everything is just a misunderstanding. i'm fine. it's alrights. i'm over it. nothing to really get over really. more basically influenced because of others. it's the bandwagon effect i swear. but i was genuinly not that pissed. i really hope you'll get better. don't want you to be sick. i am sick. i have a body like an old lady. even taking an immunization vacine leaves me getting a fever. fucking messed up. not the point. don't worry about it. when i say don't worry, it can piss you off, but when i say it.....i mean it. seriously, people get mad. that's normal. it's alrights. it's okay on my part. rather used to things not working out. that's what life is all about. you didn't misjudge. you didn't wanna stay home, that's completely fine with me. last minute plans, perfectly fine. don't worry about it. you were hungry, you hadda eat something....cheap food....so it's all good.....so all in all, just don't worry about it.
val ditched us for a guy, she woke up...
you didn't come cause you were sick and then afterwards felt better and hungry, that's totally fine. i accept that......
next thing i know, this is all going to happen to me......
no one has left n e one ga la.....over reacting as usual because we all do all the time or at least once in a while...
all this is gonna pass, and we'll all look at this one day and start giving it one big laugh. no biggie.....
it's just rather interesting. it's alrights.
everyone has their good moments and ugly ones. it's normal. so no biggie. at least to me it's not.
maybe that just comes with being alone sooo much of the time that i'm used to it now. oh wellz. keke^^:D:P
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
huh?!?!
this isn't right?!?! why does my archive only say i've had blogger since 03?!?!?! i am drop dead serious. i did this because at the time i brok up with willy and i was completely devastated and i needed an out put. blogging was what my friend byron suggested to me, so i listened and got a blog. i was with willy in grade 10, messed up my live in the beginning of second semester. wait....that makes sense....total sense....grrr.....i've messed up my own counting because i've been counting school years instead of stupid actual months. fucker.....
been single for 1 year, 8 months, 1 week, 4 days, and 22 some odd hours, and 20 some odd minutes......
grrrr.......stupid school years and not starting in january.....grrrr......=.= evil evil.....
well my school life is still messed up because of that kid in a way. if i hadn't rushed into things, it could have been sooo much better for myself. maybe i could have prevented all this from happening if i avoided liking him altogether.
not something i regret, i just think about what ifs.....not cause i think it would change a bit.....but what if such and such didn't happen?!?!? life would be sooo much better for many....oh wellz....i can't change it. keke^^:D:P life goes on whether i want it to or not. so yeah. keke^^:D:P
been single for 1 year, 8 months, 1 week, 4 days, and 22 some odd hours, and 20 some odd minutes......
grrrr.......stupid school years and not starting in january.....grrrr......=.= evil evil.....
well my school life is still messed up because of that kid in a way. if i hadn't rushed into things, it could have been sooo much better for myself. maybe i could have prevented all this from happening if i avoided liking him altogether.
not something i regret, i just think about what ifs.....not cause i think it would change a bit.....but what if such and such didn't happen?!?!? life would be sooo much better for many....oh wellz....i can't change it. keke^^:D:P life goes on whether i want it to or not. so yeah. keke^^:D:P
pain!!!
utter and impossible headache. need sleep. tummy ache.....ate tooo many mr. noodles i suppose......and egh.....headache. more like migraine...but it's alrights.
args args.
totally tired.....
not dressing up as n e thing while collecting food. can't....daddy'll bitch at me if i did. oh wellz.
keke^^:D:P
well need to sleep.....=.=
feeling sick.
eventful night last night. me lub mr. wei wei foxy. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. i had him all to have and to hold. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. well n e whoo.....headache....finishing hmwk...=.=
args args.
totally tired.....
not dressing up as n e thing while collecting food. can't....daddy'll bitch at me if i did. oh wellz.
keke^^:D:P
well need to sleep.....=.=
feeling sick.
eventful night last night. me lub mr. wei wei foxy. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. i had him all to have and to hold. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. well n e whoo.....headache....finishing hmwk...=.=
Saturday, October 30, 2004
another quizzie....totally bored...
-------------DESCRIBE---------------
YOUR HERITAGE: Cantonese
THE SHOES YOU WORE TODAY: today? egh...haven't worn shoes yet...so yeah....prolly gonna wear plats...
YOUR EYES: very very dark brown sooo dark that they can sometimes look black.....=.=
YOUR WEAKNESS: tooo many tooo list....
YOUR FEARS: tooo many to list.....but mainly loneliness
ONE THING YOU'D LIKE TO ACHIEVE: dunno....nothing at the present moment. nothing is worth my effort or time right now.
---------------WHAT IS---------------
YOUR THOUGHTS FIRST WAKING UP: oh shit...what a fricking horrible dream!!!!
THE FIRST FEATURE YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX: egh....i don't know....normally i don't really check anyone else......egh.....i suppose i'll look at their face and then sniff i suppose....keke^^:D:P
YOUR BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: dunno, don't care....i'm ugly....*booo whooo*
YOUR BEDTIME: egh...whenever i feel like i'm tired and need rest....
YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT: don't know.....no accomplishment is really done because of all my own efforts.....
YOUR MOST MISSED MEMORY: my most missed memory?!?!? *sighs*
---------------YOU PREFER---------------
PEPSI OR COKE: must say pepsi...or i'll get shot!!! well but i don't really like pepsi or coke...but oh wellz....
MCDONALD'S OR BURGER KING: mcdonalds.....but then burger king has better lil sides....
SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: i like being on single dates mostly....but then group dates aren't that bad cause you get to chill with more than just one person......
ADIDAS OR NIKE: blah.....no diff to me.....keke^^:D:P both shoe companies exploit kids into working for em......no diff to me at all....as long as i feel comfortable in them...
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: french vanilla and belgium chocolate.....
CAPPUCCINO OR COFFEE: neither, but cappuccino wins by just a bit....
---------------DO YOU---------------
SMOKE: no, not first hand n e ways....second hand smoke everyday....sighs sighs....gonna die of lung cancer....*cries*
CUSS: way tooo often...ain't trying to stop but it doesn't matter....
TAKE A SHOWER EVERYDAY: yes...why the hell not?!?!?
HAVE A CRUSH(ES): not at the present moment....nor do i want to have a crush ever again.....i'd rather start liking someone and never be crushing on someone....
WHO ARE THEY: n/a
DO YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE?: i have been in love.....at least i think i have.....
WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE: hoping to go to uni....not college...
LIKE HIGH SCHOOL: egh......sometimes i like it...sometimes i dun...
WANT TO GET MARRIED: yups
TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: huh??? i type with every finger....i don't chicken peck....
GET MOTION SICKNESS: sometimes when i don't feel tooo great to begin with....
THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE: no, i think i'm ugly and unattractive....but blah.....
THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK: yeah.....look...i carry two bottles of purrel stuff okay?!?!?
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: most times. lately, very well.....very pleased about this actually...
LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: yes.....i love em...
PLAY AN INSTRUMENT: i play the piano and flute....learning to play the clarinet.....can play the trumpet if i tried.....i can only play like a few chords on the guitar.....oh yeah...i can play the harmonica....keke^^:d:P
---------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID/HAVE YOU---------------
DRANK ALCOHOL: nopes....
SMOKE(D): i said no!!! but i do second hand smoke....grrrr
DONE A DRUG: nopes...
HAVE SEX: egh???
MADE OUT: shakes head...
GO ON A DATE: of course...that's what friends are for!!! keke^^:D:P lub em all!
GO TO THE MALL: oh in the past month?!?!? i don't really know....probably have....
BEEN ON STAGE: nopes....
BEEN DUMPED: nopes....
GONE SKATING: hate skating....
MADE HOMEMADE COOKIES: don't bake...even though it's fun
BEEN IN LOVE: this past month? don't htink so
DYED YOUR HAIR: this past month? not really, but i kinda bleached it so that it's a bit lighter than my normal hair colour
STOLEN ANYTHING: in this past month? stolen something?? don't steal....
---------------HAVE YOU EVER---------------
FLOWN ON A PLANE: yeah, how'd you think i got here?!?! by boat?!?! IN YOUR DREAM!!!!
MISSED SCHOOL BECAUSE IT WAS RAINING?: nopes....
TOLD A GUY/GIRL THAT YOU LIKED THEM?: yes i have....only once....and i don't think i ever will again....
CRIED DURING A MOVIE?: i cry all the time...
EVER THOUGHT AN ANIMATED CHARACTER WAS HOT?: oh yes....you wouldn't know how many! yeah i know.....it's pathetic...
HAD AN IMAGINARY FRIEND: egh...yeah.....
CUT YOUR HAIR: like cut my own hair??? i have....
HAD CRUSH ON A TEACHER?: ew!!!! no!!!! i'm not like val....keke^^:D:P
PLAYED A GAME THAT REQUIRED REMOVAL OF CLOTHING: yups....keke^^:D:P never really had to strip though...cause i always win?
BEEN TRASHED OR EXTREMELY INTOXICATED: nopes.....
BEEN CAUGHT "DOING SOMETHING": egh...depends what "doing something" is hinting at.....prolly no or no....
BEEN CALLED A TEASE: called a tease?!?! not that i can remember.....
GOTTEN BEATEN UP?: egh...beaten up??? if a guy dares to hit a girl....then well....they are complete bastards and stupid assholes......and yes...i'd defend myself...i've done it once i can do it again
BEEN IN A FIGHT: yes
SHOPLIFTED: not that i can remember
---------------OPPOSITE SEX---------------
BEST EYE COLOR: light brown or hazelly or greeny....
BEST HAIR COLOR: dyed or not dyed? natural colour.....prolly black or brown...which is like majority of the population.....if unnatural......on a guy aye?!?! dunno....
BEST HEIGHT: someone taller than me.
BEST WEIGHT: someone who ain't unhealthy cause of their weight....
BEST FIRST DATE LOCATION: oh.....egh.....dunno.....dun really care.....
BEST FIRST KISS LOCATION: don't know....just noe i ain't a pda person.....so yeah....
---------------NUMBER OF---------------
NUMBER OF BOYFRIENDS/GIRLFRIENDS YOU'VE HAD: oh wow.....6, only one/two was serious....
NUMBER OF KISSES YOU'VE GIVEN: egh....dunno...
NUMBER OF DRUGS TAKEN ILLEGALLY: none
NUMBER OF PEOPLE I COULD TRUST WITH MY LIFE: dunno.....i can trust many people....but with my life...that's another issue that i ain't sure about....so far......4 that i'm certain for...
NUMBER OF PIERCINGS: none at the present moment, but i'm seriously debating to get my ears peirced....since i can't get a belly ring...so yeah...
NUMBER OF TIMES MY NAME HAS APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPER: my name?!?! like SABINA TSANG?!?! never.....sighs sighs... but i've been in the oakville beaver quite a few times...keke^^:D:P
NUMBER OF SCARS ON MY BODY: self inflicted scars or naturally occuring ones?!?!? 4 self inflicted.....and 3 because i got cut walking through the rose bush round my house....
NUMBER OF THINGS IN MY PAST THAT I REGRET: none, that i regret....because i have accepted that things in the past are things of the past.....
---------------FAVORITES---------------
SHAMPOO: dun have one....as long as it smells good and cleans my hair...
FAV COLOR: to wear...black.....but to look at.....every colour of the rainbow besides puke green and puke brown....
DAY/NIGHT: both
SUMMER/WINTER: neither....fall and spring...
LACE OR SATIN: lace looks pretty...satin feels better on skin...therefore....satin...
FAVE CARTOON CHARACTER: there is none that i'm aware of...
FAVE FOOD: dunno
FAVE MOVIES: egh.....pixar/disney movies i suppose...keke^^:D:P
FAVE SPORT: to play or to watch? to watch....hockey, b-ball.....to play....badminton, volleyball
---------------RIGHT NOW---------------
WEARING: watch, fleece pants, bugleboy girl t, zip up sweater......and of course...undergarments...
DRINKING: hot chocolate
THINKING ABOUT: why things have turned out the way they have.....oh yeah.....finishing my christmas presents......
LISTENING TO: when you believe.....
---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS---------------
CRIED: yes
WORN JEANS: no.....cargos which are not made of denimn and egh...then pj sweat pants...then fleece pants...so therefore no...
MET SOMEONE NEW ONLINE: nopes
DONE LAUNDRY: yes
DROVE A CAR: yes
TALKED ON THE PHONE: yuppers
---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN---------------
YOURSELF: sometimes
YOUR FRIENDS: sometimes
SANTA CLAUS: definately not
TOOTH FAIRY: absolutely not
DESTINY/FATE: yes......'the will of God'
ANGELS: yups
GHOSTS: yes
UFO'S: no
GOD: positively yes
---------------FRIENDS AND LIFE---------------
DO YOU EVER WISH YOU HAD ANOTHER NAME?: another name besides sabina?!?! yes......my chinese name....kekek^^:D:P
DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND?: no, still single for 2 years, 8 months, 1 week, and egh..... i think it's like 20 hours.....
DO YOU LIKE ANYONE?: like as in?!?!?
WHICH ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ACTS THE MOST LIKE YOU?: acts most like me? none...
WHO HAVE YOU KNOWN THE LONGEST OF YOUR FRIENDS?: dunno......knowing someone for amount of time doesn't make them the closest....
ARE YOU CLOSE TO ANY FAMILY MEMBER?: yes and no.....
WHO DO YOU HANG AROUND THE MOST?: it used to be val...but then stupid school messed up that whole thing....now, jo and ray...keke^^:D:P
WHAT'S THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD?: experiences can't be judged solely on emotions because emotions can be misleading
WORST FEELING?: feeling like you've hit rock bottom and have no strength to continue
WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?: tooo lazy to look at the pc clock....
---------------CURRENT---------------
CURRENT MOOD: confused and hopeless...
CURRENT MUSIC: egh??? when you believe....
CURRENT TASTE: cheeseburger and hot chocolate...trust me...ain't a good after taste....
CURRENT HAIR: brown at the roots and black closer to the tips.......nice parted and a bit puffy cause i just washed it....
---------------HAVE YOU EVER OR DO YOU---------------
HAVE A DREAM THAT KEEPS COMING BACK?: not anymore at least
STILL LOVE HIM/HER: still in love with him .....if that implies a certain guy of the past....yes.....sighs sighs. it's sad....but then again...there's much more to love now....i'm just unwilling to let go and continue so i am inlove with the past......it's time to move on....
BELIEVE IT'S POSSIBLE TO REMAIN FAITHFUL FOREVER?: yes it is
CONSIDER YOURSELF TOLERANT OF OTHERS?: no
CONSIDER LOVE A MISTAKE?: never
LIKE THE TASTE OF ALCOHOL?: not beer......
HAVE A FAVORITE CANDY?: shockers....
DO WELL IN SCHOOL?: depends what class. ain't doing too bad now because i'm maintaining a high 80.....sighs sighs...
WEAR HATS?: i'm always in the mood to, but doesn't mean that i will.....
CLOSE FRIENDS?: i have a few....and those that are know who they are....close friends are close friends no matter what because it's a bond that can never be broken. but then to some.....the bond of true friendship can still be broken......sighs...
WISH ON STARS?: i do, but i know they won't come true
LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?: i hate my handwriting. it's sooo kiddish. but the more i look at it...it's becoming more and more like my mother's chicken scratch.....
CARE ABOUT LOOKS?: depends when
---------------LOVE AND STUFF---------------
GAY? STRAIGHT? BI? NULL?: heterosexual
FIRST CRUSH: oh....i know this one......a guy named simon....and that was when i was like very very very young....keke^^:D:P
EVER BEEN IN A THING CALLED LOVE?: i've already answered this q....and the answer is yes!!!!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?: no....love at first sight is lust to certain degree....but that is only when you like that someone just according to looks and not personality
DO YOU BELIEVE IN "THE ONE?": most certainly do....
---------------ARE YOU A---------------
WUSS: depends when and where......depends what you call me a wuss for really....if you call me a wuss because i don't want to do some criminal offense...then go ahead....
DRUGGY: no, not really....
DAYDREAMER: absolutely, positively yes!!!!
FREAK: i may be a freak to others because some people just won't ever understand me.
DORK: hm....what's that supposed to mean??? everyone's a bit dorkish sometimes.....
BRAT: a totally big one.....but i really try to repress that side of me...
SARCASTIC: don't know....sometimes...
SHY: hell yes
TALKATIVE: depends with who and how i'm feeling
ADVENTUROUS: depends what people want to do and what i'm feeling up for
JOKER: depends on my mood and who i'm with...
---------------LAST---------------
LAST BOOK YOU READ: still reading a book....and it's called egh.....don't remember......
LAST MOVIE YOU SAW: egh....ballistic....
LAST THING YOU HAD TO DRINK: hot chocolate
LAST TIME YOU SHOWERED: this morning at 8
LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE: oh i know....jacky!!!!
YOUR HERITAGE: Cantonese
THE SHOES YOU WORE TODAY: today? egh...haven't worn shoes yet...so yeah....prolly gonna wear plats...
YOUR EYES: very very dark brown sooo dark that they can sometimes look black.....=.=
YOUR WEAKNESS: tooo many tooo list....
YOUR FEARS: tooo many to list.....but mainly loneliness
ONE THING YOU'D LIKE TO ACHIEVE: dunno....nothing at the present moment. nothing is worth my effort or time right now.
---------------WHAT IS---------------
YOUR THOUGHTS FIRST WAKING UP: oh shit...what a fricking horrible dream!!!!
THE FIRST FEATURE YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX: egh....i don't know....normally i don't really check anyone else......egh.....i suppose i'll look at their face and then sniff i suppose....keke^^:D:P
YOUR BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: dunno, don't care....i'm ugly....*booo whooo*
YOUR BEDTIME: egh...whenever i feel like i'm tired and need rest....
YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT: don't know.....no accomplishment is really done because of all my own efforts.....
YOUR MOST MISSED MEMORY: my most missed memory?!?!? *sighs*
---------------YOU PREFER---------------
PEPSI OR COKE: must say pepsi...or i'll get shot!!! well but i don't really like pepsi or coke...but oh wellz....
MCDONALD'S OR BURGER KING: mcdonalds.....but then burger king has better lil sides....
SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: i like being on single dates mostly....but then group dates aren't that bad cause you get to chill with more than just one person......
ADIDAS OR NIKE: blah.....no diff to me.....keke^^:D:P both shoe companies exploit kids into working for em......no diff to me at all....as long as i feel comfortable in them...
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: french vanilla and belgium chocolate.....
CAPPUCCINO OR COFFEE: neither, but cappuccino wins by just a bit....
---------------DO YOU---------------
SMOKE: no, not first hand n e ways....second hand smoke everyday....sighs sighs....gonna die of lung cancer....*cries*
CUSS: way tooo often...ain't trying to stop but it doesn't matter....
