and i'm posting this why?!?!? args. yeah, words taunt me. and it's not that whole lotta fun. args args

let's just say that i'm one of those people, that constantly blog. and there's no way to get through to me accept through words. hm. args args. i'm frustrated beyond believe. hey hey, great time at toronto wasn't it val and rachel? kekek^^ well val, i'll haveta return ur five bux when we get back to skool. kekek^^ stupid people. oh wellz. no, not calling you people stupid....just stuff on my mind. args. so velly tired. args. everyone out on dates and such. semester turn around, how fun aye? kekek^^ args args. if i post what i want to say, and those that i think that don't come reading my pagie, read it...then i'm screwed. but if i don't post my thoughts and i just become more and more upset about it...i will hurt those around me. hm.....the problem of it all.

it's not like many people go and read my blog anyways. hm....i think i might and just go out and by stupid things just so that i feel better. hm. shall i or shall i not? the dilema....args args. hm.

one may say that i'm ugly, but beauty as everyone says is only skin deep. so unless you are very superficial, you have no right to judge anyone as being pretty or not. true beauty only comes from the soul. but why do i bother to even write this down? i know that i'm not ugly, but am i just saying this as a means to make myself feel better. sighs sighs.

where's my night in shining armour when i need to be saved?? wait wait...seeetupid q la....cause i know that answer sooo well. sighs sighs.

oh yeah, if you were to say that i was one of god's uglier creations, does that mean you are GOD? the fact is, it's a way of putting into words that people think you don't deserve to be on this world because you are too ugly or sumthing. the fact is.,....as i always say...beauty is in the eye of te beholder...and our creator my GOD, has never created a ugly thing ever. just because people try to attain "perfection" by doing face lifts and shit, does not mean that you will become perfect. perfection is a state where mere humans cannot attain.

oh yes....thinking now.....as i always do. being dissed only makes one stronger. being dissed makes you apply the things you already know. oh yes. they say that i go into books because i have no friends. hey, friends are of my choice, what i choose to do is none of anyone's business to begin with. see, there are reasons why i'm not defending myself as most people have done. you see, because while defending myself, stupid people that don't care about how others feel only see the comment as what they want to interpret, not how it was meant to be interpreted. so yes....as i live on....there will be no bone of anger or hate. so therefore, i must get rid of this anger i have against winston. even though i have no clue what the heck i did. i can only pray that my forgiveness isn't too late. and by the means of forgiving, it shall also mean to forget.

maybe i shall ever be forgotten in this world after i die. but there's no point to only living to other's standards.

oh yeah, i'm quite glad that fuckers like that think i'm ugly. therefore, then i know if they actually liked me, they'd only want me because i'm a girl and i have place for them to stick there dick in. so therefore, keke^^ in other words...people that i don't give more than just a one glance at. so yes.....i'm glad i don't get attention from superficial asses like that. i'm glad there are those that think i'm ugly and hideous, then that way, they will never get to know me. and i will never truly know how black their black light can actually get.

okayz.....going now......l8a...

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. hm....okayz...feel a bit better now.....

hm....beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you are not the beholder in which i seek. kekek^^ on a JESUS rant today. and i suppose it's good for me. hm. oh wellz. so velly tired. velly velly tired. args...and i can't get outta my head. what have i done to them? keke^^ oh wellz. a bunch of guys....what do they matter? no problems. through this i'll learn that anger isn't the way. and even those that seem to be soo stupid and full of anger should be loved. hm....does that mean i should still love winston as a friend? hm. maybe i should. but then what difference does it make if well, i can still love him as my friend, but he doesn't treat me as one? but then again, it makes all the difference in the world. but there are those that cannot tolerate love, caring, and kindness. but then there are those that love, caring and kindness is all they actually need. so tired and sick of shit like this happening.

i shall fall asleep and never wake up. sighs. but death isn't for those that wish for it. death only comes to those that are no longer themselves where actions seem to be blurs. sighs sighs. will i reach a state like that?

yeah, we have drifted, and i have drifted from everyone i know. all that i grasp is like holding air within my hands. it's not possible to hold it forever. sighs....when will i truly be happy? why must i always feel hollow every step that i take? why? why? WHY?!?!?

there is one person that wishes that i was dead. and that person, i have no clue what i've done to him. sighs. i, i, i, i fail to comprehend the emotions that torment me at the present moment.

sighs sighs. dispair is a domino effect. once one bad thing happens, everything else just follows. sighs sighs. holidays are over-rated. holidays are always supposed to be season of joy. but altogether, i find no joy anywhere to be found. i found christ, rather shall i say he found me, but i never feel that joy of as when i first believed. sighs. i have no more strength, and i suppose....it's all my fault. wishing that it isn't though. sighs sighs.

my efforts are never enuff. and people think i'm stupid, but does a stupid person think? does a stupid person have the ability to express what's on his or her mind? if so, tell me, which stupid person can? because if you call me stupid, sure, i'm darn proud, but if you call me smart, i'm unworthy of the title.

i'm no longer anything but a person. i'm no longer anyone, but just a person walking empty handed with no mission or goal in life. i am no long a person with a name. i am nothing, and unworthy of all titles and names.

you'd ask what's so bad about what i've just experienced, it doesn't matter what i've just done, but rather, what happens to me whenever i do something wrong. sighs sighs.

i don't like to lie to my parents. i feel bad. so i don't do it. and you know what's wrong with that? because the truth is, my parents don't believe me as much as they would. i don't like to believe lies, and if i say to myself out loud that i did good when really i didn't....i would believe that i did good. sad ain't it? sighsighs. don't tell me a lie, because i will believe it till the day i prove it isn't the truth. sighs sighs.

