ahhh....it's my tenth entry of today. holy crap...i've written alot in the past 24 hours or so. wow. wonder if that's a record if i've updated even more than 10 times in a day before.....hahahaha. well yeah. for sure, it's the quickest change of mood swings that i have ever seen in myself
the day....i woke up feeling a tad bit foul....i woke up...feeling a strong sense of sadness and disappointment. but as the day progressed, everything seemed to go better.
instead of reading tomorrow....read snow falling on cedars with matt today. didn't really get tooo far...sighs....from 170 to 216....that's not very far for 2 hours i think..... that's what? that's only 30 sum odd pagies....halfly....i didn't read quick enough...and well...i stuttered on alot of words....ah....not very far at all.
kinda felt bad for making him feel bad at times....kinda felt bad to make him feel awkward at br....yeah....wow....i'm actually alot fobbier than i thought i was....but nah...that's just me....
but now...i am sitting here in front of my pc, yet again....and muhahahaha....i just can't believe what i heard. i can't believe n e of it.
i am still sorry for causing sooo many problems with your family. all your problems occur because i have "intruded" in your life. seriously, that's how i see it. you say it's for the better, i still see me as an interuption and disruption in your household.
but...none the less....sabby is floating on a cloud yet again. a little disappointed maybe....but....ahhhhhh......*smiles very widely* can't help it...*blushes* ahhhhh.....
everything'll be a-o-k....i'll just need to prepare myself better for the next torrent of emotions that may come flooding back...ahhhhhyiiiiiiiiiii.....ahhhhhhhXPXPXPX
good night....
Saturday, April 30, 2005
too fobby for you ma?
hahahaha. and so wow....I WON IN CHINESE CHECKERS!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!! I WON!!!! I WON!!!!!! i owned both MATT AND BRIAN!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH. IT'S THE FIRST TIME I EVER BEAT N E ONE IN CHINESE CHECKERS....AHHHH *huggie wuggie*
oh....i dunno.....but after him telling me why he didn't ask me.....i well....sighs...kinda don't want to give up the way i feel. XSXSXS i think i'll sleep really really well tonight. ahhhhhh. i think i need to sleep. i am just on top of the world today....ahhhh. or shall i say...i am now. hahaha.
i still feel like i'm the luckiest girl in the world. ahhhhhhhh. ahhhhh. oh....i just go run up to him and hug him. no matter how much i want to hug him....i don't. because i think it would just kinda be kinda weird. but....ahhhhh....one of these days...i will!!! muhahaha. just you watch...XPXP
playing mah jong now. muhahaha....another fobby event. muhahaha. sorry matt, i am very fobby at heart.....can you tolerate my asianess and my friends? oh....
oh....i dunno.....but after him telling me why he didn't ask me.....i well....sighs...kinda don't want to give up the way i feel. XSXSXS i think i'll sleep really really well tonight. ahhhhhh. i think i need to sleep. i am just on top of the world today....ahhhh. or shall i say...i am now. hahaha.
i still feel like i'm the luckiest girl in the world. ahhhhhhhh. ahhhhh. oh....i just go run up to him and hug him. no matter how much i want to hug him....i don't. because i think it would just kinda be kinda weird. but....ahhhhh....one of these days...i will!!! muhahaha. just you watch...XPXP
playing mah jong now. muhahaha....another fobby event. muhahaha. sorry matt, i am very fobby at heart.....can you tolerate my asianess and my friends? oh....
admirable
hahaha. let's see. traits, characteristics, personality.....this is what makes a person seem all the more worth while isn't it now? hahaha.
dunno...maybe i'm a total utter romantic=.= but....none the less....i still think it's admirable.
it shows great character to know what you want and know whether or not you can handle a sitation. in a way, i don't know what i have to be so upset about....everything seems to be back to the way it used to be. hahaha. it's all good. hahaha. i'm satisfied....are you? is everyone happy now?!?! i'm happy. hahaha.....am i still in denial? i hope notXSXSXS
but yeah...as i was saying....knowing one self is the foundation of wise decisions. hahaha. it's not always about what you want. it's not always about what you feel. it's not about what everyone else says you should do. it's all about whether or not you know yourself to make the right decision. hahaha. well....it's that and well obviously what GOD's will is. hahaha.
so....i'm satisfied....dun think i'm upset n e more. hahaha. but, i'm in black ne ways. some part of me has died...and i'm in mourning. but....like a pheonix they die and become ashes, but a new one will rise up and take it's place from the ashes. i am refreshed, reborn, burdenless right now. hahaha.
some part of me is like the weather right now.....but...hahaha....it's because the grass needs water. hahahahXPXPXP
dunno...maybe i'm a total utter romantic=.= but....none the less....i still think it's admirable.
it shows great character to know what you want and know whether or not you can handle a sitation. in a way, i don't know what i have to be so upset about....everything seems to be back to the way it used to be. hahaha. it's all good. hahaha. i'm satisfied....are you? is everyone happy now?!?! i'm happy. hahaha.....am i still in denial? i hope notXSXSXS
but yeah...as i was saying....knowing one self is the foundation of wise decisions. hahaha. it's not always about what you want. it's not always about what you feel. it's not about what everyone else says you should do. it's all about whether or not you know yourself to make the right decision. hahaha. well....it's that and well obviously what GOD's will is. hahaha.
so....i'm satisfied....dun think i'm upset n e more. hahaha. but, i'm in black ne ways. some part of me has died...and i'm in mourning. but....like a pheonix they die and become ashes, but a new one will rise up and take it's place from the ashes. i am refreshed, reborn, burdenless right now. hahaha.
some part of me is like the weather right now.....but...hahaha....it's because the grass needs water. hahahahXPXPXP
guilt
sighs....i'm sorry for posting so much. but as i practice my flute today, i notice how out of touch i am with my own life. i can't help but to think. thinking is what i do best....and sometimes...i think tooo well and i over kill the thought.
well now....hahaha....i've reached acceptance now. hahaha. i feel better now. i think it has alot to do with taking a nice long hot shower. hahaha. in the shower, all i could sing were songs of heartbreak and loneliness, pain and suffering, hurt and hatred......but then now, as i pick up my flute....i practice all the songs i once loved to sing at church. peices like, people need the lord, beautiful, majesty, searching, the promise of the rainbow, and ecetera. i practice these songs and i feel that life isn't so gloomy. life isn't so crappy. satisfaction once again.
i'm sorry that i make YOU feel guilty by posting sooo many thoughts. the truth is your decision and your choice. you should never feel bad for the decisions you make. the decisions made by you can never be mistakes, it's only when you put your decision into action that you notice that you might haveta revise what you initially set out for. making a good choice could become a big disaster if you don't put your actions in the right direction. and in the same way, a bad decision can become the best decision one man has ever made. if you feel bad, there's nothing to feel bad about. yeah, sure....some people along the way get hurt by your choices, but if they are people that care, they should come to understand the choices you make and should not force you to believe otherwise. sure, there are always better choices and what not to every decision one has to make, but hey, if you decided to do what you do, people can only try to pursue you to take different paths, but not force you. i am truly sorry that i somehow intruded on your life. i'm sorry that i brought sooo many problems into your life. as of now, i wish not to step away nor pursue any further. i will not force myself to smile, but i will not cry. i will not be depressed. i will look to LORD and say, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER FRIEND.
well now....hahaha....i've reached acceptance now. hahaha. i feel better now. i think it has alot to do with taking a nice long hot shower. hahaha. in the shower, all i could sing were songs of heartbreak and loneliness, pain and suffering, hurt and hatred......but then now, as i pick up my flute....i practice all the songs i once loved to sing at church. peices like, people need the lord, beautiful, majesty, searching, the promise of the rainbow, and ecetera. i practice these songs and i feel that life isn't so gloomy. life isn't so crappy. satisfaction once again.
i'm sorry that i make YOU feel guilty by posting sooo many thoughts. the truth is your decision and your choice. you should never feel bad for the decisions you make. the decisions made by you can never be mistakes, it's only when you put your decision into action that you notice that you might haveta revise what you initially set out for. making a good choice could become a big disaster if you don't put your actions in the right direction. and in the same way, a bad decision can become the best decision one man has ever made. if you feel bad, there's nothing to feel bad about. yeah, sure....some people along the way get hurt by your choices, but if they are people that care, they should come to understand the choices you make and should not force you to believe otherwise. sure, there are always better choices and what not to every decision one has to make, but hey, if you decided to do what you do, people can only try to pursue you to take different paths, but not force you. i am truly sorry that i somehow intruded on your life. i'm sorry that i brought sooo many problems into your life. as of now, i wish not to step away nor pursue any further. i will not force myself to smile, but i will not cry. i will not be depressed. i will look to LORD and say, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER FRIEND.
貪心
你失戀 期待你快約我見一見面
使我終於等到被人掛念
還是以往對我那一套 都在靈驗
你始終未情願
想時日遠去我卻更加幼嫩
不怕相識多久亦常新鮮
明日我會搭上你的線
今日停電 怕根本是磨練
＃我肯相信 夢會浮現
月光星宿 從來慢慢慢慢流轉
未棄未離 實有那一天＃
＊誰貪心 從未抱過你一陣
誰貪心 沒有吻我愛的人
誰貪心 難道放棄你先算應份
我笨 然而還未最笨
誰貪心 其實愛你夠不幸
誰貪心 誓要吻我愛的人
誰貪心 從未試過對她太憎恨
要恨 亦最多苦等你換人＊
倦 還未愛你愛到喪失信念
不理身邊多少蜜煻試煉
寧願我永遠當你雙眼 好像神殿
太專心地懷念
見多幾次 未夠留念
未得到你 如何擅自獨自情變
未算動人 動了我的天
REPEAT＊＃＊
使我終於等到被人掛念
還是以往對我那一套 都在靈驗
你始終未情願
想時日遠去我卻更加幼嫩
不怕相識多久亦常新鮮
明日我會搭上你的線
今日停電 怕根本是磨練
＃我肯相信 夢會浮現
月光星宿 從來慢慢慢慢流轉
未棄未離 實有那一天＃
＊誰貪心 從未抱過你一陣
誰貪心 沒有吻我愛的人
誰貪心 難道放棄你先算應份
我笨 然而還未最笨
誰貪心 其實愛你夠不幸
誰貪心 誓要吻我愛的人
誰貪心 從未試過對她太憎恨
要恨 亦最多苦等你換人＊
倦 還未愛你愛到喪失信念
不理身邊多少蜜煻試煉
寧願我永遠當你雙眼 好像神殿
太專心地懷念
見多幾次 未夠留念
未得到你 如何擅自獨自情變
未算動人 動了我的天
REPEAT＊＃＊
kicking self in ass
well now...everything'll be a-o-k.
but...i'm still kicking myself in the ask for opening my mouth. blah....whatever.
i already know how i think it's gonna be. i think i know how i'll try to remain. muhahaha.....natural is the key.....hahaha.....i'll try....hahahaha. but dunno if i'll succeed.....args....can't sleep...but i have a splitting headache=.=
args...how can my sister still get 90's in uni??=.= i can barely even get and 80 in high school=.= sighs sighs.....i am trying to focus my mind on other things right now. it's just not fair to me, my friends, or my family for dwelling on things that i can't control.
hahaha.....was your only reason for saying no because of university and my bad timing? hahaha....so in a way...you think this friendship wouldn't last through distance too then....ye of little faith....sighs....oh wellz....i suppose it's time to move on then....
some people would wait...some people wouldn't....meh....i'll just see what happens next....hahahaha...
oh, so apparently i annoy ben. args=.= i try to help him and he thinks i'm annoying? what the heck? args....see if i ever try to help n e one ever again. yeah sorry, i can't help allowing that to get on my nerves. i know that i am annoying sometimes.....but you don't say that to people that try their best to help you....that just sounds a little ungrateful to me. i'm sorry...do you think i'm annoying to? *humph* *grrr* *shakes fist and shouts curses with mad, angry look on face*
sooo p.o-ed=.= sooo upset. sooo disappointed.
anothing pathetic day in the life of sabina. sighs...*tear tear*
but...i'm still kicking myself in the ask for opening my mouth. blah....whatever.
i already know how i think it's gonna be. i think i know how i'll try to remain. muhahaha.....natural is the key.....hahaha.....i'll try....hahahaha. but dunno if i'll succeed.....args....can't sleep...but i have a splitting headache=.=
args...how can my sister still get 90's in uni??=.= i can barely even get and 80 in high school=.= sighs sighs.....i am trying to focus my mind on other things right now. it's just not fair to me, my friends, or my family for dwelling on things that i can't control.
hahaha.....was your only reason for saying no because of university and my bad timing? hahaha....so in a way...you think this friendship wouldn't last through distance too then....ye of little faith....sighs....oh wellz....i suppose it's time to move on then....
some people would wait...some people wouldn't....meh....i'll just see what happens next....hahahaha...
oh, so apparently i annoy ben. args=.= i try to help him and he thinks i'm annoying? what the heck? args....see if i ever try to help n e one ever again. yeah sorry, i can't help allowing that to get on my nerves. i know that i am annoying sometimes.....but you don't say that to people that try their best to help you....that just sounds a little ungrateful to me. i'm sorry...do you think i'm annoying to? *humph* *grrr* *shakes fist and shouts curses with mad, angry look on face*
sooo p.o-ed=.= sooo upset. sooo disappointed.
anothing pathetic day in the life of sabina. sighs...*tear tear*
Life is Like a Boat
Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?
We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day
dooku de iki o shiteru toomei ni natta mitai
kudayami ni omoe dakedo mekaku shisarete tadake
inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made
Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong
hito no kokoro wa utsuriyuku mukedashiteku naru
tsuki wa mada atarashii shuuki de mune o tsureteku
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore
Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?
I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way t'wards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong
tabi wa mada tsuzuiteku odayakana hi mo
tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de ume o terashidasu
inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore
Unmei no huneoko gi nami wa tsugi kara tsuki e to watashi-tachi o sou kedo
Sore mo suteki na tabi ne, dore mo suteki na tabi ne
*note* well now....i kinda need to figure out what the japanese says....hm....wonder if alysa would like to translate this for me...hm. hahaha. the song seems fitting in most parts....i never really listened to the lyrics till now. hm.....need to find more happy or angry music to get me out of this mood.*
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?
We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day
dooku de iki o shiteru toomei ni natta mitai
kudayami ni omoe dakedo mekaku shisarete tadake
inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made
Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong
hito no kokoro wa utsuriyuku mukedashiteku naru
tsuki wa mada atarashii shuuki de mune o tsureteku
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore
Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?
