested at all....plus....it just wouldn't work....going to uni....just wouldn't work i suppose....

but....i suppose....a dream of mine is to write some worship song that people around the world could sing. wouldn't that just be sooo magnificant? but i mean....of course the praise doesn't go to me....all the glory goes back to GOD. but....i'm not musically inclined enough to actually write my own music even if i could write my own lyrics. sighs.....

it sucks that in this world....i have searched over and over again to find something that i am good at. sighs sighs. and apparently.....everyone has a gift that they are more talented in the things that they do....but for me....why can't i find this? i feel sooo odd and different than everyone. everyone has something that they are good at. and to me....i just seem to get by life being average all my life. sighs sighs. it's really really sad....i mean....i have qualities that i know most people don't have or just not as strong in...but maybe that just comes with the way i am....when i set my mind to something...i am stubborn, but still listening for you to disprove my opinion. but possessing qualities isn't a skill...or a talent for that matter. possessing qualities is simply just what it is.....quality and characteristics...sighs sighs. but...there's nothing to be sad about this i suppose...it's just what i will use to shine and demonstrate the glory of GOD....yupz yupz. since i still haven't found what i am gifted in....i simply am just gonna be and continue being. and along the lines of being, shining a light into the dark. whether or not i will be understood or not....i can only shine. i cannot let the darkness overcome me.

life can only be understood by looking forward and above.

sick

args...feeling a tad bit sick. ewwww...ewwww....i am having a really big headache=.= args args. eww eww.....

ate tooomuchie today....gonna get sooo fat...gonna go to the gym tomorrow i suppose. probably around noonish....after lunch gua....or maybe in the morning...cause then well...i have the rest of the day to sleep. sighs sighs.

feeling really sick...args.....

and i am getting a headache....a massive headache...args args....

ahhhhh....headache....ahhhh=.= and my tummy hurts=.= sighs sighs. :( boooo...

sighs....

recharging

muhahaha....i never write the same way on my blog and my msn or my lj or my xanga....or my friendster blog. muhahaha...everyone always asks me why i have sooo many accounts...and if i possibly have that many thoughts to write about...hahaha...actually no....

but yes....my life...has been on the backburner for 2 weeks now. and well now....i am actually satisfied. i woudln't say i'm happy or n e thing....but i am most certainly not upset. well technically...that's kinda a lie....i'm disappointed...but i'm not all that upset...

but yes....in less than a month...school is officially over...yeah yeah!!!! muhahaha. and then....there is at present...officially 27 days till prom!!!! i just can't wait. i mean...even though things just won't be the same....AHHHHH!!!! just can't wait....muhahaha...but i don't dance. muhahaha....

well yuppie....gonna go.....

my life is on the charger.....getting re-energized. getting re-organized.

.hack/sign is on.....muhahahaha......

stupid

it is sooo stupid to be in class right now. matt oh is not here...and i don't know what to put on each slide. args args. i am frustrated...because i dunno what to put on what slide=.=

yeah....i kinda gave up....

next week is gonna be hell=.= yeah...all these rats....all these tests...all these assignments due=.= args

sighs sighs....not going to do n e thing this weekend again. no one wants to do n e thing with me. they are all busy. sighs sighs. i think i shall go home and catch up on my z's=.= how boring is that? sighs sighs.

gonna sit at home depressing my ass off because i have nothing to do. sighs sighs.

stealing a meaningful entryXP

FINDING THE ELUSIVE WILL OF GOD

FINDING THE ELUSIVE WILL OF GOD
Copyright ? Michael Bronson 1997, 1999, and 2000

Summary
This chapter is a practical God in finding God's leading. It shows the importance of learning to listen to God's small quiet voice.

"I ought to tear you apart right now!" Daren screamed at me. "I'm going to hit you so hard even your kids will be born with a headache." Obviously, Daren, the head of a local gang, was unhappy with me. I had just embarrassed him at a sporting event in front of some girls.

I was only 16 at the time, and since Daren was planning on realigning my face, I decided to up the ante by increasing the intimidation factor. I said, "I have no desire to fight you, but if you make a move on me, I'll cut into you like a 180- pound Doberman Pinscher, ripping and tearing apart your face and throat!"