i'm crying in the corner
no one hears, nor does anyone see
i'm crying because of failure
failure that i don't know where to begin to express
failure to all that i cannot do
i'm human, but that's no excuse
i never believed in failure till i met myself.
when i finally reached reality, nothing there greets me with open arms
reality is harsh
it will always be
it's not my fault
it's not my fault
stop looking at me
stop yelling at me
stop it!
i cry, and i cry, but my tears are empty
no one hears, nor does anyone see
yet again, i've reached that pit that i had just left
a place where i thought i'd never find myself
i have lost myself in sorrow again
bright mornings shall come again, but the question, how soon?
rain will come, but for how long?
how long must this despair last?
how long must i wait and be tormented?
how long must i sit wishing and wanting?
how long? how long?
i cry and i cry, but no one hears

sadly enuff, i have come to a halt in my life. i'm wishing to die. and no means shall i take my life though. sighs sighs. in this weather...maybe i should walk out with a white jacket....so either i freeze, or i get run over by a car. sighs sighs. what? i'm supposed to lie to my parent to comfort myself? i have no shame in telling that i failed? oh yeah, like i can't be confident that i did? my goodness. i have confidence in all that i do. that's just the way i am. just because i sound confident doesn't mean that i feel no shame...nor does it mean that i'm cold hearted.

i will most definately not play piano for my church. even though it's a service for GOD, i will never play. and the more people force me to play, i will not. i have no inspiration. what? just because i compose, it does not mean that i have a yearning. i compose on my own free time. i compose because i feel like shit. i compose because i have no means of letting out my horrible emotions out.

yeah, the same old problems. history always repeats itself no one bothers to read my thoughts, nor should they. it's not like many care. and even those that do, aren't able to help me because they don't know how to help me.

maybe i need a shrink. it's funny how the person that needs one most is the one who wants to become one. man, most people prolly think i'm bipolar or sumthing. sighs sighs. and that, i may say, that i can be. not that i am, but i might. sighs sighs. and if you don't know what bipolar means, it's something that's a hormonal and chemical imbalance in the brain. one moment, i can be the happiest person alive, and then the next moment, sad as hell. and then after all that happiness and sadness, that person would be suicidal in a blink of the eye. bipolar people are recommended to stay in the company of others. and it's best that nothing too tramatic happens in that person's life. a simple little dramatic thing can lead to very intense suicidal wishes. yeah, not being a doctor, that's all the simple stuff i know about being bipolar. and plus...i think i spelt it wrong....

sighs sighs. i think i'll go in the corner and weep a while now. no one seems to be one to cheer up my unpleasant mood right now. or maybe i should sleep and have unpleasant dreams. keke^^ you'd ask me how i can laugh at a time like this, the truth is, i can, laughing at how stupid i am. how i wish i was smart. sighs sighs.

in truth being, i'm just like everyone else. i yearn to learn, but i never have the stregnth to put for all of myself in anything that i do. sighs sighs.

obviously...history always repeats itself

okayz...gonna go and shed some tears or punch a wall or shout on the top of my lungs. so yeah......it'll get all my frustration out.....

well, i have no clue. made me feel like crap today. hate this. i know GOD told me to never hate, and instead, love that you hate.

hm....why do people never learn from other's mistakes?? args!!! STUPID MOTHA FRICKEN PEOPLE!!!!! STUPID STUPID STUPID PEOPLE!!!!! args args.....it would help if i stopped cussing, but it makes me very unhappy to swear...args args.....

sighs.,....why do i let a mofo like that bug my day?!?!? args......i just can't help it!!! args args.....missie you like hell right now. listening to a song....it's from brown eyes.....it's suh a sweet song...args....it make me mad.

i don't understand...what the hell have i ever done to him? i just don't understand. hm. why do i long to have a friend that pisses me off soo bad

is it the fact that i hate to have someone hating me? hm. yeah...then you know what??? i won't let it bug me. becuase he noes that and that's just what he wants. i will purposely ignore him and his group....i don't care how many friends i loose.....

i feel completely sick and i feel completely tired. but the thing is, i can't sleep. this sux alot. args args.

hm. blogger is messed up at the present moment. wow, i am pessemistic. everyone is kinda right. hm. but then am i just that lil happy girl that tries too hard to be happy? sioghs sighs.

when you try to hard to do something you never really succeed. hm./

wow. why are all these koreans and like chinese people that are shown on american idol suck ass? the truth is, we there is skill to asians/oreintals. just becuase someone wishes to show talent in another language does not mean that they don't hae skill. yeah, why is tv sooo white? args. it's so rare to find a black guy in a movie that doesn't die first. you never find an asian that speaks good english. wow. so hypocritical and not kool. hm. args args.

everyone thinks i have a sick mind. maye i do and maybe i don't. hm. i'm going on a mission to write every word in the bible by hand. i don't know. this may help me alot. there is two reasons why i'm doing this. one, because it would probably be the only way that i understand the bible alot better. another one would be that i can understand how others in earlier years felt when they were writting the bible all by hand when there was no printer. args.

tv influences my life alot. hm. i'm going to leave soon. i seem to need to rest alot so that i don't get headaches. lately i've been getting really bad migraines, my sisster says it's due to my level of stress. i really doubt that my stress levels can cause such headaches, but somehow, it does. it's weird. everytime i'm feeling crappy, i get really bad headaches. and whenever i am down, i do get horrible migraines. it's weird how that happens. when i'm nervous, i cough really hard and my lungs seem to hurt alot because of my coughing. also, when i get really nervous, i get very pale.

yeah, i'm one of those people that can fake a fever. i've mastered that skill as a little child. you may say it's not possible to become sick and all, but truth is, i hav.....if i really wanted to become sick, i would. and i do it well. i can rase my temperature just a bit, enuff to make it seem as if i'm having a rising fever. it's weird. this can happen when you really put your mind into doing something or not doing something. it's really really weird how things work.

my thoughts have no substance. it has not depth and bredth. whack. hm. yeah, there are soe people that say i'm completely a younging. sighs sighs. i'm tired. and i'm sick. i didn't call bessie today, but that was because i really needed to study. but did i study? i only studied for an hour. and then someone called and i couldn't call bessie. sighs sighs. i'm totally tired. args args.