TAKE A SHOWER EVERYDAY: yes...why the hell not?!?!?
HAVE A CRUSH(ES): not at the present moment....nor do i want to have a crush ever again.....i'd rather start liking someone and never be crushing on someone....
WHO ARE THEY: n/a
DO YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE?: i have been in love.....at least i think i have.....
WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE: hoping to go to uni....not college...
LIKE HIGH SCHOOL: egh......sometimes i like it...sometimes i dun...
WANT TO GET MARRIED: yups
TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: huh??? i type with every finger....i don't chicken peck....
GET MOTION SICKNESS: sometimes when i don't feel tooo great to begin with....
THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE: no, i think i'm ugly and unattractive....but blah.....
THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK: yeah.....look...i carry two bottles of purrel stuff okay?!?!?
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: most times. lately, very well.....very pleased about this actually...
LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: yes.....i love em...
PLAY AN INSTRUMENT: i play the piano and flute....learning to play the clarinet.....can play the trumpet if i tried.....i can only play like a few chords on the guitar.....oh yeah...i can play the harmonica....keke^^:d:P
---------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID/HAVE YOU---------------
DRANK ALCOHOL: nopes....
SMOKE(D): i said no!!! but i do second hand smoke....grrrr
DONE A DRUG: nopes...
HAVE SEX: egh???
MADE OUT: shakes head...
GO ON A DATE: of course...that's what friends are for!!! keke^^:D:P lub em all!
GO TO THE MALL: oh in the past month?!?!? i don't really know....probably have....
BEEN ON STAGE: nopes....
BEEN DUMPED: nopes....
GONE SKATING: hate skating....
MADE HOMEMADE COOKIES: don't bake...even though it's fun
BEEN IN LOVE: this past month? don't htink so
DYED YOUR HAIR: this past month? not really, but i kinda bleached it so that it's a bit lighter than my normal hair colour
STOLEN ANYTHING: in this past month? stolen something?? don't steal....
---------------HAVE YOU EVER---------------
FLOWN ON A PLANE: yeah, how'd you think i got here?!?! by boat?!?! IN YOUR DREAM!!!!
MISSED SCHOOL BECAUSE IT WAS RAINING?: nopes....
TOLD A GUY/GIRL THAT YOU LIKED THEM?: yes i have....only once....and i don't think i ever will again....
CRIED DURING A MOVIE?: i cry all the time...
EVER THOUGHT AN ANIMATED CHARACTER WAS HOT?: oh yes....you wouldn't know how many! yeah i know.....it's pathetic...
HAD AN IMAGINARY FRIEND: egh...yeah.....
CUT YOUR HAIR: like cut my own hair??? i have....
HAD CRUSH ON A TEACHER?: ew!!!! no!!!! i'm not like val....keke^^:D:P
PLAYED A GAME THAT REQUIRED REMOVAL OF CLOTHING: yups....keke^^:D:P never really had to strip though...cause i always win?
BEEN TRASHED OR EXTREMELY INTOXICATED: nopes.....
BEEN CAUGHT "DOING SOMETHING": egh...depends what "doing something" is hinting at.....prolly no or no....
BEEN CALLED A TEASE: called a tease?!?! not that i can remember.....
GOTTEN BEATEN UP?: egh...beaten up??? if a guy dares to hit a girl....then well....they are complete bastards and stupid assholes......and yes...i'd defend myself...i've done it once i can do it again
BEEN IN A FIGHT: yes
SHOPLIFTED: not that i can remember
---------------OPPOSITE SEX---------------
BEST EYE COLOR: light brown or hazelly or greeny....
BEST HAIR COLOR: dyed or not dyed? natural colour.....prolly black or brown...which is like majority of the population.....if unnatural......on a guy aye?!?! dunno....
BEST HEIGHT: someone taller than me.
BEST WEIGHT: someone who ain't unhealthy cause of their weight....
BEST FIRST DATE LOCATION: oh.....egh.....dunno.....dun really care.....
BEST FIRST KISS LOCATION: don't know....just noe i ain't a pda person.....so yeah....
---------------NUMBER OF---------------
NUMBER OF BOYFRIENDS/GIRLFRIENDS YOU'VE HAD: oh wow.....6, only one/two was serious....
NUMBER OF KISSES YOU'VE GIVEN: egh....dunno...
NUMBER OF DRUGS TAKEN ILLEGALLY: none
NUMBER OF PEOPLE I COULD TRUST WITH MY LIFE: dunno.....i can trust many people....but with my life...that's another issue that i ain't sure about....so far......4 that i'm certain for...
NUMBER OF PIERCINGS: none at the present moment, but i'm seriously debating to get my ears peirced....since i can't get a belly ring...so yeah...
NUMBER OF TIMES MY NAME HAS APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPER: my name?!?! like SABINA TSANG?!?! never.....sighs sighs... but i've been in the oakville beaver quite a few times...keke^^:D:P
NUMBER OF SCARS ON MY BODY: self inflicted scars or naturally occuring ones?!?!? 4 self inflicted.....and 3 because i got cut walking through the rose bush round my house....
NUMBER OF THINGS IN MY PAST THAT I REGRET: none, that i regret....because i have accepted that things in the past are things of the past.....
---------------FAVORITES---------------
SHAMPOO: dun have one....as long as it smells good and cleans my hair...
FAV COLOR: to wear...black.....but to look at.....every colour of the rainbow besides puke green and puke brown....
DAY/NIGHT: both
SUMMER/WINTER: neither....fall and spring...
LACE OR SATIN: lace looks pretty...satin feels better on skin...therefore....satin...
FAVE CARTOON CHARACTER: there is none that i'm aware of...
FAVE FOOD: dunno
FAVE MOVIES: egh.....pixar/disney movies i suppose...keke^^:D:P
FAVE SPORT: to play or to watch? to watch....hockey, b-ball.....to play....badminton, volleyball
---------------RIGHT NOW---------------
WEARING: watch, fleece pants, bugleboy girl t, zip up sweater......and of course...undergarments...
DRINKING: hot chocolate
THINKING ABOUT: why things have turned out the way they have.....oh yeah.....finishing my christmas presents......
LISTENING TO: when you believe.....
---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS---------------
CRIED: yes
WORN JEANS: no.....cargos which are not made of denimn and egh...then pj sweat pants...then fleece pants...so therefore no...
MET SOMEONE NEW ONLINE: nopes
DONE LAUNDRY: yes
DROVE A CAR: yes
TALKED ON THE PHONE: yuppers
---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN---------------
YOURSELF: sometimes
YOUR FRIENDS: sometimes
SANTA CLAUS: definately not
TOOTH FAIRY: absolutely not
DESTINY/FATE: yes......'the will of God'
ANGELS: yups
GHOSTS: yes
UFO'S: no
GOD: positively yes
---------------FRIENDS AND LIFE---------------
DO YOU EVER WISH YOU HAD ANOTHER NAME?: another name besides sabina?!?! yes......my chinese name....kekek^^:D:P
DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND?: no, still single for 2 years, 8 months, 1 week, and egh..... i think it's like 20 hours.....
DO YOU LIKE ANYONE?: like as in?!?!?
WHICH ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ACTS THE MOST LIKE YOU?: acts most like me? none...
WHO HAVE YOU KNOWN THE LONGEST OF YOUR FRIENDS?: dunno......knowing someone for amount of time doesn't make them the closest....
ARE YOU CLOSE TO ANY FAMILY MEMBER?: yes and no.....
WHO DO YOU HANG AROUND THE MOST?: it used to be val...but then stupid school messed up that whole thing....now, jo and ray...keke^^:D:P
WHAT'S THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD?: experiences can't be judged solely on emotions because emotions can be misleading
WORST FEELING?: feeling like you've hit rock bottom and have no strength to continue
WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?: tooo lazy to look at the pc clock....
---------------CURRENT---------------
CURRENT MOOD: confused and hopeless...
CURRENT MUSIC: egh??? when you believe....
CURRENT TASTE: cheeseburger and hot chocolate...trust me...ain't a good after taste....
CURRENT HAIR: brown at the roots and black closer to the tips.......nice parted and a bit puffy cause i just washed it....
---------------HAVE YOU EVER OR DO YOU---------------
HAVE A DREAM THAT KEEPS COMING BACK?: not anymore at least
STILL LOVE HIM/HER: still in love with him .....if that implies a certain guy of the past....yes.....sighs sighs. it's sad....but then again...there's much more to love now....i'm just unwilling to let go and continue so i am inlove with the past......it's time to move on....
BELIEVE IT'S POSSIBLE TO REMAIN FAITHFUL FOREVER?: yes it is
CONSIDER YOURSELF TOLERANT OF OTHERS?: no
CONSIDER LOVE A MISTAKE?: never
LIKE THE TASTE OF ALCOHOL?: not beer......
HAVE A FAVORITE CANDY?: shockers....
DO WELL IN SCHOOL?: depends what class. ain't doing too bad now because i'm maintaining a high 80.....sighs sighs...
WEAR HATS?: i'm always in the mood to, but doesn't mean that i will.....
CLOSE FRIENDS?: i have a few....and those that are know who they are....close friends are close friends no matter what because it's a bond that can never be broken. but then to some.....the bond of true friendship can still be broken......sighs...
WISH ON STARS?: i do, but i know they won't come true
LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?: i hate my handwriting. it's sooo kiddish. but the more i look at it...it's becoming more and more like my mother's chicken scratch.....
CARE ABOUT LOOKS?: depends when
---------------LOVE AND STUFF---------------
GAY? STRAIGHT? BI? NULL?: heterosexual
FIRST CRUSH: oh....i know this one......a guy named simon....and that was when i was like very very very young....keke^^:D:P
EVER BEEN IN A THING CALLED LOVE?: i've already answered this q....and the answer is yes!!!!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?: no....love at first sight is lust to certain degree....but that is only when you like that someone just according to looks and not personality
DO YOU BELIEVE IN "THE ONE?": most certainly do....
---------------ARE YOU A---------------
WUSS: depends when and where......depends what you call me a wuss for really....if you call me a wuss because i don't want to do some criminal offense...then go ahead....
DRUGGY: no, not really....
DAYDREAMER: absolutely, positively yes!!!!
FREAK: i may be a freak to others because some people just won't ever understand me.
DORK: hm....what's that supposed to mean??? everyone's a bit dorkish sometimes.....
BRAT: a totally big one.....but i really try to repress that side of me...
SARCASTIC: don't know....sometimes...
SHY: hell yes
TALKATIVE: depends with who and how i'm feeling
ADVENTUROUS: depends what people want to do and what i'm feeling up for
JOKER: depends on my mood and who i'm with...
---------------LAST---------------
LAST BOOK YOU READ: still reading a book....and it's called egh.....don't remember......
LAST MOVIE YOU SAW: egh....ballistic....
LAST THING YOU HAD TO DRINK: hot chocolate
LAST TIME YOU SHOWERED: this morning at 8
LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE: oh i know....jacky!!!!
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Mr. Right
there is never such a person as mr. perfect, but there is such a person as mr. right. we must not categorize the mr. right in our life to be a mr. perfect. there is no such thing as the perfect being. there was, but at that time HE was scorned by the people HE loved so much. but let's not go there.
well n e whoo....the mr. right will never be mr. perfect. i mean, mr. perfect in the sense as the perfect person anyways. mr. right will still be wrong some times. mr. right will still make mistakes. mr. right is not inhuman.
mr right is a person who seems most human to you in some ideas. mr. right is about the bond of love you two share. if the person seems to be mr. right to you, you should seem to be there to be mrs. right.
your mr. right should still make mistake. what makes that person become your mr. right is that you see that they aren't always perfect and you love each and every part of them even when they make mistakes. mr right will never be mr. wrong, even though at times you question whether or not you two were meant to be because of problems. but it comes down to the basis of any relationship. relationships are based on a two way communication thing. nothing will start and nothing will end if there is no communication, you simply just fade.....fading is not the same thing as ending. ending is definate, fading is not.
well anywhoo......mr. right is only the treasure of another person's trash. everyone's different and there is no such thing as a mr. right for everyone. some people due to certain circumstances are meant to be the way they are. they are simply content just being. you can't force something on anyone, it must be the person's choice or it would just not work
well n e whoo....the mr. right will never be mr. perfect. i mean, mr. perfect in the sense as the perfect person anyways. mr. right will still be wrong some times. mr. right will still make mistakes. mr. right is not inhuman.
mr right is a person who seems most human to you in some ideas. mr. right is about the bond of love you two share. if the person seems to be mr. right to you, you should seem to be there to be mrs. right.
your mr. right should still make mistake. what makes that person become your mr. right is that you see that they aren't always perfect and you love each and every part of them even when they make mistakes. mr right will never be mr. wrong, even though at times you question whether or not you two were meant to be because of problems. but it comes down to the basis of any relationship. relationships are based on a two way communication thing. nothing will start and nothing will end if there is no communication, you simply just fade.....fading is not the same thing as ending. ending is definate, fading is not.
well anywhoo......mr. right is only the treasure of another person's trash. everyone's different and there is no such thing as a mr. right for everyone. some people due to certain circumstances are meant to be the way they are. they are simply content just being. you can't force something on anyone, it must be the person's choice or it would just not work
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
oh yeah
yeah yeah!!!! keke^^:D:P well yeah....i'm a loser. keke^^:D:P i like old song like that! :D:P yupz yupz.
oh wellz....so i see...the song is egh....i will take care of you aye?!?!? keke^^:D:P now....i'll just need to d/l it....or get someone else to do it for me...keke^^:D:P so yeah....:D:P
sooo tire....keke^^:D:P
gonna sleep soon....XD so yeah...
oh wellz....so i see...the song is egh....i will take care of you aye?!?!? keke^^:D:P now....i'll just need to d/l it....or get someone else to do it for me...keke^^:D:P so yeah....:D:P
sooo tire....keke^^:D:P
gonna sleep soon....XD so yeah...
waiting
patience is the key to everything.
maybe we all want something, but it's just not the right timing.
i mean, you meet a person that is perfect and is the mr. right for you, but you two met at the wrong time.
a negative plus a positive is still a negative. so therefore.....mr.right has still become mr. wrong.
wait for the perfect timing, we must not urge or have urges.
giving up everything for something that wouldn't last just isn't worth it. it's always better to figure things out earlier before everything goes out of hand.
all scars are permanent, but they may not always been seen.
heartaches and sorrows are ever present and they will present themselves sooner or later. but what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger. some people becoming stronger by turning to evil....and some....become stronger by going in the direction of what is right. but....the ends never justify the means. so yeah.
don't know what i'm trying to say......
we should not worry for tomorrow because today isn't over yet.
maybe we all want something, but it's just not the right timing.
i mean, you meet a person that is perfect and is the mr. right for you, but you two met at the wrong time.
a negative plus a positive is still a negative. so therefore.....mr.right has still become mr. wrong.
wait for the perfect timing, we must not urge or have urges.
giving up everything for something that wouldn't last just isn't worth it. it's always better to figure things out earlier before everything goes out of hand.
all scars are permanent, but they may not always been seen.
heartaches and sorrows are ever present and they will present themselves sooner or later. but what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger. some people becoming stronger by turning to evil....and some....become stronger by going in the direction of what is right. but....the ends never justify the means. so yeah.
don't know what i'm trying to say......
we should not worry for tomorrow because today isn't over yet.
aw....sooo cute...
well.....i just found part of my birthday present. it was sooo cute!!! i mean, i read it and put it in some book for sucha long time......and then...well i opened the book...and there it was....a cute lil bookmark. keke^^:D:P
yupz yupz....it has like two whales on it..keke^^:D:P
and it says forever friends.
if we were a magazine, the middle pages in it would be filled with our story.
these stories are filled with all the happiness, sorrows ect.
keke^^:D:P sooo cute......yeah...the thing was in like in chinese.....i don't really know how to translate it word for word this time...keke^^:D:P yupz yupz.
dunno....just thought like sharing. it was actually really cute.
well i had gone out....and well jean had some uni thingy. well basically uncle jack and ann drove all the way just to drop off my birthday present. keke^^:D:P it was sooo cute. and then jean asks why i called them that day and didn't even remind them that it was my birthday. keke^^:D:P don't think she forgot, she just had more on her mind with uni stuff and so on. so i never really got mad at that comment, even though if it were someone else...i would have been rather mad. but then everyone has other things going on in their lives.
yupz yupz.....well gots two books to read....already missed like 1 week out of the three that you can take out a book for.....=.= *bites lips*
hm......well......one of these days, i'll find you.....my mr. perfect is out there. but hey.....maybe i won't haveta look cause well....there's no need to rush anything, it's not like i'm gonna die the next second (even though that fact is rather debatable cause we never really know the plans of GOD). keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. well on to sleeping again.....
sooo sick.....evil......grrrr.....stupid stupid....grrrr...
yupz yupz....it has like two whales on it..keke^^:D:P
and it says forever friends.
if we were a magazine, the middle pages in it would be filled with our story.
these stories are filled with all the happiness, sorrows ect.
keke^^:D:P sooo cute......yeah...the thing was in like in chinese.....i don't really know how to translate it word for word this time...keke^^:D:P yupz yupz.
dunno....just thought like sharing. it was actually really cute.
well i had gone out....and well jean had some uni thingy. well basically uncle jack and ann drove all the way just to drop off my birthday present. keke^^:D:P it was sooo cute. and then jean asks why i called them that day and didn't even remind them that it was my birthday. keke^^:D:P don't think she forgot, she just had more on her mind with uni stuff and so on. so i never really got mad at that comment, even though if it were someone else...i would have been rather mad. but then everyone has other things going on in their lives.
yupz yupz.....well gots two books to read....already missed like 1 week out of the three that you can take out a book for.....=.= *bites lips*
hm......well......one of these days, i'll find you.....my mr. perfect is out there. but hey.....maybe i won't haveta look cause well....there's no need to rush anything, it's not like i'm gonna die the next second (even though that fact is rather debatable cause we never really know the plans of GOD). keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. well on to sleeping again.....
sooo sick.....evil......grrrr.....stupid stupid....grrrr...
just hadda put it on...
okie....i stole this from cat's pagie...keke^^:D:P it's sucha great laugh!!! yupz yupz....
AUDI : Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
BMW : Brings Me Women but Broke My Wallet
FIAT : Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
FORD : Fast Only Rolling Downhill
HYUNDAI : Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable and Inexpensive
SAAB : Shape Appears Ass-Backwards
SUBARU : Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
VOLVO : Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
PORSCHE : Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
yo yo.....my favourite three.....hyundai, ford, and porsche.....keke^^:D:P
well yupz yupz....just sooo funnay ar!!! do you agree?!?!