I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way t'wards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong
tabi wa mada tsuzuiteku odayakana hi mo
tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de ume o terashidasu
inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore
Unmei no huneoko gi nami wa tsugi kara tsuki e to watashi-tachi o sou kedo
Sore mo suteki na tabi ne, dore mo suteki na tabi ne
*note* well now....i kinda need to figure out what the japanese says....hm....wonder if alysa would like to translate this for me...hm. hahaha. the song seems fitting in most parts....i never really listened to the lyrics till now. hm.....need to find more happy or angry music to get me out of this mood.*
saiyonara
i will not say good riddence. there is nothing to get rid of. through hurt and disappointment, you learn something new about yourself that you never knew about before. wow....so this is how getting let down truly feels. hahahah. it's pretty much just as bad as a broken heart...oh wait....they are pretty much the same thing in my case. hahaha. if something feels pretty much the same...hey, maybe they are? hahaha. i think i'm becoming crazy or sumthing....how can i be laughing^o) hm now.... *AWKWARD....*
restless
i've been awake since 5:30. i couldn't sleep. the last time i looked at the clock before i noticed i woke up was around 2:30ish. and i woke up at 5:30. wow. that's a record amount of sleep. my body is completely numb. before i slept....i was shivering all over. it's supposed to rain all weekend....i suppose that kinda portrays my mood. but i kinda wanna go for a run when it starts raining hard. i wanna catch some pathogen and get sick.....but knowing me....because i wanna get sick....i won't. oh wellz....feeling emotionally sick and like crap is pretty much as being physically bad. that would be even worst....being sick and actually feeling like crap....bad combination....only drives me deeper into despair.
i dunno i think it's the lack of sleep.....but today...i feel a little better. very slightly better. i think it's because i've cried tooo many tears. talking to jenny, i had my moments where i couldn't talk just because i wanted to hold back my tears. while at val's....keke^^:D:P i was preoccupied with SMILEY FRIES!!!! hahahaha. seeing smilies make me happy. hahaha. oh man.....i should buy some paint and draw smileys on the walls in my room!!! hahaha. then everytime i go in there....i couldn't help but smile at my room even though i feel like crap because how can you not smile at all the smiles looking at you? mr. wei wei foxy looks kinda like a glummy chum this morning. he looked happy yesterday....maybe it's just my mood. i need a stuffed animal=.=
well yeah....right before i slept round 2ish i believe.....all i can remember that i was crying....and at 5:30ish...i wake up...and my pillow is still wet....on days like this....i'm proud to have a door so i can hide how i feel away from my parents. but my parents like me better when i'm not happy. i talk quietly (if at all), i speak slowly, i speak with disconcern (but they think it's that i'm trying to calm my tone down.) eventually they pick up on my sour mood and take me shopping because they think it will cheer me up....shopping for materialistic things doesn't make me happy n e more. when i broke up with willy, it made me feel better to go shopping, but...i'm no longer young n e more. the way people think about me just isn't as important. the things i have doesn't portray who i am. it's just a waste of my time and my money. there's no where i want to go except back in time and change everything.....that's regretting isn't it? args=.= i will not regret.....because....only the future is to come...the past won't come back. sighs...i lied last night...i did end up scratching a layer of skin off my arm=.= felt sooo numb i didn't even know whether or not i was dreaming....and it didn't hurt....and it still doesn't hurt....so does that mean i'm not actually here and i'm dreaming???
i know what everyone wants from me. i know how everyone wants me to react. yeah, i'm failing miserably at all your standards. jenny thinks i need to grow up and learn some other output for the all the times being put down. val thinks i should learn to not cry over guys. my sister thinks i'm just foolish altogether for wearing my heart on my sleeve. jean will say everything will be okay and he wasn't worth it if he couldn't take the risk. brian....he wouldn't say n e thing because he doesn't know what to say these days, he'd just listen. matt oh doesn't think it's meant to be because he just didn't risk it. and all my other friends....they'd just say everything will be alright.
everything to feels like a trance. i think it's the lack of sleep. maybe i will sleep after all the staring of the computer screen. just maybe. dunno. couldn't sleep....my mommy comes down to ask me why i'm not sleeping. but these days...i've had sooo many sleepless nights that she won't even ask me what's wrong n e more... my mom thinks i've been awake and on the pc since last night...holy crap=.= but then again....i pretty much didn't sleep.
mother is working today at yee hong...my daddy is going to work too. i think i'm going to take a shower and then go for a long walk and then sit on the swing till it rains. need to recharge my phone...so i don't really know how safe i will be without it. all i want to do is take my cell phone and chuck it and break it.....trying to stay away from that. sighs.
not going n e where today.....staying at home....at least i'm the only one in my house with my sister.....and i always have my books. books are my best friend. they don't ever judge me....they make me cry, and when i do cry it's because the characters die or something sad happens or sumthing truly happy happy happens. other than that....they don't always affect my inner most being....good books should make me analyze the world....but, i have analyzed the world sooo many times that nothing seems knew to me. i just seem numb right now. i'm sitting in front of the pc, kinda emotionless and non-chalant about everything.
haha, for now, i can't help but feel like his decision was a crappy one. but....that's the power of prayer for you. hahaha. see, normally, my prayers are selfish and self-conceited...and it's always about my wants and my needs. hahaha...but....i've actually prayed this time that his will would happen. yeah, but i still rushed things none the less. i need to learn patience. hahaha, one thing i need to learn...patience...even though it may not be want i want, in the long run, it's best this way...maybe i can't see why now...but, in his time, everything will unfold itself into a very pretty rose.
yeah....i have a heart like a glass rose. elegant and great to look at...get tooo close and a little to clumsy, i shatter. but....hey....broken glass is a canvas of itself...it's still pretty and elegant, but...watch out...the shards can cut and leave you with an infected wound.
for now, all i can say is that today is a brighter day, even though technically it's not supposed to be because it'll rain, but....everything'll be a-o-k. maybe i'm in denial=.=
i dunno i think it's the lack of sleep.....but today...i feel a little better. very slightly better. i think it's because i've cried tooo many tears. talking to jenny, i had my moments where i couldn't talk just because i wanted to hold back my tears. while at val's....keke^^:D:P i was preoccupied with SMILEY FRIES!!!! hahahaha. seeing smilies make me happy. hahaha. oh man.....i should buy some paint and draw smileys on the walls in my room!!! hahaha. then everytime i go in there....i couldn't help but smile at my room even though i feel like crap because how can you not smile at all the smiles looking at you? mr. wei wei foxy looks kinda like a glummy chum this morning. he looked happy yesterday....maybe it's just my mood. i need a stuffed animal=.=
well yeah....right before i slept round 2ish i believe.....all i can remember that i was crying....and at 5:30ish...i wake up...and my pillow is still wet....on days like this....i'm proud to have a door so i can hide how i feel away from my parents. but my parents like me better when i'm not happy. i talk quietly (if at all), i speak slowly, i speak with disconcern (but they think it's that i'm trying to calm my tone down.) eventually they pick up on my sour mood and take me shopping because they think it will cheer me up....shopping for materialistic things doesn't make me happy n e more. when i broke up with willy, it made me feel better to go shopping, but...i'm no longer young n e more. the way people think about me just isn't as important. the things i have doesn't portray who i am. it's just a waste of my time and my money. there's no where i want to go except back in time and change everything.....that's regretting isn't it? args=.= i will not regret.....because....only the future is to come...the past won't come back. sighs...i lied last night...i did end up scratching a layer of skin off my arm=.= felt sooo numb i didn't even know whether or not i was dreaming....and it didn't hurt....and it still doesn't hurt....so does that mean i'm not actually here and i'm dreaming???
i know what everyone wants from me. i know how everyone wants me to react. yeah, i'm failing miserably at all your standards. jenny thinks i need to grow up and learn some other output for the all the times being put down. val thinks i should learn to not cry over guys. my sister thinks i'm just foolish altogether for wearing my heart on my sleeve. jean will say everything will be okay and he wasn't worth it if he couldn't take the risk. brian....he wouldn't say n e thing because he doesn't know what to say these days, he'd just listen. matt oh doesn't think it's meant to be because he just didn't risk it. and all my other friends....they'd just say everything will be alright.
everything to feels like a trance. i think it's the lack of sleep. maybe i will sleep after all the staring of the computer screen. just maybe. dunno. couldn't sleep....my mommy comes down to ask me why i'm not sleeping. but these days...i've had sooo many sleepless nights that she won't even ask me what's wrong n e more... my mom thinks i've been awake and on the pc since last night...holy crap=.= but then again....i pretty much didn't sleep.
mother is working today at yee hong...my daddy is going to work too. i think i'm going to take a shower and then go for a long walk and then sit on the swing till it rains. need to recharge my phone...so i don't really know how safe i will be without it. all i want to do is take my cell phone and chuck it and break it.....trying to stay away from that. sighs.
not going n e where today.....staying at home....at least i'm the only one in my house with my sister.....and i always have my books. books are my best friend. they don't ever judge me....they make me cry, and when i do cry it's because the characters die or something sad happens or sumthing truly happy happy happens. other than that....they don't always affect my inner most being....good books should make me analyze the world....but, i have analyzed the world sooo many times that nothing seems knew to me. i just seem numb right now. i'm sitting in front of the pc, kinda emotionless and non-chalant about everything.
haha, for now, i can't help but feel like his decision was a crappy one. but....that's the power of prayer for you. hahaha. see, normally, my prayers are selfish and self-conceited...and it's always about my wants and my needs. hahaha...but....i've actually prayed this time that his will would happen. yeah, but i still rushed things none the less. i need to learn patience. hahaha, one thing i need to learn...patience...even though it may not be want i want, in the long run, it's best this way...maybe i can't see why now...but, in his time, everything will unfold itself into a very pretty rose.
yeah....i have a heart like a glass rose. elegant and great to look at...get tooo close and a little to clumsy, i shatter. but....hey....broken glass is a canvas of itself...it's still pretty and elegant, but...watch out...the shards can cut and leave you with an infected wound.
for now, all i can say is that today is a brighter day, even though technically it's not supposed to be because it'll rain, but....everything'll be a-o-k. maybe i'm in denial=.=
sleepless
i think i won't be sleeping till about 4ish tonight. can't sleep...tooo muchie thought that needs to be processed. tooo muchie to need to figure out....
few things that i need to clear up with myself.
feeling ugly. feeling unwanted. feeling like running away....natural instincts=.=
few things that i need to clear up with myself.
feeling ugly. feeling unwanted. feeling like running away....natural instincts=.=
Friday, April 29, 2005
Friaday, April 29th
my day....it started at 6:30 in the morning. i woke up nervous and in need of more sleep. but, i decided to get up and study. i studied till about 8ish....and i gave up and fell back to bed. hahaha. i woke up at 9. i did my normal morning routines and such....and then prepared my way to school. i reached school by 9:30ish or so....so i just text messaged matt telling him how i'm a nerd and i'm gonna do more studying and such. hahaha. yeah....his response...what a nerd:P typical=.=
and so....period 2, english=.= work period...read 40 pagies in 74mins=.= args....i am slow....got sooo distracted with not wanting to read=.= on a good day....i can almost read a pagie per minute=.= args. well yeah.....just wasn't my day for reading....
period 3, lunch. yeah, went out with the ben and matt as normal. a typical lunch...oh wait...not typical.....they decided to go to wendy's instead of fattening kfc *shivers shivers* but i suppose.....still calorie packed lunch....went back to school by 11:45ish....studied for bio in library with the our bio nerdy group. hahaha
period 4..biology..test....one of the better tests that i felt more confident for....maybe tooo cocky and messed up every q=.=
period 5, food and nutrition. this class was a total joke. this class is always a total joke. as i sit there.....i become more anxious and anticipate what i knew i would ask....and i kinda expected the answer i got. sighs. rather sad....but yeah....i was happy happy happy....pretty much on top of the world....until after this period....sighs....*tear tear*
after school at 3:10. i purposely and patiently waited for matt by the lockers of jenny and them. see him walking toward the door, so i walk toward the door....yeah....no quesiton about it...i WAS to drive him home.
on the way home.....i raise the q....and whether or not he saw it as rejection....i plainly see it as that. i plainly see that he didn't want me. well technically....he likes me? or liked me? did he say likes me or that he liked me? sighs....i was tooo shocked at this moment, i can't even remember this part n e more....but n e whoo, i plainly feel that i just am not worth the risk. i plainly feel that i'm left hurt and alone yet again. i plainly see that i am sabina....and well i'm everyone's best friend...that's my fault and no one except mine.
yeah....i cried for about an hour or two afterwards...and then jenny's like...please don't sulk....so i decided to take a walk around the heights. then i sent a text message to val....and she calls me and tells me to go over to her house. hahah. good old days. keke^^:D:P SMILEY FRIES!!!!!! muhahaha....XPXPXP sighs.
now i sit in front of my pc with my msn on. i am typing away on blogger. jenny told me to express how i feel. val tells me to hide my feelings to make everything as normal as possible. me....i don't think i could accomplish either. i take it as rejection. i'm not afraid to get rejected to some degree. you might not see it as rejection...okie then...sit in my shoes....would you feel rejected or are my emotions simply unjustified? if you knew my whole situation...you might feel rejected too.
i don't know how to act now. i suppose we'll see what happens when i see him next on msn. and then i'll see what will really happen in person on monday. i still need to go watch a movie at someone's house for english....i don't know if i can....maybe i'll rent it myself. i don't know if i can face n e one. i think i will be wearing black all weekend and all next week.
some part of me has died yet again. and so....i'll haveta find a new part and dig up from a grave. i feel like hiding in a corner. i feel hideous to the world.
you may say that a guy is never worth a tear. and the guy who is worth the tear won't ever make you cry. but my tears are never inflicted by a guy, it's always caused by self. i will not mutilate myself. i will not inflict pain on myself no matter how great the urge. i will not find excitement in self-mutilation....i just will not. my body is a TEMPLE OF GOD.....that just isn't right. my problems are nothing great. my emotional state isn't important. i am not the center of the universe....nothing revolves around me. everything else will still move on....
i know YOU don't want me to think about it. hahaha, it's impossible for me not to. i can try to not dwell on what has happened, but i don't know how not to. i can try to pretend that everything is alright, but i might fail. i can try to make you feel guilty, but i'd feel like a bitch if i did that. i could try to forget you, but i know that i can't.
i suppose i won't survive because some more of my hope has already died, so technically, some part of me is already dead. but hey....i survived before...i can do it again.
i can't guarantee that our friendship won't be different. i can't guarantee that everything will be the same. i can't guarantee i won't be distant. i can't guarantee that i will be okay for the remaining school term.
it's my mistake. it's always my mistake.
my timing sucks ass....but is time something i can control? are emotions seriously something i can control?
sighs sighs....
i want to say leave me alone....but i know...if i did, people would leave me alone...i'll feel more like a loner and even more alone. i know i have friends....but no matter how many times i tell myself this, i still can't help but to feel just that alone. i know i am never alone because i have GOD....but what is knowledge and acknowledgment of your feelings when you never put them in action?
i feel like shit and i feel miserable. i feel like running away to a world where noone knows me and no one cares about my survival except myself. i feel like leaving and never coming back. hell on earth is during moments when i feel like this....self torment....
sighs....just leave me alone.......just leave me alone.....leave me to sulk.....