it's weird how things work out sometimes. it's never too easy to say that someone died. sighs sighs. a question of life, "would you rather know nothing or to know whatever little you can?" yeah, it's a quotation from csi at the present moment. hm.

people don't understand what they do not wantto see. they just don't. sighs sighs. it's a pity how people say that you can take a life because someone is sick, or in a coma, or too old to take up oxygen in the air. sighs sighs. it's just not right. a life is a life. and everyone has a mission on their earth. just because someone is very old does not mean that they should die. sighs sighs. it's just not right. sighs sisghs

hm. watching csi. and this show always makes me question life. i mean, how can people not see GOD?!?!? specially in life, how can people not believe that there is no GOD. and then again, i remember a sermon that a pastor once said. he said that those that seem or say they have no GOD, are worshiping themselves. and to me, this statement seems to really make me think. why? because well, it is really true. specially in days like this, everyone only believes in self. they believe that all they can do is is done because of themselves. args. and this does make me mad, but then i've become a hypocrite again. at times, i have become like this too. and it's not right. it's just not. and you can say i'm a JESUS freak, and you know what? i'm proud. i'd rather be pursecuted for something that i am than to be forgotten as something is wasn't.

wow having a bad time. can't seem to study for a long while. this is not too funnay. hm.....my friend always says what's his face and i look soo cute because the atmosphere is soo thick. hm. and now, i kinda see that it is very thick.

and she says that he always says stupid things just because well, he wants to make conversation and such. hm. i suppose this is true, i have no clue. it's very weird. i never noticed till that ay of mash crap. hm. it was kinda cute i suppose. but i don't know. lost all contact with the world pretty much. i have isolated myself to being a mute body. sighs sighs. it's weird, so very very weird. hm. have i gotten over him yet? hm.

yeah jenny, it would be kinda funny if well, just as i like some one, his bst friend likes me?!?!? keke^^ jennay, you know it's gonna be a problem, i never like white people, and there were only an exceptional few that i have now. this is sooo very weird. stupid darn people always looking at meh and smiling at meh as if i can't see that evil smirk. keke^^ it's kinda funnay. keke^^

i mean, wouldn't it be hilarious if that did happen jenny?

why do i bother writing thoughts as if i'm talking to someone? no ione really reads all my thoughts anyways. whack whack. sighs. maybe i like the company of people. maybe that's why i talk and write my thoughts as if i have a listener.

after exams...oi will have like more time to write my thoughts...l8a l8a...

wow, why am i soo hungry? well i went through my old thought of other people, wow, sooo whack. hm./ i'm tired. ags...gonna go..gotsta practice piano. keke^^. yeah, my daddy says i havta play for the churchie. and i really don't wanna. but i am gonna go and practice just in case people need me bad bad. so yeah. args...i'm hungry....no food.....

wowow........l8a l8a.....

sighs sighs......can't stop thinking....but all i'm thinking can't be said in words...it's one of those states where you've been there and felt that....args args...

wow......i'm tired....so velly tired. sighs sighs......gonna go sleep now....missie you all muchie much...l8a l8a....

giv me a hug or show me some love?!?!?

feeling more single everyday. feeling more and more like i hate the world. args args tired tired...tired....args args.....

love you sooo bad......miss you soo bad. but at the same time...i hate you sooo bad.

i have mastered the art of letting go, but also holding on without being hurt too badly. args args. annoyed.....

let's say this, many people do understand the struggle i go through when i'm going to places. maybe it's because i'm tired, maybe it's because i'm stressed. sighs sighs. the days come closer, it's almsot a year. it sux sooo bad. args args. missie the feeling of a company more passionate then just friends. hm...or should i say just more supportive than normal friends.

you let me go becaus eyou dodn't want to try. you let go becuase you didn't understand. sighs

i feel old in the only 16 years that i've lived.

hm....some people say i look like i'm 10, others say i look like i'm 20. others say i speak as if i'm 20, others say i speak like i'm 10....sighs sighs

i don't like church. and i am isolating myself. why does no one come and talk to me n e more? why must i always start the conversations? sighs sighs. i should not listen to music anymore. all music makes me upselt. sighs sighs. feeling lonely tonight. args. feeling kinda sick tonight. a rgs. pukcing tonight. args args.

see, when i come to fact that i don't like anyone, i have hit the depression of my life. i have hit it really bad. i have started to eat non-stop now. there is something that must be extremely wrong. args. i'm crying now. but no one hears my teras. i mean, no human presence that is. sighs sighs.

exams are coming, and i'm always breaking down at times like these. sighs sighs. i am crying now.....and the tears are flowing down sooo very rapidly. sighs sighs.

yeah tommy asked me a question tonight, do my memories of me and him haunt me. the fact is....they used to. it took me close to 8 to 10 months to get over the haunted feeling i got. sighs sigh. args. stomache in pain. args. feel like puking. args. mind over matter. mind over matter i will be alright. i will be alright. args. no one cares to ever read my thoughts. but my thoughts are for myself, not for myself to read, but for myself to release my negative energies.

swearing makes me feel much better because it's a way to release all my negative energies. i can't breather properly. and my heart really hurts too. args args. hm.

at least i will be going to pmall tom. but at pmall i always feel outta place. i'm too white to be asian...and i'm tooo asian to be white. i will foreever be haunted by question like that. args args.

sux soo bad, i fit in no where...sighs sighs....

not happy. args args. why do people hate me where ever i go? args args

sanity and insanity. what is the difference? sighs sighs. i am confused.

hm...maturity and immaturity. hm. some people say i'm young, and some people say i'm old. args. some people say that i look one way and others say i look another. args args. it's weird. people say i talk like i'm 20 year old. hm....do i? is it because i have too many philosophies? hm. whack. so darnded whacked. sighs sighs.