I realize you probably will not find this technique in Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Regardless of the origin, my bluff worked because Daren left. Afterwards, while walking home, a friend asked me to go swimming. Although it was 11 PM and I was tired, he did not let up. Finally, his unusual persistence won out and we went swimming at a nearby pool. Unbeknown to my friend or me, Daren went and recruited help from some other gang members and set an ambush for me on the trail back to my home. They waited 45 minutes. I swam for about 47 minutes. Thus, I arrived at the ambush site a couple minutes after they had left.

God used His supernatural power to protect me. I never would have found out about this supernatural intervention except for the fact another friend saw them set up the ambush. I am convinced God supernaturally intervenes in our lives many times each day, but usually He chooses not to reveal it to us.

Another example of God’s intervention took place when I was a correction officer at a prison. It was 3 in the morning when a confrontation with a prisoner erupted in the chow hall. The angry prisoner was yelling and threatening me.

As he stepped toward me with his fist pulled back I heard a loud bang. I looked over and saw a large metal door lying on the ground. Somehow all three hinges broke causing the door to fall.

This loud distraction defused the problem and caused the prisoner to stand down. He was cuffed and escorted to Temporary Hold without incident. What surprised me about the door was the pivot portion of the hinges were very thick, an inch and a half thick. Whatever caused the malfunction protected me from a fight. I can just imagine my guardian angel saying, "Well, Mike’s in trouble again!" as he pushed the door over.

God is supernatural and He often does intervene in our lives using supernatural means. His interventions, though, are usually limited to leading us, protecting us or supplying our needs. Seldom does God use supernatural signs, such as a Gideon's fleece, to direct us. Obviously, making decisions would be easier if God did send lightning bolts as a sign of affirmation. Yet, for whatever reasons, God has chosen to limit Himself by abstaining from this style of leading.

Misunderstandings abound when we start to speak of God's will for our life. We are often faced with difficult decisions regarding our future. Sometimes, the answers to these problems elude us. We often wonder, "How can we determine God's leading and will for our lives?"

God has a perfect will for our lives, yet no one has ever come close to fulfilling it. Every time we sin, we are taken one step further from what God desires for us. Although we can never be in God's perfect will, we can accomplish His practical will.


Don't let your fear of the future rob you of your freedom and put you in bondage


Many growing Christians struggle with making sure they are completely in God's will. They want to be positive that every minor decision lines up exactly with what God's perfect plan is for their life. They view God's will as a map with every decision planned out for them. If a footstep is misplaced, it is either sin or the loss of a great opportunity. This struggle for perfection causes great stress, agony and bondage.

God gives us freedom and flexibility to live our lives for Him. We need not know in advance which footsteps God has chosen for us. He will direct our paths, just trust Him. As long as our hearts are tuned into God's desires, our feet will follow His leading.

Movie actors are given scripts to follow, but they have great flexibility in how they follow them. The number of steps an actor takes to get from the couch to the door is insignificant. The number of breaths he takes and the exact movement of his arms and legs are seldom written in the script. Several actors may act out the same script, but each will perform it differently. Likewise, God has a script or plan for our lives and the many small decisions we make do not affect our fulfillment of God's will.

Although we may not know God's major plans for our life, we are usually aware of many small things God wants us to do. These may be small truths gleaned from the Bible or wisdom obtained through common sense. Common sense is the little voice that says you do not pray about buying that $35,000 new Cadillac when you know you can barely afford a $5,000 used Chevrolet.

Revealing His will directly through the Bible is not the only way God discloses His will. He also can guide us through His Spirit. The closer we are in our walk with God, the more sensitive we are to the Lord's desires.

When I was growing up, my mother had a way of showing her approval or disapproval with her eyes. I could often follow her leading just by looking at her eyes. Psalm 32:8 says, "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go; I will guide thee with mine eye." As we grow sensitive to God, we will be led by His soft voice. John 10:4b says " ... and the sheep follow him; for they know his voice." I always pray God will help me to hear His soft gentle voice so He will never have to yell at me. Psalm 26:3 says, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee." Although we should walk by faith and not by feelings, God can still direct us by giving us an inner peace when we make a correct decision. A lack of inner peace may signify you are either not trusting the Lord or you are making the wrong decision.