*gone to cry in a corner*
and so....period 2, english=.= work period...read 40 pagies in 74mins=.= args....i am slow....got sooo distracted with not wanting to read=.= on a good day....i can almost read a pagie per minute=.= args. well yeah.....just wasn't my day for reading....
period 3, lunch. yeah, went out with the ben and matt as normal. a typical lunch...oh wait...not typical.....they decided to go to wendy's instead of fattening kfc *shivers shivers* but i suppose.....still calorie packed lunch....went back to school by 11:45ish....studied for bio in library with the our bio nerdy group. hahaha
period 4..biology..test....one of the better tests that i felt more confident for....maybe tooo cocky and messed up every q=.=
period 5, food and nutrition. this class was a total joke. this class is always a total joke. as i sit there.....i become more anxious and anticipate what i knew i would ask....and i kinda expected the answer i got. sighs. rather sad....but yeah....i was happy happy happy....pretty much on top of the world....until after this period....sighs....*tear tear*
after school at 3:10. i purposely and patiently waited for matt by the lockers of jenny and them. see him walking toward the door, so i walk toward the door....yeah....no quesiton about it...i WAS to drive him home.
on the way home.....i raise the q....and whether or not he saw it as rejection....i plainly see it as that. i plainly see that he didn't want me. well technically....he likes me? or liked me? did he say likes me or that he liked me? sighs....i was tooo shocked at this moment, i can't even remember this part n e more....but n e whoo, i plainly feel that i just am not worth the risk. i plainly feel that i'm left hurt and alone yet again. i plainly see that i am sabina....and well i'm everyone's best friend...that's my fault and no one except mine.
yeah....i cried for about an hour or two afterwards...and then jenny's like...please don't sulk....so i decided to take a walk around the heights. then i sent a text message to val....and she calls me and tells me to go over to her house. hahah. good old days. keke^^:D:P SMILEY FRIES!!!!!! muhahaha....XPXPXP sighs.
now i sit in front of my pc with my msn on. i am typing away on blogger. jenny told me to express how i feel. val tells me to hide my feelings to make everything as normal as possible. me....i don't think i could accomplish either. i take it as rejection. i'm not afraid to get rejected to some degree. you might not see it as rejection...okie then...sit in my shoes....would you feel rejected or are my emotions simply unjustified? if you knew my whole situation...you might feel rejected too.
i don't know how to act now. i suppose we'll see what happens when i see him next on msn. and then i'll see what will really happen in person on monday. i still need to go watch a movie at someone's house for english....i don't know if i can....maybe i'll rent it myself. i don't know if i can face n e one. i think i will be wearing black all weekend and all next week.
some part of me has died yet again. and so....i'll haveta find a new part and dig up from a grave. i feel like hiding in a corner. i feel hideous to the world.
you may say that a guy is never worth a tear. and the guy who is worth the tear won't ever make you cry. but my tears are never inflicted by a guy, it's always caused by self. i will not mutilate myself. i will not inflict pain on myself no matter how great the urge. i will not find excitement in self-mutilation....i just will not. my body is a TEMPLE OF GOD.....that just isn't right. my problems are nothing great. my emotional state isn't important. i am not the center of the universe....nothing revolves around me. everything else will still move on....
i know YOU don't want me to think about it. hahaha, it's impossible for me not to. i can try to not dwell on what has happened, but i don't know how not to. i can try to pretend that everything is alright, but i might fail. i can try to make you feel guilty, but i'd feel like a bitch if i did that. i could try to forget you, but i know that i can't.
i suppose i won't survive because some more of my hope has already died, so technically, some part of me is already dead. but hey....i survived before...i can do it again.
i can't guarantee that our friendship won't be different. i can't guarantee that everything will be the same. i can't guarantee i won't be distant. i can't guarantee that i will be okay for the remaining school term.
it's my mistake. it's always my mistake.
my timing sucks ass....but is time something i can control? are emotions seriously something i can control?
sighs sighs....
i want to say leave me alone....but i know...if i did, people would leave me alone...i'll feel more like a loner and even more alone. i know i have friends....but no matter how many times i tell myself this, i still can't help but to feel just that alone. i know i am never alone because i have GOD....but what is knowledge and acknowledgment of your feelings when you never put them in action?
i feel like shit and i feel miserable. i feel like running away to a world where noone knows me and no one cares about my survival except myself. i feel like leaving and never coming back. hell on earth is during moments when i feel like this....self torment....
sighs....just leave me alone.......just leave me alone.....leave me to sulk.....
*gone to cry in a corner*
my dear blogger
hahaha. well now....i was seriously debating not to post n e thing on this blog about the way i feel. but then....val convinced me otherwise. she says, your blog is all you. your blog is all the substance you are. you cannot let the comments and opinions of others affect YOUR thoughts of WHO YOU are. and so.....my dear blog, i once again come back to you with my sad pathetic sorrowful sorry.
if my blog was a person, i think it would hate me. if my blog was a person, i think it would want me to stop with all the stories. if my blog was a person....it would say i'm pathetic. sighs sighs. if my blog was a person...there just wouldn't be a person that listens and never gives me advice. and so...the above entry will be of my day and night....
if my blog was a person, i think it would hate me. if my blog was a person, i think it would want me to stop with all the stories. if my blog was a person....it would say i'm pathetic. sighs sighs. if my blog was a person...there just wouldn't be a person that listens and never gives me advice. and so...the above entry will be of my day and night....
Thursday, April 28, 2005
satisfaction
well i should be studying for biology....well i finished writing most of my notes.....just have one more little chapter to do. almost done. i thought i had written up my study note for it...but apparently i haven't yet. so i'm doing it on the pc. and as i do it on the pc, i always blog first. it gives me a new fresh. but....this entry isn't about the way i study and the many study breaks i take.....
me. i am a simpleton. to some, that's a diss. but in a way, i am proud. why? well, technically i am not simple because i think tooo muchie, but i am easily satisfied.
it's not about the money someone spends on me, it's about the time someone spends with me. it's not the quantity of things we talk about in a conversation, but it's about the quality of each topic that we do talk about. it's not the physical attributes that make a person gorgeous, it's how their personality is. it's not the finished product that is important, but the effort in making the product.
....it's not about wishing you had all the things you want in your life, it's about not complaining about what you don't have....
now....do you people understand why i say i'm easily satisfied???
me. i am a simpleton. to some, that's a diss. but in a way, i am proud. why? well, technically i am not simple because i think tooo muchie, but i am easily satisfied.
it's not about the money someone spends on me, it's about the time someone spends with me. it's not the quantity of things we talk about in a conversation, but it's about the quality of each topic that we do talk about. it's not the physical attributes that make a person gorgeous, it's how their personality is. it's not the finished product that is important, but the effort in making the product.
....it's not about wishing you had all the things you want in your life, it's about not complaining about what you don't have....
now....do you people understand why i say i'm easily satisfied???
thinking.....
hahahaha.....been thinking tooo muchie...hahaha
what's really funnay...seriously...if people wanna catch up on me....they would read my blog. hahaha. i try not to say as muchie, but apparently....my motives and feelings are still very obvious....wow.....so not able to believe.
well yeah.....got a biology test tomorrow.
my wisdom tooth isn't growing in right and is growing out on a slat....ouch!!!!
i am in total pain mode=.=
sighs sighs.
catch up on my life? hahaha. there's nothing to say. everything is alrights with me. i'm satisfied with my life. hahaha. my eyes are stinging. well....i think i'm gonna go take a nap with my stuffed animals and have a very nice dream. hahaha. but i haveta study bio:(
won't someone take me away from being home till 5 and let me come home and study? sighs sighs.
can't stop thinking....but....should i be thinking?? tired....
what's really funnay...seriously...if people wanna catch up on me....they would read my blog. hahaha. i try not to say as muchie, but apparently....my motives and feelings are still very obvious....wow.....so not able to believe.
well yeah.....got a biology test tomorrow.
my wisdom tooth isn't growing in right and is growing out on a slat....ouch!!!!
i am in total pain mode=.=
sighs sighs.
catch up on my life? hahaha. there's nothing to say. everything is alrights with me. i'm satisfied with my life. hahaha. my eyes are stinging. well....i think i'm gonna go take a nap with my stuffed animals and have a very nice dream. hahaha. but i haveta study bio:(
won't someone take me away from being home till 5 and let me come home and study? sighs sighs.
can't stop thinking....but....should i be thinking?? tired....
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
horoscopes...
it's not that i much believe in them... but.....i dunno..... right now....i just thought it was kind of fitting.....
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
The Bottom Line
Your honesty is a virtue, especially when you say what everyone's been secretly thinking.
In Detail
It's all been said and done, and you've cleared the way for your future. You managed to extricate yourself from a situation that wasn't helping your personal evolution -- or doing much good for the other person involved, either. You definitely deserve a special treat. How about giving it to your mind, instead of your body? Take a class or go on a trip. Expand those horizons even farther. Stretch!
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
The Bottom Line
Your idealism returns to the forefront of your life. How can you make the world a better place?
In Detail
It's not easy to get you to speak without thinking. It's in your nature to be accommodating, which often means that you end up saying what you think someone wants to hear. Well, that won't be the case now. So if someone asks for your opinion, better let them know: This time out, you'll be telling it like it is -- not like they want it to be. Seriously. Warn them before you answer.
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
The Bottom Line
Your honesty is a virtue, especially when you say what everyone's been secretly thinking.
In Detail
It's all been said and done, and you've cleared the way for your future. You managed to extricate yourself from a situation that wasn't helping your personal evolution -- or doing much good for the other person involved, either. You definitely deserve a special treat. How about giving it to your mind, instead of your body? Take a class or go on a trip. Expand those horizons even farther. Stretch!
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
The Bottom Line
Your idealism returns to the forefront of your life. How can you make the world a better place?
In Detail
It's not easy to get you to speak without thinking. It's in your nature to be accommodating, which often means that you end up saying what you think someone wants to hear. Well, that won't be the case now. So if someone asks for your opinion, better let them know: This time out, you'll be telling it like it is -- not like they want it to be. Seriously. Warn them before you answer.
music
ars args.....my music is a tad tooo loud....it's only onvolume control 10....but it sounds kinda loud....that's cause i normally have it on ten when i'm walking around the heights and there are distractions from dogs, cars, rain...other stuff like that.
yeah....listening to my fave chinese song...."ho sum ho bo" yeah....dunno why i like the song so muchie...but it just so happens that i do. dunno... it's not the one with the chick in it....i like the original. yeah....as i said....i normally like my original stuff. i just can't help it.
the school's pc are pretty good in my opinion. XPXP yupz yuzp...at least the ones in the resource n e ways. args....i think i should start fragmenting my pc and start deleting files. it's wasting up space and my pc isn't efficient n e more. but what can i say? i've had my pc for quite a while now....since grade 9ish. so yeah. hahaha. it was a pretty good pc then...hahaha. should be doing other hmwk and studying for test, but i really am in no mood. sighs sighs.
i am sitting on a pc thinking....you may ask what....but right now.....i'm thinking about just tooo muchie. sighs sighs. *tear tear*
what may happen can happen. what isn't meant to happen may still happen. everything that happens does happen for a reason.
sigh sigh. hormonal imbalance=.= muhahaha....had rice, eggs, and tomatoes for breakfast!!XPXP muhahaha. how fun aye?
sometimes i think i don't care what others think about me. but then again, i know deep down inside, it does bother me a little bit. hahaha. yeah...apparently i have pudge growing around my abs=.= but...muhahah...that's why i go do cardio...so i don't have much pudge around my body....hahaha.....15ish percent body fat....muhahaha. not tooo bad i think. muhahahaha. my weight's a little above average....average for my height is suppsoed to be around 125ish.....that's the weight i wanna be if that's how i'm supposed to be "healthy". but i'm still not obese. but still....feeling a tad fat.
muhahaha...people ask why i put on makeup daily these days. hahaha. my reason? because i have super bags....and by saying that my eyeliner has smudged is an excuse so that people just think it's eye make up problems every day.
wow....i need to put some other songs on my md=.= oh wow...apparently i have class now...l8a blog....
yeah....listening to my fave chinese song...."ho sum ho bo" yeah....dunno why i like the song so muchie...but it just so happens that i do. dunno... it's not the one with the chick in it....i like the original. yeah....as i said....i normally like my original stuff. i just can't help it.
the school's pc are pretty good in my opinion. XPXP yupz yuzp...at least the ones in the resource n e ways. args....i think i should start fragmenting my pc and start deleting files. it's wasting up space and my pc isn't efficient n e more. but what can i say? i've had my pc for quite a while now....since grade 9ish. so yeah. hahaha. it was a pretty good pc then...hahaha. should be doing other hmwk and studying for test, but i really am in no mood. sighs sighs.
i am sitting on a pc thinking....you may ask what....but right now.....i'm thinking about just tooo muchie. sighs sighs. *tear tear*
what may happen can happen. what isn't meant to happen may still happen. everything that happens does happen for a reason.
sigh sigh. hormonal imbalance=.= muhahaha....had rice, eggs, and tomatoes for breakfast!!XPXP muhahaha. how fun aye?
sometimes i think i don't care what others think about me. but then again, i know deep down inside, it does bother me a little bit. hahaha. yeah...apparently i have pudge growing around my abs=.= but...muhahah...that's why i go do cardio...so i don't have much pudge around my body....hahaha.....15ish percent body fat....muhahaha. not tooo bad i think. muhahahaha. my weight's a little above average....average for my height is suppsoed to be around 125ish.....that's the weight i wanna be if that's how i'm supposed to be "healthy". but i'm still not obese. but still....feeling a tad fat.
muhahaha...people ask why i put on makeup daily these days. hahaha. my reason? because i have super bags....and by saying that my eyeliner has smudged is an excuse so that people just think it's eye make up problems every day.
wow....i need to put some other songs on my md=.= oh wow...apparently i have class now...l8a blog....
unlike my sister
well......it's 8:33 right now......will be leaving soon for school....well technically....i still have an hour or so. hahahaha. i don't like the way i look today...but i'm tooo lazy to change out of my cloths again.
muhahaha...my house smells like snuggles....you know....that laundry detergent stuff with the bear on it?!?! it's snuggles isn't it? ^o) muhahahaha.
well yeah....i dun really like the way i look...but this is the body that GOD gave me....so what can i do? nothingXPXP so everything'll be alrights.
muhahaha.....my sister and i may not look like each other muchie, but personality wise.....i think i'm really similar to my sister. i mean, she might not think as much as i do, and she might always understand the advice i try to give her, but she is my sister.
i'm not like my sister because i could never be as diligent of a worker like she is. i may never walk into the room and make it shine like she does, but she is my sister. dunno.... i had more to say before i wrote this...but now....i have nothing....
my mouth hurts=.= oh....
well.....almost nine.....args...gotsta pack lunch and such....l8a l8a people....
muhahaha...my house smells like snuggles....you know....that laundry detergent stuff with the bear on it?!?! it's snuggles isn't it? ^o) muhahahaha.
well yeah....i dun really like the way i look...but this is the body that GOD gave me....so what can i do? nothingXPXP so everything'll be alrights.
muhahaha.....my sister and i may not look like each other muchie, but personality wise.....i think i'm really similar to my sister. i mean, she might not think as much as i do, and she might always understand the advice i try to give her, but she is my sister.
i'm not like my sister because i could never be as diligent of a worker like she is. i may never walk into the room and make it shine like she does, but she is my sister. dunno.... i had more to say before i wrote this...but now....i have nothing....
my mouth hurts=.= oh....
well.....almost nine.....args...gotsta pack lunch and such....l8a l8a people....
wow
my valawee writes more blog entries than i do these days. aww...... *huggie wuggie* sighs sighs. hope you feel better ar.... *huggie wuggie* muhahaha....yeah, the unhuggable sabby is hugging people these days!!!!! muhahaha...aren't you proud of me?!?!?! muhahahaha. VALAWEEEEEE EVERYTHING'LL BE ALRIGHTS!!!!!! just you wait and see.....all your bad feelings will all go away!!!
i dunno what to say....but i really hope you'll feel better soon.....you know....you always have sabby to listen to you whenever you want.....or....just talk like we used to....but stupid stinkin school=.= but....i'll make room for youXDXD muhahaha. it's because you deserve it!!! muhahaha....
well enough for this entry......gonna go now....l8a l8a....
i dunno what to say....but i really hope you'll feel better soon.....you know....you always have sabby to listen to you whenever you want.....or....just talk like we used to....but stupid stinkin school=.= but....i'll make room for youXDXD muhahaha. it's because you deserve it!!! muhahaha....
well enough for this entry......gonna go now....l8a l8a....