i don't want to fall into this trap. i want to be happy. i don't want to think to muchie. but as stress builds up, i become more and more in pain with all of it. sighs sighs. one day i'll be gone and i will be missed, even for a short while, it's not worth it. i'm sleeping now...l8a l8a

i suppose it's that constant fear that i have of never having anyfriends. maybe it's that fear that i have seen one too many times manifest itself in my life. sighs sighs. i mean, there are really few white people that i talk to and trust with my whole heart. i mean, those that i hang out with now that are white, i rarely ever tell them anything. maybe it's because they are those type of people that only listen because they want to tell you seomthing. you can say that i'm rascist. it's not that i don't want to trust people of different skin colour, i know colour is just a tint. sighs sighs it's because well, you see, all my life, even as a little child, no white person would come up to willingly. and now, i have become distant to the place that i live now.

yeah yeah, it's for certain that i shall be moving now. i am moving into brampton. yeah, but it doesn't matter to any of you because well, i will be graduating anyways. and plus if my friendship is all that tyte with my friends, i will have my friends still.

but am i that type of person? will i be that type of clingy person that when i have new things that i would throw away the old? i mean, i know i do that to clothes sometimes. hm, but i don't go clothes shopping anymore.

hm, going to pacific mall saturday night. i'm soo happy!!! keke. i mean, i'll be totally white in an asian place. sighs sighs, why don't i fit in anywhere? sigh sighs. i'm too asian in a white town, and too white in an asian place. sighs sighs. it's not fair. sighs sighs.

going downtown like next wednesday...wait...next next wednesday. so yeah. my daddy doesn't want me to go out, but my mommy has no objections.

i know both my prents really love me, but why does my mommy not object? i mean, i told her and she didn't ask with whom i'm going with. what the? she once told me that she knows that if i don't go out when i make plans to go out, she knows that i'll be depressed for like a really long while. but my mommy also knows that those that i hang out with are those that she can trust. she knows that i won't do something stupid. she knows that if i were feeling awkward in a situation, i would do sumthing. keke^^ it's funny how my mommy noes me soo well.

but why does my mom know i'll go into depression? hm....am i chronically ill? sighs sighs.

it's amazing how things can change. i don't know. jordan asked me if i liked n e one tonight. keke. is it that obvious?!?!? i mean, do i even like him anymore? it's so very confusing about all of this. i don't understand. hm.

yeah, that fries thing really pissed me off really bad. or was it because i was already pissed off? hm. well i don't know. i can't believe i was soo stupid and starting cussing. args, i should never do that again. args args. i must control my anger. args. what happens if i have children and i spased like that? args args.....that's not goo is it?

hm, i haven't spent anytime with anyone lately. hm. i've fallen head over heals for a jerk, and i will heal again yet again. hm. let's see, my former best friends have become nothin more thatn acquaintances. and then there are those that i find that are my enemies. in my life time, i only have one. args. and i don't want to hate him, but everytime i look at him, hear him talk to me, or see someone like him, all i can see is the hate. i want to slap him across the face.

i want to ask over and over again, why am i hated by you? what did i do wrong? why are you so prideful? and i want o say, you were never my friend if you don't understand me now. sighs sighs. it's sad to admit the truth, someone that taught me to grow so much has left me knowing nothing and questioning all of me. how can someone that is so full of hate teach someone like me to love?

hm, common misconception, everyone thinks i'm nice because i want friends. people think i'm nice because they think i want something from them. this can be seen through being on the chat room of aa. yeah, i'm an aa freak, but at this present moment, my pagie is totally blankie ar. sighs sighs.

i'm confused and in need of questioning why people think i'm nice because i want friends. i mean, i have always been the loner in the corner. and i always feel like no one loves me, but i know it's not true. sighs sighs.

diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!! diu ley loe mo ar!!! sai yun puk gai!!!!

puk ley gor wun guct dgai.....args....

fuckin pissed off...args args.....fuck fuck.......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck......fuck fuck...

hm.........i'm confused. and hm.....pmall this saturday....am i going to be bumping into anyof you people ar?!?!?1 love yous and missie leys la.....

you don't ever need to change yourself just to get a person to like you. they either like you or they don't. building a relationship must be focused on just that.

LOVE YOU HATE YOU, I CAN"T CHANGE YOU

hated by many, loved by few. hate me, love me, i will always still be me

crappers. is n e one up with me when it comes to being dissed as a christian? who wants to be with me and get prosecuted because i'm a jesus freak?!?!

that comment really drove me up the wall....why, i don't know why. args args. my head hurts like hell. my sister says it's due to my stress levels and how i react to stress. my sister wants me to take a course in releasing stress. this is soo not going to help. i just naturally think. am i going to die early because i think too much?

args. death isn't a bad thing, but will my mission be finished before i die? hm. there is a time for everything. i really love this blog thingy. i suppose i will loose the skill in writing though. args args. hm. if i were gone, i can't say i won't be missed. so i won't say it.

hm, i hate it when people talk about people behind their backs. i mean, i have the guts to talk about bad shit in front of people if i were really angry at someone. but people think i'm a gutless girl. i am the person that ran in front of a car because i wanted to die. but everytime i've tried to kill myself....i've survived. that tells you sumthing doesn't it? but i suppose if i got shot, maybe it would be the end.

there were some girls from vaughan that died. everyone that knows them is morning. well i have no clue who the heck they are, but i can say, i feel thier loss. i've never felt the loss of someone that meant alot to me, but, i have lost myself. you may think it's not possible, it sure is. but it doesn't matter. the fact is, there is a meaning for everything. there is a time for everything. just because to us now, it may seem that they died soo youn and had soo much potential, but at the present moment, maybe it could be worst.

hm, i don't know. teenage problems. args. sooo very annoying. so very tired. hm. have english stuff to talk about tom. hm. how i really miss people. but when i'm with people, i learn to hate and find dissatisfaction. hm. yeah, i am a very nice person. or so people tell me. it's confusing. everyone's like "you're too nice, and he's such a jerk." the truth is, well, i'm nice because i like to be nice. i really want others to be nice to all those too. but then again, is there a point in being nice? hm.

args....how i wish i won't think about february 18th....

