sighs sighs. i don't know, but i can't seem to shake of my mind that i'm just meant for something.

ever since i was young, i was a christian. never in my mind, was there a doubt that JESUS was GOD. yes, there was doubts, but maybe there was a meaning for me to have believed since i was young. let's see, i never had friends when i was young, but yet i only became a lil bit bitter, but yet, i don't hate. slowly and gradually, that bitterness turned into anger. that anger slowly turned in to annoyance. and later on, that annoyance turned into acceptance. sighs sighs.

it's weird how things so sever could just turn so minor. maybe it comes with age and called maturity. sighs sighs i still can't believe i sounded soooo harsh, i'm really really sorry....

see, i don't even know why i even said those things to bessie. i know i shoulda been there to give her a shoulder, but instead, i gave her a slap on the face. maybe it's because everyone was afraid to say the truth, and all she wanted to hear was what she wanted to hear. but yet i think i did the wrong thing. i wuz kinda frustrated at the moment when i said that to her. i hope she'll forgive me. sighs sighs.

it's funnay how when u have the affection of someone, when they show it in ways that you do not want, that well, u just don't want that affection at all. isn't it funnay how that when you don't want to hear something, you are going to hear it said. i am really sorry i said that, and you'll prolly be angry at me for lyphe for saying that, and that's prolly why i loose friends, but if you really taste my words, u'll understand that that's just the way they see you. they see you as that precious budding flower, the one growing to be soo beautiful. they can't handle that they might haveta one day give that flower away.

sighs sighs, just finished writing a thought to bessie. sighs sighs. i hope she forgives meh, i really didn't mean to sound soo blunt, i didn't mean to sound so harsh, i didn't want to lecture you. sighs sighs. it just came out that way because i'm also bitter at the world at the present moment. i'm still bitter about everything. i'm sorry that i came out soo strong, but everytime i hear everyones problem, and many problems are still the same. i mean, yeah, alcohol abuse, physical abuse, words just said that hurt. it's all the same, it's still problems. it's all aroused because you don't accept or the other person doesn't accept. i didn't mean it to sound harsh, even though harsh realities are the same everywhere. i couldn't put them in words that hurt less. u prolly hate meh now, i'm sorry

it's been a few days since my last post. muhahaha. well hm. jenny, dis year or dis skool year....i shall be single la. muhahaha=>:D:P no one's planning to do n e thing drastic. muhahaha=>:D:P i'm writing thoughts to you about you muhahaha, but u rarely ever read my thoughts. muhahaha=>:D:P sux to be me. muhahaha=>:D:P i'm just a very happy lil gurlie riding the top of the world. hehehe=>:D:P yupz yupz, gonna call yaz tonight...muhahaha. meh soo bored dese days...gotsta get a lyphe...muhahah. yupz yupz.

brian, miss talking to ya, but u prolly don't even read my thoughts n e more. u've become like sucluded.....am i even using da right word in the right context? wow. i'm sooo like lost. i can't think right now

hm.....jean, what happened to us, we've become soo distant. sighs sighs...

bessie, outta all this, at least one good thing came outta it...muhahaha......at least i talk to you more now!!1 muhahaha.....unless i'm in my own lil happy world....of course of course...

okayz, yupz yupz. muhahaha=>:D:P it's not too bad i suppose. meh sooo bored doe. sighs sighs. haven't updated my thoughts in a while now. i remember all da good times and the bad. but somehow.....all da good just doesn't weigh more den da good somehow it seems. sighs sighs. i can't help it. yupz yupz. i am no officially over both of the people i previously liked. i just can't take dis....well not over....i am officially not gonna worry or think. muhahha=>:D:P i'll just listen to patty boi. muhahaha. since brian doesn't talk to meh muchie n emore, i'll just haveta stick with my other best buddies. muahahah=>:D:P well i wouldn't say best buddies, cause u would think dat best buddies do everything together, but i don't. so whateva. hehehe=>:D:P i don't like to be the center of attention, but i like it all at da same time. muahaha=>:D:P gonna be studying supa hard dis like week. gots two tests coming up. and one, i know i'm gonna flunk cause i ain't good at math. sighs sighs. the other one english, i hate shakespear, but i do respect the way he writes. sighs sighs. u noe what i miss now? imiss da days of grade 10, what happened to that happy lil gurl i wuz? what happened to the lil girl in grade 7? or maybe that wuz the problem, i wuz da happy LIL gurl. sighs sighs. oh wellz. dat's only cause i'm not trying in skool, and i'm actually flunking my own standards. sighs sighs. i will get higher than and eighty in all my courses....just watch meh....muhahaha=>:D:P yupz yupz. sighs sighs.

i'm happy for you that u are happy now. i really don't want you to neglect meh n e more. i can't take this n e more. yeah, i know u need em. but really, do you haveta neglect the buddies u call friends? sighs sighs. what happened to what we USED to BE?!?!? i know that u are happy, i can understand that, but what happened to us? we were so close, the bestest of buddies, and yet i hurt u all the time because i just didn't think, and now that i try to be better, u just leave me? what the heck is all dis? sighs sighs. it's not just what i see. maybe i shall forever be dat gurl that will just sit in the lonely corner and like forever just deteriorate slowly. sighs sighs. sooo evil. arg. sighs sighs. wish all things coulda been da same. but what doesn't break you only makes u stronger. sighs sighs...