There are times in our lives when God's Spirit or written Word does not seem to give any direction. Some of these decisions may be life-altering. They could involve such decisions as which house should I buy or which foreign country should I serve as a missionary. Not knowing which direction to go can cause much stress and frustration. The thought, "What if I make the wrong decision," is always lurking in the back of our minds. A fear of messing up our lives and hindering our usefulness for God is ever present. Unfortunately, some situations require a decision long before we have any clear direction. This lack of spiritual guidance seems to leave our fate up to chance. In these times of uncertainties, we can still be assured God's will is going to prevail.


There are occasions where time is running out and we are forced to make a major decision without knowing God's will.


If we have committed the situation to God, we do not have to worry about making the "wrong" decision and messing up our lives.


Proverbs 3:5,6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." When you fully commit a situation to God, He will take the initiative to fulfill His will in your life. Fully committing a situation to God does not insure that you will know the solution; it just promises God will lead you. You may or may not be consciously aware of His leading. The next time you are faced with a decision, commit it to God. He may give you the wisdom to make the right choice. If He does not, you can still be assured God will successfully direct your life. Even if you make the wrong choice, God will still work all things together for good.

Jerry was having blueprints drawn up for the dream house he wanted to build. Since the house was a few feet too wide for the zoning, he needed a variance. After three failed attempts at getting the variance, he gave up on the original plans and had a totally different house built. Today, Jerry will tell you the failure to secure a variance was the best thing that could have happened. The house he lives in now is far better than his original plan. If you have committed a situation to God and are moving in the wrong direction, God will close doors and force you to turn in the right direction.

We need not be pressured by a fear of making the wrong choice. If we ask God for His guidance, He will open and close doors to ensure His will is fulfilled. Psalm 37:23 says, "The steps of the good man are ordered by the Lord, and he delights in His ways." If we continually commit our future to God, He will guide and direct our steps.

ahhhhh

shoooooot me....

my head hurts like a biotch=.= args args=.= grrrrrrr. and it doesn't help because i have this sudden urge and need to talkie to people. but no one is freaking picking up=.= args=.= grrrrr....and so.....grrrr....but....bessie was home!!!! yeah yeah!!!!! she got to catch up with me...but booo....i didn't ask ne thing about her...because she asked me about my situation. and how i was feeling because she knew i always feel crappy after things like this happen......

how could you think i didn't like sports?!?!?! just because most gals dun doesn't mean i dun....i am an individual....not one of those OTHER GIRLS!!! get that through your head....args=.=

my head hurts soooo bad......

XPXP

yeah yeah. sexay...muhahaha....on the half day, i wanted to go out....but by 2ish...it just didn't seem like i was gonna go n e where. but yeah....muhahahaha. well at 2ish i fell asleep. i just slept=.= but then....briboi called me...and i woke up at 2:45ish. muhahahaha. used up some of his minutesXPXP this is what happens when people call me...i just dun sha up. muhahahaha. but yes yes i did let him go on the bus without using up all his minutes.

well yes...then i started talking to media and well.....we went to the mall. muhahaha. sq1. i still wanted to visit bri...but....sighs....going to the mall isn't tooo bad. my cell is completely outta mula=.= args....well n e whoo...back to mall...

yes yes....i have pulled a rebecca.....i take booth photos everytime i'm at the mall. so if you are with me at the mall, save a tooney...because we WILL TAKE booth photos. muhahaha.

but yes...we took booth photos....i got the very normal and ordinary ones...meh....i was trying to look serious...didn't work....but yups....was only supposed to buy jewelry...but....i ended up buying 1 skirt, 1 skort, 1 haltertop. muhahaha. and 2 pairs of earrings...my mommy's gonna be mad at me for using her cardXSXS

but yeah....i haven't been shopping muchie n e ways....no problems....muhahahaha....

yupz yupz.....i like my magazine...muhahahaha.....THANX MATT!!!!! i OWE YOU LUNCH and A HUG!!!!!.....oh yeah....but....muhahahah....he still owes me a trip to demitris....but yeah....muhahahaha....hm.....