1430.........i don't even know why i wrote that....it just sounds so every familiar......at least in chinese it does.......

some things just don't change, and some things just can't stay the same. hm.

i think too much...and i talk too muchie. i have too much to say to express everything on my mind. but what is exactly on my mind to begin with? hm. this sux sooo bad. i'm so very tired. args args. hm....

by february 18th i will have been single for a year. and going on a date and calling them up to talk does not count as having a relationship....man, some people just don't get it. i mean, it is a relationship like friendship, but it's not like i'm seriously digging the guy. hm. don't take me clubbing because it just won't work. don't take me drinking because i will not take a sip. do not take me dancing because i cannot dance. don't tickle me because i'll just have to punch you. sighs sighs. it's very stressful. i can't read chinese, sighs sighs. i'm illiterate. and there's a story to why i can't read chinese. if i were to learn chinese as a kid, i may have known alot now. if i had wanted to learn chinese as much as i wanted to now, i would be able to write and read fluently. but you see. as a little girl of 4 or 5, all i wanted to do was become white. i wished i wasn't chinese. i had wished that i wasn't chinese. and in doing so, i would become like others. and i would no longer feel sooo neglected and alone. but as time goes on, i felt more and more negleted and lonely. i continued to have no friends. i remained dressing differently, and i remained talking differently. sighs sighs. there's just some things that have not changed yet. yeah sure matt, i go on those spasms and such. and i go on my yelling sprees. sighs sighs. maybe that's just because it's the way i react to certain situations. sighs sighs. hm. thre's somethings that i wish i could take back, but it's not the same as regretting. regretting is thinking that you can go back, i know i can't, and therefore will try nothing to turn back the hands of time. hm. i'm immature, and i'm too mature all at the same time. it's prolly because i'm philosophical that makes everytone think i'm weird. the teacher thinks i'm stupid. my friends think i'm smart. strangers think i'm rich, but rich people think i'm poor. i know i am moving, but yet i do not want to. i know that i'm single, and there's no changing that. if i do not accept that fact that i can live without having a guy, then there's no point in living as if i wasn't. i can survive, and i have. hm. keke^^ valentine's is in a month or so. keke^^ hey....2004...isn't there like olympics or sumthing this year? hm. wo bu zhi dao ba....hm....so very very tired......gotsta go to sleep.

people say i think about everything. and some say i just shouldn't. hm. some people talk to me, and then there are those that wish i couldn't talk at all. i'm hungry, but have nothing to eat. i have homework, but i'm writing my thoughts instead. hm. will i or will i not? that is the question. hm. i really miss sooo many things in my life. args args. hm.

wonder if i can ever understand why i feel this way. hm. confused and conflicted with self. couldn't sleep last night. must go to bed earlier. hm. talking to some person that well, really honestly, i should not talk to.

hit depression again, but what am i afraid of to begin with? why am i feeling like this? honestly, it's my fault that i feel this way, what can't i let go of? hm. i'm tired, and i hyave a splitting headache, but yet ijust can't fall asleep. i'm thinking way tooo muchie. and i care way tooo muchie. i can be way too nice and way tooo mean all at the same time.

in time, all emotions like this shall pass, but why do these resonating fears come back and never leave? hm. old music. bringing back stupid fears, bringing back hopes and dreams that will never be. hm. not kool to ever be so unhappy. i mean, i can smile, but what does a smile mean if nothing in your smiles means that you are happy? well i suppose val will cheer me up, she always does. that funny girl...keke^^. see, in my skool, there are times when i feel bad, but then come to think about it, the times at skool when i feel bad don't feel as bad as when i'm feeling bad at church. i constantly just do not belong. in a place where it is all chinese/asian people, i feel out of place, i'm too white. but while with a group of all white people, i feel weirded out too. my sister's coming home this weekend. she's supposed to teach me how to do my chemistry, but the problem is, she doesn't even have the time to teach me. sighs sighs.

i mean, there is just sumthing wrong with the way i am now. i've hated loneliness all my life, but yet i indulge in feeling lonely. i hate rap, but it's the only music i listen to. seriously, what you listen to makes you into the person you become. it's very true. and you can't say that music doesn't affect you. well for me, it really doesn't matter what type of music i'm listening to, i'll just feel bad eventually. hm. whateva. so very tired and sick and bored. my sister's coming home, my sister's coming home!!!! yaya!!!

sighs sighs....val's at three....val's at three. then prolly matt coming round to play the piano...yaya!!! keke^^
how great and fun aye? hm...want to eat lunch, but nothing in my house is edible. hm....

stupid boi problems, are you lying to me or are you telling the truth? args. please don't promise me something that you will not do, because it will break my heart. yeah, i'm easily heartbroken. hm...right now if you were to read my chinese nickname, it's based on a song, no duh....but yeah....good heart good payback....can't really translate it well.....hm....how i wish the day sof being little. but then again, thinking about it, even as a little child, i was very unhappy. when will the days feel shorter and be happier?!?! i mean, friends are alot in my life, but having no friends is also a lot to me. sighs sighs....how i wished i had someone that was exactly like me, but exactly different than me too. sighs sighs. hm.

hm....reflection, reflections, reflections. args args....in the mirror you only see what you want and allow yourself to see. what you do not wish to see you will not reflct. if every blemish is what hinders you, then you must get rid of it.....but how is the problem and question you must ask yourself.....