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
biologying
well since i can't go on msn.....all i can do is biology=.= sighs sighs. really want to talkie to people sighs sighs. but no one to talkie to. sighs sighs. my hair is brown.....the dye is like fading...and it's just leaving me with horribly damaged hair. sighs....
i want a hug. i feel sooo bad. sighs sighs.
my mouth hurts sooo bad=.= args....stupid wisdom tooth is growing in....but it's not supposed to be growing in...what the heck?? not fairX'(
well gotsta go now.....gotsta study=.=
i want a hug. i feel sooo bad. sighs sighs.
my mouth hurts sooo bad=.= args....stupid wisdom tooth is growing in....but it's not supposed to be growing in...what the heck?? not fairX'(
well gotsta go now.....gotsta study=.=
Monday, April 25, 2005
memories
sighs sighs. was looking over some of my emails. for all that know how my inbox is arranged, i have folders for almost every message. i classify messages into a few sections.....sighs sighs. i was looking back at a pic that gigi once sent me. it's a pick with me and mel holding a hymn book and we were smiling like there was no tomorrow.
looking back on this picture.....sighs....i remember that picnic like it was yesterday. sighs sighs. i remember how winston went into the water to get that ball because it was the right thing to do....or at least i think it was winston....it was november when we were at that picnic. the air wasn't cold, but it was crisp. i think that was the day we went to go look at leaves. hahaha. we went hiking in the park. the youth went to scurrage around the grounds. we walked up and down the parking lot a few times. i was happy then....i was really happy then....i still had double eyelids on both my eyes.....yeah...after i cried for weeks on end.....one of my eyes have stayed constantly swollen and it doesn't drain as well n e more. sighs sighs...well i do have double eyelids on both my eyes when i'm extremely happy for days on end. but i suppose it feels like i'm still missing some part of my soul because of that encounter and occurance in my life.
some people say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. at first, i used to think this....but then after all this time, i think it's better to have not loved at all than to hurt for the rest of your life until you find something or someone else to fill that void. i don't want to go loving person to person trying to fill that loneliness that i feel. i don't think it's fair. maybe i won't be going from person to person, but when you don't love and loose, you are completely satisfied in your life. you are still somewhat innocent and life is satisfying when you don't loose someone you love and hold dearly.
most tramatic time in my life.....grade school......and grade 10 and 11.
so far, i have felt happiness many times in my life. the only moment when i was truly happy was for only a few periods in my life.
these days, happiness comes really quickly and feels sooo right, but it never stays tooo long because other issues in my life quickly out weighs all the joy. life shouldn't be torrents of joy and despair, but somehow, in my life....that's how every situation is handled in my life. sighs......what happened to staying calm and just looking at a situation before reacting to it? sighs sighs. i'm the fizzy pop bottle being shaken and is always about to explode=.=
looking back on this picture.....sighs....i remember that picnic like it was yesterday. sighs sighs. i remember how winston went into the water to get that ball because it was the right thing to do....or at least i think it was winston....it was november when we were at that picnic. the air wasn't cold, but it was crisp. i think that was the day we went to go look at leaves. hahaha. we went hiking in the park. the youth went to scurrage around the grounds. we walked up and down the parking lot a few times. i was happy then....i was really happy then....i still had double eyelids on both my eyes.....yeah...after i cried for weeks on end.....one of my eyes have stayed constantly swollen and it doesn't drain as well n e more. sighs sighs...well i do have double eyelids on both my eyes when i'm extremely happy for days on end. but i suppose it feels like i'm still missing some part of my soul because of that encounter and occurance in my life.
some people say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. at first, i used to think this....but then after all this time, i think it's better to have not loved at all than to hurt for the rest of your life until you find something or someone else to fill that void. i don't want to go loving person to person trying to fill that loneliness that i feel. i don't think it's fair. maybe i won't be going from person to person, but when you don't love and loose, you are completely satisfied in your life. you are still somewhat innocent and life is satisfying when you don't loose someone you love and hold dearly.
most tramatic time in my life.....grade school......and grade 10 and 11.
so far, i have felt happiness many times in my life. the only moment when i was truly happy was for only a few periods in my life.
these days, happiness comes really quickly and feels sooo right, but it never stays tooo long because other issues in my life quickly out weighs all the joy. life shouldn't be torrents of joy and despair, but somehow, in my life....that's how every situation is handled in my life. sighs......what happened to staying calm and just looking at a situation before reacting to it? sighs sighs. i'm the fizzy pop bottle being shaken and is always about to explode=.=
ahhhhh....*blushes*
haha...the teacher gave my two percent to ben=.= that's why i don't have an 80 in english...freaking aye=.= sighs sighs. must ace this king lear test today. holy crap sooo nervous=.=
mr. lonely on replay mode......kinda sad....most definately going to the gym today. only doing cardio. yeah....yesterday i had an episode going up and down the stairs....holy crap.....i hyperventalated going up 2 flights of stairs=.= what the hell? why are my lungs sooo crappy=.= why am i sooo unhealthy=.= what the heck?
some guy made me admit to them that i liked them=.= well...technically, he figured it out by himself after he point blank asked me and i refused to answer him.....because i just couldn't say it....
convo
boy: wow, you're funny. why do you read your msn history sooo much?
girl: oh no no no, i don't read my msn history so muchie la....just this one lor. i read this one often
boy: okay...then why do you read this convo sooo much?
girl: haha, well it's kinda because i like this convo. i can't believe your parents hate me
boy: nah nah, my parents don't hate you. but why do you read this convo so often? what is it about this convo that makes you read it often?
girl: it's because i can't believe i said some of the things i did to you on msn that night....
boy: what is it that you said that you couldn't believe you said?
girl: oh oh, just read the whole convo with me then.
*both read and few minutes later*
boy: stop. i want to understand this line. i've gone through this convo in my head over and over, time and time again. this one line, i want you to clear up for me please.
girl: *reads and nods* oh....hahaha....i just can't believe the things i said...
boy: girl, you know that that one line can be misinterpreted? it can mean something really good and mean something really bad depending on how i interpret it. which way do you want me to intepret it?
girl: how can that line be interpretted negatively?
boy: not interpreted negatively. it's more the actions that follow that line can leave a guy feeling like a total idiot. you see, i could go after the person that said that to me, find out that she didn't like me at all, and be rejected....rejection=.=.....but....on the other hand.....i go after the person that said that to me, find out that it's worth it....and then...it's all very very good......which way is it? so do you like me or not?
girl: ah.....i refuse to tell you....*starts blushing and cheeks start hurting* i will not tell you.....ahhhh.....please don't ask me.....
boy: hahaha, by your reaction....i already know. hahahaha.
girl: booo=.= so you are satisfied now=.= booo=.=
well now.....that's it...hahaha. should have been reading snow falling on cedars...but....hahahaha.....didn't happen today....
mr. lonely on replay mode......kinda sad....most definately going to the gym today. only doing cardio. yeah....yesterday i had an episode going up and down the stairs....holy crap.....i hyperventalated going up 2 flights of stairs=.= what the hell? why are my lungs sooo crappy=.= why am i sooo unhealthy=.= what the heck?
some guy made me admit to them that i liked them=.= well...technically, he figured it out by himself after he point blank asked me and i refused to answer him.....because i just couldn't say it....
convo
boy: wow, you're funny. why do you read your msn history sooo much?
girl: oh no no no, i don't read my msn history so muchie la....just this one lor. i read this one often
boy: okay...then why do you read this convo sooo much?
girl: haha, well it's kinda because i like this convo. i can't believe your parents hate me
boy: nah nah, my parents don't hate you. but why do you read this convo so often? what is it about this convo that makes you read it often?
girl: it's because i can't believe i said some of the things i did to you on msn that night....
boy: what is it that you said that you couldn't believe you said?
girl: oh oh, just read the whole convo with me then.
*both read and few minutes later*
boy: stop. i want to understand this line. i've gone through this convo in my head over and over, time and time again. this one line, i want you to clear up for me please.
girl: *reads and nods* oh....hahaha....i just can't believe the things i said...
boy: girl, you know that that one line can be misinterpreted? it can mean something really good and mean something really bad depending on how i interpret it. which way do you want me to intepret it?
girl: how can that line be interpretted negatively?
boy: not interpreted negatively. it's more the actions that follow that line can leave a guy feeling like a total idiot. you see, i could go after the person that said that to me, find out that she didn't like me at all, and be rejected....rejection=.=.....but....on the other hand.....i go after the person that said that to me, find out that it's worth it....and then...it's all very very good......which way is it? so do you like me or not?
girl: ah.....i refuse to tell you....*starts blushing and cheeks start hurting* i will not tell you.....ahhhh.....please don't ask me.....
boy: hahaha, by your reaction....i already know. hahahaha.
girl: booo=.= so you are satisfied now=.= booo=.=
well now.....that's it...hahaha. should have been reading snow falling on cedars...but....hahahaha.....didn't happen today....
Mr. Lonely
dunno....really hated this song the first time i watched it....and then i heard it on cat's site for the third time....and i'm like....oh....it's kinda sad, but it's cute....hahaha....so here people...the lyrics....
Lonely
I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
For my own (Akon)
Lonely,
I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
For my own, (Akon)
Yo....this one here, this one goes out to all my players man, ya know that got that one good girl man that's always been there man, took all the bullshit, then one day just couldn’t take it no more man and decided to leave
Yeah
I woke up in the middle of the night
And I noticed my girl wasn’t by my side
Coulda sworn I was dreamin’
For her I was feenin
So I had to take a little ride
Backtrackin’ on these few years
tryin’ to figure out what I do to make it go bad
'cause ever since my girl left me my whole life came crashin’
and I'm so,
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own no)
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own girl)
Can't believe I had girl like you
And I just let you walk right out of my life
After all I put you through
You still stuck around and stayed by my side
What really hurt me is I broke your heart baby
You a good girl and I had no right
I really wanna make things right
Cuz without you in my life girl
I’m so
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own no)
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own baby)
I Been all over the world ain't never met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing you
Cuz ain’t nowhere in the globe I'd rather be, ain’t no one in the globe I'd rather see
Than the girl of my dreams that made me be
So happy but now so lonely
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own no)
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own girl)
Never thought that I'd be alone,
I didn’t think you'd be gone this long,
I just want you to call my phone,
stop playing girl and
Come on home (come on home),
Baby girl I didn't mean to shout,
I want me and you to work it out,
I never wished I'd ever hurt my baby,
and its drivin me crazy cuz I'm so
Lonely(so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own no)
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own girl)
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, (Mr. Lonely)
Lonely
I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
For my own (Akon)
Lonely,
I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
For my own, (Akon)
Yo....this one here, this one goes out to all my players man, ya know that got that one good girl man that's always been there man, took all the bullshit, then one day just couldn’t take it no more man and decided to leave
Yeah
I woke up in the middle of the night
And I noticed my girl wasn’t by my side
Coulda sworn I was dreamin’
For her I was feenin
So I had to take a little ride
Backtrackin’ on these few years
tryin’ to figure out what I do to make it go bad
'cause ever since my girl left me my whole life came crashin’
and I'm so,
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own no)
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own girl)
Can't believe I had girl like you
And I just let you walk right out of my life
After all I put you through
You still stuck around and stayed by my side
What really hurt me is I broke your heart baby
You a good girl and I had no right
I really wanna make things right
Cuz without you in my life girl
I’m so
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own no)
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own baby)
I Been all over the world ain't never met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing you
Cuz ain’t nowhere in the globe I'd rather be, ain’t no one in the globe I'd rather see
Than the girl of my dreams that made me be
So happy but now so lonely
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own no)
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own girl)
Never thought that I'd be alone,
I didn’t think you'd be gone this long,
I just want you to call my phone,
stop playing girl and
Come on home (come on home),
Baby girl I didn't mean to shout,
I want me and you to work it out,
I never wished I'd ever hurt my baby,
and its drivin me crazy cuz I'm so
Lonely(so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own no)
Lonely(So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(I have nobody)
For my own(To call my own girl)
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, (Mr. Lonely)
Sunday, April 24, 2005
marriage...
yeah....been thinking about relationships for the past hour. rather sad. why? dunno....just am. hahaha. well yeah....then i began thinking about my grandparents. and then i started thinking about the romantic love complex. hahaha.
well now....if marriage was basically funded upon romantic love complex, then what about marriages that were arranged? i mean, my grand mother was dating another guy and my grandfather was with another girl before they got married. but even though they were dating other people, they married each other. so would someone that says that their marriage was a mistake? would you not call it a marraige because it's not funded upon the romantic love complex? well i was doing some on line research for myself....and romantic love complex revolves around these things
1) Intrusive thoughts about the object of passionate desire (the “limerent object” or LO)
2) Acute longing for reciprocation
3) Mood becomes dependent on the LO’s actions
4) Inability to react limerently towards more than one person at the same time (except when limerence is at low ebb)
5) Unsettling shyness and fear of rejection when in the presence of the LO
6) Intensification through adversity (up to a certain point)
7) Acute sensitivity to any act or condition that could be interpreted as favorable
8) An aching of the “heart” (a palpable heavy sensation in the front of the chest)
9) Buoyancy (a feeling of “walking on air”)
10) An intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background
11) A remarkable ability to emphasize the positive traits of the LO, while rendering the LO’s negative traits as “endearing” to the point where it is perceived to be another positive trait.
my grandparents strictly was duty. duty for procreation. duty. though they were married, i would never say they loved each other...but i would say that they very much respect each other. through times, they may still hate each other, but they both are very respectful of each others needs and wants.
then looking at my parents...sometimes, i see that they "love" each other...and then at times, they simply hate each other's guts. my mom is intrusive on my dad's opinion. they don't have much respect, but i know deep down inside, they love each other very much. and in a way, my sister and i hold this family together, because they love us more than they love each other and themselves. they don't communicate very well. they argue alot. they have respect, but not much respect, but they love each other alot.
and then my generation...what will happen with me? which family would you rather live in? my grandparents which they are civil with each other and they don't argue much because they talk everything out and end up doing things their own way. or, would you live in my family now that they love each other and seem to not be very civilized with each other when they speak much.....
dunno...much rather create my own future and own past....but would it work? wonder how well....
well now....if marriage was basically funded upon romantic love complex, then what about marriages that were arranged? i mean, my grand mother was dating another guy and my grandfather was with another girl before they got married. but even though they were dating other people, they married each other. so would someone that says that their marriage was a mistake? would you not call it a marraige because it's not funded upon the romantic love complex? well i was doing some on line research for myself....and romantic love complex revolves around these things
1) Intrusive thoughts about the object of passionate desire (the “limerent object” or LO)
2) Acute longing for reciprocation
3) Mood becomes dependent on the LO’s actions
4) Inability to react limerently towards more than one person at the same time (except when limerence is at low ebb)
5) Unsettling shyness and fear of rejection when in the presence of the LO
6) Intensification through adversity (up to a certain point)
7) Acute sensitivity to any act or condition that could be interpreted as favorable
8) An aching of the “heart” (a palpable heavy sensation in the front of the chest)
9) Buoyancy (a feeling of “walking on air”)
10) An intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background
11) A remarkable ability to emphasize the positive traits of the LO, while rendering the LO’s negative traits as “endearing” to the point where it is perceived to be another positive trait.
my grandparents strictly was duty. duty for procreation. duty. though they were married, i would never say they loved each other...but i would say that they very much respect each other. through times, they may still hate each other, but they both are very respectful of each others needs and wants.
then looking at my parents...sometimes, i see that they "love" each other...and then at times, they simply hate each other's guts. my mom is intrusive on my dad's opinion. they don't have much respect, but i know deep down inside, they love each other very much. and in a way, my sister and i hold this family together, because they love us more than they love each other and themselves. they don't communicate very well. they argue alot. they have respect, but not much respect, but they love each other alot.
and then my generation...what will happen with me? which family would you rather live in? my grandparents which they are civil with each other and they don't argue much because they talk everything out and end up doing things their own way. or, would you live in my family now that they love each other and seem to not be very civilized with each other when they speak much.....
dunno...much rather create my own future and own past....but would it work? wonder how well....
english nerding around...
hahahaha. well now....second week in a row....but matt's over at my house again...and eventaully...ben'll come....hahahaha. but oh wellz. all very very good. hahahaha.
wow....according to my daddy.....i was talking in my sleep for sucha long time last night. hahahaha. but in my dream, i was talking on the phone...with someone la. hahahah. muhahahaha. all good. all very very good. hahaha.
ben won't be coming over till around sixish...hahaha.....matt has time to burn and waste.....hahahaha.
well matt now wants to read all my thoughts just to find out which guy i talk about in my blog alot...hahaha. what a joker. hahaha. i dun think he gets it yet....but...hahahaha. it's all good i suppose.
funnay funnay funnay. i told him to read the book now...hahaha. so he actually is....to get a better understanding for king lear. hahaha. sabina should be b.s.ing lor.....as i always do. args.....it's all good. hahaha. i just want a hug:( but i doubt n e one's gonna give me a hug.....
wow....according to my daddy.....i was talking in my sleep for sucha long time last night. hahahaha. but in my dream, i was talking on the phone...with someone la. hahahah. muhahahaha. all good. all very very good. hahaha.
ben won't be coming over till around sixish...hahaha.....matt has time to burn and waste.....hahahaha.
well matt now wants to read all my thoughts just to find out which guy i talk about in my blog alot...hahaha. what a joker. hahaha. i dun think he gets it yet....but...hahahaha. it's all good i suppose.
funnay funnay funnay. i told him to read the book now...hahaha. so he actually is....to get a better understanding for king lear. hahaha. sabina should be b.s.ing lor.....as i always do. args.....it's all good. hahaha. i just want a hug:( but i doubt n e one's gonna give me a hug.....