wow....sooo very bored....

i have never been soooo bored in my life.....i skipped a whole day of school for what? blah....to play marvel vs capcom? =.= args.....yeah, you can see how bored i actually got....because i seriously never play that game unless i am utterly bored...if it were up to me....i'd rather watch matt play or sumthing....it makes me happier that way.....

but n e who......i wanted to go shopping....but it's stupid...because no one would go shopping now.....blah.....i have nothing to do. no hmwk. no nothing. wanna go shopping...no one's home to go shopping with me. sighs sighs. it's not fair......

MEDIA AND I GO SHOPPING!!!! YEAH YEAH!!!!

something about me

there are somethings about me that most people don't understand. if you really wanted to know me, you could....but there are still things i hide....but well.....maybe i'll feel comfortable enough to share with you. there are just some things that people would never know. but well...GOD knows....he knows everything....

well.....there are just somethings that you don't understand about me....and that's because you may have never taken the time to understand or the time to ask me. maybe the way i am and the things that i stand for are unethical according to you, but....that's the way i live my life. you can judge me as being an utter fool...but....bleh....no matter. you can't avoid everyone that may judge. you can only look out and hope that you can shine your light into an area that may or may not accept you.

ahhhhh....i think i shall go searching for christian sheet music....i wanna sing some new worship songs at church......

smiles

well now....today is half day....but i really don't feel like going to n e classes....so.....yeah...i'm not going to go to n e.....wonder if matt went...hm.

well now. i mean.....hahahaha. i talked to JEAN from like 10 last night and almost talked all the way to two. can you believe? :O muhahahaha. i don't know. there is something about everything that i said that makes me really happy. after this...i shall do my devotion. wow. i don't know. i just feel sooo happy now. i hope it's not a mood swing....hahahaha. i wonder if i ask my daddy to take me to mitchels would he take me. muhahaha. i dunno if i'll go visit bri. muhahahaha. i kinda really wanna go shopping. ahhhhh. i want to buy earrings. there is this certain pair that i really want. i probably won't get a matching necklace....but yeah....muhahahaha. you will see. muhahahaha.

i am finished my magazine. muhahahaha. oh...apparently matt lau has beome the director, editor, art director of my mag. and i am only editorial assistant. hahahahaha. oh yes yes....mr. squiddie is the publishing company. ain't that hot and sexay ma? muhahaahahaha. there are soooo many possibilities to do things today....but what shall i do ar?!?!?! my oh my....what shall i do?!?!?

yeah...but as i said...my printer sux some ass......everything that was brown turned pink=.= out of all colours....pink=.= ewwwwwwww=.= as long as matt doesn't shoot me....i'm fine....hahahaha....all his hard work....turned out pink....XPXP

but yeah.....i finally understand why it was sooo hard for me to move on. yeah, i'm moving on...but it doesn't mean that i'm giving up on the feeling. it's just not me to do that. hahaha. my emotions are the most important part of me. keke^^:D:P i finally figured why i was sooo upset all the time. hahahaha. it was because i was doing something that felt sooo unnatural for me. if i am to forget this feeling i have, it must be of it's own, not my forcefulness to forget it. and so....for now....i hold on to this feeling, and let GOD do his will in my life. he was right. and yeah, ultimately i was wrong....but well....it doesn't matter that i was wrong. i'm sorry for the pain i caused. the most important relationship before i start one with n e one else should be my relationship with GOD. he should be the love of my life always and forever. it is he who can give the ultimate comfort. maybe i did see that it was right, but i rejected it on my own accord because i just couldn't understand.

the question is not whether or not i could see it....it was whether or not i could accept it. hahahaha. and even after accepting it....it wasn't a matter of acceptance, but more a question of actions and reactions. hahahahaha. something inside me will never forget. yeah, some people say i set myself up to fall really hard because my feelings are always sooo intense....but....that's the way i am...

i have never felt soooo happy and calm.....ahhhhhh......YIPEEEEEEEE.....shopping today most likely.....