no one wants pity, this i know from first hand experience. but, there are those times that you wish that pity was something you got because you want it. hm, if you say being alone is fine to you, then why do you bother to say always be in the company of friends. if being in the company of friends is only because you want to have a good time or simply not think, then you are just using those you call friends. friends are there for you and should be willing to be used, but if you constantly use them, then it grows tiring and it's just not right. being friends is a two way thing, it's about the taking and the giving. my true point is, if it doesn't but you to be alone, why do you bother to be in the company of friends? you have friends so you are not alone, then you are just lying to me when you say it doesn't bother you because you are used to it. the truth is, it does bug you. i don't know why i needed to make that point clear, but i just did. hm, i also remember, this...."two is better than one, for if one man falls, the other may help them up, but pity the man that has no one to help him." there must be something you don't want others to say if you say that lonliness doesn't bug you. for loneliness brings out the worst thoughts in any man. and it's the truth. unless it is solitude with the LORD, you will end up feeling completely miserable. see, it's solitude with the LORD. so therefore, you are still not alone, no man is made to have no friends. when you have no friends, it is simply because you have rejected everyone that has come your way and offered you a hand.

there's something about your thoughts that make me miserable. it makes me feel hollow. but your thoughts always reassure my faith somehow. maybe it's because i know all those textbook answers about how to be a christian, and now what i have to do is to learn to apply. so first thing is first, i must cut out my profanity. no matter how hard, i must try.

you know, if you are not remembered, then you never exsisted. i disagree with this statement sooo bad. GOD remembers each and everyone one of you. that means therefore you have always exsisted. and will always exsist. even before you were made in your mother's womb, GOD already had everything planned out for you. yeah, i must bring GOD into this picture when it comes to my arguing points when it comes to this. there is no other way to to make you see the light unless i bring it out and share the ever flickering candle. just because you are not remembered as a physical form, it does not mean that you have never exsisted. everyone is like the man who walks on the beach leaving a set of footprints. but eventually, the tides comes in and washes the footprints away. the point is, no matter how many sets of footprints that you leave, they will eventually over time be gone. not everyone man can be a beetoven or a mozart. not everyone could be an alexander bell or a newton. that was their purpose in life, and that's what GOD set as their mission. just because you can't leave a mark the way you want do does not mean that you do not exsist. just because you can't touch the hearts of the ones you know, it does not mean that you haven't touched the heart of someone you don't know. i know you understand me, because you always do, even when i'm bsing crap.

we cannot become the devil. we never were the devil, we never will be. unless we let the devil to run our lives, we will never be him. plus, even if we allowed him to run our life, he can only run our life, but you know, GOD is still always in control. human actions can be cruel, but that's because the hearts of man have become more and more corrupted. the phrase is over exaggerating. humans are cruel, but they will always have a conscience. HUMANS WILL ALWAYS HAVE A CONSCIENCE, unless they let the devil to consume every part of their living form and control their soul. we are the image of GOD. GOD is love, and therefore, we will always be that image of love. the world can only hinder and harden our hearts so that our "lueng sum" becaomes weaker. yes, weaker, not stronger. becoming more unsensitive is not a positive thing. tears are not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength. one must understand the power of tears. as a child, tears are something that a child didn't understand, but as growing up, there are more things that become more apparent and understandable. we will never be the devil, the devil can only ever want to control us, but being under control is not the same as being someone.

the future is something to see. if you see no future, then you will work for nothing at all. But simply, GOD gave us hopes and dreams of the future. just because our future is unclear to us, it does not mean that we do not have a future. maybe your future is to die of some noble cause, but that's your mission, that's your future. the future is the next second in front of us. the future is what we are uncertain of, but sure that it exsists. a second to GOD is like a million years for us. therefore, how can we be certain that there is no future? your future is already planned, and saying that we create it, it's only being somewhat athiest if you ask me. you are not athiest and you know that GOD has already planned your life, then why are you bothering to write that that's how you live? i don't understand and i don't need to understand, but my insight is what i see and i can only help you if you allow me to help you, but most of all, you must allow GOD to help you if you want to stop thinking of such things or whatever you are thinking

yeah, life is the survival of the fittest, i have never doubted that. but who is allowed to judge that you are fit or unfit? no one can judge that except for GOD. even as yourself, you are unworthy of such a task. you do not have the priviledge to call anyone unfit even though they don't fall under your "fit" version of a person. it's one thing for people to believe that you are unfit, but when you, yourself, start to doubt that wether you are fit or unfit. then i must warn you that you are already tooo close to the edge. are you feeling hollow? i mean, life only comes by around once, there is no such thing as reincarnation. i know, that not many people will be like me, so very suicidal, but for a fact, those thoughts are on the minds of everyone even if it is only once in a lifetime. there is no time to be calling yourself unfit. as i've said before, look at this, you cannot be unfit, because if you were unfit, you would not have a mission. as a creation of GOD, there is a mission, GOD gave us each and everyone a mission that is why he created us. what makes you fit or unfit is whether or not you want to accept this mission or not. "meen kung mo hun fuk ga" if you even bother to understand. there is nothing good in unwillingness.

hm, i must say that there are people that don't carry scars. i mean, this person isn't just a plain man. there are those that are physical wounds that may have been too badly injured to heal, or there is the emotional type. having a scar is holding a grudge. in other words, it's just my opinion. a grudge is symply bitter feelings toward misfortunes and bad incidences that have happened in our life. basically, all humans have this bitter feeling, but not towards all emotional wounds. one, there's a little something that is called moving on. moving on simply is the accepting the fact that you got hurt, and understanding why you did. with this understanding, you try and may achieve to becoming a better you. yeah, change, i hate that word now, but it is sumthing that happens every day. scars don't run your life, they shouldn't. there is a reason for everything. there is a time for everything. GOD does nothing to purposely hurt you. he has promised that he would never put us under any circumstance that he knows that we could not stand under. therefore, he knows that we will have scars, but, as humans, he gave us the choice upon how to deal upon the scars that have formed. shall we leave these wounds to remain open and let it get infected, or shall we let it heal under proper nourture and such?