Saturday, April 23, 2005
hidden
hahahaha. dunno why, but it seems that in life, many people have problems expressing the way they truly feel. i mean...sometimes, they hide their true feelings because they would make rash decisions if they didn't hold thier feelings. then there are those that have problems expression themselves because they are afraid of how others may react to their true self.
dunno....it just seems that emotion is a sign of weakness? args=.= frustration=.= being able to show emotion isn't weakness, no matter what other people think, it just isn't. blah.=.=
man...my hair smells tooo nice=.= outrageous.....shampoo and conditioner really suck=.= but....whatever....hahaha=.=
it seems that i take really quick showers....10 mins! hahahaha. well that was when i was in a rush....hahahaha. on a normal day...it's closer to 15 mins...hahaha. the longest shower? about 30 mins...and that was because i basically sang the whole time in the shower. hahaha.
getting used to stinking braces. always have crap stuck in my teeth now=.= ewww=.= they tell you not to chew gum....you can chew sugarless ones....but whatever. XPXP
hahaha.....well hahahaha. man...i gotsta d/l better music=.=
dunno....it just seems that emotion is a sign of weakness? args=.= frustration=.= being able to show emotion isn't weakness, no matter what other people think, it just isn't. blah.=.=
man...my hair smells tooo nice=.= outrageous.....shampoo and conditioner really suck=.= but....whatever....hahaha=.=
it seems that i take really quick showers....10 mins! hahahaha. well that was when i was in a rush....hahahaha. on a normal day...it's closer to 15 mins...hahaha. the longest shower? about 30 mins...and that was because i basically sang the whole time in the shower. hahaha.
getting used to stinking braces. always have crap stuck in my teeth now=.= ewww=.= they tell you not to chew gum....you can chew sugarless ones....but whatever. XPXP
hahaha.....well hahahaha. man...i gotsta d/l better music=.=
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Obsession (no es amor)
(Check check ...this happened for real ...baby bash..yo.. frankie j.... obession)
Its early in the morning
And my heart is really moaning
Just thinkin bout you baby
Got me twisted into things
And I dont know how to take it
But its driving me so crazy
I dont know if its right
I'm tossin turning in my bed
Its 5 oclock in the morning
And I still cant sleep
Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me
Weak...
I'm feeling hopeless at my home
I dont know what to do but I think I'm in love
Baby...........
[Chorus]
Amor , no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feeling (what am I doing wrong)
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart
Now I know you're not my lady I'm just tryin to make this right
I dont know what to do I'm going out of my mind
So baby if u let me could I getchu to say maybe we could ride together
We could do this all nite now I dont care if u got a man
Baby I wish ud understand
Cuz I kno he cant love u right, quite like I can
Its 5 oclock in the morning
And I still cant sleep
Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me
Weak...
I'm feeling hopeless at home
I dont kno what to do but I think I'm in love
[Chorus]
Amor no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feelings (what am I doing wrong)
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart
I like the way u freak it like that
I like the way u freak it like that
I like the way u freak it like that
Its an obsession
[Baby Bash]
Hold up let me dream
Shorty got me feelin less supreme
Where my candy, where my cream
Got your boy feel less supreme
Hold up wait a minute baby you so damn independent
Loving everything your representing
Got alot of money, I love to spend it
And thats whats up and I dont care what people scream
No I'm blessin when I'm stressin
My superfly beauty queen
I'm gonna keep it saucy
Cuz my money know how I do, we go rendez-vous, mi corazon belongs to you
[Chorus]
Amor ...no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feelings (what am I doing wrong) what am I do wrong [echo]
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart
Amor... no es amor (if this aint love)
What am I feelling? (what am I doing wrong?) what am I do so wrong? [echo]
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart
Amor
Its early in the morning
And my heart is really moaning
Just thinkin bout you baby
Got me twisted into things
And I dont know how to take it
But its driving me so crazy
I dont know if its right
I'm tossin turning in my bed
Its 5 oclock in the morning
And I still cant sleep
Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me
Weak...
I'm feeling hopeless at my home
I dont know what to do but I think I'm in love
Baby...........
[Chorus]
Amor , no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feeling (what am I doing wrong)
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart
Now I know you're not my lady I'm just tryin to make this right
I dont know what to do I'm going out of my mind
So baby if u let me could I getchu to say maybe we could ride together
We could do this all nite now I dont care if u got a man
Baby I wish ud understand
Cuz I kno he cant love u right, quite like I can
Its 5 oclock in the morning
And I still cant sleep
Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me
Weak...
I'm feeling hopeless at home
I dont kno what to do but I think I'm in love
[Chorus]
Amor no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feelings (what am I doing wrong)
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart
I like the way u freak it like that
I like the way u freak it like that
I like the way u freak it like that
Its an obsession
[Baby Bash]
Hold up let me dream
Shorty got me feelin less supreme
Where my candy, where my cream
Got your boy feel less supreme
Hold up wait a minute baby you so damn independent
Loving everything your representing
Got alot of money, I love to spend it
And thats whats up and I dont care what people scream
No I'm blessin when I'm stressin
My superfly beauty queen
I'm gonna keep it saucy
Cuz my money know how I do, we go rendez-vous, mi corazon belongs to you
[Chorus]
Amor ...no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feelings (what am I doing wrong) what am I do wrong [echo]
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart
Amor... no es amor (if this aint love)
What am I feelling? (what am I doing wrong?) what am I do so wrong? [echo]
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart
Amor
一切還好
轉眼間 和你未見 便寂寞一千三十四天
揮過手 含了白箭 道別的光景真像昨天
別拉扯 認真點 情緒何以到低點 我的天
他要走 無法倖免 你要冒一些風險
不緊要 當天放棄我的是你
今天你也有被放棄了那個滋味 能重頭做起
其實我曾一個闖絲路 比失戀更糟
其實我寧願你不那麼好 得不到也好
其實我還好 期望你還好
我已經太知道 心要靜 才好
失去的 唯有認了 在冥冥中他不屬你的
得到的 越看越化 幸運光景都只是借的
大家總 是舊相識 無疾而終也增長了見識
親愛的 憑你悟性 為何沒想到珍惜
不緊要 你的心永遠不斷轉
他逼你再愛大概會變了你不願 寧願給你選
其實我們都很想得到 都跟天對賭
其實壓力高得比天更高 自卑點也好
其實我還好 期望你還好
我已經太知道 理想可以 不高
不緊要 當天放棄我的是你
抑鬱我有過但我戰勝了那滋味
其實世事總有好不好 不只得美好
其實我們專喜愛得不到的 手鬆點也好
來吧我還好 期望你還好
你肯跟我傾訴 都算好
其實我們都很想得到 都跟天對賭
其實壓力真可以比天更高 心鬆點也好
來吧我還好 期望你還好 我太想去知道
壞消息也好 我都 我都
衷心跟你講 您好 您好
揮過手 含了白箭 道別的光景真像昨天
別拉扯 認真點 情緒何以到低點 我的天
他要走 無法倖免 你要冒一些風險
不緊要 當天放棄我的是你
今天你也有被放棄了那個滋味 能重頭做起
其實我曾一個闖絲路 比失戀更糟
其實我寧願你不那麼好 得不到也好
其實我還好 期望你還好
我已經太知道 心要靜 才好
失去的 唯有認了 在冥冥中他不屬你的
得到的 越看越化 幸運光景都只是借的
大家總 是舊相識 無疾而終也增長了見識
親愛的 憑你悟性 為何沒想到珍惜
不緊要 你的心永遠不斷轉
他逼你再愛大概會變了你不願 寧願給你選
其實我們都很想得到 都跟天對賭
其實壓力高得比天更高 自卑點也好
其實我還好 期望你還好
我已經太知道 理想可以 不高
不緊要 當天放棄我的是你
抑鬱我有過但我戰勝了那滋味
其實世事總有好不好 不只得美好
其實我們專喜愛得不到的 手鬆點也好
來吧我還好 期望你還好
你肯跟我傾訴 都算好
其實我們都很想得到 都跟天對賭
其實壓力真可以比天更高 心鬆點也好
來吧我還好 期望你還好 我太想去知道
壞消息也好 我都 我都
衷心跟你講 您好 您好
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
daddy ruined my already bad mood=.=
args...i swear...my dad is going through some spermopause or something=.= he's super irritable. args. he thinks i'm a bad daughter. he's been yelling at me every single day this week so far=.= args. in a bad mood.
oh yeah.....what is something a guy can say to a girl and either leave them feeling happy or mad? sighs sighs. i really don't know...i really don't want to know. that one thing ruined my day today...and then my dad, makes my mood even worst because in the car all he did was give me evil looks for picking him up late....halfly, my mother didn't even tell me to pick up my father so i just assumed that she was picking him up. yeah...because of that...he's all moody on me and says i'm an ungrateful lazy child that doesn't have any compassion or sympathy for anyone. he knows shit about me. he's never spent daughter father time with me....so yeah...he has no right to blame me for traits that he doesn't see...he hasn't spent enough time with me to see em.
sighs...someone just sweep me off my feet and take me away from here! aHHHHHHHH
oh yeah.....what is something a guy can say to a girl and either leave them feeling happy or mad? sighs sighs. i really don't know...i really don't want to know. that one thing ruined my day today...and then my dad, makes my mood even worst because in the car all he did was give me evil looks for picking him up late....halfly, my mother didn't even tell me to pick up my father so i just assumed that she was picking him up. yeah...because of that...he's all moody on me and says i'm an ungrateful lazy child that doesn't have any compassion or sympathy for anyone. he knows shit about me. he's never spent daughter father time with me....so yeah...he has no right to blame me for traits that he doesn't see...he hasn't spent enough time with me to see em.
sighs...someone just sweep me off my feet and take me away from here! aHHHHHHHH
stolen from cat's site.....
When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure.
But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher.
In thee game of love, it doesnt really matter who won or who lost.
What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go!
you know you really love someone when
you want him or her to be happy
even if his or her happiness means that you are not part of it.
Everything happens for the best.
If the person u love doesnt love thu back,
don't be afraid to love someone else again,
for you will never know unless you give it a try.
you will never love a person you love unless you risk for love.
Love strikes in hurting.
If you dont get hurt,
you dont learn how to love. Love doesnt hurt all the time.
Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you
grow. Dont find love, let love find you. That is why
it is
called falling in love because you dont force urself to
fall. you just fall.
you cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.
If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you
turn the pages.
Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by
a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we
are always learning, discovering and growing.
the greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to
hold on and holding on when you need to let go.
We lose someone we love only when we are
destined to find someone else who can love us
even more than we can love ourselves.
On falling out of love, take some time to heal and
then get back on the horse. But dont ever make the
same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the
first time.
To love is to risk rejection; to live is to risk
dying, to
hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken
because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing!
To reach for another is to risk involvement, to
expose ur feelings is to expose true self. To love is
to risk not to be loved in return.
How to define love; fall but not stumble, be
constant but not too persistent, share and never be
unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but
never keep the pain.
Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can
carve wonderful images into the soul that always last
for a lifetime.
Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling.
It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But
sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt
you in the end.
Loving people means giving them the freedom that
they choose to be and where they choose to be.
Loving someone means giving him or her the freedom
to find his or her way, whether it lead towards you or
away from you.
Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be
taken, no matter how scary or painful, for only then
you will experience the fullness of humanity and that is
love.
Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and
tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only
love knows why.
If you are not ready to cry, if you are not ready to
take the
risk, if you are not ready to feel the pain, then you
are not
ready to fall in love.
There was a time in our lives when we became
afraid to fall in love because every time we do, we
get hurt, then I figured that is why it is called falling in love.
Whatever happened, dont give up! It is just a trial.
Have faith in yourself and cheer up. When you decide to
love, allow it to grow. When you promise to love,
refuse it to die!
But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher.
In thee game of love, it doesnt really matter who won or who lost.
What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go!
you know you really love someone when
you want him or her to be happy
even if his or her happiness means that you are not part of it.
Everything happens for the best.
If the person u love doesnt love thu back,
don't be afraid to love someone else again,
for you will never know unless you give it a try.
you will never love a person you love unless you risk for love.
Love strikes in hurting.
If you dont get hurt,
you dont learn how to love. Love doesnt hurt all the time.
Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you
grow. Dont find love, let love find you. That is why
it is
called falling in love because you dont force urself to
fall. you just fall.
you cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.
If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you
turn the pages.
Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by
a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we
are always learning, discovering and growing.
the greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to
hold on and holding on when you need to let go.
We lose someone we love only when we are
destined to find someone else who can love us
even more than we can love ourselves.
On falling out of love, take some time to heal and
then get back on the horse. But dont ever make the
same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the
first time.
To love is to risk rejection; to live is to risk
dying, to
hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken
because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing!
To reach for another is to risk involvement, to
expose ur feelings is to expose true self. To love is
to risk not to be loved in return.
How to define love; fall but not stumble, be
constant but not too persistent, share and never be
unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but
never keep the pain.
Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can
carve wonderful images into the soul that always last
for a lifetime.
Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling.
It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But
sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt
you in the end.
Loving people means giving them the freedom that
they choose to be and where they choose to be.
Loving someone means giving him or her the freedom
to find his or her way, whether it lead towards you or
away from you.
Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be
taken, no matter how scary or painful, for only then
you will experience the fullness of humanity and that is
love.
Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and
tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only
love knows why.
If you are not ready to cry, if you are not ready to
take the
risk, if you are not ready to feel the pain, then you
are not
ready to fall in love.
There was a time in our lives when we became
afraid to fall in love because every time we do, we
get hurt, then I figured that is why it is called falling in love.
Whatever happened, dont give up! It is just a trial.
Have faith in yourself and cheer up. When you decide to
love, allow it to grow. When you promise to love,
refuse it to die!
Monday, April 18, 2005
headache
headache and in pain. holy mother of a cow=.= muhahaha. well yeah...hahaha. well i really like my msn nickie name right now. hahaha.
i really update this thing a tad tooo often. but whatever. that's just who i am and what i do. i will not save things as a draft...why? because it's just not fun. why type something and not have people read it? but then again...that's probably because i haven't kept n e thing tooo private about my own private life.
hahaha.
well for some reason....even though i am really tired...i should not sleep on my couch...why? because when i fall asleep....i always wake up with a massive headache. hahaha.
well yeah....dyed my hair yesterday......yeah...but it doesn't show...and i'm rather a tad bit pissed off. it was supposed to be the same brown i used to have it....hahahaha. natural...hahaha...my parents are funnay. hahaha. well now.....dunno why i want to change myself so muchie. args....gotsta finish 1000 cranes.....
yeah.....to some people...1000 cranes means a dream come true...for me....the 1000 cranes symbolize a new stage in my life...but this time...i will not dispose my cranes to the wind like i did last time.....this time....i will keep them.....
i really update this thing a tad tooo often. but whatever. that's just who i am and what i do. i will not save things as a draft...why? because it's just not fun. why type something and not have people read it? but then again...that's probably because i haven't kept n e thing tooo private about my own private life.
hahaha.
well for some reason....even though i am really tired...i should not sleep on my couch...why? because when i fall asleep....i always wake up with a massive headache. hahaha.
well yeah....dyed my hair yesterday......yeah...but it doesn't show...and i'm rather a tad bit pissed off. it was supposed to be the same brown i used to have it....hahahaha. natural...hahaha...my parents are funnay. hahaha. well now.....dunno why i want to change myself so muchie. args....gotsta finish 1000 cranes.....
yeah.....to some people...1000 cranes means a dream come true...for me....the 1000 cranes symbolize a new stage in my life...but this time...i will not dispose my cranes to the wind like i did last time.....this time....i will keep them.....
hungee
oh....booo...me hungeee.......boo...want chips....boooooX'( X'(
hahaha...i'm a dork....still happy from last night....hahaha. meh a big dorky head. hahahaha.
tired tired tired. wanna go to bed...but gotsta do my stupid english reading...on pg 218!!!! have 242 pagies left! WOOOO WHOOOOOO
hahaha...i'm a dork....still happy from last night....hahaha. meh a big dorky head. hahahaha.
tired tired tired. wanna go to bed...but gotsta do my stupid english reading...on pg 218!!!! have 242 pagies left! WOOOO WHOOOOOO
Sunday, April 17, 2005
4th day
so....it's been my fourth day with braces. and my mouth? all cut open and crap.....in pain? yeah....tremendously. hahaha. had a really good day today. pretty decent.
so....it was the typical day.....wake up, go to church, lunch, home study....hahahaha....but it wasn't a lunch at home today....some familes in my church decide to go to a resurant and eat dim sum...hahaha....and so...we go....and out of all people i see...guess who i see?!?!?! hahaha....i see matt lau and his entire family!!!!! hahahaha. we were suppsosed to do an englishie assignement at three...but....he ended up coming at 4ish....hahahaha
yeah...that's my day......pretty simple....but uberly satisfying...hm.....wow....i say uber alot these days...weird...
so....it was the typical day.....wake up, go to church, lunch, home study....hahahaha....but it wasn't a lunch at home today....some familes in my church decide to go to a resurant and eat dim sum...hahaha....and so...we go....and out of all people i see...guess who i see?!?!?! hahaha....i see matt lau and his entire family!!!!! hahahaha. we were suppsosed to do an englishie assignement at three...but....he ended up coming at 4ish....hahahaha
yeah...that's my day......pretty simple....but uberly satisfying...hm.....wow....i say uber alot these days...weird...