bessie....BESSIE!!! sighs sighs......are u sure u wanna see my yearbookie? dey all look soo ugly in my yearbook!!! arg arg.....man...i lost a few more pounds again...sighs sighs. muhahaha. ur butt wuz sooo not hanging off the piano chair...oh crap.....dat reminds meh.....i haveta practice da piano....frick it. arg. oh wellz.....i'll be good....just watch meh....muhahahahah

what can i say? if i wake up grumpy, stay away...because i'll scream at you.....hm...can't wait till monday.....

sighs sighs. i'm tired, i need a nap. sighs sighs. going shopping? sighs sighs. not planning to. want to be free, want to not go home. sighs sighs. but my home doesn't belong n e where here. yeah, getting baptized at christmas time. and maybe it's not my time to tell my parents yet. maybe i shall never tell them until they question me. sighs ishgs. maybe that's my problem, i don't tell them n e thing even though i know i should. maybe it's my fault that my family isn't sticking with the glue that it should be sticking like. sighs sighs. my dad's cranked up the tv volume so he won't hear my mommy yelling. my mommy slammed the door with rage. sighs sighs. i hate this. living in a torn world. maybe that's where i learnt to hide soo well. maybe this is where i learnt to be afraid of everything and everyone. maybe maybe not. sighs sighs. maybe this is where i learnt to hate family. maybe i jsut can't get over the past. maybe my childhood has caused me to despise my parents. abused childhood. yeah, the spanking bit wuz taken just a lil bit too far with the hair pulling, the slaps across the face, the words that i wuz pathetic. maybe.......sighs....memories. sighs sighs..

maybe that's why i've always despised being home. maybe that's why i've always wanted to be somewhere else. sighs sighs. where's the day when memories will be washed and all i have is this outter form? sighs sighs. why ask? i know it's not gonna happen. where's my day of pure true untouched happiness? sighs sighs. certainly it wuzn't with you wuz it? because obviously that day wuz way too short. sighs sighs. maybe it would be even betta for meh to be in a coma or sumthing, then i won't haveta see things or actually live as i'm apart of the world. sighs sighs.....at least then i'm still living, but just barely. sighs sighs....my daddy's driven the car somewhere now. slammed the door. my mommy's starting to yell at meh, sighs sighs, i would yell at myself too. sighs sighs. muhahaha.....i can sing most of the song in japanese now....muhahahah

sighs sighs. i hate this. my world is crashing down in front of meh again. my parents are arguing again. sighs sighs. can someone hide meh? sighs sighs. can i avoid this anger that brews in our family? sighs sighs. with every "family" decision it seems tome that my family gets more pulled apart. sighs sighs. how it would be nice to run away from all this. yeah, what happened to the happy family we once were?

well i finally found the english translations since i couldn't type the chinese one on here

Your last kiss had the flavor of tabacco
A bitter and sad scent
Where will you be tomorrow at this time?
Who are you thinking of?
You are always gonna be my love
Even if I fall in love with someone else once again
I'll remember to love, you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Now it's still a sad love song
Until I'm able to sing a new song

Time stood still, but it's trying to move once more
Full of things I don't want to forget
I'll surely be crying tomorrow at this time
I'll be thinking of you
You will always be inside my heart
There's always a place just for you
I hope that I have a place in your heart, too
Now and forever you are still the one
Now it's still a sad love song
Until I'm able to sing a new song
You are always gonna be my love
Even if I fall in love with someone else once again
I'll remember to love, you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Now it's still a sad love song

Now and forever


muhahaha=>:D:P i've always loved this song.....

i can't get everything out of my head. there is soo much i need to say, but soo lil that i can and should say. i'm not upset....but yet i'm hurting. i'm happy, but i'm sad. i've been contridictory ever since i can remember. there is no time like the present to breathe in and out. there is no time like the present to let go but hold on. there is no time like the present to just be. there just is no time like the present. sighs sighs. i'm not a good motivational speaker. i'm not a good person, but no one is. one can only try. and effort is never enough. you will only ever want more. i'm typing nothing now, because i'm simplyjust tired. sighs sighs.....

the world has never been a nice place after adam and eve
why have people changed it to adam and steve?
do you not know what to keep sacred?
does your conscience have no feeling?
does it not tell you what is wrong and what is right?
i've lost the sense to be poetic, and all i have now are words
words are all i have to express
words are all i have to comfort
words are all i have to be who i am
rise above the ashes
like the phoenix, you've done it once, why not again?
energy and determination is what is left, but even energy is low
strength isn't everything, nor is wisdom
where is your strength to persevere?
where is your wisdom to keep you on the right path?
where is your all in all?
if you never pick yourself up, u will never stumble
but never picking urself up and never stumbling, u will never move
if you constantly stay in one place, will it not rot beneath you?
are you already digging your own grave?
let the dead worry about themselves.
hypocrite is not for you to call yourself, but what others call of you
hypocritical, is not everyone like that?

sighs sighs...how many people are lost in this world of ugliness? how many people have feelen into pits that are near impossible to climb up out of? how many people fall into the temtations of the devil? how many people get hurt just because? how many people have become cold to all those around them? how many people have lost the sense of love, joy, peace? how many people have just lost it all? how many people are unable to see? how many people have lost the sense to hear? how many? how many? how many?

i stare at a pencil my friend lends me. and i can't help feeling that he feels like he's missing something. i look at my house, and i can't help it but feel as if it's moaning. i look at myself and all i see is this.....