args.....so very tired. i slept from like four all the way to like 7

hm. i'm completely bored. got sick again. sore throat. lo9osing my voice again. args....so very flipping tired. hm....gotsta cut bak on that swearing habbit. very very evil. and i'm doing nothing in the early morning is a very crappy thing. args args. so very very tired. what can i do?!?!? nothingn la.....args

you know what? i find rap of any language to be something of more substance of any type of music. but rap is not music. rap is an expression. music is an expression. music has certain criteria making it able to called music, rap on the other hand....should be on a class of it's own. not really music, but not really not music.

as again, wo yao shou, wo bu shi tai kuai le la. zai wan tian, wo hui kou le. mei you yi ge ren zhi dao de. my tears are silent. silent tears hurt the most. yeah, some people say i'm strong, and yet others say i'm weak. now then if some say i'm strong and others say i'm weak, then what can you call yourself?

people say you should just kill those that piss you off. then if i say that, then all my fellow peeps would be dead by now.

okayz, on with other matters that is bugging my mind. friendships. okayz, let's see this. you said it urself, our friends are falling apart. you have n e thing you want to do?!?!? well there isn't n e thing you can do, so just shut ur trap and let it go. yupz yupz. if they were truly your friends, they won't just run to you when they need your help. there are those that ignore you, and that may be due to their own problems, but have you every really thought that they just don't want to talk to you that's why they don't? those people i hate to be friends with, but then again, i really understand where certain people come frowm. some problems are those that i cannot help to wonder why. i mean, i'm thinking 24/7 yeah. listening to certain types of music sure pisses me off. well not pisses me off. it really depends what the words are in the song. seriously, it really depends what are being said in a song that make sme listen to the song. i mean, there are those that i just listen to because well.....i like to...and then there are those that just piss me off even though it has good music. hm.

love you's don't piss me off, they make me happy. i'm a fraid to be alone, brian, i am not like you in that way. i have been alone as a child, and it's a way i fight because i do not like. i mean, i have christ and shall never be alone now, but i am still afraid.

i am suicidal. people don't understand that. and jenny if you ever end up landing here, there's a reason why i'm telling you not to tell nat and steph whatever. i don't want to see their reaction. i mean, they won't understand why i'm so suicidal.

brian you are extremely right when you say that all my friends are optimists. i mean, all my friends like to be happy. so it really doesn't matter does it? i'm not a very happy person. you say that most of those loners think and blah blah, but i must tell you that i don't find that true, i feel as if i'm a loner, but a loner is also a loser of life. a loser of life has nothing good, no one. and me, i have everything going good for me. but only i take none of to heart. as i once said in a poem, "would not all treasures of the world be garbage in your eyes if you had no heart to desire it?" and this is true forever. it forever be understood that without heart, there cannot be anything. for you were made outta love, love of GOD, and without that love which is represented by the heart, you cannot be anything. makes no diff if you listen to me or not.

chinese people have had a long history, almost 5000 years worth. chinese people have many things wrong, but at least we have a long history, do you have one? someone taught us to be ourselves, so we must not follow, copy or stick to others and never look down on others of the same race. we are ourselves. now if you wanna kiss my ass?!?!? go and kiss!!!

man, you all lie about the truth. the truth was originally right, but now, look at it now, what the hell did you do to it? look at the corruption!! now it's better to be fricken blind. it's better to be deaf. it's better to hate....but then again, love is something that we are made to do. everyone knows what i'm trying to say. comeon. you know. you fricken idiot, comeon, you know what i'm talking about. you are not that seeepecial, but reading these thoughts, you have the privilege to read my stupid thoughts of tonight. yeah. stop being someone else. you are not black, you are not white, you are chinese, therefore making you asian and yellow skinned. ewww......you know the fuck i'm trying to say. i see you and i wanna puke la.... you're worst than a dog. don't even have the qualities of a dog. dogs are loyal, where's your loyalty??? obviously, you don't have any. someone taught us to be ourselves. you aren't going to look down on urself. don't copy, follow, don't be like others. there was people that made life seem to be messed, but more betta and livable. someone lived a new life and became famous. now look at this.....yellow skinned people, look who follows us la!! all chinese people should be proud of themselves. we should not follow others. we don't want to follow, copy or stick to others that bring us down. now look at you. where are you at?

okayz....i must stop with this....going into a trance with stupid translating stupid things in my head.

dew ley lo mo ar......my goodness....people say i'm motha frickin fake?!?!? what the living hell is wrong with these "good" people ar? puk ley gor guy ar.....yeah.....don't ask...been cussing alot lately. it's like i do this every new year....i swear everyother sentence until about like march or may and then i stop for the other six months. the influence of some old Lazy MoFo music....keke^^

just because i'm young doesn't give you a right to be rude to me. what motha fricker believes you can control me just because you are older than me. yes...i am supposed to respect you, but you don't tell me to fucking shut up you father fucking bitch. you know jackshit when it comes to being nice of course. and it's rude of me to bitch about you through the internet, but i'm sorry, i can't take any more of this any more. shittas....got some very funny life shit....where the hell did i get it from?!?!? well eitha way...some funny shit. keke^^ a freestyle about cleaning sumthing and sex?!?!? what the hell?!?!? keke^^

sueng da sai aw ma? hi da may da la. aw ng pa ley ar. just because i've been having night mares of getting beaten doesn't mean that i'm going to be afraid. some fears are only fears when you are sleeping.

keke^^

you can say that "aw hi gik moe liu." so what ar?!?!? ley you mun tai ma?!?!? so yeah.....puk guy la.....keke^^ whateva....feeling great....i got my title bar now!!! yaya!!! i'm soo happy.....so who are you calling the loser now?!?!?

i'll hold your hand through all thatyou are goingthrough, but who is willing to hold mine? i had a conversation with my mind last night, and there was just sooo much i wish i never heard. yeah, maybe i am insane because i'm talking to my head.