AUDI : Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
BMW : Brings Me Women but Broke My Wallet
FIAT : Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
FORD : Fast Only Rolling Downhill
HYUNDAI : Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable and Inexpensive
SAAB : Shape Appears Ass-Backwards
SUBARU : Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
VOLVO : Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
PORSCHE : Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
yo yo.....my favourite three.....hyundai, ford, and porsche.....keke^^:D:P
well yupz yupz....just sooo funnay ar!!! do you agree?!?!
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
When You Believe
Many nights we pray
With no proof anyone could hear
And our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understoodNow we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains longBefore we know we could
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
And now I am standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking wordsI never thought I'd say
There can be miracles
When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe
They don't always happen when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fear
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way safe through the rain
Thought of a still resilient voice
Says love is very near
There can be miracles (miracles)
When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe
Somehow you will, Now you will
You will when you believe
You will when you believe
You will when you believe
Just believe
You will when you believe
love is a choice
hm.....i don't know how much this can make sense to n e one. i mean.....by saying love is a choice...it's basically saying that it's either out of logical perspective or not. but by saying love is a choice, you can either agree with it or disagree with it. i mean.....saying that love is a choice...there are many rationales for it....but if you don't want to listen or understand, you never will understand and comprehend.
in life, to me...everything is a choice. and to me, love will be like everything else man has made life to become. one may think that i'm referring love only in the sense of romance, but that's not what i'm taking about. i'm talking about it in one general sense. remember...to me....love is love no matter what. one very general statement of something that seems way tooo complexed. but men like to complicate things in order to simply it.....yeah, just look at chemistry.....it could be sooo easy if scientist stopped using big terms, big notations, and terms only other scientists would understand.
not justifying n e thing....just read some person's entry of the past...and i ain't too sure if they took my thought too literally or not. but meh....people tend to do that...heck...i do. so yeah. :P
well n e whoo.....love is very simple. you either love or you don't. it's simply the same thing as either you do or you don't. nothing will kill you to love, and nothing will kill you to not love. simply it's a choice that you decide. plus....everything to me relates back to love one way or another. so yeah.....love is important.
many people cast love aside thinking only about in the sense of romance, but they don't see that they become negative in every aspect concerning romantic relationships. you become hostile in one way or another.....you just don't notice it....but many people will notice that you've changed...but it's normally not for the bad nor the good...you just changed...like a maturing type of change....
wow.....i can't explain what the hell i'm trying to say like this...my thoughts jump from one end to the other.....blah.....
i'm not good at explaining things that are important to me. i've never been good at explaining myself. i've never really found a need for it......but then again...maybe that mentality comes because i'm the youngest in my family with the least responsibilities only because i'm a lazy ass that chooses to do nothing....sighs sighs.
well n e whoo...signing off....wrote tooo many entries today....=.=
in life, to me...everything is a choice. and to me, love will be like everything else man has made life to become. one may think that i'm referring love only in the sense of romance, but that's not what i'm taking about. i'm talking about it in one general sense. remember...to me....love is love no matter what. one very general statement of something that seems way tooo complexed. but men like to complicate things in order to simply it.....yeah, just look at chemistry.....it could be sooo easy if scientist stopped using big terms, big notations, and terms only other scientists would understand.
not justifying n e thing....just read some person's entry of the past...and i ain't too sure if they took my thought too literally or not. but meh....people tend to do that...heck...i do. so yeah. :P
well n e whoo.....love is very simple. you either love or you don't. it's simply the same thing as either you do or you don't. nothing will kill you to love, and nothing will kill you to not love. simply it's a choice that you decide. plus....everything to me relates back to love one way or another. so yeah.....love is important.
many people cast love aside thinking only about in the sense of romance, but they don't see that they become negative in every aspect concerning romantic relationships. you become hostile in one way or another.....you just don't notice it....but many people will notice that you've changed...but it's normally not for the bad nor the good...you just changed...like a maturing type of change....
wow.....i can't explain what the hell i'm trying to say like this...my thoughts jump from one end to the other.....blah.....
i'm not good at explaining things that are important to me. i've never been good at explaining myself. i've never really found a need for it......but then again...maybe that mentality comes because i'm the youngest in my family with the least responsibilities only because i'm a lazy ass that chooses to do nothing....sighs sighs.
well n e whoo...signing off....wrote tooo many entries today....=.=
bbting...
holy crap....jo is addicted to bbt. or well she calls herself spontaneous. keke^^:D:P she's a spur of the moment kind a gal. keke^^:D:P
well n e whoo.... this was my day
okie...
first period....was supposed to be a spare...didn't happen....went to school to study and blog some more and do hmwk. oh how great of a way to use my time wisely...=.= grrr....
second period...calculus....oh yippee...my fave teacher, but my most dreaded course of this semester. but really....i still like the course...i just don't like it as much as i do other courses. keke^^:D:P
third period.....diversity.....ewww...did jack all. yeah....we watched the wedding singer. holy crap....that would be like the 5th time i've watched that movie aye?!?! totally boring now...and it's just not funny. bleh.....plus....i don't really laugh at funny movies.....but i do get scared while watching horror flicks. so yeah
fourth period...lunch...how yummy aye?!?! went to br for lunch.....all the way from oakville to sauga in egh....less than 40 mins there and back. impressive ma?!?! keke^^:D:P well it's not as good as val of course cause she got us back from erin mills in like ehg...9 or was it 11 mins, or was it even less than that?!?! keke^^:D:P yup yup. but fun n e ways.
fifth period.....sighs....should have studied more. failed that test. would be happy to get a 70....but i know i only have a 60. i haven't really tried really hard for that course......i should try harder. grrrr on me....shame shame shame. this is kinda one of my dreaded courses too......only because of the teacher...not because of the course. the teacher scares me even though she is a very nice lady i'm sure. i just don't get jokes...and most times....i take jokes to heart....and i'll be offended. so yeah....
after school....well went to sobeys and stocked up on like pepsi cause of val....man...that pepsi fiend known as the pepsi queen.....sighs.....sooo bad for health...but oh wellz....
out of all the asian's i know...i'm like the heaviest and fattest and broadest of them all. sighs sighs. oh wellz....it's alrights....i have spare tom.....so i think i'm gonna tell my mommy to pick me up and drop me off at the gym. really don't feel like going at night. tooo many people....
well n e whoo.... this was my day
okie...
first period....was supposed to be a spare...didn't happen....went to school to study and blog some more and do hmwk. oh how great of a way to use my time wisely...=.= grrr....
second period...calculus....oh yippee...my fave teacher, but my most dreaded course of this semester. but really....i still like the course...i just don't like it as much as i do other courses. keke^^:D:P
third period.....diversity.....ewww...did jack all. yeah....we watched the wedding singer. holy crap....that would be like the 5th time i've watched that movie aye?!?! totally boring now...and it's just not funny. bleh.....plus....i don't really laugh at funny movies.....but i do get scared while watching horror flicks. so yeah
fourth period...lunch...how yummy aye?!?! went to br for lunch.....all the way from oakville to sauga in egh....less than 40 mins there and back. impressive ma?!?! keke^^:D:P well it's not as good as val of course cause she got us back from erin mills in like ehg...9 or was it 11 mins, or was it even less than that?!?! keke^^:D:P yup yup. but fun n e ways.
fifth period.....sighs....should have studied more. failed that test. would be happy to get a 70....but i know i only have a 60. i haven't really tried really hard for that course......i should try harder. grrrr on me....shame shame shame. this is kinda one of my dreaded courses too......only because of the teacher...not because of the course. the teacher scares me even though she is a very nice lady i'm sure. i just don't get jokes...and most times....i take jokes to heart....and i'll be offended. so yeah....
after school....well went to sobeys and stocked up on like pepsi cause of val....man...that pepsi fiend known as the pepsi queen.....sighs.....sooo bad for health...but oh wellz....
out of all the asian's i know...i'm like the heaviest and fattest and broadest of them all. sighs sighs. oh wellz....it's alrights....i have spare tom.....so i think i'm gonna tell my mommy to pick me up and drop me off at the gym. really don't feel like going at night. tooo many people....
blogging
wow.....i write alot of stuff on here aye?
i'm trying to keep this one just for today's events and happy thoughts. no need to put more unhappy thoughts in here. i already have tooo many....trying to start fresh. won't work because i know i'm gonna fail at that....but then again.....i could really care less....
blah......i started this blog like quite a long long time ago actually. rather sad.
oh yeah....did you know that people that like to wear black are normally those people that feel that they ahve something to hide? some people may totally disagree with that.....but it's like saying you are what you eat......it's almost the same thing....you are what you wear.
but then again......meh.....not all surveys and stats are correct. meh.
i love to wear black...but then again.....i used to love to wear happy colours too....just "gun pai" all i feel like wearing are dark colours so i just won't be seen and i can hide in the corner..... among the shadows....
i'm trying to keep this one just for today's events and happy thoughts. no need to put more unhappy thoughts in here. i already have tooo many....trying to start fresh. won't work because i know i'm gonna fail at that....but then again.....i could really care less....
blah......i started this blog like quite a long long time ago actually. rather sad.
oh yeah....did you know that people that like to wear black are normally those people that feel that they ahve something to hide? some people may totally disagree with that.....but it's like saying you are what you eat......it's almost the same thing....you are what you wear.
but then again......meh.....not all surveys and stats are correct. meh.
i love to wear black...but then again.....i used to love to wear happy colours too....just "gun pai" all i feel like wearing are dark colours so i just won't be seen and i can hide in the corner..... among the shadows....
bbt
holy shit....i've created a bbt fiend!!!!
yupz yupz. i got jo totally addicted to bbt now!
hey cat.....i tried your oreo black milk tea......keke^^:d:P it's yum yum good!!! keke^^:D:P i think i have a new favourite to add to my collection....so far, the count is three....>.<
green apple green tea with green apple jelly
taro milk tea with tapioca bubbles
orea black milk tea
keke^^:D:P
oh my goodness.....jo told me to work at br cause they're hiring....keke^^:D:P sooooo ain't gonna happen. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. so yeah.....i may love bbt......but i don't really love all the people that go to br. so yeah....you get the pic.
from now on.....i'm trying to post happy thoughts on this pagie......unless i really want someone to know something like total honesty. i don't know......i have separate pages for my thoughts....
plus, i spend most of my time typing away on my blog n e ways. yeah...what happened to the not daily updates i ask myself? blah....that only lasted about like 3 days if n e. keke^^:D:P >.< man.....i suck.....oh wellz....keke^^:D:P
yupz yupz. i got jo totally addicted to bbt now!
hey cat.....i tried your oreo black milk tea......keke^^:d:P it's yum yum good!!! keke^^:D:P i think i have a new favourite to add to my collection....so far, the count is three....>.<
green apple green tea with green apple jelly
taro milk tea with tapioca bubbles
orea black milk tea
keke^^:D:P
oh my goodness.....jo told me to work at br cause they're hiring....keke^^:D:P sooooo ain't gonna happen. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. so yeah.....i may love bbt......but i don't really love all the people that go to br. so yeah....you get the pic.
from now on.....i'm trying to post happy thoughts on this pagie......unless i really want someone to know something like total honesty. i don't know......i have separate pages for my thoughts....
plus, i spend most of my time typing away on my blog n e ways. yeah...what happened to the not daily updates i ask myself? blah....that only lasted about like 3 days if n e. keke^^:D:P >.< man.....i suck.....oh wellz....keke^^:D:P
my one true beloved blogging system
keke^^:D:P well i suppose i'll give a suggestion to the people who maintain blogger to add a function on privacy i suppose. i mean, i'm too lazy to update on all three of my on-line internet thingies. i mean, i may type alot on this one blog cause it's my favourite and orignal one of them all. but meh no. i may not be completely satisfied with this one, but then again, there's always room to grow and show improvement. keke^^:D:P
well back the to issue of love, well you see, i don't know, these days, i see people view love as such a difficult thing. everyone says that there are different types of love....yes i know, even the greek philosophers said so. but i mean, i disagree.....love is love no matter what. no matter if it's friendship love, romantic love or what not......love is love. no matter what "type" of love your relationship is.....the characterstics of love are still all the same. it makes no difference what type of love it is.....but then again, that's just me and my bubble just hasn't popped yet i suppose.
well n e whoo....should be going back to doing my hmwk....so yeah...how fun aye?!?! woke up early because my mommy couldn't drive me to school....but then again, i shouldn't be mad....and i'm actually glad and happy that i aint. i may have been a bit annoyed about waking up earlier than i had to in order to go on the bus, but all in all....i would have still woke up at the same time n e ways. the reason being.....i still have hmwk to do.
blah.....tutoring today. how fun aye? well yipidee dooo daaaaa day to me too...keke^^:D:P >.< oh wellz. awfully tired......think i'll take a break and then go back to hmwk....and this is my break.
crap.....see....i'm one of those people that sign up for everything.....isn't this just sad? i mean....i have multiple email accounts that i have even lost track of......the last time i checked....i had like egh.....bleh.....12 accounts on different survers....and now, i only like check about 6 of those...keke^^:D:P
university info username pin number thingies have been coming in. sighs....i don't know which uni's i wanna go to.
well....here are the choices i haveta pic....
mac: known for medicince.......=.=
guelph: known for agriculture and animal sciences...=.=
and....so far....i don't have a clue what i want as my last choice to be.....i mean.....i want to stay close enough to home that i can come home n e which weekend i choose.
waterloo?!?! yeah......if i did choose that uni,.....it be one of the steepest in the budget......queens would be nice....but holy crap...have you looked at the amount you'd haveta be paying? i would be in debt after all that....plus....i could buy a really nice house if i spent all that money besides education......
if i go to guelph, the funds i have in my university investment, i can last two years.....in any other uni......i either last one year....or just one semester....so yeah.....and if i went to queens......the amount will only be like 1/5 of it......well maybe more like 1/4....but still....=.=
well back the to issue of love, well you see, i don't know, these days, i see people view love as such a difficult thing. everyone says that there are different types of love....yes i know, even the greek philosophers said so. but i mean, i disagree.....love is love no matter what. no matter if it's friendship love, romantic love or what not......love is love. no matter what "type" of love your relationship is.....the characterstics of love are still all the same. it makes no difference what type of love it is.....but then again, that's just me and my bubble just hasn't popped yet i suppose.
well n e whoo....should be going back to doing my hmwk....so yeah...how fun aye?!?! woke up early because my mommy couldn't drive me to school....but then again, i shouldn't be mad....and i'm actually glad and happy that i aint. i may have been a bit annoyed about waking up earlier than i had to in order to go on the bus, but all in all....i would have still woke up at the same time n e ways. the reason being.....i still have hmwk to do.
blah.....tutoring today. how fun aye? well yipidee dooo daaaaa day to me too...keke^^:D:P >.< oh wellz. awfully tired......think i'll take a break and then go back to hmwk....and this is my break.
crap.....see....i'm one of those people that sign up for everything.....isn't this just sad? i mean....i have multiple email accounts that i have even lost track of......the last time i checked....i had like egh.....bleh.....12 accounts on different survers....and now, i only like check about 6 of those...keke^^:D:P
university info username pin number thingies have been coming in. sighs....i don't know which uni's i wanna go to.
well....here are the choices i haveta pic....
mac: known for medicince.......=.=
guelph: known for agriculture and animal sciences...=.=
and....so far....i don't have a clue what i want as my last choice to be.....i mean.....i want to stay close enough to home that i can come home n e which weekend i choose.
waterloo?!?! yeah......if i did choose that uni,.....it be one of the steepest in the budget......queens would be nice....but holy crap...have you looked at the amount you'd haveta be paying? i would be in debt after all that....plus....i could buy a really nice house if i spent all that money besides education......
if i go to guelph, the funds i have in my university investment, i can last two years.....in any other uni......i either last one year....or just one semester....so yeah.....and if i went to queens......the amount will only be like 1/5 of it......well maybe more like 1/4....but still....=.=
Monday, October 25, 2004
my beloved blog
yups....i have signed up for sooo many journals before. i've signed up for livejournal and xanga......and i still think that blogger is one of the best. i mean the tags to for fixing up a background layout may be like funky and messed up, but you know what? the posting part looks soo much better. i'm just bias to blogger i suppose cause it's my first internet journal so it's my first love i suppose. keke^^:D:P
i mean, livejournal is good for originality.....and blogger is just good for like simply posting.....xanga......i think it's because it's easy to stick features....
but me no noe. keke^^:D:P still stick with my blog. livejournal was an account i made just so that i can write comments on brian's pagie. weird aye? i write comments to him, about him on his own livejournal....but i also write my comments on my own account to him still sometimes. meh. i got xanga, believe it or not, was for cat....>.< keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. well n e whoo......gotsta go....l8a l8a
i mean, livejournal is good for originality.....and blogger is just good for like simply posting.....xanga......i think it's because it's easy to stick features....
but me no noe. keke^^:D:P still stick with my blog. livejournal was an account i made just so that i can write comments on brian's pagie. weird aye? i write comments to him, about him on his own livejournal....but i also write my comments on my own account to him still sometimes. meh. i got xanga, believe it or not, was for cat....>.< keke^^:D:P yupz yupz. well n e whoo......gotsta go....l8a l8a
keke^^:d:P
how fun....
had quite some fun today. keke^^:D:P val and her 100$ worth of pepsi!!!!:P keke^^:D:P yups yups....quite some fun fun aye?!?! yupz yupz....
today, just reminiscing some very very great times. keke^^:D:P the times i was really happy....and then i got jo late to go home.....*bites tongue* but.....she said she's alrights.
yupz yupz.....was suppsed to go to bbt today at br....but then i said i wanted onion rings....man, haddn't had those since i was nine!!!! keke^^:D:P >.< yupz yupz.....just hadda get some......a meal that fed two people.....10 dollars...keke^^:D:P well less than that......9 sumthing in change......so yeah...keke^^:D:P
i still say bbt would have been cheaper!!!!:P >.<>.<
had quite some fun today. keke^^:D:P val and her 100$ worth of pepsi!!!!:P keke^^:D:P yups yups....quite some fun fun aye?!?! yupz yupz....
today, just reminiscing some very very great times. keke^^:D:P the times i was really happy....and then i got jo late to go home.....*bites tongue* but.....she said she's alrights.
yupz yupz.....was suppsed to go to bbt today at br....but then i said i wanted onion rings....man, haddn't had those since i was nine!!!! keke^^:D:P >.< yupz yupz.....just hadda get some......a meal that fed two people.....10 dollars...keke^^:D:P well less than that......9 sumthing in change......so yeah...keke^^:D:P
i still say bbt would have been cheaper!!!!:P >.<>.<
Sunday, October 24, 2004
embarrasing
okie.....imagine this...
well you were feeling spontaneous.......and you were at a single's party.....and you spot this totally hot/cute/sexy guy in the corner.....and you well as i said...was feeling spontaneous, so you went up to the guy and kissed him. after that, he tells you he isn't straight. *blush* isn't that just totally embarrasing?
don't ask....i have sooo many random thoughts just now...keke^^:D:P
well you were feeling spontaneous.......and you were at a single's party.....and you spot this totally hot/cute/sexy guy in the corner.....and you well as i said...was feeling spontaneous, so you went up to the guy and kissed him. after that, he tells you he isn't straight. *blush* isn't that just totally embarrasing?
don't ask....i have sooo many random thoughts just now...keke^^:D:P
oh my goodness!!!
ahhhh!!!!! i wanna have a wedding!!!!
ahhhhh!!!!! don't ask....i know, it's totally random i know...keke^^:D:P
if i don't get a wedding it's fine.....
all i kinda want at the present moment is that nice, white/ivory dress.....and the ring with an ingraving that say "always and forever" on it.
isn't that just sooo sweet?!?!?!
awwww.....
ahhhhh!!!!! don't ask....i know, it's totally random i know...keke^^:D:P
if i don't get a wedding it's fine.....
all i kinda want at the present moment is that nice, white/ivory dress.....and the ring with an ingraving that say "always and forever" on it.
isn't that just sooo sweet?!?!?!
awwww.....
gradnote...
holy crap....i've finally figured out what to write for my grad note!!! yay for me.....
you wanna read it?!?!
here it goes......