...one who does not understand
...one who rises above the ashes
...one who has climbed out of the bottomless pit
...one who is yet fallen in another pit
...one who tries, but never succeeds to the point she want
...one who wants too much and expects too much
...one who loves and gets hurt
...one who will never be comprehended.....

to hold against you for your thoughts, i'm prolly angering you now because i'm writing about you. i always somehow end up writing about you because of ur thoughts. ur sick and tired of hearing me say this, but i miss you beyond the way any words can describe. i'm childish, but yet too mature for my age. looks can be deceiving. thoughts can be lived out by lies. words can hide your true intensions. realization of what i don't need to know, besides that prolly reality hit you once again. and reality always hits like a tidal wave that crushes everything in sight. you've been knocked one too many times hard in the face and just can't take it any more. GOD CARES. love is something u choose to do. love is not a feeling. love is not based on n e thing. love is now and forever. love is what most people hate. what pure love is, u have no choice but to love. pure love isn't just based on a physical appearance, pure love is not beneficial, it has no criteria. what love is, you can't hate, because it's something tooo pure to be destroyed by love.

sighs sighs, i can't help but feel the pain that you can go through, wuz i not once there? has not everyone been there at least once? has not everyone felt emotional pain? does not everyone fall off a bike? sighs sighs. philosophical my bum. i try to be just the way i am. you can't be loved by everyone. u can't be hated by everyone, unless satan touches em. but GOD has ultimate power, now and forever will. .......can't help but think that i'm missing sumthing....can't help but think that there's something that's gonna go wrong. can't help it.

i'll leave eveyrone with this one thought.....
what you can't change, u will never be able to. what you can change, u don't always haveto. but what you need to change, u will change.

hm....i'll do what a friend did
......to a struggling christian
......to one that prolly doesn't read my thoughts n e more
......to one that seems to be troubled
......to the one who has realized reality again
......to the one who has been there for meh always
......to the one that dares not express
......to you i will write the following

epiphany, the definitions
e搆iph戢搖y ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-pf-n)
n. pl. e搆iph戢搖ies
Epiphany
A Christian feast celebrating the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi.
January 6, on which this feast is traditionally observed.
A revelatory manifestation of a divine being.

A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization: �I experienced an epiphany, a spiritual flash that would change the way I viewed myself� (Frank Maier).


the definitions for maturity
The state or quality of being fully grown or developed.
The state or quality of being mature.

The time at which a note or bond is due.
The state of a note or bond being due.
Geology. A stage in the development of streams or landscapes at which maximum development has been reached or at which the process of erosion is going on with maximum vigor. Maturity of a landscape continues throughout the period of maximum topographic differentiation or until about three fourths of the original mass is carried away by erosion.

the definitions for childish
Of, relating to, or suitable for a child or childhood: a high, childish voice; childish nightmares.

Marked by or indicating a lack of maturity; puerile: tired of your childish pranks.
Not complicated; simple.
Affected mentally by old age; senile.

realization....
The act of realizing or the condition of being realized.
The result of realizing.

well i'd type the chinese translation for first love, but stupid blogger doesn't let meh type it....so yeah...sighs sighs...

saigo no kisu wa
tabako no flavor ga shita
ngakute sutsunai kaori

ashita no imagoro ni wa
anita wa doki ni irun darou
dare wo amotterun darou

you are always gonna be my love
itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
i'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
ima wa mada kanishii love song
atarashii uta utaeru made

tachidomaru jikan ga
ugokidasou to shiteru
wasuretakunai koto bakari

ashita no imagoro niwa
watashi wa kitto naiteru
anata wo amotterun darou

you will always be inside my heart
itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
i hope that i have a place in your heart too
now and forever you are still the one
ima wa made kanishii love song
atarashii uta utaeru made

you are always gonna be my love
itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
i'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
ima wa mada kanashii love song
atarashii uta utaeru made

well afta dat nite's rest, i don't feel completely recharged.....at least just a bit. muhahaha=>:D:P well i feel happier today. just that last night, skool really pissed meh off. so in the same sense, yeah, u get it.....i brought that mood to fellowship, wuz wrong of meh. sighs sighs. yupz yupz, not dat n e one asked meh how i was feeling or n e thing, but i'm used to dat now. not everyone in the world will care, not everyone in the world would neglect u either. or even if they all neglect you, u will always have GOD, because he cannot run away from you, accept the one time when all the sin of the people pulled him away from JESUS. sounds like two diff people doesn't it? muhaha=>:D:P, but it's not.....all part of da trinity. well eitha way......i'm gonna get baptized. yupz yupz. i may be a rotten christian, and i should develop betta relationship with GOD before i like get baptized, but i can't help it. it's something i know i must do, and so, eventually, i will haveta. and because it's a duty of a christian, there is no time like the present to get baptized, why wait and procrastinate? the joy of decissions, muhahaha=>:D:P i normally hate making big choices for ourself. muhahaha=>:D:P we are definately moving to like the area right around ken's present house right now. sooo hillarious. muhahaha=>:D:P

man, can't get ova it.....but i really miss everyone, in times of trouble, i'll just miss you people even more. sighs sighs. i don't dream, and when i do, it's not a dream but a dejavou or whateva or however u spell it. just yesterday, maybe it was the inevitable that i'd loose all my energy to keep a smile on my face, but whateva. sighs sighs. i now think i wanna stay single. i don't think n e one deserves the mood changes i go into. like i'd make people feel miserable. yeah tim, i am lucky. if i try just hard enuff to talk to em, to be a good friend, i always get who i want. but dat's just da ways of manipulating in a sense. i'm overly friendly, but a very good friend. muahahah=>:D:P tim....gonna miss you boi....sighs sighs...not that i'm gonna go n e where. muhahaha=>:D:P gonna move for sure, but this house will always be my house, my dream, my world. even though it's far from everyone, i know at least i'll find some joy in it all. sighs sighs.