...stolen entry from mel who stole it from someone else....

LOVE... what is love????

LOVE....

We think about it.
Sing about it.
Dream about it
Lose sleep worrying about it.
When we don`t have it, we search for it.
When we discover it, we don`t know what to do with it.
When we have it, we fear losing it.
It is the constant source of pleasure and pain, but we can`t predict which it will be from one moment to the next.
It`s a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, impossible to live without.
Love doesn`t make the world go round.
It`s what makes the ride worthwhile.
You can look all over for love, but you won`t find it cuz you can`t see love you must feel it....

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don`t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds. It dies of weariness, of withering, and of tarnishing."

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. LOVE NEVER FAILS."

-the purity of the most simplest of love summed up in a few verses in which i will live by all my life.

oh oh...

one q before i leave to go do devotionals....does n e one know where i can find a good christian book store that has an intensive amount of books and materials? i mean...i know of 2 in sauga.....and....there just isn't what i'm looking for.....hm....wait...i know three....hm...i suppose i'll be driving to my churchie more than just once this week....i'll go christian book store stuff shopping....muhahahahaha.

but then again....if i'm going alone....i don't think i'll actually be going....

well now i'm off....
be back in about...egh.....an hour and a half? ....maybe.....hahahaha

If This World

*wow.....i have sang this song before...but why do i utterly don't remember ever even singing it? sighs. args....i want to find this song and add it to my collection of christian music....but.....i just can't find it...args=.= but yeah....would you be a sweetie and find me this song?^o) it would mean alot to me......*

Jaci Valesquez- If This World
Do you feel you've been disowned
Left outside in the cold
And without a home
Do you think that no cares
That you're lost and alone
And without a prayer?

Don't give in to the lie
That there's no one you can turn to
Don't lose heart, there is hope
There is someone who will never desert you

CHORUS
If this world is a lonely place for you
Fall into the arms of love
If this world is a lonely place for you
There is a God who you can trust
Who'll comfort you and lift you up

Are you looking for a friend
Who will stand by your side
To the very end?
Someone who is always true
To his word be assured
He won't turn from you

Put your faith in the One
Who will never let you down
He has proven his love
Open up to all he has nor you now

REPEAT CHORUS

He hears your cry, He sees your tears
He know your pain and all your fears
He waits for you with open arms
He longs to live inside your heart
You'll never be alone again.

REPEAT CHORUS

devotionals...

well now....i'm writing a blog.....and well.....I GOTSTA DO MY DEVOTIONAL!!!!! muhahahaha. loosing the passion to do it already. but.....hahahaha.....at least i know i want to now. and i know whenever i want to do something....i do it. hahahaha. unless of course....i am super exhausted and have no energy to do n e thing except sleep. muhahahahaha.

well now.....i promised matt that i would do it....and whether or not i promised him....i should do them n e ways....so yeah....woooooo whooo....

starting to get tired though...since well....i've just finished eating=.= yeeek.....

matt still hasta finish my food and nutrition stuff. man...i feel sooo bad for telling him to do this for me.....BUT....THANKIES SOOO MUCHIE TO HIM if he reads this.

after three hours of me practicing for a presentation.....i still...messed up....but at least well.....i know that i'm alrightees....presenting in front of the class about something that i don't totally know by heart and have no passion for just means i need more practice. as matt said, if three hours wasn't enough...next time, i should try 6. hahahaha. i'm a stumbler....i stumble on my thoughts and words alot....thank goodness arun didn't bombard me with questions and make me cry.....

wow.....i'm very weak in my faith....how can people barf up christianly knowledge like that? how can they be soooo good at reiterating what was said during the sermon?^o) boooo. why am i sooo crappy at stuff like this? why do i not learn what i should know. sighs. why am i sucha horrible person like this...sighs.

well now.....i'm just gonna look above...and well...continue to look forward. i'm not gonna give myself time to feel pity for myself. i will not pity myself. there is nothing to pity myself for. accepted and digested. i am fine. i am not physicaly hurt. i was emotionally hurt....but hey.....that's what being human is all about. it's about trying to get up. it's about the journey and the destination. it's about the faith that we have. it's about the purity of love that consumes our lives and the passion we demonstrate daily. our lives are more about GOD than they should be focuse on us, but hey.....i'm probably offending those without a faith now so it seems.