2 sum out dere, wo xi wang wo men bu zai jian. love, hated and lived through OTHS because of my friends and GOD. peace<3
yupz yupz....it's simple. i think that expresses me. there's chinese to those i don't like, and there english for those that actually mean something to me. so all in all, i think it's not tooo bad. keke^^:D:P i think i'm gonna keep it at that. blah....but that defeats the purpose of reading my grade note in the yearbook. oh wellz. tooo bad for all of you. the point of not saying it in english is cause they don't know what i'm saying and it would mean nothing n e ways...so therefore, chinese means nothing to me cause they don't understand it n e ways.... but if you want to know, zai jian is like farewell equivalent to buh-bye, in chinese it means to meet again. so basically i said, i hope to not see you people again. and to my friends, they will noe who i'm hinting at. keke^^:D:P
wo= i/ me
xi wang= hope
wo men= we
bu= not/no/won't/can't...depending on the context
zai=again
jian=see/meet....depending on context
oh yeah.....i only typed it in ping ying without the intonations....but...if you must noe, to mandarin ping ying, there are four intonations. and like english, the same spelling of the word can have more than one meaning, but because there are no intonation indications, you won't be able to tell unless you are super good at understanding me or just really good at the language or start reading it over and over again to yourself you may not get it...... so yeah.....my mando skills suck.... ;P
you wanna read it?!?!
here it goes......
2 sum out dere, wo xi wang wo men bu zai jian. love, hated and lived through OTHS because of my friends and GOD. peace<3
yupz yupz....it's simple. i think that expresses me. there's chinese to those i don't like, and there english for those that actually mean something to me. so all in all, i think it's not tooo bad. keke^^:D:P i think i'm gonna keep it at that. blah....but that defeats the purpose of reading my grade note in the yearbook. oh wellz. tooo bad for all of you. the point of not saying it in english is cause they don't know what i'm saying and it would mean nothing n e ways...so therefore, chinese means nothing to me cause they don't understand it n e ways.... but if you want to know, zai jian is like farewell equivalent to buh-bye, in chinese it means to meet again. so basically i said, i hope to not see you people again. and to my friends, they will noe who i'm hinting at. keke^^:D:P
wo= i/ me
xi wang= hope
wo men= we
bu= not/no/won't/can't...depending on the context
zai=again
jian=see/meet....depending on context
oh yeah.....i only typed it in ping ying without the intonations....but...if you must noe, to mandarin ping ying, there are four intonations. and like english, the same spelling of the word can have more than one meaning, but because there are no intonation indications, you won't be able to tell unless you are super good at understanding me or just really good at the language or start reading it over and over again to yourself you may not get it...... so yeah.....my mando skills suck.... ;P
i'm touched....
well i have no idea.....but i just am touched.
i'm sooo glad that people don't say good bye to me n e more.....but they say bye altogether. at least they say, i'll talk to you when i come back. but meh....
okay.....i definately know that someone won't hurt me.....or just that it sounds sincere when someone says to you, "u stay out of trouble". i'm just rather touched. i mean, it means alot to me that this person would say that to me i suppose. i really thought they just didn't care and they were just using me to get info. i mean, someone could say that to me and still not mean it, but at least for now it seems like it's the truth. until there's something that leads me to think otherwise.....i still think it's sincere. so yeah...keke^^:D:P
i'm soooo happy....but my mood will be sooo ruined by like tuesday after that stinking test! grrr....
i'm sooo glad that people don't say good bye to me n e more.....but they say bye altogether. at least they say, i'll talk to you when i come back. but meh....
okay.....i definately know that someone won't hurt me.....or just that it sounds sincere when someone says to you, "u stay out of trouble". i'm just rather touched. i mean, it means alot to me that this person would say that to me i suppose. i really thought they just didn't care and they were just using me to get info. i mean, someone could say that to me and still not mean it, but at least for now it seems like it's the truth. until there's something that leads me to think otherwise.....i still think it's sincere. so yeah...keke^^:D:P
i'm soooo happy....but my mood will be sooo ruined by like tuesday after that stinking test! grrr....
happy
holy crap.......i'm like a total hour late!!!! frick!!!! i was supposed to call cat back at 6:15!!!! frick!!!! ah!!!! and she's not picking up....*bites lip*......args....stupid calc homework...totally last track of time!!! args args.....>.<>.<
happy
oh my goodness.....i am still sooo caught up in nothng....blah...
better stay this way for a while....or i'll sooo shoot myself....grrr.....
well let's see....when i get my liscence, i have three things that i must do.
1) go blindfold jo and get her a "treat" keke^^:D:P
2) find a nice lil cafe and just sit listening to poetry with bri......this one may take some time to accomplish with my small hyundai since he wants to take other friends........but hey......it'll all be alrights...
3) go bbt-ing with really gorgeous catherine...keke^^:D:P
better practice my driving skills....better practice my parking skills.....*bites lip* sooo nervous.....
well, the person that you should be saying sorry to is jo ga la, cause i really ain't upset now, but she may be really upset for quite a while. i told you i'd get over it....i'm over it....just give one big long apology to jo.....because you didn't need to tell me one. but of course it's always nice to hear someone say it of course. so yeah....thanx for taking the time to write me an apology. *smiles* now, it's your turn to give your apology to jo....so yeah....i still lub yous....but i was never planning to have your babies...so yeah...keke^^:D:P
better stay this way for a while....or i'll sooo shoot myself....grrr.....
well let's see....when i get my liscence, i have three things that i must do.
1) go blindfold jo and get her a "treat" keke^^:D:P
2) find a nice lil cafe and just sit listening to poetry with bri......this one may take some time to accomplish with my small hyundai since he wants to take other friends........but hey......it'll all be alrights...
3) go bbt-ing with really gorgeous catherine...keke^^:D:P
better practice my driving skills....better practice my parking skills.....*bites lip* sooo nervous.....
well, the person that you should be saying sorry to is jo ga la, cause i really ain't upset now, but she may be really upset for quite a while. i told you i'd get over it....i'm over it....just give one big long apology to jo.....because you didn't need to tell me one. but of course it's always nice to hear someone say it of course. so yeah....thanx for taking the time to write me an apology. *smiles* now, it's your turn to give your apology to jo....so yeah....i still lub yous....but i was never planning to have your babies...so yeah...keke^^:D:P
aw....you're sooo sweet....
well n e whoo....most of the convo or the first part of it is on like jo's site......but since she wanted to edit some parts out.....i'll leave that stuff out then.........yupz....one big long convo...keke^^:D:P
[11:51:58 PM] ..wei she me: blah...
[11:52:19 PM] ..wei she me: oh yeah, did you know you hae 15 dollars in your wallet?[11:54:41 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: what?
[11:55:07 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: no i dont, i spent 10.87 on smokes
[11:55:15 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: so i have a 5 and some change
[11:55:23 PM] ..wei she me: oh no, i'm sure you have 15
[11:55:30 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: what did u do>
[11:55:32 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: ??
[11:55:52 PM] ..wei she me: i didn't do n e thing....
[11:56:03 PM] ..wei she me: what are you talking about?!?!
[11:56:39 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: i did not have a 10 in there
[11:57:09 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: my extra responcibility makes me aware of whats in my wallet
[11:57:15 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: :P
[11:57:18 PM] ..wei she me: :P to you too
[11:57:20 PM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P
[11:57:38 PM] ..wei she me: i'm sure you have fifteen
[11:58:33 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: Sabz, i'm giving u back that money on monday.. or the next time i see u
[11:58:51 PM] ..wei she me: blah...you better not.....it'll make me feel insulted!
[11:59:26 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol well then it'll be a gift, and u have to accept my gift or i'll be insulted
[11:59:49 PM] ..wei she me: fine....grrrr....blah....you always get your way....
[11:59:50 PM] ..wei she me: =.=
[11:59:52 PM] ..wei she me: grrrr....
[11:59:53 PM] ..wei she me: :P
[12:00:25 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol i know:P
[12:00:45 AM] ..wei she me: well next time, i'll no better to set limits...keke^^:D:P
[12:00:46 AM] ..wei she me: :P
[12:00:51 AM] ..wei she me: know
[12:02:10 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol, do u mind if i use a part of this convo in my blog. Its nothing where u say anything contriversial
[12:02:23 AM] ..wei she me: nah, don't worry about it
[12:02:30 AM] ..wei she me: i stick to my word on what i think
[12:02:36 AM] ..wei she me: use whatever you please
[12:03:14 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: i've already edited it, i just didnt want to have to type it all out..
[12:03:35 AM] ..wei she me: don't worry about it
[12:03:37 AM] ..wei she me: i don't mind
[12:04:39 AM] ..wei she me: you don't haveta edit n e thing out ga la
[12:04:42 AM] ..wei she me: i really don't mind
[12:04:42 AM] ..wei she me: serious
[12:05:18 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: i've already done it, i dont want any more anger between ppl, i think i'm pissed enough for all of us
[12:05:35 AM] ..wei she me: nah, don't worry......
[12:06:33 AM] ..wei she me: if they are angry at me......they'll talk to me about it
[12:06:49 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol dont worry about it, its already edited:P
[12:06:54 AM] ..wei she me: fine fine
[12:06:55 AM] ..wei she me: :P
[12:06:59 AM] ..wei she me: do whatever you want
[12:07:04 AM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P
[12:07:08 AM] ..wei she me: i hope i get my liscence...
[12:07:10 AM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P
[12:07:45 AM] ..wei she me: i know just what to get you if i do
[12:07:47 AM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P
[12:08:50 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol? what?:P
[12:09:45 AM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P you'll just haveta see won't you now?!?!
[12:10:23 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: common tell me
[12:10:24 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: :D
[12:10:58 AM] ..wei she me: my treat to drive you somewhere.....to get something...
[12:11:00 AM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P
[12:11:27 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol hmm ic ic
[12:11:36 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: i am soo hungry, holy shit
[12:12:38 AM] ..wei she me: sighs
[12:12:41 AM] ..wei she me: go eat something!!
[12:13:55 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: hmmmmm, fine. Ima go eat sumthing, then sleep. I'll tlk to u lata. BTW ur are an awsome friend, i appreciate u soo much.
[12:14:12 AM] ..wei she me: aw...
[12:14:13 AM] ..wei she me: :$
[12:14:25 AM] ..wei she me: stop dat....you make me blush...
[12:14:26 AM] ..wei she me: :$
[12:14:30 AM] ..wei she me: spankers
[12:14:40 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol, i'll tlk to u lata
[12:14:48 AM] ..wei she me: l8z
[12:14:50 AM] ..wei she me: nites
[12:14:58 AM] ..wei she me: good night
[12:14:59 AM] ..wei she me: sleep tight
[12:15:06 AM] ..wei she me: dont' let the bed bugs bite
[12:15:08 AM] ..wei she me: sweet dreams!
[11:51:58 PM] ..wei she me: blah...
[11:52:19 PM] ..wei she me: oh yeah, did you know you hae 15 dollars in your wallet?[11:54:41 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: what?
[11:55:07 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: no i dont, i spent 10.87 on smokes
[11:55:15 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: so i have a 5 and some change
[11:55:23 PM] ..wei she me: oh no, i'm sure you have 15
[11:55:30 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: what did u do>
[11:55:32 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: ??
[11:55:52 PM] ..wei she me: i didn't do n e thing....
[11:56:03 PM] ..wei she me: what are you talking about?!?!
[11:56:39 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: i did not have a 10 in there
[11:57:09 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: my extra responcibility makes me aware of whats in my wallet
[11:57:15 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: :P
[11:57:18 PM] ..wei she me: :P to you too
[11:57:20 PM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P
[11:57:38 PM] ..wei she me: i'm sure you have fifteen
[11:58:33 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: Sabz, i'm giving u back that money on monday.. or the next time i see u
[11:58:51 PM] ..wei she me: blah...you better not.....it'll make me feel insulted!
[11:59:26 PM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol well then it'll be a gift, and u have to accept my gift or i'll be insulted
[11:59:49 PM] ..wei she me: fine....grrrr....blah....you always get your way....
[11:59:50 PM] ..wei she me: =.=
[11:59:52 PM] ..wei she me: grrrr....
[11:59:53 PM] ..wei she me: :P
[12:00:25 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol i know:P
[12:00:45 AM] ..wei she me: well next time, i'll no better to set limits...keke^^:D:P
[12:00:46 AM] ..wei she me: :P
[12:00:51 AM] ..wei she me: know
[12:02:10 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol, do u mind if i use a part of this convo in my blog. Its nothing where u say anything contriversial
[12:02:23 AM] ..wei she me: nah, don't worry about it
[12:02:30 AM] ..wei she me: i stick to my word on what i think
[12:02:36 AM] ..wei she me: use whatever you please
[12:03:14 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: i've already edited it, i just didnt want to have to type it all out..
[12:03:35 AM] ..wei she me: don't worry about it
[12:03:37 AM] ..wei she me: i don't mind
[12:04:39 AM] ..wei she me: you don't haveta edit n e thing out ga la
[12:04:42 AM] ..wei she me: i really don't mind
[12:04:42 AM] ..wei she me: serious
[12:05:18 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: i've already done it, i dont want any more anger between ppl, i think i'm pissed enough for all of us
[12:05:35 AM] ..wei she me: nah, don't worry......
[12:06:33 AM] ..wei she me: if they are angry at me......they'll talk to me about it
[12:06:49 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol dont worry about it, its already edited:P
[12:06:54 AM] ..wei she me: fine fine
[12:06:55 AM] ..wei she me: :P
[12:06:59 AM] ..wei she me: do whatever you want
[12:07:04 AM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P
[12:07:08 AM] ..wei she me: i hope i get my liscence...
[12:07:10 AM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P
[12:07:45 AM] ..wei she me: i know just what to get you if i do
[12:07:47 AM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P
[12:08:50 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol? what?:P
[12:09:45 AM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P you'll just haveta see won't you now?!?!
[12:10:23 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: common tell me
[12:10:24 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: :D
[12:10:58 AM] ..wei she me: my treat to drive you somewhere.....to get something...
[12:11:00 AM] ..wei she me: keke^^:D:P
[12:11:27 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol hmm ic ic
[12:11:36 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: i am soo hungry, holy shit
[12:12:38 AM] ..wei she me: sighs
[12:12:41 AM] ..wei she me: go eat something!!
[12:13:55 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: hmmmmm, fine. Ima go eat sumthing, then sleep. I'll tlk to u lata. BTW ur are an awsome friend, i appreciate u soo much.
[12:14:12 AM] ..wei she me: aw...
[12:14:13 AM] ..wei she me: :$
[12:14:25 AM] ..wei she me: stop dat....you make me blush...
[12:14:26 AM] ..wei she me: :$
[12:14:30 AM] ..wei she me: spankers
[12:14:40 AM] -.jO.I.N.T.E: lol, i'll tlk to u lata
[12:14:48 AM] ..wei she me: l8z
[12:14:50 AM] ..wei she me: nites
[12:14:58 AM] ..wei she me: good night
[12:14:59 AM] ..wei she me: sleep tight
[12:15:06 AM] ..wei she me: dont' let the bed bugs bite
[12:15:08 AM] ..wei she me: sweet dreams!