missie you all enuff to get sick now. muhahaha=>:D:P i'll get ur email soon. muhaahah=>:D:P both of urs...muhahaha=>:D:P

sighs sighs, feeling stress from no one, but yet stress from everything and everyone. sighs. i don't know why, but i have a feeling as if something's bad or worst is gonna happen. i know i'm just like thinking too muchie. sighs sighs. i have this feeling as if the world is once more gonna crash down on meh again. i hate this feeling of no feelings at all. sighs sighs. i really miss you people. i don't think n e one ever even reads my thoughts n e more. the more i end up likeing sumone, the more i feel like i'm missing sumthing. sighs sighs. by just being the way i am, i've made myself sad again. i need something to punch, but i need something to hold. i need something to break, but i need something to build. sighs sighs. i don't know wuz wrong again, is this like just hormonal stress or sumthing? i think i'm becoming paranoid with everything now. i've become like a schozophrenic type of person, who either sleeps too lil or sleeps too muchi, or eats too muchie or eats too lil. if words could describe the way i feel, i must say it's beyond miserable, but it's before suffering. i'm just emotionaly distressed now. sighs sighs

is this an anxiety attack? or is sumone litterally driving pins through my heart?!?!? arg!!!

i can't stop crying, and these tears aren't the ones that i shed through tears from the eyes, my tears are simply causing meh to shake. i don't know. all of a sudden, i've fallen on my bum bum again, and i really can't help but have the feeling that i really miss you people. i have this forboding feeling that something majorly wrong is happening around in the world. this i know is true, the world is in constant chaos, but it's sumthing more than the worldly chaos, it's this really bad feeling. i can't help it, but my body is shaking now, and my body won't stop shaking. am i worrying to much? am i stressing to much? am i missing too much? can't stop crying, can't stop shaking, can you tell meh that everything's gonna be alrights even though u noe it's a lie? can you tell meh that i'll be alright, even though i know i'm not gonna be alright. can you tell meh that it's just a fear? can't take this......my head, i'm shaking inside, i feel like i'm shrinking, i feel like my head is being knocked from side to side. my heart beat is too fast. breathing pattern uneven now. having another anxiety attack. it hurts. it hurts!!! i'm worrying too much ain't i?!? maybe i just need rest from all this. but please,can you tell meh it's alrights? yeah, maybe living a lie can be better to avoid sumthing, but u can't avoid something forever. u know u can't avoid it. u can walk on a different path, but you know what u are avoiding may always come bak. stop this!!! i can't take it....and i can't breathe prperly. i'm worrying too much ain't i? arg!!!!

to all my other friends, i know u have ur own set of problems. i know that ur past will or may not come bak to haunt you, but if it does, i can't help that, but say that i'll try to listen as much as possible. yeah, not all my friends are christian, i am, but not a great one, but still i will try. i'm a hypocrite, everyone is, and don't u lie to meh saying u ain't because u know u have enuff to hide that you could bury urself. maybe exaggerated, but u get the image. to all ur problems and burdens, i'll say dis, GOD TOOK UR SEAT. HE TOOK UR PLACE SO YOU COULD BE FREE. GOD IS ALWAYS THERE WHERE NO MAN CAN UNDERSTAND.

GOD LOVES YOU!!! GOD LOVES YOU!!! MAY GOD BLESS YOU!!!

pat, i know ur stressed out now. and i kinda got bitchy because i noticed dat stress. but as all the people around meh have been like becoming distant, and i notice that everyone has thier own set of problems. and what i say to brian, i say to you, i miss you too. i cherish who you are, and i may or may not agree with you all the time, but i still will miss you. sighs sighs. i see you every week at least once, or at least every other week, but it's not enuff. as the days become shorter, and u have more time to reflect and sit and think about everything in ur lyphe....i notice i'm just sitting in front of the computer waiting for people to talk to meh. yeah, ur busy too. ur stressed. u have ur own problems too, but whateva the problems may be, GOD IS ALWAYS THERE.