but these are my thoughts. my feelings. my emotions. and well....if you people think it's stupid to read about my feelings and my thoughts about my feelings.....then....don't bother to talk to me...you'll find me dull. you will find that i am not your "type". if you find that my thoughts are tooo focused on my emotions....then well...get to know me....and you will find....my emotions are very much part of who i am. i am who i am because of most importantly GOD, but, at this present moment, my emotions. i am a logical person.....and sometimes....my emotions consume my thoughts....making it seem to you that it wasn't logical. i hate being hurt....and i dun wanna get hurt again....but i am unafraid to get hurt again....i just hate the feeling.

i hate circumstances. i don't hate people. sighs.....but....maybe i'm being hypocritical when i'm saying this....hm....i mean.....since i am given the choice to love or hate.....i would choose love, but sometimes, nothing in my daily life conveys that i chose love and instead demonstrates all my hate and bitterness. sighs. i can only pray that i will see the world for what it is and not be bitter because of the way it is.

wow....i'm not that sarcastic of a person am i?^o)

moodie

well now...grrr.....i am having such massive stinking freaking massive moodswings. me not a happy camper today....crap...i'm probably gonna be massively moody for the rest of the week. i will have massive attitude problems. grrrr.....

i make people feel guilty. i am bitter....but whatever....eventually....i'll become sweet again....and the world will no longer look sooo gloomy and grey. all good.

i think i will fold my 1000th crane now. i think it's time to move on...no matter if i am happy or pissed or sad or depressed. it is time to just look forward and not backwards. it is time to do something new in my life. muhahahaha.....

1000th crane...HERE I COME!!!! NEW LIFE WAITING!!!! HERE I COME!!!!! oh yes.....i'm gonna haveta buy a fishie tank and give em away...but it's alrights....

會笑會哭

突然自覺有些喘氣
承受不起的氣管卻沒預備
舊時夜裡每次想到你
就會遍體抽搐得要死
最後才沒有反應　多麼痛也痛得起

若麻木是我的本領
其實應多得你的訓練和耐性
令人受慣挫折轉了性
但我這雙枯乾的眼睛
要是能運作　讓我哭泣　別叫停

＊再沒有感覺　像個空殼
　是你的曠世傑作
　我被你呼喝　受你杯葛
　從前亦曾是快樂＊

＃經已沒法子還原　像最初那天
　仍會笑會哭的那天
　要是還會覺辛酸
　我怎麼去繼續　留低討你厭＃

極懷念大笑怎麼笑
連著咀邊的細胞最近全壞了
舊時罵我怨我都會笑
就當刺心錐骨的撒嬌
你在凌虐我　逗我開心亦不少

REPEAT＊＃＊

經已沒法子還原　像最初那天
仍怕痛怕死的那天
那日行進這深淵
也許早已背叛　良心的判斷

trials and hardships

well i'm supposed to be reading a short story for like english.....it's by kafka....26 sum odd pagies long....but me sooo tired...

well n e whoo....back to procrastinating, well...every person in life goes through hardships and trials. it is meant to be a testing point of all the foundation you have based your own character upon. but somehow.....i don't seem to learn the valuable lessons that i am supposed to learn. i remain stupid. i grow bitter towards the world....it is very grey.....but i make the world into what i want it to be. the world is a me generation. it is about nothing and no one except self. sighs....i must not go into the philosphies of the world. sighs. but n e whoo....

well i'm no longer drop dead angry, i'm a little bit bitter and hurting. and with hurt comes all the sadness and depression. yeah, i can say i am depressed. args....

if i never feel, i would never think. and if i never thought, then i'd be a tool. i wouldn't be a human, i'd be a tool. i'd only do what is required of me and do it to the best of what people want of me. i am much tooo tired to think rationally.