Saturday, April 16, 2005
funnay
hahaha. well...was listening to a song...and this one line just keeps on goin on in my head.....well it goes like this...
"boy, don't you dare play me. why? because you don't have enough witt to beat me at your own game."
wow...what a diss...hahaha...
"wai, ley ng mo wan or la. ley gum boon gor sum doe ng gou or ang, or sut yang ga la!"
technically speaking, the line is, you there, don't play me, because your heart just isn't as hard as mine, you are going to loose.
but blah....just rather funnay...out of all the lines in the song...i hear this one....hahahahah
"boy, don't you dare play me. why? because you don't have enough witt to beat me at your own game."
wow...what a diss...hahaha...
"wai, ley ng mo wan or la. ley gum boon gor sum doe ng gou or ang, or sut yang ga la!"
technically speaking, the line is, you there, don't play me, because your heart just isn't as hard as mine, you are going to loose.
but blah....just rather funnay...out of all the lines in the song...i hear this one....hahahahah
Poison
Your cruel device
your blood, like ice
One look, could kill
My pain, your thrill...
I wanna love you but I better not touch
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Your mouth, so hot
Your web, I'm caught
Your skin, so wet
Black lace, on sweat
I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
Don't wanna touch you but you're under my skin
I wanna kiss you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Running deep inside my veins
Posion burnning deep inside my veins
One look, could kill
My pain, your thrill...
I wanna love you but I better not touch
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Poison!
I wanna love you but I better not touch
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Poison!
your blood, like ice
One look, could kill
My pain, your thrill...
I wanna love you but I better not touch
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Your mouth, so hot
Your web, I'm caught
Your skin, so wet
Black lace, on sweat
I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
Don't wanna touch you but you're under my skin
I wanna kiss you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Running deep inside my veins
Posion burnning deep inside my veins
One look, could kill
My pain, your thrill...
I wanna love you but I better not touch
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Poison!
I wanna love you but I better not touch
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Poison!
Friday, April 15, 2005
foul mood
sighs sighs. i'm not in a good mood today. i want to get out of the house. i have the car....but....i don't really wanna drive n e where by myself. sighs sighs. i almost got into a car accident today. so yeah. that just tells you how foul a mood i really am in. sighs sighs. jenny's not picking up her house line. maybe she isn't home. sighs sighs. i don't know if i shall call val and see what she's up to. i know she's probably busy. jo's working and i don't think i should bug her at work. i just need to get out of my house. all i do is read...and it's really getting me down.
sighs....well other things have been on my mind lately. and i suppose it's that time of the month again when everything just seems to get me down. sighs sighs. yeah....the song that i'm listening to now is called the bloom of snow....sooo cute...but sooo depressing....should find better music. sighs sighs....
everyone's busy.....everyone has plans...it's my fault....sighs sighs....i wish that i felt more of a connection with my fellowship. i don't understand why even though they are very warm and friendly to me, i still don't like to spend time with them. they all still feel sooo unfamiliar even though i've known them all for a very long time. sighs sighs.
sighs....well other things have been on my mind lately. and i suppose it's that time of the month again when everything just seems to get me down. sighs sighs. yeah....the song that i'm listening to now is called the bloom of snow....sooo cute...but sooo depressing....should find better music. sighs sighs....
everyone's busy.....everyone has plans...it's my fault....sighs sighs....i wish that i felt more of a connection with my fellowship. i don't understand why even though they are very warm and friendly to me, i still don't like to spend time with them. they all still feel sooo unfamiliar even though i've known them all for a very long time. sighs sighs.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
food and nutrition....
hahaha. food an nutrition again....muhahahaha. well how very very fun aye? muhahaha. but doing nothing and well....i almost always use every opportunity to update my blog. hahaha. i really like this laptop. lap top number 13. keke^^:D:P my favourite numba. haha. not that i believe that it's a lucky number or n e thing, it's just my fave. hahaha. my mouth soooo very hurts. the stupid wire was cut badly and it's digging into my cheek=.= stupid nurse....oh wellz....it's a difficult job...so yeah. no problems. all good. hahaha. they started me on the medium thickness wire.....bleh.....
so i suppose it's soft noodles and soup tonight....yeah yeah!!!! yum yum.....i'm cooking for myself...hahaha.
the nurse said that my mouth would be sore.....but...i'm not really sore at all....i'm more in pain because my cheek is bleeding. stupid stupid braces....args....oh wellz. no problems. hahaha. bleh=.=
so i suppose it's soft noodles and soup tonight....yeah yeah!!!! yum yum.....i'm cooking for myself...hahaha.
the nurse said that my mouth would be sore.....but...i'm not really sore at all....i'm more in pain because my cheek is bleeding. stupid stupid braces....args....oh wellz. no problems. hahaha. bleh=.=
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
songs
well...i was listening to a few chinese songs....but i'm tooo lazy to find the lyrics for them now. i'll just tell you the parts that utterly touched me tonight.
i treat you well, you treat me well. i like you, and in that way, your actions reflect that you like me too. and then you distance yourself, so what is that supposed to mean? you thought i was happy the way i was, but that was the time when i felt the most miserable. i smiled to keep you happy. i feel hollow on the inside. it seems that all i am to you is a free ride in this world. you only needed me to further the place you were currently in. i thought you were different. i thought the outcome would be different. i guess i was wrong. like so many times in life, i was so utterly wrong in this. how do you think i can still look at you and smile? how do i even find the strength to be decent to you. i question myself why i allowed my emotions to take a hold of me. no answer forms in my head. i so often question myself why, but each and every time, i cannot answer the questions i ask. i wish this feeling wasn't just a game to you. this hurts really bad. you played my emotions. i got you somewhere in life where you didn't even bother to say thank you for. you are ungrateful. i am hurt, but you don't even know. i smile even though i am hurt. i will still be grateful. i will forgive, but forgetting is another matter. i was loved, i loved, and will always love. always and forever a part of my hurt will be with you. just remember, you
meant something to me even if i meant nothing to you.
muhahaha....well that's it... hahaha...well it's not just from one song....i suppose it's selective hearing to the parts of songs you want to hear....but yeah....from a few songs actually...tooo lazy to post like all 4 of em....but haha, it just kinda flowed...muhahaha. but n e whoos....leaving now...
i treat you well, you treat me well. i like you, and in that way, your actions reflect that you like me too. and then you distance yourself, so what is that supposed to mean? you thought i was happy the way i was, but that was the time when i felt the most miserable. i smiled to keep you happy. i feel hollow on the inside. it seems that all i am to you is a free ride in this world. you only needed me to further the place you were currently in. i thought you were different. i thought the outcome would be different. i guess i was wrong. like so many times in life, i was so utterly wrong in this. how do you think i can still look at you and smile? how do i even find the strength to be decent to you. i question myself why i allowed my emotions to take a hold of me. no answer forms in my head. i so often question myself why, but each and every time, i cannot answer the questions i ask. i wish this feeling wasn't just a game to you. this hurts really bad. you played my emotions. i got you somewhere in life where you didn't even bother to say thank you for. you are ungrateful. i am hurt, but you don't even know. i smile even though i am hurt. i will still be grateful. i will forgive, but forgetting is another matter. i was loved, i loved, and will always love. always and forever a part of my hurt will be with you. just remember, you
meant something to me even if i meant nothing to you.
muhahaha....well that's it... hahaha...well it's not just from one song....i suppose it's selective hearing to the parts of songs you want to hear....but yeah....from a few songs actually...tooo lazy to post like all 4 of em....but haha, it just kinda flowed...muhahaha. but n e whoos....leaving now...
thanx...
well... i am truly grateful that i've gotten to know some people better these days. but....as people have told me....i have allowed thoughts of "him" to manifest my every thought and every action consciously or unconsciously. so....in a way....i must put "him" away and concentrate on the tasks at hand.
i am a friend, and i shall always be a friend....so in a way, i'm better than the dirt you walk on. so i'm pleased.
i say i am satisfied, but am i really? i shall not allow myself to have my thoughts roam like this. i will not. it was great to think of things that may could have been, but they just aren't going to happen. i am rushing myself....i will not rush. i should not and therefore, will not.
i'm tooo serious when it comes to things like this...so because i get hurt easily, i build up a fortress on weak foundation, but a fortress none the less.
i will smile at today for i do not know if i will have a tomorrow. i will smile at today knowing that i have left an impression in some people's hearts. i will smile at today because i know, i am vile, but not truly vile. i will smile at today because that is the legacy i would love to leave.
oh yes....dying tomorrow...stupid braces=.=
i am a friend, and i shall always be a friend....so in a way, i'm better than the dirt you walk on. so i'm pleased.
i say i am satisfied, but am i really? i shall not allow myself to have my thoughts roam like this. i will not. it was great to think of things that may could have been, but they just aren't going to happen. i am rushing myself....i will not rush. i should not and therefore, will not.
i'm tooo serious when it comes to things like this...so because i get hurt easily, i build up a fortress on weak foundation, but a fortress none the less.
i will smile at today for i do not know if i will have a tomorrow. i will smile at today knowing that i have left an impression in some people's hearts. i will smile at today because i know, i am vile, but not truly vile. i will smile at today because that is the legacy i would love to leave.
oh yes....dying tomorrow...stupid braces=.=
Monday, April 11, 2005
quizzie time again....muhahah
You kill with
magic.
You are very skilled with magic, but have poor
fighting skills. But it doesn't really matter
anyway since it can be as powerful as other
weapons. You are probably missunderstood by
people and have some pain inside you. You are
not the kind of person to start a fight, but if
you are provocted you respond. You probably
don't have that many friends either though you
might want some. According to you life is a
lonely journey and you try not to care to much.
Most people who are witches or anything similar
is thought to be evil and want to see all
people suffer. That however is not true. You
don't feel that much joy seeing others in pain.
You are probably peaceful and quiet when left
alone.
Main weapon: Potions and spells
Quote: "A man can be destroyed but
not defeated" -Ernest Hemingway
Facial expression: Blank eyes
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla
Cocktail
?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
stupid foods=.=
and so now i am sitting in food and nutrition class. how fun aye? yeah....this class is the most stupid one ever. seriously. i do not understand.....why? because we never do n e thing in this class. most of the time, she signs out the lap top cart and we don't even do work.....she basically stares at me tyhping away on this thing and she doesn't even say n e thing to me. what the hey? bleh...
jordan forgot to hand in this book to the library....grrr.....i will not be paying for that fine....she will be.....
wow....i'm hungee....so very very hunge....booo whoo....
wonder what i will eat at home....hm....should go check my email....maybe even read other people's blogs? hm....
jordan forgot to hand in this book to the library....grrr.....i will not be paying for that fine....she will be.....
wow....i'm hungee....so very very hunge....booo whoo....
wonder what i will eat at home....hm....should go check my email....maybe even read other people's blogs? hm....
church
well...finally, for once, i finally had enough courage to ask my parents if they would let me go to another church. and....their answer was, no, that's a waste of gas. what's wrong with this one? why don't you want to be here? church isn't for the people, it's for GOD. sighs sighs. maybe it's cause i have never told them how i truly feel. and they understand that i feel like my spirituality level is kinda suffering. hm....but maybe that's just my feeling, and that's not actually happening.
but yeah...hahaha. going to any church is kinda an adventure for me. every church that i go to, i know at least one person there. isn't that kind of funnay? yeah, my family has made no enemies, but we are hated for reasons that we don't understand. oh wellz. this is what happens when you are not cunning and too genuine and honest. you get manipulated....why? because people like to become better. we are always handed the jobs that no one wants...but we do em n e ways. but....it's alrightees i suppose. hahaha. no biggie deal....okie...going to school...cause i just can't study at home....i kinda wanna go out for lunch.....so yeah....me gotsta study bio....
but yeah...hahaha. going to any church is kinda an adventure for me. every church that i go to, i know at least one person there. isn't that kind of funnay? yeah, my family has made no enemies, but we are hated for reasons that we don't understand. oh wellz. this is what happens when you are not cunning and too genuine and honest. you get manipulated....why? because people like to become better. we are always handed the jobs that no one wants...but we do em n e ways. but....it's alrightees i suppose. hahaha. no biggie deal....okie...going to school...cause i just can't study at home....i kinda wanna go out for lunch.....so yeah....me gotsta study bio....