brian!!!! i'm going insane. i don't know why. but eversince i wuz beginning to like go press ur name on aa, i had dis feeling dat something wuz wrong, as if you just ain't feeling great or sumthing.. what made meh feel worst wuz when, i clicked, and ur pagie, wuz instantly all blank, and i just started to cry. i don't even know if you bother to read my thoughts n e more, i don't care if you read it or not. i know at the time, ur upset, ur frustrated, and you don't wanna talk. i just can't help it. dese tears ain't stopping for some reason. maybe it's because lately i've been under stress with skool and leadership classie, but i really don't know. all i know is dat when i went to ur pagie, and it wuz all blank, it wuz like a part of me wuz ripped out again. yeah, we've lost contact, but in a sense, we haven't and yet only become close. i want you to read this, but it doesn't matter if you don';t. i don't need to know what is exactly going wrong, all i know is dat right now, i don't care wuz bugging you, and that you are bugged, and dis is already making meh cry tears enuff to hurt. i mean, my tears are not flowing like i river through my eyes, but they are more like tears in my heart. as i say i miss you, now that you are annoyed, unhappy, unpleasant, or in a state which is uncomfortable, i miss you even more. maybe it's for all the times that you've been there for meh, but maybe it's just the sense becauase there's really a part of meh that i feel ripped out. maybe it's just because i cherish the way you are soo much dat i don't need you to tell meh what's wrong. i'm being repetitive now, but i can't help it. i can't stress enuff how important i think all my friends are. and none more important as you, because outta all my friends, u never just left meh there, u still helped meh get bak on my feet. now that i'm bak on my feet, i'm not returning the fave, i simple just wanna be by ur side through thick and the thin, i just wanna be there as i try to be there for everyone. i'm shaking now, i don't know why, i'm cold, yes, but it's a chill from the inside out. I MISS YOU MORE THAN EVER!!!!!

sooo tired.....miss ya.....sighs sighs...
jenny......bum......i don't like him.....u are sooo evil.........and i don't think i wanna like him...well, it's not like he likes meh....and u say i look cute with everyone.....muhahah. yeah val, i haven't gone out with a white person yet. muhaha. i'm not racist or n e thing, just most guys don't like meh unless dey get to know meh, and people don't really like da "fobbiness" of meh. so yeah....dey prolly feel uncomfortable....whateva....
guess what??? it'll be a year if we were still together this sunday. sighs sighs. miss peoples sooo muchie.....sighs sighs

sighs sighs. in a bad mood again. this week is going extremely slow. sighs sighs. burnt two new cd's. well new cd's with like old crappy songs. hm. maybe because i'm in a crumby mood or whatever...but i have a cd full of rave or techno or what people just call beat music. muhahaha=>:D:P a fob with a taste of gina?>!?!? muhahah=>:D:P sooo funnay. sighs sighs. i miss you soo muchie u people!!!! arg!!! i'm going insane!!! i'm pissed...watchintv is driving meh more insane!!! arg!!!

angry at everything.......

skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!! skool is a mother peice of shit!!!

arg....i'm pissed, but pissed at what? arg....i hate skool....or most specifically i hate leadership. the teacher thinks i'm a liar. the teacher thinks i'm not honest. the teacher thinks i'm snobby. the teacher thinks i'm stupid or sumthing. just because i'm neither one of the spectrum, the teacher believes i'm being inhonest. the teacher believes that i'm lying all the time...who the hell is she to judge meh? she thinks i'm lying in class? dis is crap, i haven't ever been so honest in class about myself. i ain't gonna give her da damn details of my damn frickin lyphe, and just because i don't give examples or details of my lyphe, she thinks i'm a liar? man, what high horse is she riding?

u think i'm lying? then why don't u read what i have, i'll tell you this, because i'm accepting, i'm willing to go be in both spectrums, i am neither one or the other of the spectrum because i have a balance, and i don't react to much. i think about things, but at the same time, i react to things immediately. if i get a mark lower than 89 in this course, then i will be making an appointment with my teacher. no one understands meh. no one wants to understand me. no one tries to understand me. and when they think they do, they already have the wrong image.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

once again......i'll post dis up cause dis is my fave song almost of all time so far....at least on da ye hiu mie cd la....

Fine Day
The spring flower of the story
Floats from that year when it was born
Swinging on a swing in childhood
Following memories always swaying till now

ruay sou sou si dou si
la sou la si si si si la si la sou

Playing the prelude, watching the sky, I remember the petal trying to flop

That day when I skipped class for you
That day when flowers fall
That classroom
How come I couldn�t see
The disappeared rainy sky?
I really want to be drenched again
Never thought that I still keep the courage that I have lost
Really want to ask again
Will you wait or leave?

This day of the typhoon
I tried to hold onto your hand
But yet
Rain gradually
Heavy to the point that I cannot see you
How much longer
Before I can be at your side?
Waiting for that day when it clears up
Maybe I will be a bit better
In the past, in the past
There was someone who loved you for a long time
But yet
Wind gradually
Blows the distance really far apart
Not very easily
Once again be able to love a day more
But the end of the story it seems like you still said bye-bye

my line will always be, do i know you? have i met you before.

no, it's not a hook up line. it's not a pick up line, but simply, just something of pure simple truth. i see alot of people. i meet alot of people. and even in my dream, i see faces, faces which i've never even met before, but yet, i still see em. those faces are as clear as day. it's wierd ain't it? even in my dreams, i see people dat i've never known in my lyphe. freaky, but fact, i scare you, i'm sollie.....

it doesn't matter. nothing really matters. but it doesn't matter. i'm tired. very tired. yo bessie, u'll see caleb or at least how he looked in grade ten la. u can even see how andrew bimm looks like. so yeghs sighs. whateva. hehehehe>:D:P meh love digi cams. hehehehe=>:D:P sooo fun. muhahahahah=>:D:P

yeah val, ur right, i may care too muchie,but it's because i care that i'm ur friend. dats why i suppose people think i feel because i care so much. muhahaha=>:D:P no bid deal. yeah. gonna beat him up? only what i want, but i betta not because if i'm dat angry when i see him, i'd prolly murder him, and i don't wanna go to jail. so yes. if he don't say hi to meh, i won't either. the world continues to turn. no big deal. hehehe=>:D:P

all my friends, i'll keep as long as possible, but life just ain't tha way i want it to be la. but whateva. love ya people. l8z

posting thoughts, not n e thoughts at the present moment

i just miss everyone like crazy at the present moment. wanna sleep....so now...l8z......