emotions cannot be rationalized. never ever ever. well at least to me n e ways. sighs sighs. many things in the world are meant to make sense in the beginning, but towards the end, they loose it's clarity and impact. emotions on the other hand are things that first appear as senseless....it's only later on that we decipher our emotions and make sense of it later. there is no such thing as rationalizing emotions. and maybe it is your rationalizing of everything in your life that pisses me off. sighs. it is your life. the way you live your life is none of my business. you have made me bitter. much bitter than i had hoped to be. but i am bitter whether i wanted to or not. for now, it seems that i shall walk another ten year in my own shoes before something should make me happy. whatever. no biggie i suppose.....through that time, GOD'll teach me patience....

was talking to brian about rationalizing emotions....since i think this is what is driving me insane... and he's like.....no, you cannot rationalize emotions. no, you should not rationalize emotions. and no, emotions are not the same thing as logic. and because they are different, they cannot and should not be rationalized.

the world is now chaotic. it is a chaotic world. nothing in this world makes sense. it's only through the calamity that we can group a few of them together and try to make sense of it.

wow....bri seems really wise today.....but at least i know someone else agrees with me and i am not alone in all the thoughts that i have thought.

here he goes:
"just think of it this way, trying to rationalize it means overthinking it. and overthinking it shows lack of faith and trust. and if a relationship is like that, then its not strong at all.

therefore.....wow......

愛與誠

其實自己一個更開心　只等你講
其實大家早已嫌大家　卻扮忙
恨有多一點碰撞
然而無聊事幹　不敢打攪對方
要是你願意　誠實講一趟
彼此都起碼覺得釋放

不要哭　我也忍得了這些年來的委曲
沒法真心愛下去　只好真心真意的結束

＊別再做情人
　做隻貓　做隻狗　不做情人
　做隻寵物至少可愛迷人
　和你不瞅不睬　最終只會成為敵人
　(和你相交不淺　無謂明日會被你憎)

　淪為舊朋友
　是否又稱心　沒有心　只像閒人
　若有空　難道有空可接吻
　註定似過路人陌生　你怎麼手震
　(這預告　發自虔誠內心)＊

長期被逼戀愛也真比　失戀更慘
長期扮演若無其事般　更困難
是我專登反應慢
明明為時甚晚　牌一早該要攤
再像我伴侶　凝望多一眼
一生都將會記得今晚

REPEAT＊

對不起　自動分手　錯愕的你怕會傷感
麻木的我　現在也可轉台來賀你新生

REPEAT＊

by this artist....it's my fave song from his.....

semi-bruised knuckes

args args args....sighs sighs....my knuckes are kinda bruised up.....yeah....punched the wall closest to my pc yesterday....but yeah....guess where she punched....the stupid metal bar that aligns both peices of dry wall together=.= args....yeah...i'm sucha big fucking oaf=.= args=.=

some guys just don't ever take the risk, but, there is degree anti-persprant for those that do. hahaha. that commercial makes me laugh my ass off...hahaha...but i only agree to the first line of the entire commercial...sighs....

feeling really shitty.....and....my right hand kinda pinches every time i type with my third and fourth finger.....args.....yeah...it's supposed to rain today....my ankles are hurting=.=

sorry for the following profanity.....but....i need to get all my screams and frustration out.....sighs sighs....please ignore since they have absolutely no meaning whatesoever......

on second thought...what kinda image to i give myself for typing profanities over and over again?? sighs sighs....i'm just hurt and i want it all to go away.....sighs sighs....

selfish

and well....maybe i have just been selfish. i want everything to be as easy as i want it to be. no no....it's not an "i think" issue, it actually is. if being selfish is to be self concerned and only self concerned, i admit....sometimes i am. and maybe this is why i am upset. all my problems are caused by me. everyone understands why i feel sooo shitty these days. eveyrone understands that when i'm frustrated, when i'm upset, when i'm depressed, when i am truly happy, my reaction is to cry. but they don't understand why i have cried for sooo long. and in the same way....i don't understand why i am sooo upset....args...goin to take off contacts....pissing the heck outta me.....grrrrrr

well yes.....i wonder if i am actually doing n e thing today....because well.....if not....i'm gonna take a shower and sleep and just forget about all my plans and cry for the entire night....