Sunday, April 10, 2005
終於知道
Oh~~~Yeah~~~Hu~~
看見你一天東奔西跑不知怎講你好
聽慣了你說你有重大任務突然浮霧
儘管去做 未理會你分毫
期待不到想你送的花圃
相擁我吧 大概是番簡泡 如為我度身訂造
多少知道 你對我好 仍舊洗不清餘下問號
仍不清楚你 你已知 華為你盡洗
情路為你不經意暗?鋪
你說你愛悲傷 偏偏一生想跟我跳舞(Wu Yeah~~)
我說我愛你 已收起當初眼角高(Oh No~)
只差半步 熱暖便變荒蕪
誰料花鐘響徹甜蜜大道
估不到是 為我特意安排 纏著的日落看花都
＊終於知道 你對我好 沉睡的心彷似再出土
從不清楚你 你暗中 原來為我在寫
甜蜜日記多得有你代勞
(當最好 終於找到 有你代勞)
I wanna know You are my baby
甜蜜的心就由人羨慕
才清楚公布 世界知
誰才是最幸福
原來是我因找到了最好＊
不管 世界每寸退縮 世界每秒結束
也要你帶我大峽谷看朝露
帶到我那古蹟 帶到地球二極
I wouldn't trade you for anyone Oh Yeah~Oh Woo
REPEAT＊
看見你一天東奔西跑不知怎講你好
聽慣了你說你有重大任務突然浮霧
儘管去做 未理會你分毫
期待不到想你送的花圃
相擁我吧 大概是番簡泡 如為我度身訂造
多少知道 你對我好 仍舊洗不清餘下問號
仍不清楚你 你已知 華為你盡洗
情路為你不經意暗?鋪
你說你愛悲傷 偏偏一生想跟我跳舞(Wu Yeah~~)
我說我愛你 已收起當初眼角高(Oh No~)
只差半步 熱暖便變荒蕪
誰料花鐘響徹甜蜜大道
估不到是 為我特意安排 纏著的日落看花都
＊終於知道 你對我好 沉睡的心彷似再出土
從不清楚你 你暗中 原來為我在寫
甜蜜日記多得有你代勞
(當最好 終於找到 有你代勞)
I wanna know You are my baby
甜蜜的心就由人羨慕
才清楚公布 世界知
誰才是最幸福
原來是我因找到了最好＊
不管 世界每寸退縮 世界每秒結束
也要你帶我大峽谷看朝露
帶到我那古蹟 帶到地球二極
I wouldn't trade you for anyone Oh Yeah~Oh Woo
REPEAT＊
...on dating matters...
| Your dating personality profile: Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you. Conservative - You take a conservative stance on most issues and aren't shy about saying so. Your political views are an important component of who you are. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. | Your date match profile: Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life. Traditional - You need someone who is a bit old-fashioned. A person with traditional values and beliefs will perfectly compliment your lifestyle. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. |
Your Top Ten Traits 1. Religious 2. Conservative 3. Big-Hearted 4. Traditional 5. Adventurous 6. Practical 7. Romantic 8. Athletic 9. Wealthy/Ambitious 10. Sensual | Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Religious 2. Traditional 3. Practical 4. Conservative 5. Adventurous 6. Big-Hearted 7. Sensual 8. Athletic 9. Romantic 10. Outgoing |
Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions
Saturday, April 09, 2005
need a hug....
ahh.....my parents are having another fight again. ahhhh....
please....i just wanna run away now....ah......
i must learn to communicate....i must avoid being how my mom is with my daddy. *weeps*
they don't understand what all this yelling is doing to me....ah.
their fights....always about moving. always about the house....sighs sighs...ah....mommy coming down....*screams and whimpers* *goes hides in a corner*
going to logos tomorrow. bleh....
please....make it all stop...make it all stop!
please....i just wanna run away now....ah......
i must learn to communicate....i must avoid being how my mom is with my daddy. *weeps*
they don't understand what all this yelling is doing to me....ah.
their fights....always about moving. always about the house....sighs sighs...ah....mommy coming down....*screams and whimpers* *goes hides in a corner*
going to logos tomorrow. bleh....
please....make it all stop...make it all stop!
遠方
寬厚肩膀 手指乾淨而修長
笑聲像大海 眼神裡有陽光
我想像你 一定就是 這樣
還沒出現 就已對你愛戀
還沒遇見 就先有了思念
要給我的愛 如果你還在灌溉
要我等待 我就等待
北方南方 某個遠方 一定有座 愛情天堂
我們用愛 幸福對方 共享一對 翅膀飛翔
請找到我 到了對的時候
相遇的路口 請認出我
屬於我的愛 先種在你心中
請感動我 等它成熟
雖然偶爾會孤單 雖然等候太漫長
萬一青春太短 Woo~
但是只要看遠方 就能再堅定信仰
只有最好的你能 給最好的愛
我很確定 不遠遠方 會有我們 愛的天堂
心會溫暖 笑會燦爛 風沙星辰 永遠相伴
笑聲像大海 眼神裡有陽光
我想像你 一定就是 這樣
還沒出現 就已對你愛戀
還沒遇見 就先有了思念
要給我的愛 如果你還在灌溉
要我等待 我就等待
北方南方 某個遠方 一定有座 愛情天堂
我們用愛 幸福對方 共享一對 翅膀飛翔
請找到我 到了對的時候
相遇的路口 請認出我
屬於我的愛 先種在你心中
請感動我 等它成熟
雖然偶爾會孤單 雖然等候太漫長
萬一青春太短 Woo~
但是只要看遠方 就能再堅定信仰
只有最好的你能 給最好的愛
我很確定 不遠遠方 會有我們 愛的天堂
心會溫暖 笑會燦爛 風沙星辰 永遠相伴
hmwk
well today. i haveta relax. i gotta chill out. args=.= the teacher thinks i'm cheating=.= args args. stupid english teacher....args args. bleh bleh. teachers scare me. actually, everyone with athority scares me. wow....i really do have an inferiority complex. bleh.
muhahaha. well now, my grad dress fits perfectly. but....i can't loose much more weight or the bust area just won't fit. muhahaha. i think i need to work on my opliques...but....booo....way tooo lazy. should go to the gym today...since i only technically went once today. but i've been walking around the heights every single day this week. hahaha
hope i have enough hair to put it up the way i want it up. hahaha. it looks like a pretty good day outside. hm. i think i'll sit on the swings some time in the afternoon. probably aroudn 2ish.....the best time in the afternoon to sit on the swings. hahaha. but for now. i should get back to my stupid homework. args args.
well...had an orange for breakfast. args. my heart feels like it's being compressed. yeah. when i work myself tooo hard on cardio. this is what normally happens. my heart tends to get really tight and it feels like i can't breath as well. yeah. i think that's why i'm not supposed to reach 200 beats per second. args....
ran home yesterday in jeans....not the most comfortable thing to run in....and well let's just say sabby already had a hurting hip, now it hurts even more. args=.=
hahaha. i left early, why? because my parents would actually think jenny was having a party if i left later. and plus, my parents were yelling at each other...my daddy spent half the night sleeping on the living room couch....sighs.
well now...me hurting....bleh...meh....
weight loss....here i come! muhahahaha...
muhahaha. well now, my grad dress fits perfectly. but....i can't loose much more weight or the bust area just won't fit. muhahaha. i think i need to work on my opliques...but....booo....way tooo lazy. should go to the gym today...since i only technically went once today. but i've been walking around the heights every single day this week. hahaha
hope i have enough hair to put it up the way i want it up. hahaha. it looks like a pretty good day outside. hm. i think i'll sit on the swings some time in the afternoon. probably aroudn 2ish.....the best time in the afternoon to sit on the swings. hahaha. but for now. i should get back to my stupid homework. args args.
well...had an orange for breakfast. args. my heart feels like it's being compressed. yeah. when i work myself tooo hard on cardio. this is what normally happens. my heart tends to get really tight and it feels like i can't breath as well. yeah. i think that's why i'm not supposed to reach 200 beats per second. args....
ran home yesterday in jeans....not the most comfortable thing to run in....and well let's just say sabby already had a hurting hip, now it hurts even more. args=.=
hahaha. i left early, why? because my parents would actually think jenny was having a party if i left later. and plus, my parents were yelling at each other...my daddy spent half the night sleeping on the living room couch....sighs.
well now...me hurting....bleh...meh....
weight loss....here i come! muhahahaha...
Friday, April 08, 2005
bruised toe
=.= booo. my toe utterly hurts. but....good time at jennys today. hahaha. awkward silences...hahaha. muhahaha...but it's all good i suppose.
hahaha.
*huggie wuggies* muhahaha
l8a l8a people...muhahahahah...
running home.....arms utterly hurting-,-
hahaha.
*huggie wuggies* muhahaha
l8a l8a people...muhahahahah...
running home.....arms utterly hurting-,-
another time waster
My name is: SABINA
I may seem: loud, annoying, hyper, quiet, shy, stupid...
People who know me think: i am loud, annoying at times. hyper....and therefore annoying sometimes. quiet and shy at times....i am stupid because i can't think properly sometimes...
If you knew me you'd probably: laugh sooo hard you'd piss your pants...
Sometimes I feel: like i don't deserve a tomorrow
My days are pretty: when i laugh really hard because people can make me smile...
Yesterday: i was thinking about everything
In the morning I: woozily get up and brush teeth and do morning routinely stuff
I like to sleep: when i'm tired and exhausted...
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: talking on the phone with certain people/ my friends
Money is: something that corrupts the purest of souls
One thing I don't have that I wish I did is: patience
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: dunno
All you need is: GOD
All I need is: GOD
If I had one wish it would be: for this world to love each other more often
When I look in the mirror I see: me with super bags...
Love is: patient, kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
If I could see one person right now it would be: briboi or cat
Something I want but I don't really need is: hm....
I live for: GOD, myself, family, friends
I am afraid of: alot of things....
It makes me angry when: people are just ignorant and rude.... and crude...
I dream about: hahah...alot of things...
I daydream about: egh....mostly situations that would never happen...
1 Year Ago, I...:
o1. was completely depressed
o2. was suicidal
o3. was doing horribly in grade 11 math
o4. was taking japanese class
o5. shaved my hair for cancer...society...
2 Years Ago, I...:
o1. i had just broke up....a month and a bit...
o2. started skipping days of school weeks on end
o3. was depressed
o4. planned suicide attempts
o5. was baptized
Yesterday I:
o1. couldn't stop thinking about grad/prom
o2. watched csi
o3. went to kfc with matt and ben, and watched ben eat his lunch
o4. designed a character for matt, since i'm creative but can't draw for beans...
o5. sat on the swing and took a long walk around the heights for about 2 hours...
Today, I:
o1. sat in the park with matt for an hour
o2. went to jennys and had a few sips of beer....
o3. cried because of parental arguments
o4. ran from jennys house all the way back to my house
o5. gave a few massages for the gang....now knuckles hurting=.=
Five Songs I Know All the Words To, Even Without the Music:
o1. egh...sorry....i dunno any songs....
o2.
o3.
o4.
o5.
Five Things I Would buy With $100,000:
o1. a lap top
o2. a new wardrobe
o3. and stuff my friends wanted.....and still have money to buy bonds?
o4.
o5.
Five Bands You've been listening to Lately:
o1. egh.....dunno...dun really listen to bands persay....
o2.
o3.
o4.
o5.
Top Five Locations I'd Like To Run Away To:
o1. if i run away...it's just to get away from here...so n e where away from here...that's all...
o2.
o3.
o4.
o5.
I may seem: loud, annoying, hyper, quiet, shy, stupid...
People who know me think: i am loud, annoying at times. hyper....and therefore annoying sometimes. quiet and shy at times....i am stupid because i can't think properly sometimes...
If you knew me you'd probably: laugh sooo hard you'd piss your pants...
Sometimes I feel: like i don't deserve a tomorrow
My days are pretty: when i laugh really hard because people can make me smile...
Yesterday: i was thinking about everything
In the morning I: woozily get up and brush teeth and do morning routinely stuff
I like to sleep: when i'm tired and exhausted...
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: talking on the phone with certain people/ my friends
Money is: something that corrupts the purest of souls
One thing I don't have that I wish I did is: patience
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: dunno
All you need is: GOD
All I need is: GOD
If I had one wish it would be: for this world to love each other more often
When I look in the mirror I see: me with super bags...
Love is: patient, kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
If I could see one person right now it would be: briboi or cat
Something I want but I don't really need is: hm....
I live for: GOD, myself, family, friends
I am afraid of: alot of things....
It makes me angry when: people are just ignorant and rude.... and crude...
I dream about: hahah...alot of things...
I daydream about: egh....mostly situations that would never happen...
1 Year Ago, I...:
o1. was completely depressed
o2. was suicidal
o3. was doing horribly in grade 11 math
o4. was taking japanese class
o5. shaved my hair for cancer...society...
2 Years Ago, I...:
o1. i had just broke up....a month and a bit...
o2. started skipping days of school weeks on end
o3. was depressed
o4. planned suicide attempts
o5. was baptized
Yesterday I:
o1. couldn't stop thinking about grad/prom
o2. watched csi
o3. went to kfc with matt and ben, and watched ben eat his lunch
o4. designed a character for matt, since i'm creative but can't draw for beans...
o5. sat on the swing and took a long walk around the heights for about 2 hours...
Today, I:
o1. sat in the park with matt for an hour
o2. went to jennys and had a few sips of beer....
o3. cried because of parental arguments
o4. ran from jennys house all the way back to my house
o5. gave a few massages for the gang....now knuckles hurting=.=
Five Songs I Know All the Words To, Even Without the Music:
o1. egh...sorry....i dunno any songs....
o2.
o3.
o4.
o5.
Five Things I Would buy With $100,000:
o1. a lap top
o2. a new wardrobe
o3. and stuff my friends wanted.....and still have money to buy bonds?
o4.
o5.
Five Bands You've been listening to Lately:
o1. egh.....dunno...dun really listen to bands persay....
o2.
o3.
o4.
o5.
Top Five Locations I'd Like To Run Away To:
o1. if i run away...it's just to get away from here...so n e where away from here...that's all...
o2.
o3.
o4.
o5.
random survey
muhahaha.....random survey because me bored...numbers...are completely messed up....
1. Full name: Sabina Kam Yan Tsang
2. Nicknames: Sabby. Sabz, Sabbers, Subbers,
3. Age: 17? i think?
4. Height: 5'4-5'4
5. Hair: mid length, side bangs, dark dark brown
6. Siblings: 1 older sista
7. Do u like to sing in the shower? yupz. for surez!
8. Do u like to sing? yupz yupz! for surez!
9. Birthday: August 12th
10. Sign: Leo
12. Sex: Female
13. Righty or lefty: ambidextrious
14. What do you want in a relationship most: trust, understanding, loyalty, compassion, sympathy, patience, and love
15. Have you ever cheated? never have, never will.
16. Marital status: Singo
17. Do you have a car? muhahah, i have my parents. but....hopefully, in second year of uni...me get my car!
18. What kinda car do you have? i have a hyundai accent '98.....muhahahaha....hi-un-die. not hun-day...
FAVORITE
19. Movie: egh.....dunno
20. Song: i have a few...tooo many to name...
25. Food: dunno
26. Number: 13
27. Cartoon: iunno....simpsons?
28. Disney Character: Belle from beauty and the beast
29. Color: to wear=black, but normally blue
30. Do you plan on having kids? yup yup
33. Get married? i do not believe in sex before marriage...so if i want kids, i'll be married...duh!
34. Would you have kids before marriage? as i said above...NO!
35. Do u have a b/f or g/f: not now...
37. Do you have a crush: i don't like to crush....
EITHER-OR (PICK WHICH ONE YOU PREFER)
38. Music/TV: MUSIC on TV!!! hahaha
40. Green/Blue: TURQUOISE! muhahahah
41. Pink/Purple: egh...neither
42. Summer/Winter: both
43. Night/Day: both, just not the afternoon
44. Hangin Out/Chillin: ain't they the same thing??!?!?
45. Dopey/Funny: a dopey funny
46. You know I'm around when you hear: *very loud asian talk in the halls*
47. What school do u go to? OTHS!
49. What's a major turn on for you? being genuine
50. How far would you go on a first date: dunno...depend on how well i know the person...
FRIENDS
51. Most blonde: egh....all my friend are pretty blond sometimes...hahahaha
52. Nicest: egh...dunno....all my friends are the biggest sweethearts ever
53. Funniest: hahaha...all my friends can make me laugh n e time...
54. Tallest: dunno...haven't measured them all...if they are all taller then me, they are tall...hahahah so yeah...
55. Best Personality: can't judge this...everyone is different and unique
56. Which people do you trust and are open with the most?: well egh....you will know who you are if you are one of those people...
57. Do you believe in soul mates? yupz yupz
58. Is it right to flirt if you have a bf or gf? i don't know how to flirt....but yeah...i think it's kinda wrong...
OTHER RANDOM QUESTIONS
59. What was the last thing you cried over or got teary about? my parents arguing, today....
60. What's something about guys and girls that you dont understand?: people in general, why is it that sensitivity is preverted into weakness?
62. What's one thing you can't live without?: GOD
63. Love or Lust: Love
64. Silver or gold: white gold, if not, silver
65. Diamond or pearl: both are gorgeous
66. Sunset or sunrise: both are the beauty of GOD....how can i choose?
67. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?: hahaha, maybe in my imagination....hahaha
68. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: keke^^:D:P *blushes* yeah....*blushes*
69. Do you have any piercings: nopez....
70. What color underpants are you wearing right now: hahaha, you really wanna know?!?!? hahaha....you'll just haveta come and pants me thenXP
71. What song are u listening to right now? egh...theme song of inuyasha....cause it's playing on tv in the background....
72. Where would you want to go on your hunnymoon: doesn't matter, as long as i'm with the person i love
73. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? hahaha, at the present moment....i honestly don't know....i'm utterly confused...hahahah
74. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: smile and eyes....