as i read alot of pagies. all i can say is that i'm a crowd of people that need some way out from the emotional torment that they put on themselves. we strain ourselves to understand, we strain ourselves to care, or not care. we strain ourselves to be different, or follow the crowd. most times, we just wanna have a page, so we get a pagie. most times, it was just a trend, and eventually, to some people, it looses it's meaning or thought, or maybe there never wuz anything to begin with. i simply just have a pagie for my thoughts, because i don't say things to my friends n e more. they know i'm damaged or hurting, but i'll come out and say it, why? because sadness and despair is something that u'll get annoyed of very easily. you can lie to urself saying that u'll be there to listen, but i've gotten sick of it. it's not that i don't care, but sometimes all the people that talk to me is talk about there problems. i'm just there to help, it's as if i'm never there when they're happy, and i'm only there when they're hurt or sumthing. i don't blame em, cause i constantly need to run somewhere for a release. no one really ever talks to meh. over the skool year, i'm like loosing friends, and gaining friends that i shouldn't be hanging around with. i feel like i'm getting worst everyday. i run away from reality more and more often now. it's sooo not good. my stomach really hurts now. it's really really in pain. considering dat i haven't ate much since like tuesday. my mouth is like all swollen on one side. it hurts. stupid widom teeth. sighs sighs. i miss you peeps sooooo muchie. but when i'm with you people, i just hate it like crazy. it's sooo weird. sighs sighs. l8a yoz

You are a phoenix.

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Congratulations, you're a Pillywiggin, a trouping flower fae.
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The Regal Silver Dragon is your protector and
guide. Benevolent and kind, Aid is always
available to you when it is truely needed. You
and those you love are always protected.


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One of the best known Celtic goddesses is Aine,
Goddess of fertility, who is exceedingly
friendly to men and worshipped for her powers
of bestowing fertility, abundance and
prosperity. She is said to have mated with
several humans, having created a magical
fairy/human race. Aine once stole an Irish
Earl's cloak while he swam in a river, and
would not return it to him until he agreed to
marry him. You like guys, and love having them
around. You love the high life, and have the
tendency to judge a book by its cover.


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Are you NASTY or NICE?

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I am truly passionate.

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your inner name is pheniox, you are a fearless
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hey, it's not soo bad, besides da fact dat i will always sleep during last period. i'm just exhausted. have sum major sleeping patterns dat are like soo unhealthy. i don't wanna sleep in the afternoon, but i can't stay awake. bought an spc card. but it's only like ten percent, so it ain't tooo muchie. oh wellz. too tired to care at the present moment. sighs sighs. well meh going to do sum hmwk now. sighs sighs. tired tired, but gotsta finish, only have a test tom, some major calculations for like chem....and a project for leadership and i'm all done.

hm.....tired. so very very tired. hm. wisdom teach are growing out. arg!!!! arg arga arg!!!

well meh gotsta go now....hehehehehe=>:D:P not many thoughts. besides one project. for leadership.....sooo fun....hehehe=>:D:P well meh gonna go now....l8z.....

hm,......dere's something sooo weird.

i no longer can like watch horror of like thriller movies. it's very very weird. arg!!! u noe when sumthing gets scary...ur heart goes bump bump bump? well hm.....think of this.....my heart goes ten times quicker than that. sooo whack. sighs sighs. ormaybe it's just psychological, but it's still scaring meh. hehehehe=>::DP
yo bessie......so far.....i know four kens....or at least...four people i call ken....
hehehe=>:d
a) barbie ken
b) ken gor
c) bizzardo ken
d) pretty boi ken.

muhahahah=>:d sooo funnay. heheheheheheh=>:D:P yeah yeah, i bought a new pair of pants....like two.....hehehehe=>:D:P sooo happy. sooo great...hehehe=>:D:P meh gonna go soon. hehehe=>:DP now i gotsta go...hehehehe=>:D:P l8z....

i live in fear, but then again, i think everyone else is too

hm.....leadership and peersupport should be a course that is very fun and easy. why do i experience such depression through everything that we are supposed to learn? is it because what i value is sooo different than what others have? sighs sigh.

i don't even know why i said dat. hm. i don't even know why i remembered dat. whoa......

hm, well, some people came when they were in grade five, some came when they were in grade four, some in grade 3. some in grade 6, some in grade 7. so on and so forth. yes, not a word of english, hm, yes, i suppose it hurts doesn't it? picture this, i didn't know word of english when i wuz in senior kindergarten. ever since then, i can't forget the way those people treated meh. yeah, they wanted to care, but they just didn't understand. one memory that i can remember ever so deeply is this one, i wuz walking up onto the bus, someone tripped meh, and i fell. yeah, falling isn't so bad, picture this though, on the first day of skool, and it wuz raining, so basically, the bus wuz muddy. u noe how i care about the clothes i wear, even as a little child, i hated getting dirty. it just wasn't my thing. and so add on to the fact that i couldn't speak english, i was dirty. i made no friends, i was always the girl sitting in the corner playing with marbles. i still have a collection of marbles, for the reason that it kinda reminds meh of my youth, that's why i don't even bother to look at em n e more. hm.....