Saturday, October 23, 2004
egh...
well....planning to sleep soon....keke^^:D:P
yupz......
sooo worried about jo....i really hope that she won't go back to old habbits. old habbits may die hard, but they don't mean they don't die. sighs. if you snap, i'll tape you back!!!! i mean, that may sound funny, but i'm serious...if you snap....i'll tape you back......i won't let you snap to utter humpty dumpty phase....i just won't let you....i just can't watch and do nothing.....
yupz......
sooo worried about jo....i really hope that she won't go back to old habbits. old habbits may die hard, but they don't mean they don't die. sighs. if you snap, i'll tape you back!!!! i mean, that may sound funny, but i'm serious...if you snap....i'll tape you back......i won't let you snap to utter humpty dumpty phase....i just won't let you....i just can't watch and do nothing.....
city hunter "nina"
wow.....i love that song......i have that on a cd somewhere....keke^^:D:P
yeah......for some reason, i just saw it on like brian's account......and i just totally remember i have that song! keke^^:D:P
oh how fun!!!!
sighs sighs......
i just don't know...
i'm sooo damned confused...
how the hell could you do that? blah.....oh wellz....i'll get over it.....eventually....blah...just let me have some time to contemplate.....
yeah......for some reason, i just saw it on like brian's account......and i just totally remember i have that song! keke^^:D:P
oh how fun!!!!
sighs sighs......
i just don't know...
i'm sooo damned confused...
how the hell could you do that? blah.....oh wellz....i'll get over it.....eventually....blah...just let me have some time to contemplate.....
oh, how fun!
well i wasn't planning to go out tonight, and i did.....but it caused sooo many problems. sighs, jordan paid for sooo much gas money....keke^^:D:P not laughing about that she paid for gas, but i left a bit of my skills somewhere.....yupz yupz. hope she won't notice.
well the first part of our nite wasn't tooo bad. from one drink to the other......first we went to timmy's....we got a coffee...then i said let's go to br.....and i got my taro milk tea with bubbles....and jordan got the oreo milk tea with bubbles. yeah......thanx for the suggestion cat.....it tasted great!!! yupz yupz. that part of the night was pretty good......
and then....things went drastically bad.....when we called val to and asked where the hell she was....
sighs......i feel sooo bad.....
sighs sighs....well n e whoo.....val was feeling antisocial.....but she didn't tell us this till the whole night was pretty much over.....args..... sighs......it didn't even sound like she wanted to be with us to begin with. she was supposed to call before she was leaving the house. but she never even called us. args args. we were sooo confused and worried when we kept on calling and no one picked up. val never does that.
and then finally, when she does call.....she makes everything sound like nothing's happened. sighs sighs. she didn't only just ditch us, it sounded like she completely forgot about us. args.
val's never done this, but she's pulled a ray.....but the thing is.....ray actually apologized for the entire thing and it sounded sincere. val on the other hand....made it sound like it was a joke. sighs.....to me, val doing this is no big deal, i'm rather used to being ditched. i just feel sooo bad for jo. i mean, she normally only works two days a week and she got today off just to go to screemers. but she didn't go because i didn't go....and val never ended up going.....so yeah.... you see how upset she is?
sighs..... i can't even start to fathom how upset jo is.....because i know getting ditched is a totally big thing for her. and i feel sooo bad on her behalf.
it's not the ditching that's all that bad.....it's the unable to give an explanation that makes it all the worst.
i do care that you feel bad because it's close to a certain date that you'd rather forget, but the thing is.....why the hell didn't you just tell us before all this to tell us you were feeling anti social.....but what i don't get is how the hell do you feel antisocial and hang out with a guy. it seems like you are ditching us for a guy.....emotionally i can kinda relate cause i've been feeling all antisocial lately...you will never understand how antisocial.....but the fact is....you left us for a guy, didn't bother to call...and when we called you, you didn't seem like you even cared.
sighs val.....you ditched us for a guy whether you see it that way or not. you did and that's the end of the story. the main key....you ditched us....not for your mom, not for your brother, but for a damned guy that i met once and called a sweetie....and i still think he is....but he brought such a side of you that i've never seen before val. you ditched us, didn't call us, left us worrying for the whole night and you didn't give us a pausable explanation. yeah, you were feeling antisocial, so was i, i've been feeling anti social for like a whole week and a half now....but i didn't go run off to be with a guy.....i wanted to spend the weekend with friends knowing that hanging out with friends would keep me sane.....but i didn't ditch you or at least didn't want to....
you've just left me confused and lost for words. this whole time i thought your cell ran out of batteries and that's why you never called....but i guess that just wasn't it. when you told me that you did absolutely jack shit with mark, aka kram, i got sooo much more confused because you didn't even THINK to call us.....or so it seems.....give me a shout when you feel like telling me the whole long story. right now, i'm just sooo confused...
jo, i'm sooo sorry for your half-assed night. i'll make it up to you some way or another.... i didn't mean for it to turn out like this for you....i'm sooo sorry.....*hugs and kisses*
well the first part of our nite wasn't tooo bad. from one drink to the other......first we went to timmy's....we got a coffee...then i said let's go to br.....and i got my taro milk tea with bubbles....and jordan got the oreo milk tea with bubbles. yeah......thanx for the suggestion cat.....it tasted great!!! yupz yupz. that part of the night was pretty good......
and then....things went drastically bad.....when we called val to and asked where the hell she was....
sighs......i feel sooo bad.....
sighs sighs....well n e whoo.....val was feeling antisocial.....but she didn't tell us this till the whole night was pretty much over.....args..... sighs......it didn't even sound like she wanted to be with us to begin with. she was supposed to call before she was leaving the house. but she never even called us. args args. we were sooo confused and worried when we kept on calling and no one picked up. val never does that.
and then finally, when she does call.....she makes everything sound like nothing's happened. sighs sighs. she didn't only just ditch us, it sounded like she completely forgot about us. args.
val's never done this, but she's pulled a ray.....but the thing is.....ray actually apologized for the entire thing and it sounded sincere. val on the other hand....made it sound like it was a joke. sighs.....to me, val doing this is no big deal, i'm rather used to being ditched. i just feel sooo bad for jo. i mean, she normally only works two days a week and she got today off just to go to screemers. but she didn't go because i didn't go....and val never ended up going.....so yeah.... you see how upset she is?
sighs..... i can't even start to fathom how upset jo is.....because i know getting ditched is a totally big thing for her. and i feel sooo bad on her behalf.
it's not the ditching that's all that bad.....it's the unable to give an explanation that makes it all the worst.
i do care that you feel bad because it's close to a certain date that you'd rather forget, but the thing is.....why the hell didn't you just tell us before all this to tell us you were feeling anti social.....but what i don't get is how the hell do you feel antisocial and hang out with a guy. it seems like you are ditching us for a guy.....emotionally i can kinda relate cause i've been feeling all antisocial lately...you will never understand how antisocial.....but the fact is....you left us for a guy, didn't bother to call...and when we called you, you didn't seem like you even cared.
sighs val.....you ditched us for a guy whether you see it that way or not. you did and that's the end of the story. the main key....you ditched us....not for your mom, not for your brother, but for a damned guy that i met once and called a sweetie....and i still think he is....but he brought such a side of you that i've never seen before val. you ditched us, didn't call us, left us worrying for the whole night and you didn't give us a pausable explanation. yeah, you were feeling antisocial, so was i, i've been feeling anti social for like a whole week and a half now....but i didn't go run off to be with a guy.....i wanted to spend the weekend with friends knowing that hanging out with friends would keep me sane.....but i didn't ditch you or at least didn't want to....
you've just left me confused and lost for words. this whole time i thought your cell ran out of batteries and that's why you never called....but i guess that just wasn't it. when you told me that you did absolutely jack shit with mark, aka kram, i got sooo much more confused because you didn't even THINK to call us.....or so it seems.....give me a shout when you feel like telling me the whole long story. right now, i'm just sooo confused...
jo, i'm sooo sorry for your half-assed night. i'll make it up to you some way or another.... i didn't mean for it to turn out like this for you....i'm sooo sorry.....*hugs and kisses*
depression....
shit.....took one of those medical quizzes for those that actually study depression. fuck it.....they are like i'm high at risk for depression. either that or i am in depression at current....sighs sighs....
blah blah.....either that or bipolar mood disorder.
yo......do i seem to be moody lately? do i seem to have up and downs every so rapidly? do i seem to be occasionallyhappy and then all of a sudden completely angry or upset? do i keep to myself very often and then have outbursts of "talking fits"?
blah......those are typical signs of having bipolar mood disorder......and they are normally triggered by genes and hormones......egh.....bipolar mood disorder is genetic and so is depression.....weird huh? been doing a bit of research for myself.....it's like the only thing that kinda keeps me happy....blah......going out at five...or at least hope to n e ways.....
grrrr....
blah blah.....either that or bipolar mood disorder.
yo......do i seem to be moody lately? do i seem to have up and downs every so rapidly? do i seem to be occasionallyhappy and then all of a sudden completely angry or upset? do i keep to myself very often and then have outbursts of "talking fits"?
blah......those are typical signs of having bipolar mood disorder......and they are normally triggered by genes and hormones......egh.....bipolar mood disorder is genetic and so is depression.....weird huh? been doing a bit of research for myself.....it's like the only thing that kinda keeps me happy....blah......going out at five...or at least hope to n e ways.....
grrrr....
selective mutism
what is it?
This is when a child does not talk while in certain places, but is completely capable of speech and communication.
signs
excessive shyness, fear of social embarrassment, social isolation and withdrawal
it affects less than 1% of those being treated in mental health facilities. it is normally more common in females than in males.
This is when a child does not talk while in certain places, but is completely capable of speech and communication.
signs
excessive shyness, fear of social embarrassment, social isolation and withdrawal
it affects less than 1% of those being treated in mental health facilities. it is normally more common in females than in males.
social phobia
what is it?
Social anxiety is the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. Put another way, social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being judged and evaluated by other people. If a person usually becomes anxious in social situations, but seems fine when they are alone, then "social anxiety" may be the problem.^hey...doesn't that sound familiar? about 7% of the world's population has it. but social phobia in more serious cases can lead to long term problems.
signs
People with social anxiety are many times seen by others as being shy, quiet, backward, withdrawn, inhibited, unfriendly, nervous, aloof, and disinterested. People with social anxiety want to be "normal" socially, they want to make friends and they want to be involved and engaged in social interactions.
symptoms
anxiety, intense fear, nervousness, automatic negative thinking cycles, racing heart, blushing, excessive sweating, dry throat and mouth, trembling, and muscle twitches.
people with it
know that their anxiety is irrational and does not make logical sense. Nevertheless, thoughts and feelings of anxiety persist and show no signs of going away, without appropriate treatment.
Social anxiety is the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. Put another way, social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being judged and evaluated by other people. If a person usually becomes anxious in social situations, but seems fine when they are alone, then "social anxiety" may be the problem.^hey...doesn't that sound familiar? about 7% of the world's population has it. but social phobia in more serious cases can lead to long term problems.
signs
People with social anxiety are many times seen by others as being shy, quiet, backward, withdrawn, inhibited, unfriendly, nervous, aloof, and disinterested. People with social anxiety want to be "normal" socially, they want to make friends and they want to be involved and engaged in social interactions.
symptoms
anxiety, intense fear, nervousness, automatic negative thinking cycles, racing heart, blushing, excessive sweating, dry throat and mouth, trembling, and muscle twitches.
people with it
know that their anxiety is irrational and does not make logical sense. Nevertheless, thoughts and feelings of anxiety persist and show no signs of going away, without appropriate treatment.
stats....
95% of people have said they wanted to be a doctor, teacher, actor/actress, astronaut, or singer at one time or other in their life
90% of the people that say they are joking are actually saying what they think
85% of the people that say good-bye actually didn't want to talk to you to begin with
60% of the people that say "i love you" actually mean it
55% of the people that say "sure" after a question actually mean no, or not really
45% of the people that say "uh-huh, yeah, sure" on the phone are actually listening
35% of the people that say they have enemies don't
10% of the people that say they don't have enemies actually do
i don't know......i really think that some of these statistics are like totally rounded up. like how can every %age end in 5 or 0?!?!? blah....but maybe some people are just pulling digits outta their ass. meh....maybe.....i wouldn't know. there are are more statistics, but i can't think of all of the ones that i've heard over the years....those are some of the more recent ones that i remember. blah.....keke^^:d:P so yeah....me gonna go now....funny how these stats work out sooo funnily.....i noe...it's not an actually word. so what are you gonna do? kill me?
90% of the people that say they are joking are actually saying what they think
85% of the people that say good-bye actually didn't want to talk to you to begin with
60% of the people that say "i love you" actually mean it
55% of the people that say "sure" after a question actually mean no, or not really
45% of the people that say "uh-huh, yeah, sure" on the phone are actually listening
35% of the people that say they have enemies don't
10% of the people that say they don't have enemies actually do
i don't know......i really think that some of these statistics are like totally rounded up. like how can every %age end in 5 or 0?!?!? blah....but maybe some people are just pulling digits outta their ass. meh....maybe.....i wouldn't know. there are are more statistics, but i can't think of all of the ones that i've heard over the years....those are some of the more recent ones that i remember. blah.....keke^^:d:P so yeah....me gonna go now....funny how these stats work out sooo funnily.....i noe...it's not an actually word. so what are you gonna do? kill me?
my voice
i wanna be a singer. but i hate this media. i hate this life. and if i were to become a singer, i'd have nothing new to bring to this world. i'd just be another singer that sings about brokenheartedness. i'd sing about love. i'd sing about hate. i'd sing about depression. i'd sing about renewal and crap like that. blah....my voice is nothing new to this world. blah......
so it would mean nothing to try because i'd fail. so yeah......plus....i haven't even sang for such a long time. i don't even know if it's unaffected.
one of these days, i'll wake up to a horrible finding that i can't sing, i can't speak. the world would be sooo happy because they always tell me to shut up and be quiet. so yeah. yeah, but most of them haven't even noticed that i've become alot less loud and very quiet. they still bring up the past saying i'm always loud. blah.....i hate all this....
so it would mean nothing to try because i'd fail. so yeah......plus....i haven't even sang for such a long time. i don't even know if it's unaffected.
one of these days, i'll wake up to a horrible finding that i can't sing, i can't speak. the world would be sooo happy because they always tell me to shut up and be quiet. so yeah. yeah, but most of them haven't even noticed that i've become alot less loud and very quiet. they still bring up the past saying i'm always loud. blah.....i hate all this....
life changes....
well yeah, i have come to the conclusion that i want human interaction in my life. but the problem is......there is a part of me that just doesn't want it at all.
it feels sooo familiar to hurt. it feels sooo familiar to understand. it feels sooo familiar to be the only one in the corner because no one would talk to me even though i tried to talk. it feels sooo familiar to sing to myself just to know i exsist. it feels sooo familiar crying to sleep. it feels sooo familiar to be frustrated because it seems no one cares. but, this feeling of anti-socialness feels different. this feeling of being anti-social isn't something i've ever remember turning to. i don't remember when i have ever been anti-social. the only feeling that's familiar to all this is my sense of loosing my motivation and lacking a heart to progress.
blah.....it was rather weird......if i hadn't mistaken in what i heard the other day in class, we were having presentations....and the my teacher says, "i'm not really worried about the presentations right now, i'm worried about sabine." yeah. my teacher calls me sabine...i really hate that....but meh......if that's what she wants to call me cause sabina is harder to call than sabine...whateve. blah....never been one to fight authority. so yeah. she probably thought i was falling asleep no doubt. but i wasn't sleeping. i was taking my notes like i was supposed to be. i just had a hood over my head and started covering my face.
no one in the class noes cept me, but i started breaking down in class. i started crying for no apparent reason. i just felt sooo helpless and hopeless. i felt sooo hurt. i felt sooo alone. i felt sooo unappreciated. i felt sooo hated. i felt like the world was against me. but then again, jo was sitting right there besides me. and i know she was worried because i was all gloomy looking the whole day.
i know she wanted me to go to screemers with her and val today......but really.....i don't feel like doing n e thing n e more. plus....my parents don't even want me going because i have a research essay thing that i should be working on. blah.....
jay chou's songs are playing....and they are all the same. i hate is voice now....it's because it reminds me of happy memories turned bad. blah......*cries*
fears....fears....fears....all these doubts and fears are turning me away from all that i worked for.....
it feels sooo familiar to hurt. it feels sooo familiar to understand. it feels sooo familiar to be the only one in the corner because no one would talk to me even though i tried to talk. it feels sooo familiar to sing to myself just to know i exsist. it feels sooo familiar crying to sleep. it feels sooo familiar to be frustrated because it seems no one cares. but, this feeling of anti-socialness feels different. this feeling of being anti-social isn't something i've ever remember turning to. i don't remember when i have ever been anti-social. the only feeling that's familiar to all this is my sense of loosing my motivation and lacking a heart to progress.
blah.....it was rather weird......if i hadn't mistaken in what i heard the other day in class, we were having presentations....and the my teacher says, "i'm not really worried about the presentations right now, i'm worried about sabine." yeah. my teacher calls me sabine...i really hate that....but meh......if that's what she wants to call me cause sabina is harder to call than sabine...whateve. blah....never been one to fight authority. so yeah. she probably thought i was falling asleep no doubt. but i wasn't sleeping. i was taking my notes like i was supposed to be. i just had a hood over my head and started covering my face.
no one in the class noes cept me, but i started breaking down in class. i started crying for no apparent reason. i just felt sooo helpless and hopeless. i felt sooo hurt. i felt sooo alone. i felt sooo unappreciated. i felt sooo hated. i felt like the world was against me. but then again, jo was sitting right there besides me. and i know she was worried because i was all gloomy looking the whole day.
i know she wanted me to go to screemers with her and val today......but really.....i don't feel like doing n e thing n e more. plus....my parents don't even want me going because i have a research essay thing that i should be working on. blah.....
jay chou's songs are playing....and they are all the same. i hate is voice now....it's because it reminds me of happy memories turned bad. blah......*cries*
fears....fears....fears....all these doubts and fears are turning me away from all that i worked for.....
funny...
for some reason....on a typical saturday, i post sooo many entries that talk about nothing.
most of my saturday is sitting in front of a pc and thinking, watching tv, thinking some more, eating, going to the gym, sleeping, reading, eating, surfing the net. that's bout it aye. sad ain't it?
but then again, when i do have plans, it's either i want to go and i can't or i don't want to go and reject the offer or i just can't cause everything has the $$$ issue which i don't have the $$$. so yeah
wanna get a job, parents say that it'll affect my school work. it probably will too no doubt. sighs sighs. oh wellz. it would be fun trying to live up to it. blah......gotsta start doing scholarship stuff. blah....i can't get osap. blah....=.= crap....evil. i think i will go to guelph after all. but then again......i really don't wanna be where my sister is. but then again, it would be nice to have someone to look after me. but then again, i know it would be bad cause i don't become independant....blah...
most of my saturday is sitting in front of a pc and thinking, watching tv, thinking some more, eating, going to the gym, sleeping, reading, eating, surfing the net. that's bout it aye. sad ain't it?
but then again, when i do have plans, it's either i want to go and i can't or i don't want to go and reject the offer or i just can't cause everything has the $$$ issue which i don't have the $$$. so yeah
wanna get a job, parents say that it'll affect my school work. it probably will too no doubt. sighs sighs. oh wellz. it would be fun trying to live up to it. blah......gotsta start doing scholarship stuff. blah....i can't get osap. blah....=.= crap....evil. i think i will go to guelph after all. but then again......i really don't wanna be where my sister is. but then again, it would be nice to have someone to look after me. but then again, i know it would be bad cause i don't become independant....blah...
music
did you ever notice that the sort of music you listen to that you become like it? i don't know....normally people listen to a certain type of music and start hating or disliking other types of music. blah....but then again, the most influential thing to gets someone's attention is music. but i don't know....it's werid i suppose...
i mean, i don't like to listen to english music....honestely......if it weren't for cat, val, and jo....i wouldn't be listening to like english music at all. plus, ray listens to gino beats.....and i already like that type of music. so yeah....keke^^:D:P
but that doesn't matter....
i don't know.....i'm just weird......i'll just haveta do a study.
i'll prolly end up being one of those people that like study for the rest of their life and writing a thesis statement that drives me for the rest of my life. bleh....me no noe....
blah.....it would be cool to be successful for once....=.=
i mean, i don't like to listen to english music....honestely......if it weren't for cat, val, and jo....i wouldn't be listening to like english music at all. plus, ray listens to gino beats.....and i already like that type of music. so yeah....keke^^:D:P
but that doesn't matter....
i don't know.....i'm just weird......i'll just haveta do a study.
i'll prolly end up being one of those people that like study for the rest of their life and writing a thesis statement that drives me for the rest of my life. bleh....me no noe....
blah.....it would be cool to be successful for once....=.=
odd woman
blah....i'm an odd child, and i'd prolly grow up to be an odd woman too.....not that i ain't one now. so meh.
you know what makes me happy?!?!? frozen vanilla yogurt....no, not frozen yogurt that has the texture of icecream, but litterly the cartoons of yogurt and just put those in the freezers. it makes me happy. me like vanilla! keke^^:D:P actually, i love vanilla! keke^^:D:P but then again, i'm seeepecial. keke^^:D:P i started a fad in stupid bubble of ot once......everyone in the atrium or at least the girls sprayed like vanilla. this was because i was on the volleyball team and i always smelt like vanilla. they thought it smelt nice and stole my scent. oh wellz.....that's their fault....keke^^:D:P
well i think i need to buy new track pants. blah......need gym clothes...whatever.....don't really care....
not oging to screemers tonight. not oging to the bar tonight......not hanging out with n e one tonight. not doing n e thing tonight. so yeah, me a loner in the basement tonight with my pc and tv. how lovely......it's how i suppose i like to spend the best of my saturdays i suppose. it's become sooo routinely for me that i've grown accustomed to having nothing to look forward to later on in the night. how pathetic aye? well jean's got her g2 now....sooo happy for her...keke^^:D:P that actually means that she can actually drive now!!!! not that she couldn't before...keke^^:D:P
well keep safe everyone......for i'm signing off and i don't plan on coming back all that often n e more. see, after that experiment, going on line hasn't become a necessity for me and i can live without it.
you know what makes me happy?!?!? frozen vanilla yogurt....no, not frozen yogurt that has the texture of icecream, but litterly the cartoons of yogurt and just put those in the freezers. it makes me happy. me like vanilla! keke^^:D:P actually, i love vanilla! keke^^:D:P but then again, i'm seeepecial. keke^^:D:P i started a fad in stupid bubble of ot once......everyone in the atrium or at least the girls sprayed like vanilla. this was because i was on the volleyball team and i always smelt like vanilla. they thought it smelt nice and stole my scent. oh wellz.....that's their fault....keke^^:D:P
well i think i need to buy new track pants. blah......need gym clothes...whatever.....don't really care....
not oging to screemers tonight. not oging to the bar tonight......not hanging out with n e one tonight. not doing n e thing tonight. so yeah, me a loner in the basement tonight with my pc and tv. how lovely......it's how i suppose i like to spend the best of my saturdays i suppose. it's become sooo routinely for me that i've grown accustomed to having nothing to look forward to later on in the night. how pathetic aye? well jean's got her g2 now....sooo happy for her...keke^^:D:P that actually means that she can actually drive now!!!! not that she couldn't before...keke^^:D:P
well keep safe everyone......for i'm signing off and i don't plan on coming back all that often n e more. see, after that experiment, going on line hasn't become a necessity for me and i can live without it.
me a weirdo...
bleh.....
grad note......should i put inside jokes? or shud i just cuss everyone off and say "fuck you too"? keke^^:D:P yeah....even saying that is an inside joke in itself....keke^^:D:P
here's all the inside jokes that only a bunch of us will understand....