i still feel shitty now.....church....wasn't bad today......but i still feel like crying. sighs sighs. i couldn't focus on the sermon. my mind just kept on going like, why can't i see it for myself. why can't i see it? why is it sooo clear to him? why can't i accept his fucking reason? why don't i understand and accept? is there a reason why i'm tormenting myself for this? why am i blaming myself? all throughout sermon i was holding back tears. why can't i let go? is there a reason why i can't let go? sighs sighs.

i almost started whacking myself in the head a few hundred times because i wanted these thoughts to get out. sighs.....i think i'm gonna sign myself up to go into an insane assylum if i start whacking myself....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. sighs....

even my smiles bring me tears...sighs sighs...

another stolen entry

well......i just love cat's entries.....and i give credite to her.....this post is hers too. *shivers* hope she doesn't kill me for posting it on my site too.....*shivers* but i know she won't kill me....she just summed up everything that i'm thinking right now soooo well.....i do not have the eloquence to string words in the way she did.....gonna tweak some of the words so it sounds more sabbyish....

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Appearances are not here to stay...
Materialistic grants are not everlasting...
Intelligence does not mean it is ethical...

There have been people in my life that are or were only attracted to materialistic satisfaction...

It is easy to be attracted to someone's appearance, wealth, intelligence or profession...
But as your relationship progresses to the next stage, there must be something more than just surfacial qualities that attracts you to him/her. That is if, you want this relationship to last.

She/he can't look as good as she/he are now forever. Everyone will grow old.
There is no guarantee that she/he will not meet any financial problems...Does this mean when $=0 then Love=0?

She/he may have a good profession, but it does not mean that she/he has a good heart.

She may be dressed with the most up to date fashion needs everytime you see her, he may bring you to dine at the most exquisite restaurants everytime you date...but when in a crisis, and fails to attract you...is it over?
There must be something that still attracts you in a crisis!

Look deeper in a person...people hate to change. A person's personality and character is instilled in her/him since youth...
A person's personality determines how she/he is going to treat you...
A person's character determines how she/he is going to overcome a crisis with you.

When surfacial satisfaction subsides to the bottom of the list, and you get attracted to the person for who he/she is...you will realize, that you will be so much more happier...

I realized that the more I get to know his personality, the more I get attracted to him...

appreciate the beauty of someone...
and you will realize that you will stop judging him/her...and you will be satisfied because you are attracted to him/her for who he/she actually is. not what you want him/her to be...

Have you found someone like that yet?
---------------------------------------------------

ten rules fo lasting relationship

stealing entries from cat=.= should really stop this...but i thought it was really cute...muhahahahaha.....was ubber cute...muhahaha

Ten Rules for a lasting relationship

1. Never both be angry at the same time.
2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.
4. If you must criticize, do it lovingly.
5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
8. At least once every day say a kind or complimentary word to your life partner (but be sure to mean it).
9. When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness.
10. Remember it takes two to make a quarrel.

my oh my....

muhahahaha....

LEO
The Bottom Line
What's really at stake here? If it's a matter of pride, consider pushing it aside.

In Detail
Forget about your friends -- just for now. At the moment, you need more than platonic company. You need to hold hands, snuggle up and exchange compliments with someone who loves you as much as you love them. If you already know a person who fits that description, go find them. If not, start looking for a new future snuggling partner. Your friends will be more than happy to excuse you for the evening.

bleh

well now......i think i need to go and eat some stuff....sighs sighs.....but i'm not hungeee....but i know i should still eat....sighs sighs....

still feeling bad...sighs sighs....still hurting.....

long discussion, and i think i can do my devotions now....feeling alot better now.....well at least calmer n e ways. feeling pretty bad still...but trying to focus on being happy.

i want to hate, i want to love, i want to stay, i want to move on.....i don't know what to do n e more...

crappers....my mommy knows something is wrong because i passed down an opportunity to go shopping....sighs......

DEPECHE MODE- tainted love

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light
For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

Chorus
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Oh...tainted love
oh...Tainted love
oh...Tainted love
oh...Tainted love
oh...Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love

Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Repeat chorus

Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Tainted love, tainted love (x2)
Touch me baby, tainted love (x2)
Tainted love (x3)