now i've come to the conclusion, girls are more judgemental. it makes meh confused. i have never told n e of my most troubling problems to many girls. my whole lyphe, i've been that way, yeah, jean, bessie, claire and mel.....they used to be my very good friends, but bessie has her own set of problems. jean just doesn't know how to help. claire and mel, i've lost contact and it makes meh sad. i used to tell my problems to jean, but jean, she doesn't know how to help. she has her own set of problems, but she just doesn't know how to help. bessie does know how to help, but i can never go to bessie saying how i feel, cause she'll always be innocent happy bessie to meh, even though i know she isn't. claire and mel, i miss you people, mel, can you promise meh that we'll do sumthing this summer? sighs sighs. miss you soo muchie. claire, u've matured soo muchie. ur sooo pretty now. i mean.....physically and inwardly la. hehehe=>:D:P well bak to the point. last nite, i don't know what popped into my head, but i went bak to the past and just remembered a few things. i think i have a reason why i tell most of my guy friends the things that i tell em. let's see. in grade one all the way to grade 6, i've never had friends that were girls. i never fit in with the gurl crowd. they just never accepted meh as the person i was. instead, as everyone needs friends, the only crowd that ever accepted meh wuz the guy crowd. i wuz one of the guy's. sighs, that's prolly why i never found that guys were disgusting, because i had no friends, just guys. so yeah.

sighs sighs.

hm......whateva. no big deal.....hm.......depressed??? leadership is supposed to be a happy fun thing...but leadership always depresses meh.......my values are soo different....it makes meh cry........am i wrong??? or is it just the way i'm raised???

Take the What Type of Friend are
You? quiz, and visit mutedfaith.com.

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.
that's the first time i took the quiz...with my very first answers...

sighs...so i should be the perfect gurlfriend, but hm....so people say i'm not.........

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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hm....have u ever woken up to the feeling as if sumone wuz hugging you from behind? isn't dat weird? hm....

tired, so very tired. arg. well meh gonna write nothing, because i have nothing to say.... or at least nothing nice to say....

when willy first told meh why winston wuz mad at meh, it really disturbed me. maybe i had nothing better to do, or maybe i just needed some assurance to keep me from falling tooo deep, but i just ran to my friends. tear covered face, swollen eyes, shaking hands, loss of breathe, racing heart beat. time, stopped.

thought raised to my head. u remember in civics when u had that lil spectrum of all the way the governments can be ran? well, at the same time, all i remember is that the two that stood totally differently platform wise, were so bent that it almost touched. they were both sooo extreme that they were almost sooo similar, and only were they separated by a certain action. it's confusing, but love and hate are only separated by one thin strand. and so yet, at the same time, my hatred and my love for the same person is separated by such a thin strand, they are almost one in the same now. sighs sighs. maybe i try too hard to be a non-conformist, and so yet, someone believes that i try to hard to fit in. sihs sighs. is it just because i care? does everyone want meh to be cold? does everyone want meh to be happy by drawing pleasure upon the misfortunes of others? just because the world is that way, does that mean i should be? the truth, no i don't, and yet, i'm angry because you're mad at meh and will not forgive me. at the moment i'm saying this, i say i will not forgive you, but i know, if you were to ever ask meh about forgiving you, i would just have forgiving you on the moment. so i don't know what's wrong.

i'm depressed again. but the light is always ever in front of me. so i know that i'm not too far gone yet. sighs sighs....

well let's see, i still feel pissed off. maybe not pissed off, but just a bit upset.

leadership class, they asked meh to name 3 people that i cherished, and put those three in order. hahaha=>:D:P do you know who i put down? i put no one. i don't cherish n e one more than i cherish n e one else. i debated putting myself down, but then again, i couldn't because i really don't cherish myself all that much, if i did, i would respect myself. hm.

then the teacher asked meh one thing, if i were to go to that person's funeral, what would be one thing that you would wish to say to that person? or what do you wish u said more? it's funny, because at that moment, only one person popped up to my head. and this wuz da person. a guy, a year older than i, who is annoyed with the person i am, and if he were to die and hold a funeral, i would still go, even if he wouldn't go to mine. and all i could say is, i still love him, and i still did care, even though he didn't care about me. he may say dat i try too hard to be accepted, but maybe that's the truth, but at the same time, it's not. it's not my fault that i care, i can't help but to care for you, because u have a place in my heart, even if ur lil space is supposed to be all scars and turmoil, i will not forget the things u still taught meh to be.

i come to understand that people think i try to hard, but many who have accepted meh for meh being who i am, have come to understand that i am not trying too hard, and that i am just willing to get hurt. maybe this is a letter for everyone to read, and weep, or maybe even laugh and point fingers at meh, but honestly, however i end up causing you to be, i just hope u think it's worth it. maybe i cause u pain, or annoyance, but i'm just being there because i care. maybe u think i care too much, but then maybe it's because u haven't ever understood the meaning of actually loving sumone and caring for someone.