"you a weena, hahaha!!!!"
"turn left here, no, not that left, the other left!!!!"
"I'm scottish, and i'm married" keke^^:D:P that's a funny one that only a few that had class with me would get! keke^^:D:P
since i can't type profanity, there's no point in me typing fuck you too. but i could try typing it up like....f*** ya'll too. keke^^:D:P yeah.....val....that ones for you...since it's my only comeback to everything....keke^^:D:P so yeah....i'm pathetic when it comes down to like thinking about combacks now.....keke^^:D:P but then again, i don't try...
then there's this odd one that i thought would be funny to include..........
"do like dori, and just keep swimming!"
i could prolly keep it short i suppose. so yeah....no inside jokes....*boooo* oh wellz....
meh....i'll decide to fix it up......
grad note......should i put inside jokes? or shud i just cuss everyone off and say "fuck you too"? keke^^:D:P yeah....even saying that is an inside joke in itself....keke^^:D:P
here's all the inside jokes that only a bunch of us will understand....
"you a weena, hahaha!!!!"
"turn left here, no, not that left, the other left!!!!"
"I'm scottish, and i'm married" keke^^:D:P that's a funny one that only a few that had class with me would get! keke^^:D:P
since i can't type profanity, there's no point in me typing fuck you too. but i could try typing it up like....f*** ya'll too. keke^^:D:P yeah.....val....that ones for you...since it's my only comeback to everything....keke^^:D:P so yeah....i'm pathetic when it comes down to like thinking about combacks now.....keke^^:D:P but then again, i don't try...
then there's this odd one that i thought would be funny to include..........
"do like dori, and just keep swimming!"
i could prolly keep it short i suppose. so yeah....no inside jokes....*boooo* oh wellz....
meh....i'll decide to fix it up......
me a weeeena!!!! hahaha!!!!
yupz yupz.....calling cat like totally made my day!!!
well at least cat's stalkerish friend doesn't know my pagie....keke^^:D:P i'd prolly scare her. keke^^:D:P
args args....i left my yogurt sitting in the freezer over night.....*boo whooo* it's now like ice instead of a slushy material.....*booo whoo*....but it still tastes good.
yeah.....since i can't open the page for that test thingy.....i'll just steal the colour i am from cat's pagie.....holy crap.....i'm like exactly 50%blue....keke^^:D:P 16% red, 23% white and 11 percent yellow....keke^^:D:P
Blues
Blues are motivated by altruism. Blues love to do nice things for others. They look for opportunities to give up something in order to bring another person happiness. Selflessness rather than selfishness is their guiding philosophy. Many Blues are uncomfortable doing things solely for themselves. They hold doors for people, offer rides when someone's car breaks down, contribute to charity, even devote their whole lives to helping others.
Blues crave intimacy. More than anything else, Blues want to love and be loved. A Blue will sacrifice a successful career to improve an important relationship. Once considered a female characteristic, this nurturing is more accurately understood as a Blue personality trait.
Blues are gratified when they are listened to, when they feel understood and appreciated. They are notorious for revealing their inadequacies because they value being known and understood so much. In the eyes of a Blue, being vulnerable is small price to pay for the chance to be close. Blues may have their hearts broken more than most people, but they also spend much more time in love.
Blues expend such great effort in making the world a better place that sometimes they need to be told how wonderful they are. They need to be thanked and specifically remembered for their good deeds. They need sincere gratitude. They delight in being remembered on birthdays and other special days, especially if the remembrance is personal - a homemade anniversary card, a welcome home party, a special day that isn't on the calendar. Blues need tender loving care.
Blues are directed by a strong moral conscience. Blues are motivated to behave in a proper, appropriate manner. They have a moral code that guides them in their decision making, their value judgments, even their leisure time. Blues enjoy being "good". Of all the personality colors, Blues come equipped with the strongest sense of integrity. A Blue would rather lose than cheat. Blues are trustworthy. Blues are the people who should be in positions of power, but seldom are.
well n e whoo....i would have posted up like the other colours....but the answers that are on the utm site....doesn't seem to be opening...and i think the utm server at at the present moment has some difficulties because it;s not even opening the home page for it.....so yeah.....but i'll post it some other time.....
wow.....i'm blue, wite, red, yellow.......egh....weird.....
well at least cat's stalkerish friend doesn't know my pagie....keke^^:D:P i'd prolly scare her. keke^^:D:P
args args....i left my yogurt sitting in the freezer over night.....*boo whooo* it's now like ice instead of a slushy material.....*booo whoo*....but it still tastes good.
yeah.....since i can't open the page for that test thingy.....i'll just steal the colour i am from cat's pagie.....holy crap.....i'm like exactly 50%blue....keke^^:D:P 16% red, 23% white and 11 percent yellow....keke^^:D:P
Blues
Blues are motivated by altruism. Blues love to do nice things for others. They look for opportunities to give up something in order to bring another person happiness. Selflessness rather than selfishness is their guiding philosophy. Many Blues are uncomfortable doing things solely for themselves. They hold doors for people, offer rides when someone's car breaks down, contribute to charity, even devote their whole lives to helping others.
Blues crave intimacy. More than anything else, Blues want to love and be loved. A Blue will sacrifice a successful career to improve an important relationship. Once considered a female characteristic, this nurturing is more accurately understood as a Blue personality trait.
Blues are gratified when they are listened to, when they feel understood and appreciated. They are notorious for revealing their inadequacies because they value being known and understood so much. In the eyes of a Blue, being vulnerable is small price to pay for the chance to be close. Blues may have their hearts broken more than most people, but they also spend much more time in love.
Blues expend such great effort in making the world a better place that sometimes they need to be told how wonderful they are. They need to be thanked and specifically remembered for their good deeds. They need sincere gratitude. They delight in being remembered on birthdays and other special days, especially if the remembrance is personal - a homemade anniversary card, a welcome home party, a special day that isn't on the calendar. Blues need tender loving care.
Blues are directed by a strong moral conscience. Blues are motivated to behave in a proper, appropriate manner. They have a moral code that guides them in their decision making, their value judgments, even their leisure time. Blues enjoy being "good". Of all the personality colors, Blues come equipped with the strongest sense of integrity. A Blue would rather lose than cheat. Blues are trustworthy. Blues are the people who should be in positions of power, but seldom are.
well n e whoo....i would have posted up like the other colours....but the answers that are on the utm site....doesn't seem to be opening...and i think the utm server at at the present moment has some difficulties because it;s not even opening the home page for it.....so yeah.....but i'll post it some other time.....
wow.....i'm blue, wite, red, yellow.......egh....weird.....
blind faith aye?
how i wish i had the courage to like say i just want to believe and forget about all the stupid things i are happening and not happening in my life.
but i can't. time and time again, church after church, every one that i attend shatters and due to human errors, breaks and becomes a church not worth attending for me any more. each and every time, i loose friends. the only reason being is because i live sooo far, it's rather difficult to see each other. then when i don't really see them much, i don't really wish to talk to them.....with only one friend for that exception. but then again, i suppose i left a mark in their hearts just a lil wee bit i suppose. but then, maybe i didn't mean n e thing to them except and image of just another friend. sighs.
through all this, i see that whenever you have people gathering together, there will always be problems. each and everyone's personality will clash. i have no faith in church n e more. i do not dare say i have no faith in GOD, because i will always know that he is my Saviour, Lord and Master. There's no denying that, and if i started denying that.....well then life just wouldn't be worth living. since i have no meaning to live for myself now n e ways, but i know that God does. and his purpose will be my purpose. yeah.......to all those athiest that will ask me why i let God control me......well you know what?!?! i'd rather live a life in fear knowing that there is a GOd than to live as if there is none, making all the mistakes that could either make me or break me in the afterlife. and to those that will ask me how i know......i don't...but i put faith ahead of my own skepticism and my narrow mind. therefore i believe like a race where i can't see the finish line. but that all doesn't matter.
through all this, i have not lost my faith in GOD. i admit that at times it's much like a roller coaster where my faith goes up and down and does 360 degree turns, but........i always end back up to the platform that i started off at. blah...stupid sentence rules and never ending with prepositions......blah..... but n e whoo.....all this has done to me is lost faith in all human kind.
but i see that this loosing of faith in the human kind is costing my happiness some how. i'm loosing my trust for everyone. i question each and everyone's actions/motives.....i simply just don't trust. and i suppose that's why i'm sooo afraid of strangers. this is why i'm afraid of a being in a crowd with many many people. sighs. but i see that i'm starting to push each and everyone of my friends away.
hurt and confused in a way that i don't think i'll ever heal......the question is.....for what reason am i hurting and being all confused for?
but i can't. time and time again, church after church, every one that i attend shatters and due to human errors, breaks and becomes a church not worth attending for me any more. each and every time, i loose friends. the only reason being is because i live sooo far, it's rather difficult to see each other. then when i don't really see them much, i don't really wish to talk to them.....with only one friend for that exception. but then again, i suppose i left a mark in their hearts just a lil wee bit i suppose. but then, maybe i didn't mean n e thing to them except and image of just another friend. sighs.
through all this, i see that whenever you have people gathering together, there will always be problems. each and everyone's personality will clash. i have no faith in church n e more. i do not dare say i have no faith in GOD, because i will always know that he is my Saviour, Lord and Master. There's no denying that, and if i started denying that.....well then life just wouldn't be worth living. since i have no meaning to live for myself now n e ways, but i know that God does. and his purpose will be my purpose. yeah.......to all those athiest that will ask me why i let God control me......well you know what?!?! i'd rather live a life in fear knowing that there is a GOd than to live as if there is none, making all the mistakes that could either make me or break me in the afterlife. and to those that will ask me how i know......i don't...but i put faith ahead of my own skepticism and my narrow mind. therefore i believe like a race where i can't see the finish line. but that all doesn't matter.
through all this, i have not lost my faith in GOD. i admit that at times it's much like a roller coaster where my faith goes up and down and does 360 degree turns, but........i always end back up to the platform that i started off at. blah...stupid sentence rules and never ending with prepositions......blah..... but n e whoo.....all this has done to me is lost faith in all human kind.
but i see that this loosing of faith in the human kind is costing my happiness some how. i'm loosing my trust for everyone. i question each and everyone's actions/motives.....i simply just don't trust. and i suppose that's why i'm sooo afraid of strangers. this is why i'm afraid of a being in a crowd with many many people. sighs. but i see that i'm starting to push each and everyone of my friends away.
hurt and confused in a way that i don't think i'll ever heal......the question is.....for what reason am i hurting and being all confused for?
Thursday, October 21, 2004
chinese....
hm....should i do what billy chui did in his grad note? nah, i don't think i need to talk about these "ghost men" snobs of bubble o-town with such respect using my chinese on them....they don't deserve it. keke^^:D:P
no one speaks canto with me n e more. args args. gotsta go to fob town and speak. blah....i think i'm being deprived of chinese contact.....=.= *goes to a corner and cries* yeah.....my deprivation of chinese people is like making me depressed, but then again, when i over do my contact with chinese people i'd be depressed too......
on the other hand...
i could always practice mando?
i mean, i understand it fine....unless you give me metaphores and traditional phrases i'm pretty much fine......i can understand speach between two people......blah....
keke^^:D:P
does n e one wanna take up the language that doesn't already know how to speak it to help keep me happy? keke^^:D:P nah nah, that's tooo muchie to ask from friends. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz...
blah....it's 20 sumthing to go to screamers....hope i can go. blah...probably won't though......wonder if cat would come.....but then that would be mean because i'd prolly end up chit chatting with either cat the whole time or chatting with val and jo......blah......but then again.....i don't know...... basically, it's close to 50 dollars for the day because you must eat.....and i'm not planning to pack both lunch and din din going down to toronto.
blah......this sux......i'm probably not ending up going to screamers, nor am i going to that party, nor am i going for halloween for hunger. args......
i really don't feel like lying to my parents about where i go now days. because, if i do end up being kidnapped or sumthing like that and i'm in the hospital they'd blame my friends. they would see that it wasn't my fault and stuff......so i'd rather tell them the truth. and if i told them the truth about the party with the 22-23 year olds, my parents would say no. if i said halloween for hunger, they would say no because halloween is a celebration of evil spirits...or at least in my view it is. if i do go out, i'll be going out as myself just collecting food as a good another good excuse to get food for the local food banks....oh my goodness!!! i'm sooo excited....i don't care if my parents don't let me go out for halloween for hunger, i'm making it so that i go! if i end up being hurt just minorly and they find out, i'll get the third degree like for the rest of my life. i lost their trust once, don't even want to tell you how, but yeah......i don't plan to loose it again. so yeah, from now on, if i am going to tell them exactly where i am and what i'm doing. but there are still ways to lie....but still, the point is that i will tell them what i am doing and where i am doing.....so yeah. i think that's a plan i can follow. so i'll haveta ask again to see if i can go.
no one speaks canto with me n e more. args args. gotsta go to fob town and speak. blah....i think i'm being deprived of chinese contact.....=.= *goes to a corner and cries* yeah.....my deprivation of chinese people is like making me depressed, but then again, when i over do my contact with chinese people i'd be depressed too......
on the other hand...
i could always practice mando?
i mean, i understand it fine....unless you give me metaphores and traditional phrases i'm pretty much fine......i can understand speach between two people......blah....
keke^^:D:P
does n e one wanna take up the language that doesn't already know how to speak it to help keep me happy? keke^^:D:P nah nah, that's tooo muchie to ask from friends. keke^^:D:P yupz yupz...
blah....it's 20 sumthing to go to screamers....hope i can go. blah...probably won't though......wonder if cat would come.....but then that would be mean because i'd prolly end up chit chatting with either cat the whole time or chatting with val and jo......blah......but then again.....i don't know...... basically, it's close to 50 dollars for the day because you must eat.....and i'm not planning to pack both lunch and din din going down to toronto.
blah......this sux......i'm probably not ending up going to screamers, nor am i going to that party, nor am i going for halloween for hunger. args......
i really don't feel like lying to my parents about where i go now days. because, if i do end up being kidnapped or sumthing like that and i'm in the hospital they'd blame my friends. they would see that it wasn't my fault and stuff......so i'd rather tell them the truth. and if i told them the truth about the party with the 22-23 year olds, my parents would say no. if i said halloween for hunger, they would say no because halloween is a celebration of evil spirits...or at least in my view it is. if i do go out, i'll be going out as myself just collecting food as a good another good excuse to get food for the local food banks....oh my goodness!!! i'm sooo excited....i don't care if my parents don't let me go out for halloween for hunger, i'm making it so that i go! if i end up being hurt just minorly and they find out, i'll get the third degree like for the rest of my life. i lost their trust once, don't even want to tell you how, but yeah......i don't plan to loose it again. so yeah, from now on, if i am going to tell them exactly where i am and what i'm doing. but there are still ways to lie....but still, the point is that i will tell them what i am doing and where i am doing.....so yeah. i think that's a plan i can follow. so i'll haveta ask again to see if i can go.
love and sorry
oh....wowwie.....brian's two most despised words because he feels that most people use these terms lightly and inaccurately.
well n e whoo.....love and sorry......i'm not quite sure that when you love someone that you should not need to say sorry. sorry is a term when you feel yourself that you have done something wrong. sorry is an apology for the actions that you had taken ever so lightly or somewhat being insensitive to the other person need and thoughts and character. hopefully through saying sorry, the other person can forgive. i'm not so sure that when you love someone that the person who wronged you or you wronged them doesn't need to say sorry. i'm quite sure that you should say sorry n e ways. i mean, sorry doesn't cause someone to forgive you all the time and it doesn't heal all wounds, but it's a start. without the initiative of it, then well......don't you find it's hard to forgive? if that person truly loved you, they would forgive you if you asked them to. but forgiving isn't always the same with everyone. that's where it creates the problem. some people treat difficulties and whatnot alot different than how you would. and therefore, all these individualistic ideas cause a greater gap between the pursurer in the relationship and the one furthering themself away. every relationship is a give and take process. give and take could simply mean sacrificial relationship. basically, what i'm trying to say is that, without giving up a little of something, there isn't n e thing that you can get. for instance, you are a friend to someone else when you give them your time to listen to all the things that they need to say.