75. What is your favourite sport? badminton....volleyball, basketball....egh...dunno...there are more...
76. What makes you happy? hahaha....alot of things...
77. What's the next cd/s you're gonna get? dunno....
78. Do u wear contacts or glasses? hope to get contacts for grad....
79. What's the best advice given to you? wow...i dunno....alot of people have given me advice lor...
80. Have u ever won any special awards? no, i'm pretty much tooo average to get any special awards
81. What are your goals in life? dunno....being happy?
82. Do you like Funny or Scary movies better? depends who i'm with...
83. On the phone or in person? depends when, where and to who...
84. Hugs or kisses? hahah...hugs....they are more satisfying...hahaha
85. What song seems to reflect you the most? dunno...
86. If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything you own to? dunno...all my things belong to my parents because they got it for me....plus, my advice and wisdom would all belong to GOD...and everything else would just be a memory...
MORE RANDOM QUESTIONS
87. Do u have any enemies? hope not
88. Would you rather be rich or famous? neither....rich and fame corrupts the soul...
89. What time is it in Albania now? bleh....i'm not in albania...don't know, don't care...
90. Have you ever been in love? yes
91. Have you ever met santa? no such a thing...
92. If E.T. knocked on your door holding up a peace sign and asked you to use your phone what would you do? ahhhh....i wouldn't open it....et is totally scary...
93. Do u have any pets? yupperz!
94. What do you see yourself as in 10 years?: working in a job that is dead end...and taking night courses...
95. Last time you were stressed: egh...you're chemically stressed internally every moment....
96. Are you an alcoholic? i do drink, but i don't like beer....
97. Who sent this to you? no one, stole it off of kaitlyn's site....
98. What do you think of this person: kaitlyn's a quite one, but hyper at times...not a morning person...and a sweetie...
99. Do you want your friends to write back?: yupz yupz...why wouldn't i?
1. Full name: Sabina Kam Yan Tsang
2. Nicknames: Sabby. Sabz, Sabbers, Subbers,
3. Age: 17? i think?
4. Height: 5'4-5'4
5. Hair: mid length, side bangs, dark dark brown
6. Siblings: 1 older sista
7. Do u like to sing in the shower? yupz. for surez!
8. Do u like to sing? yupz yupz! for surez!
9. Birthday: August 12th
10. Sign: Leo
12. Sex: Female
13. Righty or lefty: ambidextrious
14. What do you want in a relationship most: trust, understanding, loyalty, compassion, sympathy, patience, and love
15. Have you ever cheated? never have, never will.
16. Marital status: Singo
17. Do you have a car? muhahah, i have my parents. but....hopefully, in second year of uni...me get my car!
18. What kinda car do you have? i have a hyundai accent '98.....muhahahaha....hi-un-die. not hun-day...
FAVORITE
19. Movie: egh.....dunno
20. Song: i have a few...tooo many to name...
25. Food: dunno
26. Number: 13
27. Cartoon: iunno....simpsons?
28. Disney Character: Belle from beauty and the beast
29. Color: to wear=black, but normally blue
30. Do you plan on having kids? yup yup
33. Get married? i do not believe in sex before marriage...so if i want kids, i'll be married...duh!
34. Would you have kids before marriage? as i said above...NO!
35. Do u have a b/f or g/f: not now...
37. Do you have a crush: i don't like to crush....
EITHER-OR (PICK WHICH ONE YOU PREFER)
38. Music/TV: MUSIC on TV!!! hahaha
40. Green/Blue: TURQUOISE! muhahahah
41. Pink/Purple: egh...neither
42. Summer/Winter: both
43. Night/Day: both, just not the afternoon
44. Hangin Out/Chillin: ain't they the same thing??!?!?
45. Dopey/Funny: a dopey funny
46. You know I'm around when you hear: *very loud asian talk in the halls*
47. What school do u go to? OTHS!
49. What's a major turn on for you? being genuine
50. How far would you go on a first date: dunno...depend on how well i know the person...
FRIENDS
51. Most blonde: egh....all my friend are pretty blond sometimes...hahahaha
52. Nicest: egh...dunno....all my friends are the biggest sweethearts ever
53. Funniest: hahaha...all my friends can make me laugh n e time...
54. Tallest: dunno...haven't measured them all...if they are all taller then me, they are tall...hahahah so yeah...
55. Best Personality: can't judge this...everyone is different and unique
56. Which people do you trust and are open with the most?: well egh....you will know who you are if you are one of those people...
57. Do you believe in soul mates? yupz yupz
58. Is it right to flirt if you have a bf or gf? i don't know how to flirt....but yeah...i think it's kinda wrong...
OTHER RANDOM QUESTIONS
59. What was the last thing you cried over or got teary about? my parents arguing, today....
60. What's something about guys and girls that you dont understand?: people in general, why is it that sensitivity is preverted into weakness?
62. What's one thing you can't live without?: GOD
63. Love or Lust: Love
64. Silver or gold: white gold, if not, silver
65. Diamond or pearl: both are gorgeous
66. Sunset or sunrise: both are the beauty of GOD....how can i choose?
67. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?: hahaha, maybe in my imagination....hahaha
68. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: keke^^:D:P *blushes* yeah....*blushes*
69. Do you have any piercings: nopez....
70. What color underpants are you wearing right now: hahaha, you really wanna know?!?!? hahaha....you'll just haveta come and pants me thenXP
71. What song are u listening to right now? egh...theme song of inuyasha....cause it's playing on tv in the background....
72. Where would you want to go on your hunnymoon: doesn't matter, as long as i'm with the person i love
73. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? hahaha, at the present moment....i honestly don't know....i'm utterly confused...hahahah
74. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: smile and eyes....
75. What is your favourite sport? badminton....volleyball, basketball....egh...dunno...there are more...
76. What makes you happy? hahaha....alot of things...
77. What's the next cd/s you're gonna get? dunno....
78. Do u wear contacts or glasses? hope to get contacts for grad....
79. What's the best advice given to you? wow...i dunno....alot of people have given me advice lor...
80. Have u ever won any special awards? no, i'm pretty much tooo average to get any special awards
81. What are your goals in life? dunno....being happy?
82. Do you like Funny or Scary movies better? depends who i'm with...
83. On the phone or in person? depends when, where and to who...
84. Hugs or kisses? hahah...hugs....they are more satisfying...hahaha
85. What song seems to reflect you the most? dunno...
86. If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything you own to? dunno...all my things belong to my parents because they got it for me....plus, my advice and wisdom would all belong to GOD...and everything else would just be a memory...
MORE RANDOM QUESTIONS
87. Do u have any enemies? hope not
88. Would you rather be rich or famous? neither....rich and fame corrupts the soul...
89. What time is it in Albania now? bleh....i'm not in albania...don't know, don't care...
90. Have you ever been in love? yes
91. Have you ever met santa? no such a thing...
92. If E.T. knocked on your door holding up a peace sign and asked you to use your phone what would you do? ahhhh....i wouldn't open it....et is totally scary...
93. Do u have any pets? yupperz!
94. What do you see yourself as in 10 years?: working in a job that is dead end...and taking night courses...
95. Last time you were stressed: egh...you're chemically stressed internally every moment....
96. Are you an alcoholic? i do drink, but i don't like beer....
97. Who sent this to you? no one, stole it off of kaitlyn's site....
98. What do you think of this person: kaitlyn's a quite one, but hyper at times...not a morning person...and a sweetie...
99. Do you want your friends to write back?: yupz yupz...why wouldn't i?
happier moments
hahahaha. well on to happier moments of the day.
hahaha. well....hahaha. well i drove matt home today. well technically to my house and then we went to the park together and just sat on the swings for an hour. hahaha.
he feels weird around my parents because he is afraid that my parents would hate him. hahaha. wonder if he understands how i feel cause i was kinda somewhat hated for that little period and kinda feel like i amXSXSXS.
hahaha.....wow, i'm fat...hahaha. i can sit on the baby swing without feeling pain. hahaha. oh that is great. hahaha. seee....i am fat....hahha. i have alot of ass and leg insolation. hahaha.
hahaha. i don't know why.....but everytime it's just him and i....i always bring up prom...hahaha. well actually, these past like 3 or 4 days i haven't gotten it off my mind, just that i talked about it excessively ...gotsta stop talking about grad.....sooo excited about it. ahhhhh!!!! sooo cute...technically, got asked again...for his own reassurance and confirmation to something i knew i was going to. hahaha. yupz yupz. hahahaha. all good. all happy. hahahaha. *smiles smiles*
grrrrr....is it that obvious?!?!? arg=.= bleh.....fine....maybe it is=.= bleh....is it as obvious to him as it is to everyone else around him?=.= bleh....
hahaha. well....hahaha. well i drove matt home today. well technically to my house and then we went to the park together and just sat on the swings for an hour. hahaha.
he feels weird around my parents because he is afraid that my parents would hate him. hahaha. wonder if he understands how i feel cause i was kinda somewhat hated for that little period and kinda feel like i amXSXSXS.
hahaha.....wow, i'm fat...hahaha. i can sit on the baby swing without feeling pain. hahaha. oh that is great. hahaha. seee....i am fat....hahha. i have alot of ass and leg insolation. hahaha.
hahaha. i don't know why.....but everytime it's just him and i....i always bring up prom...hahaha. well actually, these past like 3 or 4 days i haven't gotten it off my mind, just that i talked about it excessively ...gotsta stop talking about grad.....sooo excited about it. ahhhhh!!!! sooo cute...technically, got asked again...for his own reassurance and confirmation to something i knew i was going to. hahaha. yupz yupz. hahahaha. all good. all happy. hahahaha. *smiles smiles*
grrrrr....is it that obvious?!?!? arg=.= bleh.....fine....maybe it is=.= bleh....is it as obvious to him as it is to everyone else around him?=.= bleh....
someone, take me away...
ah......i want to run away. my parents are scaring me. ah. i swear, it's the work of the devil. ah. they always blame me for having attitude towards them. sighs. maybe it's my fault that i don't talk to them. sighs sighs. from now on, i will pray for the strength to learn to communicate to them better. from now on, i will teach myself, with the help of GOD, that i will not hide much about myself away from them. from now on, everytime i give my parents attitude, inside....i'll give myself a few punches.
there has been a problem with communication in my family for more than just this one time. but this time, it's not my fault. sighs sighs. can someone give me a purpose to leave my house. i'm in the basement and shaking from the cold and fear. ah. what happens if they start to attack me? ah.
all my life, i've never been taught to communicate how i feel. all my life, i have not had good role models to communicate the way i feel. all my life, when people wanted a message across in the family, we'd all just yell at each other. and apprently, i've been yelling at everyone in my life.
my daddy's driven off, and my mommy is going to chase after him. i'm afraid...just plain afraid....
there has been a problem with communication in my family for more than just this one time. but this time, it's not my fault. sighs sighs. can someone give me a purpose to leave my house. i'm in the basement and shaking from the cold and fear. ah. what happens if they start to attack me? ah.
all my life, i've never been taught to communicate how i feel. all my life, i have not had good role models to communicate the way i feel. all my life, when people wanted a message across in the family, we'd all just yell at each other. and apprently, i've been yelling at everyone in my life.
my daddy's driven off, and my mommy is going to chase after him. i'm afraid...just plain afraid....
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
supers?
hm.....some guy told me to play capcom vs. marvel. and yeah...guess what happened....well now....sabina started playing...and some how....she doesn't know the buttons...but guess what.....she's still winning...and.....she's pulling off supers?!?!?!? what the hey?!?!? that's weird. hm...maybe i should ask matt what controls he set on my pc....considering that i don't know the controls. for now....i'm not concentrated on what my moves are.....just kinda haveta learn to defend myself...but.....
what the heck??!?!? weird..... can't believe i'm winning...someone....teach me some combos......
what the heck??!?!? weird..... can't believe i'm winning...someone....teach me some combos......
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
tired
well....i should actually be sleeping now. i didn't sleep very well yesterday. not very tired. well i am tired.....just.....can't. can't get over it.
well i'm better now. alot better. yeah yeah. dunno why....but i'm happy. or at least for some reason satisfied and enjoying.
yess....i must learn to take one day at a time.
sighs sighs.
well i'm better now. alot better. yeah yeah. dunno why....but i'm happy. or at least for some reason satisfied and enjoying.
yess....i must learn to take one day at a time.
sighs sighs.
quizzies
 | You scored as Deer. You are the Deer. You tend to be very gentle with other animals of your domain and are also considered the innocent one, which is a good thing. You tend to be able to perceive more than others, which is a handy skill.
Which animal totem best suits you? created with QuizFarm.com |
 | You scored as Winter. You are WINTER. You're more introspective, thinking deeply, feeling deeply. You love nothing better than to enjoy one on one time with those who are important to you. You are cautious, and sometimes second guess yourself. Dreams, though you have them, are a luxury, because life is not a plaything.
What Season Are You? created with QuizFarm.com |
| The Lucid Dreamer Conditions met: 62%. Talent: at least 66%. Possible advantages: 75%. Mastery: about 68% |
| Your words were like a dream. But dreams could never fool me, Not that easily. Good job, you got one of the top three scores! You know what it is that you are doing in your dreams, and how, so much is for sure. If I’m wrong, and you are not quite the Lucid Dreamer yet, you may find the info below helpful. Conditions: Your sleeping habits are average; there's room for improvement, but all in all, it should be no problem. If you did well in the other categories, it will hardly bother you if there is one candle missing here and there, and you certainly won’t miss the potpourris or “Soothing Ocean Sounds Vol. 3”-CD either. Not ideal if you are still learning, though. Talent: Sensual and intuitive, you are most likely going to have the least trouble learning how to lucid dream, and your dreams will certainly be vivid enough to make it an experience to remember. Good for those who want to learn how to Lucid Dream in order to go on a sex-spree with their favourite novel characters. Don’t forget to pat the book before you go to sleep though. Unless you have serious trouble sleeping, it will come to you very easily. Advantages: You will have less difficulty than others to get and stay in control of your dreams, as there are one or two things among your hobbies that will definitely come in handy. Lucky you! Mastery: Wow, either your natural talent has discovered you while you didn’t notice, or you already worked your way to mastery and you only took this test to see how good you really are! I’m impressed! Drop me a message and tell me of your immensely cool abilities! But scoring highly here can also mean you are almost there, but not quite. If so, you should try asking yourself 10 times or so per day if you are dreaming, and if you make this a habit it will continue into your dreams, which can trigger a lucid dream when you realize you are dreaming. (Thanks “Third Eye” for this info! It was taken from “Private Myths: Dreams and Dreaming" by Anthony Stephens.) You may soon be the master of your own dreams! Think about it! No more nightmares you can't escape from! |
 |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Lucid Dreaming Test written by Nitsuki on Ok Cupid |
simpleton
i am a simpleton. hahaha.
sighs sighs.
i wonder if he got it....i was pretty obvious. hm....bleh....i dunno.....bleh...
what is it that he understands? what is it that i don't understand that he does? why is it that i feel soo jittery on the inside? why? args.....what is it that he understands? it's kinda driving me insane. this is sooo not kool. XSXS
and so.....marvel vs. capcom. hahaha. all i haveta do now...is learn the codes...muhahahaha....and one of these days....i'll beat the supposed pro....hahahaha...sooo not happening....can't do supers...just don't know how...hahaha. well...it's p and tab...hahahaha....
sighs sighs.
i wonder if he got it....i was pretty obvious. hm....bleh....i dunno.....bleh...
what is it that he understands? what is it that i don't understand that he does? why is it that i feel soo jittery on the inside? why? args.....what is it that he understands? it's kinda driving me insane. this is sooo not kool. XSXS
and so.....marvel vs. capcom. hahaha. all i haveta do now...is learn the codes...muhahahaha....and one of these days....i'll beat the supposed pro....hahahaha...sooo not happening....can't do supers...just don't know how...hahaha. well...it's p and tab...hahahaha....
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