maybe at the same time, i just think too much about everything. i just wish too many things would happen....but maybe that's just me

hm, will i ever go bak to the phase in which i care about nothing and no one, not even myself? i dont' know, time and time agian, i just wanna run away and never come bak into the world which i am now in. yeah, at times, i'd rather just ditch myself and never come bak. it's good is it not? at least then, no one hurts meh, or has hurt meh or can hurt meh. maybe i should just hide behind that 1000 mile wide brick wall. or live in a glass bubble that can break oh sooo easily, but hurts every bit of the way when broken. yeah, stupid thoughts, bak to i don't know, being depressed i suppose. yeah, teachers and counsellors all think dat dere may just be sumthing wron gwith meh, or just at least the way i live. yeah, everyone wants the best of meh, well let's say this, not everyone, just most people. dere are dose people dat would just rather see meh dead den n e thing else, and even den, at my funeral dey would not come. yeah, i don't think i will have a funeral, i'd rather just burry myself alive, knowing the fact that i have people care fore mhe, and dat dey would prolly never ever find meh till it's way too late.

yeah, i think i've gone insane now. i don't like the company of others, i can''t tolerate touch n e more. well besides the odd behaviours of poking people and such, i have problems. yeah, i don't know what, where and why, i just do.

i hate the way i am, but simply just stating it don't change n e thing, i am the way i am, no matter how much i like it or not. so yeah,

i'm freezing at the presnt moment, my toes are purply, my fingertips as solid and cold as ice. my hair as greasy as the frying pan, and my eyes, as blood shot as a bull who sees red. yeah. whack i'm tired. wanna fall asleep hm. well dere's a few ways to torture myself. but i don't wanna participate in n e it.

i'd go bak on drugs, but den again, i know my body dun need dat extra junk, i am always high even without it. well i'm gonna go bak to my hmwk now.

i just wanna collapse in ur arms, never let go, and stay there for eternity.

hm.....arg......well i'm upset...as usual. hahaha=>:D yeah, skool just doesn't cut it, nothing will cut it. hahah=>:D:P da greatest thing in the world to happen is well....i don't know rite now.....i'm confused and unhappy.

hm.....just calm down and relax. hahaha=>:D:P people take my sincerity as an act of trying to hard? den well dose people can just fuck off. yeah, no betta words den to say, fuck da hell off.

i'm not trying to be n e one i'm not, if you can't tolerate my willingness to care, then dat's ur problem, not mine. arg. so yeah, whateva.

can someone honestly tell meh if they think i try to hard? someone that doesn't have a biased against meh. hm. if misery is what i'm supposed to feel because i care, then honestly, dere is sumthing wrong, because caring should feel good, not miserable. but i know dat everyone gets hurt, hm....

it's not a front, not a mask, if it was, i wouldn't get hurt if i cared. but honestly some people really don't understand. yeah, what? i'm immatrue because i can care? hahaha=>:D:P it's funnay, but it's not sooo funnay that it makes meh laugh all my insides out....so yeah. whateva.

well i gotsta go....l8z people.....

hm.... i feel soo sick again. i have a major headache. arg!!! pain!!! da pain!!! and den here again, i also have a stomach ache.

i'm depressed again. i'm frustrated. and well, i'm very angry rite now. i've never seen dis side of meh, i've never held a grudge, but now, i just can't understand why i'm not forgiving. it's wierd. hm....

i'm feeling sick. more sick den ever, i think i'm gonna have like a tumor or some cancerous thingy. dis is not good. but den again, i've already lost all hope and everything. i just feel like giving up da loosing race. weird aye? not soo

yeah, i'm a complainer, i don't see much positive. hm. everyone dat i wanna talk to, dey ain't talking to meh. why are people still mad at meh? i'm serious, da nexty time i see you, u noe who you are, hopefully i ain't holding a knife....hahaha=>:D:P yeah, i know it's murder, i'd sit in jail....hahaha=>:D:P

wel....yupz yupz...love ya people....i really wanna forgive you....well yeah...i'm going now.....hugs and kisses.....muah.....l8z....

hm, man, i used to think dat i wuz like majorly unforgetting. yeah, unforgetting as the thought that well, i forgive, but i don't forget. hahah=>:D:P yeah, it brings meh anger when people get mad at meh. but i duno why, i still forgive, and i try to forget, but i never can. is it a state that can't be achieved? or is it simply because i care too much? hm....i don't sleep very well, maybe dats my failure. sighs sighs. but den again, a trait doesn't make meh a failure, it's just sumthing dat shows my worst side. hm. lately i've been super cagey about everything. i'm looking over my shoulders all da time, i stare at people's faces feeling as if dey see sumthing hideous in meh. i can't say i don't trust n e one, because knowing meh, i always leave my heart vunerable. hm. my head hurts all the time, maybe it's the radiation from the pc. hm. yeah yeah. i'm tired. i'm getting fat because i i do is eat even if i don't have an appetite. hm. i don't think i shall be eating din din tonite. hm. i'm gonna go study for a chem test now. so yes. feel tired. hm. can someone sanp meh out of this dream world? eveything has sudenly become sooo blurred. i'm not living in fog, but everything seems soo confusing now. arg!


hm....dat green tea candy dat i've been looking for, i still can't find. sooo evil, dat green tea candy dun like mhe. hm. i think dre's sumthing wrong with meh, i've lost all urges to eat, and i feel like puking now.

hm.....feeling sooo boxed up. feel soo caged, but yet i know i'm free. if i were to describe the way i feel.

hm....feeling egh...let's say....i don't feel sooo great.......i feel sick...hm....oh wellz...i'm gonna go now....l8z......