all in all there are just those people that forgive even without the other person saying sorry, but then again, it's hard isn't it? but then there are those people who forgive by first running away with the situation and trying to forget and then facing it when they feel they are ready to face it.
i don't know.......it was probably a song and used as a title....but that's what i feel.....but not everyone is the same way i know. and if i offended n e one, me sorry. just trying to state my point. not everyone understand the ideas that i'm trying to show through my words....but then again.......if i understand what i'm trying to say then that's all good i suppose.......
well n e whoo.....love and sorry......i'm not quite sure that when you love someone that you should not need to say sorry. sorry is a term when you feel yourself that you have done something wrong. sorry is an apology for the actions that you had taken ever so lightly or somewhat being insensitive to the other person need and thoughts and character. hopefully through saying sorry, the other person can forgive. i'm not so sure that when you love someone that the person who wronged you or you wronged them doesn't need to say sorry. i'm quite sure that you should say sorry n e ways. i mean, sorry doesn't cause someone to forgive you all the time and it doesn't heal all wounds, but it's a start. without the initiative of it, then well......don't you find it's hard to forgive? if that person truly loved you, they would forgive you if you asked them to. but forgiving isn't always the same with everyone. that's where it creates the problem. some people treat difficulties and whatnot alot different than how you would. and therefore, all these individualistic ideas cause a greater gap between the pursurer in the relationship and the one furthering themself away. every relationship is a give and take process. give and take could simply mean sacrificial relationship. basically, what i'm trying to say is that, without giving up a little of something, there isn't n e thing that you can get. for instance, you are a friend to someone else when you give them your time to listen to all the things that they need to say.
all in all there are just those people that forgive even without the other person saying sorry, but then again, it's hard isn't it? but then there are those people who forgive by first running away with the situation and trying to forget and then facing it when they feel they are ready to face it.
i don't know.......it was probably a song and used as a title....but that's what i feel.....but not everyone is the same way i know. and if i offended n e one, me sorry. just trying to state my point. not everyone understand the ideas that i'm trying to show through my words....but then again.......if i understand what i'm trying to say then that's all good i suppose.......
i write alot
wow.....well you see, i think i finally figured out why i write so damned much. it's rather funnay when you think about it. well i really doubt that everyone will take the time to read all my entries. i mean, i could try to set it so that there are less entries on a page, but then again, why would i want to do that? simply on one day, i can write up to ten entries if i simply wanted. but then again, most my thoughts are bullshit and the typical teen shit that no one wants to hear about. simply this blog thingy is an online outlet of the way i feel. i rarely display negative emotions towards something or someone else on here. most times i list my fears, my situation, the way i'm feeling. then there are those odd ball moments where i go beserk and i just can't control myself.
but lately, it's all my troubles, my sorrows, my stupid thoughts. i htink tooo much. and it causes it to be displayed in my outward appearance. blah, i'm starting to look old like a 50 year old....ewww....next thing you know, people will call me an old hag at the age of 20. =.=
well n e whoo.....i write alot cause i think i have a subconscious thought that if i write alot, no one will bother reading the shit that i post. and i suppose subconsciously that's what i'm afraid of. i'm afraid of people getting to know me tooo muchie.
i suppose that's why i don't get tooo personal on here, even though i've posted my name, birthdate, and like personal info on here. blah. me no noe. if someone wanted to get to know me, they may as well just talk to me. i hate when people get to know you through round about methods. you know, when you want to know someone's phone number, birthday, or like email, but you ask their friends first because you are afraid that they will not give it to you. you know....that sort of human fear of rejection? yeah......i suppose that's why i'm afraid of strangers.
oh yeah, i found out that i'm clausterphobic. weird aye? i mean, i'm afraid to be in a confinded space.....or at least one that i can't walk around.....weird aye??? i suppose that really tells you alot about me and very little about me at the same time. you can simply come to the conclusion that i'm one of those people that seems trapped all the time mentally and emotionally, and therefore, when i am physically in that situation, i start freaking......and if you came to that conclusion by yourself....i'm proud of you. keke^^:D:P
now on the other hand, is there like a phobia where a person is afraid of strangers, afraid of human contact? do you think i've been hit one tooo many times as a kid? hm.....i should do a self-analysis on this....but then again, i'd be bias....=.= oh wellz...
keke^^:D:P
but lately, it's all my troubles, my sorrows, my stupid thoughts. i htink tooo much. and it causes it to be displayed in my outward appearance. blah, i'm starting to look old like a 50 year old....ewww....next thing you know, people will call me an old hag at the age of 20. =.=
well n e whoo.....i write alot cause i think i have a subconscious thought that if i write alot, no one will bother reading the shit that i post. and i suppose subconsciously that's what i'm afraid of. i'm afraid of people getting to know me tooo muchie.
i suppose that's why i don't get tooo personal on here, even though i've posted my name, birthdate, and like personal info on here. blah. me no noe. if someone wanted to get to know me, they may as well just talk to me. i hate when people get to know you through round about methods. you know, when you want to know someone's phone number, birthday, or like email, but you ask their friends first because you are afraid that they will not give it to you. you know....that sort of human fear of rejection? yeah......i suppose that's why i'm afraid of strangers.
oh yeah, i found out that i'm clausterphobic. weird aye? i mean, i'm afraid to be in a confinded space.....or at least one that i can't walk around.....weird aye??? i suppose that really tells you alot about me and very little about me at the same time. you can simply come to the conclusion that i'm one of those people that seems trapped all the time mentally and emotionally, and therefore, when i am physically in that situation, i start freaking......and if you came to that conclusion by yourself....i'm proud of you. keke^^:D:P
now on the other hand, is there like a phobia where a person is afraid of strangers, afraid of human contact? do you think i've been hit one tooo many times as a kid? hm.....i should do a self-analysis on this....but then again, i'd be bias....=.= oh wellz...
keke^^:D:P
actions...
sometimes, actions speak louder than words, but there are those very very rare moments when some words are said or not said that leads to deafness, numbness, or maybe calmness.
i don't know why....but that's all i think about now.
as people think, it's probably my bad sleeping habbits and my lack of "good" sleep. as people say, on average people should sleep about 8 hours a day. but, there are stages to sleep that your mind is still awake.
lately, my parents have been telling me that i've been talking in my dreams alot. they say that it's no longer the same way i used to talk. they said before, i used to simply shout as if i were mad or angry at someone, but now days, it sounds like i'm talking like an insane person trying to calm someone or myself down. i sound like i'm on the verge of tears. blah....does this mean something?!?! is my mind not at rest even though it should be?! even in my sleep i think......holy crap..... the theories of sexual lusting or whatnot is somewhat relevant. but not everthing relates back to sex as young's theory say. blah....i'm very into psychology/sociology/anthropology......whack....how the only thing i'm good at is the only thing i like. but i don't know, after talking sociology, i think i might take teaching, or counselling, or maybe just go into a whole different field such as egh.....tourism? i don't know......sighs.....
but n e whoo.......going to the gym in about half an hour....gotsta find my other gym shirt.....=.=.....
i don't know why....but that's all i think about now.
as people think, it's probably my bad sleeping habbits and my lack of "good" sleep. as people say, on average people should sleep about 8 hours a day. but, there are stages to sleep that your mind is still awake.
lately, my parents have been telling me that i've been talking in my dreams alot. they say that it's no longer the same way i used to talk. they said before, i used to simply shout as if i were mad or angry at someone, but now days, it sounds like i'm talking like an insane person trying to calm someone or myself down. i sound like i'm on the verge of tears. blah....does this mean something?!?! is my mind not at rest even though it should be?! even in my sleep i think......holy crap..... the theories of sexual lusting or whatnot is somewhat relevant. but not everthing relates back to sex as young's theory say. blah....i'm very into psychology/sociology/anthropology......whack....how the only thing i'm good at is the only thing i like. but i don't know, after talking sociology, i think i might take teaching, or counselling, or maybe just go into a whole different field such as egh.....tourism? i don't know......sighs.....
but n e whoo.......going to the gym in about half an hour....gotsta find my other gym shirt.....=.=.....
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
kindness
you are sooo nice to me. you treat me like an actual friend. is there something you want from me? is there something you want to use me for again? are you trying to use me? you leave me thinking about your motives. the way you treat my friends is soooo oddly different from the way you treat me. sighs sighs. i really did care. and i really do care....and i think i will always care some bit. blah......
imagine this....
on your wedding day. you are about to make the person you love become your spouse, for all of eternity. yes, i know that wedding vows mean sooo little to sooo many people now days, but just think of how much it would mean if you all your heart and soul was with this person and that person's with you..... now imagine, you are about to get married, and the priest asks, "does anyone object?" and then all your past "lovers" or people that have a peice of your heart come up and say, yes i object. each and everyone says that a little part of him/her belongs to them.
i don't know.......i just think tooo muchie....grrrr....
oi......think i'm back to feeling normal, not happy nor depressed, just.....typical.....and don't bother asking me to define it......i won't be able to explain.....
imagine this....
on your wedding day. you are about to make the person you love become your spouse, for all of eternity. yes, i know that wedding vows mean sooo little to sooo many people now days, but just think of how much it would mean if you all your heart and soul was with this person and that person's with you..... now imagine, you are about to get married, and the priest asks, "does anyone object?" and then all your past "lovers" or people that have a peice of your heart come up and say, yes i object. each and everyone says that a little part of him/her belongs to them.
i don't know.......i just think tooo muchie....grrrr....
oi......think i'm back to feeling normal, not happy nor depressed, just.....typical.....and don't bother asking me to define it......i won't be able to explain.....
party or halloween?!?!
blah.....i suppose i'll ask about it with my parents. they'll all prolly be pissed off if i went to that party coming home all drunk and crap. then if i go out on halloween and crap....they'd bitch at me for that too.
i think my parent's answer will be no for either cases....unless they don't notice the date....but i doubt that they won't. my daddy would probably compare me with my sister saying how lil she went out at my age and stuff like that. my mommy would probably try to convince my dad to let me to go, but ultimately even if he says yes to let me go, i'd feel like crap to go on either day....so what's the point. i don't know if n e one understands that feeling, but i'm pretty sure val would understand....but then again, she's kinda grown used to it kinda. blah....i don't know......i don't talk to strangers, especially good looking older strangers that i've never talked to on-line before. so yeah.....i don't think i'll have much fun doing either really.
i'll have fun doing either or, but when i come home...holy shitters, i'll be in a hell of a yelling of my life. grrr.....i just don't know what to do....i just don't know. sighs sighs.
there's a part of me that really really wants to go because it would be another social event, but then there's another great part of me that says no no no because i really really really want to go. args.....but then again, i'm christian.....if i go out on halloween, what kinda image am i giving off? i mean, to many christian's out there, they really think it's no big deal, but is it really not that big? i think not....but that's just the way i was raised, and if people wanna convince me otherwise, you can go ahead and try, but i'm sure i won't budge. i don't believe in dressing up as something dead or evil. why the hell would you want that?!?! i think it's utterly stupid, but if people enjoy it, well that's what they do with their past time. i don't give out candy, so don't come round my house, i won't give you n e thing. i'm anal on things like this.....so yeah....
i think my parent's answer will be no for either cases....unless they don't notice the date....but i doubt that they won't. my daddy would probably compare me with my sister saying how lil she went out at my age and stuff like that. my mommy would probably try to convince my dad to let me to go, but ultimately even if he says yes to let me go, i'd feel like crap to go on either day....so what's the point. i don't know if n e one understands that feeling, but i'm pretty sure val would understand....but then again, she's kinda grown used to it kinda. blah....i don't know......i don't talk to strangers, especially good looking older strangers that i've never talked to on-line before. so yeah.....i don't think i'll have much fun doing either really.
i'll have fun doing either or, but when i come home...holy shitters, i'll be in a hell of a yelling of my life. grrr.....i just don't know what to do....i just don't know. sighs sighs.
there's a part of me that really really wants to go because it would be another social event, but then there's another great part of me that says no no no because i really really really want to go. args.....but then again, i'm christian.....if i go out on halloween, what kinda image am i giving off? i mean, to many christian's out there, they really think it's no big deal, but is it really not that big? i think not....but that's just the way i was raised, and if people wanna convince me otherwise, you can go ahead and try, but i'm sure i won't budge. i don't believe in dressing up as something dead or evil. why the hell would you want that?!?! i think it's utterly stupid, but if people enjoy it, well that's what they do with their past time. i don't give out candy, so don't come round my house, i won't give you n e thing. i'm anal on things like this.....so yeah....
funnay
i still think it's totally hillarious that my mommy thinks that i'd marry before my sister would. but i completely doubt that.
my sister is head over heals with a guy that is head over heals with her. but then again, i've never really known the guy very well. meh. but he seems like he cares for her much and i totally salute both of them. sighs. i don't know, it just seems sooo difficult to be connected to people on that level.
maybe it's cause i'm still young, but blah......i don't believe in dating. honestly, i don't. dating is like shopping and returning clothes that you have already worn. i mean, as a girl, i've seen people do this....and it's disgusting.... but yeah....i don't know.....dating is sooo much like using someone for your own benefit. i just don't know, that's how it feels to me. that's why well....i'd rather totally fall in love one day, get married, be happy for the rest of my life with the occasional super bad fight that you patch back together afterwards. but maybe it's cause i think like an old chick. meh.....i'm tooo "traditional" and my ways would probably die with me.
well see, i think my parents are doing a great job of raising me. and i don't think i'd be ashamed to say the things my parents say to me to my children. what i'm worried about is my temper, my my mom's, i'm afraid that i'll become an anal bitch about everything once something pisses me off bad. grrrr.....i can only pray that all will go well...
i pray that everyone in uni with like mid-terms have done well and will do well.
funny how things are....don't think i'll be getting rid of this account. i just can't. i've lived with this account for two years, and it will be like parting with a good friend....meh....
my sister is head over heals with a guy that is head over heals with her. but then again, i've never really known the guy very well. meh. but he seems like he cares for her much and i totally salute both of them. sighs. i don't know, it just seems sooo difficult to be connected to people on that level.
maybe it's cause i'm still young, but blah......i don't believe in dating. honestly, i don't. dating is like shopping and returning clothes that you have already worn. i mean, as a girl, i've seen people do this....and it's disgusting.... but yeah....i don't know.....dating is sooo much like using someone for your own benefit. i just don't know, that's how it feels to me. that's why well....i'd rather totally fall in love one day, get married, be happy for the rest of my life with the occasional super bad fight that you patch back together afterwards. but maybe it's cause i think like an old chick. meh.....i'm tooo "traditional" and my ways would probably die with me.
well see, i think my parents are doing a great job of raising me. and i don't think i'd be ashamed to say the things my parents say to me to my children. what i'm worried about is my temper, my my mom's, i'm afraid that i'll become an anal bitch about everything once something pisses me off bad. grrrr.....i can only pray that all will go well...
i pray that everyone in uni with like mid-terms have done well and will do well.
funny how things are....don't think i'll be getting rid of this account. i just can't. i've lived with this account for two years, and it will be like parting with a good friend....meh....
wow
i don't know why, but suddenly, i don't feel sooo happy.
sooo many problems with other people. none of it affects me personally, but yet i don't know....it makes me think about my own situation.
let's see, people always say that when they are with someone, they want to be single, but when they are single, they wish to be with someone. do you find this true for yourself? i ask this question to myself, and then when i come to think about it, i find that this statement totally does not relate to my life.
and then when i think of my answer to that question, i wonder why i think the way i think this way. and then it appears to me that i'm tooo sensitive. it appears to me that i think tooo much. then it appears to me that my friends were right, i'm just too into "relationships." simply, this is because i am in love with the idea of being in love and end up loving everything. this is not necessarily bad, and is not necessarily a good thing either. but me no noe. sighs sighs. it's weird how it comes to be in like waves of thoughts.
i dont' know, but sometimes, i just become gloomy for no apparent reason.
holy crappers guy, i realy gotsta stop rushing myself in doing things. it's not good for me. i believe in GOD. i believe in fate. i believe in destiny. but you know, even though i do believe in all these things, i most definately believe that there is a plan. but, even though there is a plan, nothing will happen if i don't take the first initial steps. it doesn't mean now, but maybe in the future. holy crap.....me say but alot. grr.....need new vocab and conjunctions and connective words.....blah.
sooo many problems with other people. none of it affects me personally, but yet i don't know....it makes me think about my own situation.
let's see, people always say that when they are with someone, they want to be single, but when they are single, they wish to be with someone. do you find this true for yourself? i ask this question to myself, and then when i come to think about it, i find that this statement totally does not relate to my life.
and then when i think of my answer to that question, i wonder why i think the way i think this way. and then it appears to me that i'm tooo sensitive. it appears to me that i think tooo much. then it appears to me that my friends were right, i'm just too into "relationships." simply, this is because i am in love with the idea of being in love and end up loving everything. this is not necessarily bad, and is not necessarily a good thing either. but me no noe. sighs sighs. it's weird how it comes to be in like waves of thoughts.
i dont' know, but sometimes, i just become gloomy for no apparent reason.
holy crappers guy, i realy gotsta stop rushing myself in doing things. it's not good for me. i believe in GOD. i believe in fate. i believe in destiny. but you know, even though i do believe in all these things, i most definately believe that there is a plan. but, even though there is a plan, nothing will happen if i don't take the first initial steps. it doesn't mean now, but maybe in the future. holy crap.....me say but alot. grr.....need new vocab and conjunctions and connective words.....blah.
twin, double...keke^^:D:P
holy crap......found someone's twin.....keke^^:D:P
kinda made my day...keke^^:D:P
stupid stupid me, but oh wellz.....
it's not good to like someone just cause they are similar to someone else.....blah...
so yeah....keke^^:D:P
meh no noe.....
well i think i'll sleep soon cause i haveta go to school early...keke^^:D:P
gotsta do a project for tom......
did i see him or was it just a look a like?!?!?
hope patty boi is safe....
kinda made my day...keke^^:D:P
stupid stupid me, but oh wellz.....
it's not good to like someone just cause they are similar to someone else.....blah...
so yeah....keke^^:D:P
meh no noe.....
well i think i'll sleep soon cause i haveta go to school early...keke^^:D:P
gotsta do a project for tom......
did i see him or was it just a look a like?!?!?
hope patty boi is safe....
psychology vs sociology
well my mommy was just talking to me about psychology and sociology. keke^^:DP and she thinks i don't know the difference between these two. keke^^:D:P how ignorant does she think i am?!?! keke^^:D:P i don't blame her for not knowing the difference, but think i didn't know?!?! she's one funny chica....keke^^:D:P
yupz yupz. gotsta like improve my mando skills.......loosing those too......blah.....