writing my thoughts in class. this is the only class that i am able to do this. i mean, i'm sitting hear and i'm jsut becoming more bored. and my thoughts....why do i haveta think?!?!? its driving me insane. i am not happy now. i am in tears. and my wounds won't seem to heal. there's just soo much that time cannot erase. people ask me why i am so nice to them, the answer is, it's because being nice gives me satisfaction. seeing people happy makes me happy. there's too much that makes me think. maybe being insane would make me better. hm.....i think tooo muchi. it's tooo crazy, that life makes me this way. maybe subconsciously, i think. i've been having bad dreams lately. i've been getting beaten by people. it sux. i don't believe this. this is insane. why do i have to have dreams like this? hm. people think i'm nice and they like it when people are nice to them. but then behind my back...everyone thinks i'm nice only for a reason. deep down inside you question my motives, i know it. sighs sighs. maybe being this way is what i shouldn't be. all my life i've tried to be happy. i'm supposed to be fulfilled and satisfied, but i just feel this longing and emptyness inside of me that i cannot get rid of. no smiles comes to me n e more. sighs sighs. don;t understand why i feel this way. it's really making me depressed. and right now, i wish to not be near anyone. i just want to hide in mmy own little shelter. but what shelter is that?!?! there is no where for me to run. there is no where for me to hide. there is nothing but the present. being unhappy isn't the end of the world, or is it? i tried suffocating myself last night. sighs sighs. i will never do that again, i must not....sighs sighs. why am i sooo suicidal?!?!? i don't understand. there is sooo much i know. knowledge inflicts fear. fear inflicts pain. sighs sighs. my immortal.....my fave english song at the present moment, but it drives me crazy at the same time. who actually reads all my thoughts? i write too many a day for people to understand the complexities of my mind. but yet, my mind isn't so complexed, it's very simple. sighs sighs.

i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!! i miss you!!!!
don't ask....i have no clue who i'm saying it to.......

sighs sighs, i'm tired...gotsta do homework now....sighs sighs. hm. loosing my miund. hm.......i wanna see chasing liberty....just that i wouldn't watch it in movie theatres.....oh wellz....no biggie. hm.....got cheered up just a bit today. hm.....another cd....args....someone buy me a cd...oh wellz...no problems. i'm tired...gotsta go....

sighs sighs. came home from hanging with friends. i don't know, the chilling with friends thing isn't everyone's thing. sighs. being in the company of friends makes me sad. like some poeple say, maybe it's just certain people that i'm with. i mean, the people i hung out with tonight, well, it made me sad. i mean, is it because i live my life soo differently? sighs sighs. it's as if they didn't even notice that i was becoming sad. sighs sighs. it's as if i'm not made to be in the commpany of people. i'm not fun. sighs sighs. i'm very sober and maybe it's just the way i feel. sighs, feelings don't last all the time...sighs....i'll call this depression i suppose. everyone thinks i'm a fool. i get too attached....sighs sighs. maybe it's not even that. why am i feeling so...so....i don't even know what this feeling is. sighs sighs. one moment i'm totally happy, and the next moment, i'm nhappy and crying on the inside. what the hell. yes....snow....how happy am i. sighs sighs. i'm crying now. i haven't felt sooo hollow in a very long time....sighs sighs. hollow....is that the word i'm looking for? i mean, i'm Christian, and i know that GOD is the center of my life, but why do i feel soo upset? sighs. i shouldn't mind when people talk about things i don't wanna hear, but why do i care? args, this is very evil. i mean, why am i even upset? it's not like people don't care. sighs sighs. maybe all i need is rest. sighs sighs. i don't know. at the end of a long day, i just wanna go to bed and shed my tears. but my tears aren't coming now. sighs sighs. i just want a big big hug and wish that all this was gone. maybe that's why i'm feeling crummy. maybe i'm just made to stay home and only hear the voices that i long to hear. sighs. why do i feel so...so....i don't know. can someone just give meh a shoulder and let me weep? sighs sighs. i'll sleep soon, sighs sighs. i'm going. no one bothers to read this, and maybe they shouldn't....they'll be surprised that i'm not that happy happy person. sighs sighs. don't tell me anything, i don't want to know. knowledge is the first step to fear. and i am extremely fearing all i know now. and i'm hurt because of what i know and hear. sighs sighs. make me deaf, blind, mute, but happy. sighs sighs.

oh yes....don't promise what you will not do.......people hate that....and i hate being disappointed. i waited for you....

oh yeah.....i finally know that i was never in love. it's a sad fact to admit. i mean, if loving is a feeling like treating a friend, i have loved, but if you define love as being romantic, i have then never loved. love to me is a choice that is made because of a feeling. but love does not make you blind to all that is around you. love is blind, but it does not blind. love makes you see more clearly the person you are and what should be done to be improved.

well i can remember that i was thinking about love before i slept. and i can remember now that i said that love is a feeling, but if it's not a two way feeling, it is not true love. or sumthing to that extent. all i can remember is saying how everything is a feeling, if you like it or not, it still is a feeling. so basically, everything is a choice based on a feeling.

well this morning before i slept, i was actually thinking about quite alot of stuff....but now....i can't remember what it was....all i can remember is that i had another weird dream. and this time, i know it will never happen. oh wellz. at least i didn't die in my dream this time. why are my dreams always about running away, being trapped, or like alone in the dark? what the heck? is it because those are my worst fears and that's what i do the most so that's why i have those sorts of dreams? or do dreams simply tell you what type of person you are? hm...don't know....don't care.....bored, tired, and becoming sick again....args....

i don't know what i'[m feeling at the present moment. i don't know. today is the first day in any new years. and like always, the past is what runs my life. because i'm not planning to see what is to come, but rather see what has gone by. don't know. it's weird. some people long to be older, and yet i, i already feel old at the age of 16. 17 this year in august. parents are really planning to move to brampton. args args. i mean, i'm tired, and i think so awkwardly. hm.

many of the people that i would write about wouldn't bother to read, so then i have no more to say. keke^^ so very very tired. hm. christmas is gone, and new year's eve is gone too.....nothing to more to say. i must start my hmwk now. well love you all. l8a people