when n e whoo, my mommy was telling me that there's this woman that took both sociology and psychology and there's a diff. no duh.... when you talk about someone's psychy you are talking about their brain. it's their individual character development. their individual emotional and mental responses. where as sociology, the pre-fix of the word is soci....and normally when you see that, that is for social patterns. so basically, sociology is the social patterns within groups and or institutions. so yeah......not that big of a diff cause you study most of the same things, cept that they are just applied differently.
see, i think it's interesting to read about psychology and sociology and anthropology. on the other hand, i think it completely boring to read about physics and chem and math. well i won't say it's boring, it's more like i just don't get it. but i have a urge to read about it all....but still what time do i have to do that?!?!?
plus, to many, i'm already a living, walking, talking fact book. but i suppose the next thing i'll try to train myself to do is be a living, walking, talking dictionary.......well at least this christmas i know which book i'll be reading alot of....keke^^:D:P
plus, i gotsta read more n e ways because my writing skills suck. yeah, if they never created a thesaurus, my essays would be so unsophisticated. keke^^:D:P but at least i know my writing skills have improved. keke^^:D:P
yeah, miss carol still has my best piece of writing in my opinion. i tried hard to write that "all about me" and make it sound interesting.......do i still have it?!?! i think i'm going to print off a copy and keep it for memory sake.
oh yeah....pet peeve.....when people pronounce the japanese alcohol drink sake, like saying "for heaven's sake".....i hate that sooo much!!! it's pronounced as sa- as in the sa sound in sand.....and ke- as in k-eh. goodness gracious, man......stupid oakville people living in a bubble.....=.= oh wellz.....
yupz yupz. gotsta like improve my mando skills.......loosing those too......blah.....
when n e whoo, my mommy was telling me that there's this woman that took both sociology and psychology and there's a diff. no duh.... when you talk about someone's psychy you are talking about their brain. it's their individual character development. their individual emotional and mental responses. where as sociology, the pre-fix of the word is soci....and normally when you see that, that is for social patterns. so basically, sociology is the social patterns within groups and or institutions. so yeah......not that big of a diff cause you study most of the same things, cept that they are just applied differently.
see, i think it's interesting to read about psychology and sociology and anthropology. on the other hand, i think it completely boring to read about physics and chem and math. well i won't say it's boring, it's more like i just don't get it. but i have a urge to read about it all....but still what time do i have to do that?!?!?
plus, to many, i'm already a living, walking, talking fact book. but i suppose the next thing i'll try to train myself to do is be a living, walking, talking dictionary.......well at least this christmas i know which book i'll be reading alot of....keke^^:D:P
plus, i gotsta read more n e ways because my writing skills suck. yeah, if they never created a thesaurus, my essays would be so unsophisticated. keke^^:D:P but at least i know my writing skills have improved. keke^^:D:P
yeah, miss carol still has my best piece of writing in my opinion. i tried hard to write that "all about me" and make it sound interesting.......do i still have it?!?! i think i'm going to print off a copy and keep it for memory sake.
oh yeah....pet peeve.....when people pronounce the japanese alcohol drink sake, like saying "for heaven's sake".....i hate that sooo much!!! it's pronounced as sa- as in the sa sound in sand.....and ke- as in k-eh. goodness gracious, man......stupid oakville people living in a bubble.....=.= oh wellz.....
typing away
yeah, i didn't sleep tooo well last night again. i think tooo muchie.....=.=...grrrrr...
yeah, i'm rather going crazy, i bark like a dog and talk like a human....blah. i'm mad at my dog for eating my lip chap......grrrrr to him too. but oh wellz, he doesn't know n e better. but still....grrrrrr....
kekek^^:D:P
n e whoo.....lil ol me should be studying for a calc test that is in about and hour's time......but well, i really don't feel like studying and i'm really really tired. yeah i didn't sleep till 1 last night. i got to bed at 12, but i was staring at my "teen fa ban" for about an hour or so....
holy crap......my chinese is deteriorating sooo quickly....grrr....gotsta speak more canto.....
blah, i don't think i'll be going back to hk. maybe i'll stay here. really depends on GOD's plans...
still feel like crap.....still feeling shitty as ever. meh...typical me....
~everything is but an excuse for doing something~
yeah, i'm rather going crazy, i bark like a dog and talk like a human....blah. i'm mad at my dog for eating my lip chap......grrrrr to him too. but oh wellz, he doesn't know n e better. but still....grrrrrr....
kekek^^:D:P
n e whoo.....lil ol me should be studying for a calc test that is in about and hour's time......but well, i really don't feel like studying and i'm really really tired. yeah i didn't sleep till 1 last night. i got to bed at 12, but i was staring at my "teen fa ban" for about an hour or so....
holy crap......my chinese is deteriorating sooo quickly....grrr....gotsta speak more canto.....
blah, i don't think i'll be going back to hk. maybe i'll stay here. really depends on GOD's plans...
still feel like crap.....still feeling shitty as ever. meh...typical me....
~everything is but an excuse for doing something~
derivatives...
man....stupid calc test.....it's got me naming my entries what i'm doing in clac. stupid stupid stupid. well n e whoo......i hope i do well on this one. i hope i won't make stupid mistcakes like the ones i made at my tutoring. yeah......my tutors worried about this test cause i don't seem to know what i'm doing, well rather, i know what i'm doing, but i don't do it well. i'm nervous i'm going to blank out. sighs sighs.
calc isn't sooo hard, but it's just because i've been falling behind in math and i haven't been trying to catch up. i'll be satisfied with a high seventy this time.....but i'm still aiming for a 90!!! always shoot for the stars!!!! yeah yeah.
plus, i have never been a mathematic logical thinker in this kinda sense. i have never been good with numbers like my dad was. he can pull numbers outta his ass and make it to a logical math thinking question.....blah....
well n e whoo, i think i'm not doing tooo bad in diversity, but i'm not doing tooo hot in society. sighs sighs. should study harder. blah.
calc isn't sooo hard, but it's just because i've been falling behind in math and i haven't been trying to catch up. i'll be satisfied with a high seventy this time.....but i'm still aiming for a 90!!! always shoot for the stars!!!! yeah yeah.
plus, i have never been a mathematic logical thinker in this kinda sense. i have never been good with numbers like my dad was. he can pull numbers outta his ass and make it to a logical math thinking question.....blah....
well n e whoo, i think i'm not doing tooo bad in diversity, but i'm not doing tooo hot in society. sighs sighs. should study harder. blah.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
don't worry
nah jo, if n e thing, i'd feel bad......what i do for you is homework, i don't pay for it. if n e thing, it would be me using your gas....serious man.....you always drive me places cause i don't have a car and i don't have a job. if n e one was to feel bad about being used....it should be me. don't worry about it. what i do to help is because i want to. plus, i don't do shit that i don't want. keke^^:D:P so don't worry bout it. if i thought i was being used, i'd say something. don't worry about it. i'm serious, i don't feel used. i like to do work, it keeps me going. it keeps me away from my own enemy, me.
lately no one would know how lonely i feel, but it's not because i'm not with friends, but i just do. i feel like i'm running on empty. i like winter, but blah.....for the last few years around this time i've felt like shit. and i can't get myself out of this shit hole cycle.
sighs.....i don't feel like telling my problems to n e one. and lately, i haven't blogged either. and now, i find it even hard to blog about my thoughts. i simply just wish to keep them to self. sighs sighs.
having another breakdown. oh how great....args....there's nothing wrong in my fucking life. sighs. an excuse to be unhappy. sighs. this isn't the way i want to feel. how can that be an excuse if i don't even wanna feel this way?!? how?!?! sighs sighs.
what's wrong with me?!?! sighs.
some say it's just being a teenager. some say it's just being human. some just say there isn't n e thing wrong. some people say it's depression. some people say it's an excuse. some people say it's stupidity. some say it's ignorance. some simply just don't give a damn. sighs.
i think i'll sleep....i can't really wait till brian comes back....i have a test tom.....
i just wanna jump off that cliff.......sighs......knowing me...i'll prolly land on dog shit....keke^^:D:P sorry, that's just funnay...
yeah...steped in dog shit again today....yeah...from a bad day to a worst day....sighs sighs.....
stupid irresponsable people leaving their dog's shit all over the place. holy shit, if people don't wanna pick up dog shit, then don't have a dog! have a cat! fucking idiots! blah....i'll pick it up if i haveta, but if my mother or sister or father were there, of course i'd want them to pick it up...so yeah.....stupid people.....
lately no one would know how lonely i feel, but it's not because i'm not with friends, but i just do. i feel like i'm running on empty. i like winter, but blah.....for the last few years around this time i've felt like shit. and i can't get myself out of this shit hole cycle.
sighs.....i don't feel like telling my problems to n e one. and lately, i haven't blogged either. and now, i find it even hard to blog about my thoughts. i simply just wish to keep them to self. sighs sighs.
having another breakdown. oh how great....args....there's nothing wrong in my fucking life. sighs. an excuse to be unhappy. sighs. this isn't the way i want to feel. how can that be an excuse if i don't even wanna feel this way?!? how?!?! sighs sighs.
what's wrong with me?!?! sighs.
some say it's just being a teenager. some say it's just being human. some just say there isn't n e thing wrong. some people say it's depression. some people say it's an excuse. some people say it's stupidity. some say it's ignorance. some simply just don't give a damn. sighs.
i think i'll sleep....i can't really wait till brian comes back....i have a test tom.....
i just wanna jump off that cliff.......sighs......knowing me...i'll prolly land on dog shit....keke^^:D:P sorry, that's just funnay...
yeah...steped in dog shit again today....yeah...from a bad day to a worst day....sighs sighs.....
stupid irresponsable people leaving their dog's shit all over the place. holy shit, if people don't wanna pick up dog shit, then don't have a dog! have a cat! fucking idiots! blah....i'll pick it up if i haveta, but if my mother or sister or father were there, of course i'd want them to pick it up...so yeah.....stupid people.....
=.=
one pound, the happiness.....
the iimportance of food, but sooo many clothes to wear?!?!?
what the fuck are the lyrics of this song saying?!?!?
args......stupid anorexic asian chics....=.=
but then again, how i loathe to be like them, i am no longer skinny, and i constaly fight with being healthy.
grrrr....
sighs.........i'm like the fattest in my family of kids....sighs sighs.....
i'm like completely broad.....sighs sighs.....
i feel like eating....maybe it's this gap and emptiness i feel......and i'm trying to fill it with food...i'll just drink some water.......
the iimportance of food, but sooo many clothes to wear?!?!?
what the fuck are the lyrics of this song saying?!?!?
args......stupid anorexic asian chics....=.=
but then again, how i loathe to be like them, i am no longer skinny, and i constaly fight with being healthy.
grrrr....
sighs.........i'm like the fattest in my family of kids....sighs sighs.....
i'm like completely broad.....sighs sighs.....
i feel like eating....maybe it's this gap and emptiness i feel......and i'm trying to fill it with food...i'll just drink some water.......
hahah
oh man.....i finally know exactly which churchie cat goes too. keke^^:D:P mcmac.....duh....why was i sooo dumb?!?! well not that i didn't know about the church....i just figured out where it was....keke^^:D:P but meh....
don't know......won't be going to that church......sighs...why did my church make sooo many enemies?!?!? how?!?!
oh wellz....going to church isn't for the people, it's for GOD. and i suppose that's what really counts.....i really haveta bring my life closer to him than to dwell on myself.
args...stupid dog.....haveta go out and buy a new vanilla lip chap.....grrr......
me and my stupid vanilla fettish....=.=.....
don't know......won't be going to that church......sighs...why did my church make sooo many enemies?!?!? how?!?!
oh wellz....going to church isn't for the people, it's for GOD. and i suppose that's what really counts.....i really haveta bring my life closer to him than to dwell on myself.
args...stupid dog.....haveta go out and buy a new vanilla lip chap.....grrr......
me and my stupid vanilla fettish....=.=.....
not good at n e thing
i'm a failure. the only thing i can do right is dress for the weather.....sighs sighs.......
don't feel like doing n e thing......but i don't wanna sit at home either.
i probably can't go to that party thing next week. nor do i think i can do like halloween for hunger......i don't know....probably won't be able to.....sighs sighs.
i don't drink.......i don't celebrate halloween. nor do i think i should participate with fastivities of halloween. blah.....
wanna leave....
wanna go...
wanna stay....don't wanna move.....
don't feel like doing n e thing......but i don't wanna sit at home either.
i probably can't go to that party thing next week. nor do i think i can do like halloween for hunger......i don't know....probably won't be able to.....sighs sighs.
i don't drink.......i don't celebrate halloween. nor do i think i should participate with fastivities of halloween. blah.....
wanna leave....
wanna go...
wanna stay....don't wanna move.....
sleep
sleeping alot less. sighs sighs.
eating alot less....
lack of energy...
lack of motivation.....
it hurts to smile these days. it feels soo unnuormal....sighs sighs....
blah.....what's so gray about the way i am living now?!?! blah......
eating alot less....
lack of energy...
lack of motivation.....
it hurts to smile these days. it feels soo unnuormal....sighs sighs....
blah.....what's so gray about the way i am living now?!?! blah......
dreams...
i have been sooo out of it since this morning. yeah, right before i had a very weird dream....
args....here is how it goes. i suppose dreams are the substance of man. dreams come from the subconscious of man. dreams are what drives us, something we don't think about. and then pop......my unconscious then becomes my conscious cause i'm thinking about a dream...=.=
here goes...
and so, i'm in a pool with jean...and then suddenly she becomes a new asian chic that i have never seen before. but, while i'm there, it seemed like i knew her like a very good friend. and then suddenly from beyond a forest, my first ex comes by and starts dissing her and i. we bothed looked at each other and both looked completely dumfounded. started laughing, and then the next thing i knew, i was completely changed in a room that had walls the colour of sienna and the chairs were of dark brown leather. or maybe velvet?!? but it doesn't matter, and then sighs....another of my ex's.....sighs......just comes out of a doorway, and he comes by and puts his arm around me. and i was like, "hey, you we're broken up now. what the hell are you doing?" and he's like...."well, we'll see about that". and then he takes his other hand and grabs my hand. args.....it felt sooo real. i could smell him.....=.= his skin was sooo clean....=.= he smelt sooo good=.= why the hell do i still remember this?!?! but n e ways...the way he held my hand was just that way that that......i don't know......that way that we used to.
stupid dreams....sighs....it was sooo weird. but it just felt sooo real. it felt sooo sweet......but why now?!?! why?!?! sighs....plus.....i know it will never happen because i'm going to keep it that way.. plus....i deserve better i suppose. or somebody deserves better may not be i, but whatever.
sighs......and add on to frustration comes confusion....
oh yeah......global news says i am suffering from depression.....=.=
args....here is how it goes. i suppose dreams are the substance of man. dreams come from the subconscious of man. dreams are what drives us, something we don't think about. and then pop......my unconscious then becomes my conscious cause i'm thinking about a dream...=.=
here goes...
and so, i'm in a pool with jean...and then suddenly she becomes a new asian chic that i have never seen before. but, while i'm there, it seemed like i knew her like a very good friend. and then suddenly from beyond a forest, my first ex comes by and starts dissing her and i. we bothed looked at each other and both looked completely dumfounded. started laughing, and then the next thing i knew, i was completely changed in a room that had walls the colour of sienna and the chairs were of dark brown leather. or maybe velvet?!? but it doesn't matter, and then sighs....another of my ex's.....sighs......just comes out of a doorway, and he comes by and puts his arm around me. and i was like, "hey, you we're broken up now. what the hell are you doing?" and he's like...."well, we'll see about that". and then he takes his other hand and grabs my hand. args.....it felt sooo real. i could smell him.....=.= his skin was sooo clean....=.= he smelt sooo good=.= why the hell do i still remember this?!?! but n e ways...the way he held my hand was just that way that that......i don't know......that way that we used to.
stupid dreams....sighs....it was sooo weird. but it just felt sooo real. it felt sooo sweet......but why now?!?! why?!?! sighs....plus.....i know it will never happen because i'm going to keep it that way.. plus....i deserve better i suppose. or somebody deserves better may not be i, but whatever.
sighs......and add on to frustration comes confusion....
oh yeah......global news says i am suffering from depression.....=.=
wow
well now, people think it's scary that i haven't like updated for like 3 days, and it's not because my pc had a breakdown. i just haven't felt like going on line.
i'm supposed to be studying now, but i really don't feel like it...
warning all those that may look through my agenda, i won't let you.....yeah....i just won't....
yeah......lately feeling very well egh.....not bubbly just say. not enthusiastic, not hyper, just plain.....just egh....nothing to describe it besides just plain and boring then. sighs sighs.
i can't wait to get outside of this stupid white snobby bubble called oakville. sighs sighs.
i'm being driven insane.....
sighs sighs....all i feel like doing is isolating myself.......i think i kinda achieved that though. i mean, i know i have friends and they always ask me what's wrong, but it's not that, i feel sooo alone.....but i know i have friends. my friends care and i know they do, just because i don't see them, i don't tlak to them doesn't mean they ain't my friends, but i ain't sooo sure of that about how those "friends" think i am. blah.....some of those people i call friends never really ever thought of me as a friend....so it really makes no difference. and the thing is, there are only just sooo many people that i call friends....oh wellz.
living in my own bubble.....i see things....and i feel like it's going to pop, maybe it's better that it does. and i hope when it does pop.......i hope it's with mandy around me because i'll sooo yell at that bitch for all the immaturity and bullshit she talks about me behind my back. grrr.... i know i shouldn't play sooo low......i just hope one of these days that i don't burst....but i know that day will happen when i can't take this bull shit from her n e more. blah...her words should mean crap since all that comes out is shit....
i'm supposed to be studying now, but i really don't feel like it...
warning all those that may look through my agenda, i won't let you.....yeah....i just won't....
yeah......lately feeling very well egh.....not bubbly just say. not enthusiastic, not hyper, just plain.....just egh....nothing to describe it besides just plain and boring then. sighs sighs.
i can't wait to get outside of this stupid white snobby bubble called oakville. sighs sighs.
i'm being driven insane.....
sighs sighs....all i feel like doing is isolating myself.......i think i kinda achieved that though. i mean, i know i have friends and they always ask me what's wrong, but it's not that, i feel sooo alone.....but i know i have friends. my friends care and i know they do, just because i don't see them, i don't tlak to them doesn't mean they ain't my friends, but i ain't sooo sure of that about how those "friends" think i am. blah.....some of those people i call friends never really ever thought of me as a friend....so it really makes no difference. and the thing is, there are only just sooo many people that i call friends....oh wellz.
living in my own bubble.....i see things....and i feel like it's going to pop, maybe it's better that it does. and i hope when it does pop.......i hope it's with mandy around me because i'll sooo yell at that bitch for all the immaturity and bullshit she talks about me behind my back. grrr.... i know i shouldn't play sooo low......i just hope one of these days that i don't burst....but i know that day will happen when i can't take this bull shit from her n e more. blah...her words should mean crap since all that comes out is shit....
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